A Love Letter to Taylor Swift

I don’t have words tonight. I don’t, but somebody else does. My babydoll, Ro. I turning this post, over to him tonight. Because the only way to explain the beauty of tonight, is through him. Love you, Ro. I miss you every second of the day.

Dear Taylor Swift,

A love letter to you? Yes. A love letter to you, from me because I know that angels are real. And you are one of them. I watched my mama today. I watch her all the time and I know sometimes she thinks I am not around, because she cannot see me. But after tonight, I know she will know I am always around, even when she forgets because she is so sad. I watched my mama today and she was having a really hard day. I know this because when she is having hard days, she gets really quiet. I watched her as she struggled to put one foot in front of the other today. I watched her go about her busy day, trying to be productive, but she was consumed with the thoughts of missing me so much, that she couldn’t focus on a thing. She stayed out of the house most of the day and I could tell that she was so tired from not sleeping well anymore. She was so tired and sad today. She cried a lot. I heard the things she was thinking in her head. At one point, she thought she was too sad to go to your concert tonight and thought of giving her ticket to somebody else, who wasn’t so sad. My mama is thankful though, so she was instantly aware of how rude this would be and she did really want to go to your concert. But she also felt like hiding in the hole she wishes she could dig in the back yard of ours and never come out of again. She had one of those moments where she thought to herself, I wish I could go to sleep and never wake up. She quickly checked herself back into reality and spent the rest of the next few hours, taking care of my brothers.

She sat down, on the floor of her bedroom. She got out a sharpie and some paper. She cried and she wrote you a letter. She told you things in the letter like who I am, what happened to me, about our love, how nobody is listening to the sad story of childhood cancer. She told you she feels like you are an old soul like me and how we have the same sparkly eyes. She included some pictures of me in her letter to you. She knew you were worthy of hearing my story. Only certain people are. You are one of those people. I helped her make this decision today to write you this letter. She was so tired but I kept buzzing about it in her ear. She listened. She doesn’t listen to other people often, but she always listens to me.

She got to the Jobbing Arena and was still feeling really sad. I think she cried on the drive there but she is really good at wiping away tears now in the dark so nobody notices. She went with her friend, Katie, who I never got the chance to meet, but I love her so much. She takes good care of my mama. They met the up with The Blair girls and their mama. They looked so beautiful. They were all dressed up in Tu Tu’s and my favorite color, purple. My mama’s sadness, started to lift a bit. The girls excitement was infectious. They were so excited to be there and to be meeting you. My mama threw herself into the happiness of those two little girls tonight, even though her tears would not seem to stop. Somedays she can control them. Not today. And not tonight. I wished she could have known that I was right there with her, holding her hand. Her sadness makes her forget this.

Once my mama picked up the tickets she and the girls, waited in line to get into the concert. They were late to meet you for their meet and greet. A wave of panic washed over my mama as she imagined how heartbroken the two girls would be if they had missed you. It ended up being fine and they were greeted by a really nice man who whisked them off to the back area of the concert venue. Your Dad greeted them, introduced himself and took them into your meet and greet room. What a gem. My mama watched the way his eyes lit up as he talked about you. She is able to read people pretty well and it was obvious within the first couple of minutes of meeting him, how much he loves you. My mama thought to herself, “He loves his daughter as much as I love my Ro.” It made her feel peaceful. Your dad spent some time talking to my mama and the girls. He left after a while and they were left alone to wait for you. My mama had her back turned as you walked into the room. She turned around when she heard someone saying, “Maya, Maya, Maya!” Over and over again. She turned around to find you. You were the one calling out her name, rushing towards her at full speed to give her a hug. You embraced her and told her you were so sorry. My mama was stunned to say the least. She thought you had no idea who she was or who I was. You were now standing right in front of her, telling her all sorts of things like how you have been reading her blog for over a year now. How your parents read it. How her heart is broken for all of us. You kept telling her you were sorry, you cried, you told her that I was the most beautiful boy on earth. You told her how much you love the video of me where I tell her I love her. You told her how you had never seen a mother love something so much. My mama was filled with disbelief and shock. She thinks nobody is listening to what she is saying. But then it hit her, as you were telling her how sick you were over the statistics of childhood cancer that she had posted on her blog a few days ago. Holy shit!, she thought to herself. People ARE starting to listen! Taylor Swift just rambled off how she had no idea what the statistics were for childhood cancer, until she read what I wrote! TAYLOR SWIFT!

