Obsessed with this song. It may make me bawl like a baby, but it is so beautiful. Plus, Poppy loves it.
Ronan. We are back home and I am almost done with the whole holiday/celebrations of all things that still feel weird without you. My birthday is Saturday and I promise you I am trying to have a super good attitude about it, but I don’t really feel much like celebrating. This does not fly with your daddy as all he wants to do is make sure my day is overly the top special. What is the nicest way to tell him that over the top special to me would be hiding in bed all day, under the covers? I can’t do that though. It would break your brothers hearts so I will suck it up and do what is best for them. I will smile when I blow out my candles and make the same wish I do, every year. The one where I just hope so much that you are alright, safe, and hope that someday, I will see you again. I will smile for the picture that I know will be taken and I will forever wonder how in the world I can look so happy, in a picture when I feel like I am still so broken, sad and shattered. It truly is amazing the things we as adults can do to survive such horrific pain.
Washington was all things perfect. Well, almost;) I basically go there and hibernate for the winter. I feel like I did a lot of sleeping, which I never do well here. Every night was the same as I would crawl into bed with Poppy and pass out until she woke me up. Quinn and Liam have their own bedroom there, but they prefer to sleep in my room with me every night in another bed that is in the room. It’s like a big slumber party and is one of the things in life I love so much. Every morning when Poppy would wake up and I didn’t want to, Liam would grab her and say, “Mom, do you want me to take her downstairs and play with her so you can sleep a little longer?” Best brother ever and I happily thanked him and told him what a great big brother he was as I snuggled up to Quinn to sleep for another hour or so. I don’t know if it’s the fresh air, cold weather, or just the comfort of being at home that knocks me out, but it always seems to do so. I also spent a lot of time running which felt so nice. I finally feel like I have my running mojo back and it always seems to come back when I am there. I have a marathon to run in a couple of weeks so I made myself be pretty disciplined with my fake marathon training. I was pretty consistent with running my standard 3.5 miles just about every night. I somehow talked Brianna into running this thing with me. Must be the older sister influence;) She ran with me at home and we even did 7 miles one night which was surprisingly pretty easy. Her little 19-year-old body will be just fine.
Back in Arizona is hard for me, I’m not going to lie. The first night we got home I felt like I was sucker punched as I walked through the door to our house without you bouncing behind me. I handed Poppy to your daddy as he hadn’t seen her in a few days, told him I was exhausted and asked him to please take care of her so I could go to sleep. I knew the sleep wouldn’t come as all the voices in my head were screaming so loudly. I haven’t touched anything to sleep in over a year, but that night I needed to just pass out into oblivion for a solid 6 hours so I did. Oh, how I sometimes miss the days of complete darkness with my old friend, Ambien when the world just quietly slip away. I had to give up my love for that shit a long time ago due to loving it a little too much, but I think once a year is an o.k. compromise. Sometimes I just need a night of blackness. I had warned your daddy, so he was on Poppy duty and was happy to do so as he had missed her so much.
Speaking of Poppy, Ronan. Uhhhh…. remember when I asked you to make her “extra spicy?” It is too late to give just a bit of that spice back??? What in the world happened to my sweet, cuddly baby girl who just cooed and started sweetly into my eyes all day long?! Now my days are filled with this very wild, strong-willed girl who reminds me of a little boy I once knew so very much. She has turned into such a little spit fire who is on the go all the time and is constantly babbling, screaming (in a good way) and is into everything. To say she keeps me on my toes is an understatement as I am chasing her around all day and she is only crawling. Imagine what she is going to be like once she starts to walk! You know I am loving every second of it and so are your daddy and brothers. She is full on obsessed with your daddy, too. In a way that I really don’t remember any of you boys being. If we are in a room together with her, she wants your daddy over me. I secretly love it as it is amazing to see the bond between a father and a daughter. It’s all so new to us all but so beyond sweet. Your daddy is in total heaven about it.
Alright little man, this is all the update I can do for tonight. Back to writing this book I go. I miss you. I love you. I hope you are safe.
The Little Seal Times! We get so busy around here, but are trying to do our best to keep you updated on foundation things. We are getting ready to fund some really amazing things, thanks to ALL of you!!! Please check out our newsletter which will be updated monthly.
Thank you for your continued love and support!
These 2 “elfs” are requesting unwrapped gifts for The Ronan Thompson Foundation Candy Cart. If you visit Garage Boutique for Kids, Nove’, or High Point this holiday season, please bring in an unwrapped toy to receive 15% off your entire purchase. These toys will be used for Ronan’s Candy Cart when we visit Phoenix Children’s Hospital.
Thank you and happy shopping!!!
Ronan. Thanksgiving is over. There was no Macegiving this year, as our sweet Macy that saves us on every holiday, could not swing coming in. She was heartbroken about it, as were we. We all missed her so very much, but we will be seeing her soon in January which we cannot wait for. Of course I got all crazy trying to make a plan for Macegiving, without Macy. After a lot of panicking in my head, crying, and thinking how can I possibly do another holiday without you? I aborted freak out mission in my head. I made a different plan instead and it was called, “Stop putting so much pressure on yourself because it’s just another day.” I gathered my thoughts and took some time to think about what this Thanksgiving/Macegiving/Fucksgiving meant to us as a family. I talked to your daddy about what he wanted to do and what I was wanting to do and we came up with the most non-stressful, no pressure plan ever. I knew that I wanted to go to Phoenix Children’s Hospital that day for a couple of hours to take around your candy cart, so I gathered up some of my best “homies” and that is what we did. The hospital was packed, unfortunately. I was hoping it would have been empty on this holiday as it’s so hard to be stuck in a hospital on any day, but Thanksgiving day just seems extra unfair. I was glad to be there and it felt good to make so many kids/parents/siblings smile. Doing the candy cart and handing out gifts is really what got me through the day. We then came home to a super low-key Thanksgiving that wasn’t so bad and it almost just felt like another day. We hung out, ate, watched football, and had ice-cream cake for Brianna’s birthday. You were of course, were missed by us all.
Things seem to be moving at an incredible rate and not slowing down any time soon. Some how, your Poppy sister is 8 months old today. How in the world did that happen? She is getting to be so much fun and your daddy has started calling her, “The Honey Badger” because of the way she is so determined about everything in life. She is already so feisty and fun and has keeps us laughing a lot. She has been so good for us all, Ro. Your brothers absolutely adore her and she has brought back such a positive energy to our entire family. Needless to say, I don’t know what we would do without her and I am so very thankful for this little gift you have given us. I’ve said it before, but she truly has helped to save not only my life, but my soul. Tomorrow, also makes 31 months without you and I still don’t know how that is possible either. The fact that 3 years without you is approaching soon still leaves me breathless with the hugest pit in my stomach that I am starting to really believe will never go away.
I’ve also been having a really hard time writing this book. So much so that the other day, I had a full on break down about it. I’ve been writing a ton, Ronan, but that is it. Only writing and not feeling a thing, while writing. Uh, that has not been good for me at all. Part of the reason I am doing this book is because I have certain things I need to feel while writing as it has become my form of therapy. I’ve been feeling numb and stuck, which has been leaving me frustrated beyond belief. The other night when I was in the middle of one of my pity parties to your Sparkly, I totally lost it and was about to the point where I was not sure what to do or how to fix this problem. I took a little time out, had a long talk with you and what you would want from all of this, and all of a sudden it all became so clear to me. I sat down, printed out all of my words and announced to our entire house hold, “I’m starting over on this book.” Liam and Quinn were like, “WHAT?! You can’t start over! Look at all you’ve written!” Your daddy chimed in, “Boys, sometimes that is what happens and we need to just be supportive of your mom.” I started writing right then and there and I cannot seem to stop. Finally, it feels right and I am so excited about the way I am doing this. I am basically just using everything I had written out, as a road map to help me guide me along. I’m also taking a little advice from my new pal, Ernest Hemingway who says, “Write hard and clear about what hurts.” That is precisely what I am doing, all while keeping you right here with me. Thanks for the good pep talk the other night, little man. I really needed it. Now, back to book writing I go. I’m sorry for the short update, but late at night is the only time I really get to sit down and write, so I have to focus on this book.
I miss you. I love you. I hope you are safe. Sweet dreams, best friend.
This time last week, we posted a thank you for sharing Ronan’s story and getting over 40,000 followers for our page. We asked if people would consider donating to our current campaign, the Rock N Roll marathon challenge. You guys came through for us, donating over $1,000.
But we still have a long way to go in order to get to $100,000. And we only have a short time in which to reach that goal.
Today we are asking for people to sponsor Maya. Yes, that zany girl is doing another marathon with NO TRAINING! She says if Ronan and these kids can go through horrific cancer treatments, she can certainly run a marathon without training. And if she can run 26.2 miles with no training (not long after giving birth, no less)…I think we should sponsor her and get her to her personal fundraising goal of $10,000!
We are not asking anyone to give who isn’t able to. We are only asking that you consider doing what you can. If you can skip a couple Starbucks and donate $10, we love you. If you’re independently wealthy and can sponsor $10,000 without blinking…we love you AND we’re a little jealous.