My mama is funny like that though. Here you are standing in front of her, one of the most famous girls in THE WORLD, and she feels like you are her friend that she has known forever. She didn’t feel nervous. She felt like she was talking to someone who knew me, and really cared. My mama didn’t even try to fight back the tears tonight as she was talking to you. She let you see her pain and her sadness. There were no walls up. She’s not like that with many people. She must have felt like you are a really special girl. I watched how gracious you were with your time. I watched as you had this huge concert to perform, but it seemed as thought you were only concerned about my story and the story of these other really sick kids who my mama told you she has to fight for, for the rest of her life. I watched the way you talked about me with such passion and sadness. My mama saw it too. My mama listened as you told her how you go to hospitals and visit the Oncology floor. She was so thankful. She knows you know how something so little like that, means the world to all of those kids, who deserve to have a world, but don’t anymore. Their world is the hospital, “ass-poles,” yucky medicine, weak legs, lots of pokies, upset stomaches, bald heads, pain, discomfort, no fresh air, and being trapped inside like they are zoo animals. You are the ray of sunshine that those kids need. You were the ray of sunshine my mama needed tonight. Thank you for giving her a break from her sadness and making her smile for a few hours.

I watched my mama at your concert. I watched the as she took little Elizabeth Blaire who was all decked out in her Tu Tu and held her for hours while they watched you perform in the Pit. I watched as my mama kissed her bald head several times. I watched as the people stared because they were too shocked and sad to look away. Because nobody thinks kids get cancer. But they do. And sometimes they die from it. And they shouldn’t. I watched as my mama spent most of your concert, with tears in her eyes. Out of both sadness and happiness. The sadness of missing me, but the happiness of feeling that I am really always around. I watched as she was taken back to our time together on earth when I was sick and here and how much she loved taking care of me. She never cared if I was sick. She never got tired of taking care of me. It was her favorite thing to do in the world. It was our magical time together and we fought so hard so we wouldn’t ever have to be apart. But somebody else had a different plan. A plan that involves me not being here anymore. A plan that involves my mama missing me so much, that she will stop at nothing until people start to listen so that maybe one day, another mama won’t have to feel her pain. I know she thinks she owes this to me, to carry on my name…. but I owe this to her too. She deserves to feel happiness again. She deserves to know that even though I am not here, we can still change things together. She believes in our love so much that I know she knows great things are going to start happening. They already are. This was obvious to her tonight. The world is slowly changing because of our love. You proved this to her in such a big way tonight. Thank you for that.

Thank you, Taylor Swift for being such an old soul. Thank you reminding my mama of so many things tonight. How the power of a dream, really can change the world. As long as it is a dream fueled by love, passion, strength, determination, pain, and a bit of “spiciness.” Those are the kind of dreams that move mountains. Those are the kinds of dreams that do change the world. Thank you for being a girl, who never gave up on her dreams and who is watching them all come true. My mama’s dream is me. My mama’s dream is for everyone to know our love story, so Childhood Cancer gets the awareness it deserves. So that kids start getting better treatments and survive things like Neuroblastoma. My mama’s dream is for people to start just being better people in general because they know what is truly important in life. My mama’s dream is for everybody to follow that little list that she wrote, “How to Live like a Rockstar.” My mama’s dream is to live her life, the way I would have lived mine. I need my mama to start to heal, so she can fulfill what she is here to do. I felt a piece of her heal tonight, thanks to you and making her aware that so many people are listening. People like you, who are bigger than life and who could easily turn the other way to ignore our story. But you’re not. You didn’t. You know our story deserves to be heard and acknowledged. You took such a little thing tonight, by looking into my mama’s eyes, and telling her how sorry you were, that I died. Those two things mean everything to my mama. The simplest acts of kindness, compassion and honesty. If only our world were filled with more people like you, sweet Taylor Swift. I can guarantee it would be a much better place full of sparkles everywhere.

G’nite Miss Taylor. G’nite my mama. I hope you know I am safe. I love you to the moon and back. Sweet dreams.

xoxo

Ro

Taylor Swift loves Rockstar Ronan! And I don’t love Obnoxious Complainers! So shut up!

 

 

 

 

Ro baby. I am trying to breathe tonight. I am trying to focus on all the yummy goodness that has filled my days. Because of you, and the effect you are having on the world. I actually had a lady come up to me today and tell me that I didn’t only change her life, but I am creating a movement. A movement, Ro. I hugged her. I cried. But what is new….. I’m always crying. Those were powerful words that she said to me, as she looked me in the eyes as I watched her eyes, well up with tears. I told her it was all you. Not me. Never me. Always you.

So, I am trying to let some things off of my chest because there are people who just don’t get this, or who do get it and just choose to ignore this and are not worthy of your story. They just are not. And I have to accept that. I cannot change everybody. I cannot change the person who knows your story, knows who I am but does not care. So, she sits in front of me and bitches about all the stress in her life, like the remodel of the 1 of her several homes. Complains right in front of me Ronan! And I am so pissed at myself tonight. I sat back and pretended like I wasn’t standing right there, as if I was invisible because I know if I let myself get pissed about the all of the asshole people in the world, that I am going to wasting a lot of time and energy on negativity. I have enough Inferno Fuckwad Bob in my life to go around for everyone. Do I really need to add to it? Do I really need to let stupid shit, get under my skin? No. But it does because I am human. And I know what it means to have real things to worry about such as just trying to stay alive. Every day I pray for death because the love of my life, DIED, of Childhood Cancer. I’ve got to come up with a new plan. And it cannot consist of the berserk fantasy moment I had in my head where I ripped this ladies hair out and told her to shut the fuck up because she has all of her babies and that is all that matters. I am going to have to take a less violent approach so I don’t get my ass shipped off to tent city with Sheriff Joe. It will maybe just have to be something like, “Oh, do you know Ronan? (slip her one of your little cards) Oh you do?(because everyone that lives in our very big but very small little city does) I am so glad. He is amazing. You know he died from Childhood Cancer, right? But gosh, I am really sorry that you are so stressed out over your home remodel. I hope it turns out to be beautiful.” Kill em’ with kindness, right Ro? Either that, or just choose to look the other way. Fuck that. I’m not looking the other way anymore. People need to wake up and stop bitching about such nonsense. Your house remodel, is NOT a problem. Your nanny quitting, is NOT a problem. Your nail breaking, is NOT a problem. Kids dying, everyday IS a problem. The dad just diagnosed with Lung Cancer, who is not a smoker, IS a problem.  All of the kids around the world, who don’t have homes or families, IS a problem. Not getting to wipe your babies sweet tears anymore, because he is DEAD, is a FUCKING PROBLEM!!!

Enough with the complaining about make-believe problems. Go visit a Children’s Oncology floor and then see if you can leave there, still bitching about your problems. Actually, do not go and visit this floor. The fact that you sat and complained in front of me today, is your fucking problem, not mine. You are not worthy being surrounded by all the beauty that shines off a kids Oncology floor. You are not worthy of any of the beauty that is going to come from Ronan’s story. Do you know what I heard today, asshole lady? I met the most beautiful family. Little Elizabeth Blair who has Stage IV Non-Hodgkins Lymphoblastic Lymphoma. She was talking about her bald head and how she doesn’t have blond hair, like her mommy anymore. Her mom just looked at her and said, “But where does beauty come from, Elizabeth?” Elizabeth answered right away. She said, “It comes from here,” and pointed at her HEART. Her heart ladies and gentleman. This 5-year-old knows more than most adults. This 5-year-old knows what is truly important in life. This 5-year-old is going to grow up to be an incredible young lady. I am pretty sure she would have anyway, due to the family that she is surrounded by. But now she has that extra sparkle in her eye, that most people do not. A sparkle in her eye, just like you did, Ro. The sparkle that is going to help to change this world. And hopefully make more people, stop complaining about stupid shit and doing something that will actually help to make a difference. Even if it means they just make their kids’ lunches for school and give the nanny/housecleaner, the day off. So be it. It’s a start. Baby steps can be done. They can be done and they can turn into something much bigger.