To sponsor Maya directly, please donate to her fundraising page:
Unfortunately the minimum donation is $10 and we could not get it lowered. But if you think “only” $10 won’t do anything, please reconsider! If only 25% of our followers here gave $10, that would fund our entire $100,000 campaign. We need you to help us raise this money for desperately necessary research toward pediatric cancer. We are so thankful for all of you and we know that once again, you will come through for us.
Perks! Everyone loves perks!
Anyone sponsoring Maya will get their name on a special page on our site highlighting Maya’s sponsorship team!
A randomly chosen person who makes a sponsorship pledge for Maya today will also get a video thanks from her and a special thank you gift.
We have been privileged enough to be the subject of a beautiful, sensitive, and enlightening article over at The Huffington Post. Our friends David & Jessikah Warfle at “Rock For Ronan”, a musical project designed to help raise funds and awareness for RTF, were interviewed by Huff Post and as always, they made sure Ronan and the foundation got the center stage. Please check out this amazing article!
Because of you all, the Spicy Monkey Spirit Hood was the company’s largest launch that they have ever had. Thank you all so much for buying them and making this venture so successful. Please continue to share this video with anyone and everyone. The more people who see it, the better. I love you all so much.
You asked for this, my childhood best friend. You asked me to give you some motivation to run the full Rock-n-Roll Marathon in Phoenix, this January for Ronan. You, of all people. My childhood best friend who looks like a supermodel, with your long, lanky 5’10 body and 0% body fat. You, my childhood best friend who once considered the high school required one-mile run, to be a death sentence. You, my childhood bestie, who has never in her life, considered herself a runner. You say you want to run a full marathon for the first time and in turn, I say to that… you are crazy. But you know how much I love crazy, so of course this is something I can fully get behind.
You see, it takes crazy person to do something like this. A half marathon is a victory in it’s own right, but a full marathon is a whole other ball game. A full marathon requires dropping every fear you have, and believing in yourself in a way that you never have before. There will be sore aches, blisters, toenails falling off, fatigue, cursing, screaming, crying, puking, (sometimes pissing and shitting yourself-serioulsy, I’ve seen it happen) and of course, wanting to just plain quit. I guarantee in the middle of all of this, you will hate me. But then you will remember why it is that you are doing this. You are doing this because you CAN, and Ronan cannot. You are doing this because you are alive and to truly be alive, we must do things that are outside of our comfort zone, otherwise, what is the point of life? You are doing this because you are so thankful that you are alive and healthy and your beautiful kiddos are as well. You are doing this for not only Ronan, but for all the other kids with the bald heads or who are in shallow graves/pieces of ashes. You are doing this for them, because while you are doing this, thousands of kids are sitting in hospital rooms, having chemo pumped into their tiny bodies, are hooked up to awful machines which means they have to stay inside all day when all they want is to breathe in the fresh air and play outside, but they can’t because they are sick and being robbed of their childhood. They are having body parts cut open, are too weak to open their eyes, are having radiation and transplants to try to save their lives, and you are not. You are healthy, here, and living a beautiful life that you are so thankful for. And while you are doing this, I will be right by your side, running this with you. Fuck. Did I just say that? Yeah. I just said that. I’ll run this marathon with you, even with my bad knee that is trying to tell me my running days are over. You know what I say to that knee? Fuck that knee and fuck cancer for killing my baby, too. I’m in this with you. I don’t care if I have to crawl to the finish line. I am here, I am healthy, I am alive, and I can run another marathon. I’m not letting you do this, without me.
So, you start your training and I will not. I won’t train for this because I’m training everyday of my life anyway living here without Ronan. Let’s raise a ton of money, and run this thing, together. Deal? I hope so, because I’m not doing this without you. There is no one else I would rather have by my side (besides Ronan) than you. The mom of the little girl, that my son was supposed to marry. They would have been the cutest couple, ever. The mom of the little boy, who’s big blue eyes and extra “spiciness,” remind me so much of Ro. The mom who knew my baby, loved my baby, and is still here, fighting for my baby for no other reason than because at the end of the day, you know what truly matters in life and how wrong it is that Ronan will not be waiting for us at the end of that finish line. If you are doing this, I am doing this. Laverne and Shirley until the end of time. I love you so much.
Now, it’s time to find me some corporate sponsors to do my “10 days of fake training,” again. We have some kids to save and a center to build! Hey all you little blog readers! Email us if you know of anyone that wants to sponsor me! I’ll dress up all crazy like I did last time for the peeps that throw in the most money, we’ll post the pics, and promote the awesomeness of the good deed they are doing. Or come out and run with me! Or at least cheer for me on the sidelines and glitter bomb me! Let the games begin!
Ronan. Only for you would I do this again and again and again. Anything for you. Always.
I miss you. I love you. I hope you are safe.