Maybe it starts with giving the Nanny the day off, paid of course and actually driving your kids to school, yourself. Then guess what? The next thing you know, instead of spending Thanksgiving basking in too many pies and food to eat, you and your entire family, spend a few hours, in a soup kitchen. Pretty soon it starts to set in that, “Oh my god. I am so thankful. I mean really thankful. I am thinking about that family today, who is having to spend their first Thanksgiving, without their Ronan. I have all of my kids. They are healthy. I want to be a good person. Not just a good person, but a REALLY good person. Because I am thankful. And blessed. And because so many people, are not. But deserve to be. So I am going to work really hard, to try to make a difference somehow, in this world.” Or maybe not. Maybe you would just sit around Thanksgiving, obsessing about everything you are going to buy on Black Friday. Obsessing about the Jimmy Choos that are going to go on Sale at Saks. This is probably the case. So in that case; fuck off. But I really hope your contractors are not late, AGAIN! I mean really, they were an hour late and you screamed and yelled at them because that is so much of a real problem? Those paid employees can be so rude sometimes. I don’t know who they think they are. The sense of entitlement of those blue-collar workers, is just beyond me. Shut up lady. Shut up and fuck off.

Oh Ro. Sorry your little post got Hijacked tonight. I just had to get that off of my chest. UGH! I have ONE more thing to say. Hang tight, little man. DEAR PEOPLE WHO STILL HAVE ALL OF THIER CHILDREN- Please STOP. I do not want to hear anymore, “Oh… Ronan is happy. He is in Heaven. God is taking care of him, you don’t need to worry.” I’m warning you NOW. If I have to hear this one more time, it is not going to be pretty. I get that most of you mean well, but you also have all of your kids. You get to watch them play soccer, you get to hang up their art work, you get to kiss them goodnight and tuck them in bed. You get to do all of those amazing things, therefore you do not have the right, to tell me my child is in a better place. Because I can tell you, I can fucking guarantee he is not. He is not here, with me, which is the only place he belongs. So please, keep your he is with GOD and in a better place comments to yourself. It may bring you peace, but it only makes me angry. Pray for me all you want. Bring on the prayers. But stop saying the things above. I’m going to start carrying a weapon with me, like Silly String. The next person that says this to me, is going to be douched in Silly String. You’ve been warned.

On to the amazingness, RO! Moving forward. Breathing. Inhaling the smell from your GiGi that is covering my face. It smells like you. Let’s start with the darling Taylor Swift. That’s a good story to end with. Or how about the “Fan Mail,” that I am getting sent to Katie’s Shop, like the Foster the People signed concert poster. Ummm… Hello lovie who sent me that. So rad. Thank you. Or all of my Ro Baby Maya’s Mafia Fans whom I met today, by chance, who just popped into Katie’s store to buy bracelets. So sweet. I loved meeting a few of you today. The love you have for us is so inspiring. The awaking I am seeing in these beautiful people, Ronan, is very moving and powerful. Just like you.

Crap… sidetracked! I just have too many great things to blab about! Back to T’ Swizzle. Who told her about you? Because I am so very sure, it was one of your little Fairy God Mothers down here. I was contacted by her event manager. “Taylor would like to extend two tickets to her show, plus a meet and greet with her, before hand. Are you available?” Was I available? Why yes, of course. I knew with all the amazingness going on, that I wanted to see if I could work my magic just a little. I have no shame, so I asked for 5 tickets instead. Poof! My wish was granted. Now, I just had to come up with a plan to reward some very special people in a very special way. I told Katie about the email. I knew the two of us, would come up with something very yummy and delicious to do. We thought about having people bid for the tickets, to raise more money for your foundation. We knew the tickets, could have gotten a lot of moolah. But that seemed to be defeating the purpose. We have been watching how hard, our little Rockstars have been working, to raise their 200 dollars to model in the show. Then Katie showed me this FB Wall post written by Elizabeth’s mom, the little girl with Stage IV Cancer.

Oh my SWEETNESS! Holy Willy Wonka! Today was the absolute BEST!!! Today we ran, walked, skipped, piggy backed, wheeled and twirled a 5K to fight Childhood Cancer at Grand Canyon University “Pinkalicious Style!” What does “Pinkalicious Style” look like you ask? Well, let me tell you we had everything from argyle to piggy tails, rainbow to more rainbow and lipstick! You can’t forget the lipstick. And oh my, the most AMAZING, “Beauty comes from within the heart” t-shirts designed by our multi-talented long time very special friend Chris Wahl!! He designed the most perfect shirt for my most perfect little girl. E’s Team consisted of not only the most incredible besties that a girl could ask for but also her past preschool teachers, babysitters, and new friendly faces of the kindest individuals who truly give the meaning to our team shirts. Beauty comes from within the heart. Team Elizabeth showed genuine beauty today. Each and everyone of us crossed that finish line in true pinkalicious style whether it was by wagon or walking, running or riding, age 5 or age 50. Medals were made and miles were gained all in the fight against childhood cancer. And well, Lymphoma, it can kiss our determined pinkalicious butts! Because we rocked it out there today! But, that’s not all. The kids also rocked it in our front yard today. They ROCKED it GOOD! As promised, Elizabeth, Kate and Bryce were fundraising full force with their Super Duper Candy Scoop Shop featuring a Rainbow of candies and Rainbow Manicures. Although, there was no rain, they each had a pocket full of sunshine and were ready to make things happen with a rainbow of colors in Pop Rocks, Gumballs, Lemonheads, cherry rainbow and pink lemonade Swizzle Sticks, gigantic Jaw Breakers, Gummy Bears, rainbow heart cookies, and rainbow manicures. Have I mentioned Elizabeth LOVES rainbow anything? The proceeds of todays fundraising efforts will benefit The Ronan Thompson Foundation. The Ronan Thompson Foundation and The Garage Boutique for Kids are hosting a Rock the Runway Fashion Show Event. My 3 kiddos are all participating. Although they may not all model, they all 3 are certain they want to help raise money to help in the fight against Pediatric Cancer. These kiddos made BIG BIG accomplishments today! I would say a top accomplishment for each of them to date. Their goal for today was to raise $200.00 each for a total of $600.00. Are you ready for this? Are you ready to hear what my kiddos raised in our front yard to fight Pediatric Cancer? $1019.64!! In three hours, these determined children fought for their sister, they fought for their cousin, they fought for their friends, they fought for your family, they fought for our family, they fought for Ronan and all the other children who have won or lost their battles to childhood cancer. They fought hard and they fought proud! My husband and I are so completely impressed with how busy these little bees worked today. But we are not surprised at the results! You, our community, our family of friends are more than generous. We had a complete stranger drive up and give $100.00! Oh my SWEETNESS! We have a toothache tonight from all the sweetness. We are blessed, thankful, and just so happy for all the kindness, love and of course beauty that comes from within all of your hearts. So whoop there it is! $1019.64 going to The Ronan Thompson Foundation. You are beautiful, The Blair’s P.S. Elizabeth went back to school on Wednesday!!

It was a no brainer. We wanted to extend the invitation to The Blair Family, to go with us. I had Katie call them today. She said it there were tears all around. My heart fluttered. I had not met The Blair Family, until today. Until after this phone call was made. About an hour later, they came bouncing into Katie’s shop. I hugged Elizabeth’s mama tight and we both cried a little. I rubbed the top of Elizabeth’s smooth, bald head. It made me miss you so much. Turns out, The Blairs, LOVE Taylor. They already had tickets. They gave their tickets to some friends and Elizabeth’s brother and Daddy get to go as well. We are so exited to take Elizabeth, her mama, and older sister, with us- to meet Taylor and to sit in some really good seats. It is going to be an amazing night. That Taylor, has a heart of gold. Just like so many of the lovelies that seem to be coming out left and right, Ro. They all love you so much. Amazing things are happening, my little man. All because of you.

Ro baby. I wish I could tuck you in but I can’t. So I will cuddle with your blanket instead. I will go to sleep, without my Ambien because the pain is something I need to be in. I cannot mask or cover it up. I will fall asleep with my tears soaking my pillow because it is where I need to be, now. I love you so much. I miss you so much. I hope you are safe. Sweet dreams, baby doll.

xoxo

Thank you US Weekly for helping me raise awareness!!!

I have a whole side blurb in US Weekly which mentions Ronan’s Blog!!! It’s the January 13th addition, with Taylor Swift on the cover. AMAZING!!! Thank you so much, Jennifer, for contacting me and keeping your word! We are on our way to raising the awareness for childhood cancer!!!!!!