Those Teachers are BRILLIANT, I Tell Ya! Calling ALL Teachers!!

A great idea from a lovely 4th grade teacher! Thank you, D.C.!!

tumblr_mehkpk9knJ1qjh2ijo1_500

I am a 4th grade teacher.  I am also a mother.  I have been following your blog for a while now.  I am so very sorry for the loss of your beautiful son, Ronan.  I have signed the petition and I just sent an email to the parents of my students.  I told them that I had a “Golden Opportunity” for them.  I am going to offer extra credit to the students whose parents / friends / etc. sign the petition.

Whatever it takes, right?

Best of luck in this endeavor.  I am looking forward to hearing the GOOD news!

Hello friends,

This is a “Golden” opportunity for some bonus points 🙂  I am sending this email in order to raise awareness for childhood cancer.  Maya lost her son, Ronan, to childhood cancer and wants to “turn the White House gold” in order to raise awareness.

Please read the following plea from Maya:

I have been dreaming non-stop about this petition. Woody thinks there is no way we are going to get the signatures that we need. I love to prove my husband wrong, but so need your help. We only have until February 6th, to do this.

Please, sign this. It’s legit. It takes one minute. I don’t know what else to say except I cannot let Ronan down. I can’t let all these kids down who need this awareness so badly. If the awareness already existed for childhood cancer that it is so lacking when Ronan got sick, he may not have died. I can’t bring back Ronan, but I swear to you, I will help to save the kids of the future who will be diagnosed with cancer.

Please, please, please sign if you have not, and share this with anyone you can think of. We are running out of time just as these kids are and it is just not right.

Thank you.

You can watch a short video clip here:
http://www.abc15.com/dpp/news/valley-mom-needs-your-help-to-light-white-house-gold-for-childhood-cancer-awareness

If you would like to sign, you can do so here:
https://petitions.whitehouse.gov/petition/light-white-house-gold-month-september-honor-pediatric-cancer-fighters-and-bring-light-cause/syV6M6wX?utm_source=wh.gov&utm_medium=shorturl&utm_campaign=shorturl

If you decide to sign it, let me know and I will think of a way to give the students some bonus points 🙂  If you can, please forward this to your friends.  Now that I am a mother, my whole outlook on life has changed.

Thank you for your time and consideration,

D.C.

Fourth Grade Teacher

A Gold White House. I Will Not Stop Begging. Or Crying.

tumblr_mga0i3HCe81qjdg1no1_500

Ronan. I had no idea getting 25k signatures on our petition was going to be so hard. I mean, it shouldn’t be, right? It seriously is something that takes 60 seconds. I have been working non-stop on this and I know a ton of other people have as well. Again, thank you to all who have signed and who are harassing everyone they know about it. This has to work. It is time The White House steps up and starts to recognize Childhood Cancer. It should have happened a long time ago. I’m still blown away that the awareness has slipped through the cracks. Did you know that George Bush Senior, had a daughter that died from leukemia? I believe she was almost 4, just like you Ronan, when she died. Heartbreaking, right? Heartbreaking, but you would think from that, something fucking amazing would have been done, that would have put childhood cancer on the map where it does not get ignored. We had not one, but two President Bushes that could have done something huge, but as far as I can tell, not much was done. So here we sit now, begging for a petition to get the signatures it needs in hopes that The White House will say a BIG, FAT, YES to lighting that White House up GOLD for the month of September. This is not something we should have to beg for. I begged for the life of you, Ronan. Begging for signatures just seems silly, but as I said before, I will do whatever it takes.

I really hope President Obama, takes a stand on this. I really hope the First Lady decides to get involved because trust me, kids are not dying left and right due to childhood obesity. Do kids with childhood obesity have to go through harsh chemo treatments meant for adults? No, they do not. Kids that are diagnosed with cancer get to not only go through awful chemo, but these lovely things as well… Let’s add scary radiation to the list where they are left in a tube, all alone, not understanding a thing. Also, extreme fatigue where they no longer get to be a child. Constant flu-like symptoms such as runny noses, chills, and coughs. Pain that they cannot fix such as headaches, muscle pain, stomach pains, or even temporary nerve damage. Pokes, prods, riding an IV pole around a hospital instead of a bicycle. Mouth, gum and throat sores. Nausea, vomiting, loss of appetite, constipation, diarrhea, bloody noses that cannot be controlled due their platelets being wiped out. Skin changes such as blisters, peeling, and swelling. Feeding tubes.  Weight loss or gain. Lovely hair loss which leaves them to feel weird and different from everyone else around them. Kidney and bladder problems. Anemia, which destroys all types of healthy blood cells and leaves the child often pale, speeds up their heartbeat, and shortness of breath. Blood Clotting problems where everything bleeds non-stop including a small scratch or bloody gums when they brush their teeth. Neutropenia, which leaves the child with an immune system so shot, that they often cannot fight off infections. Let’s not forget all the surgeries that come into play. Stem cell transplants, bone marrow transplants, bone marrow aspirations, the awful port changes, nightly shots to boost their immune system. The endless amount tears, worries, and pain. And those are just the physical symptoms. Don’t forget all the psychological damage that is done as well. Not to mention being torn away from their siblings, parents, friends, and the extreme stress it adds to the family who have no choice but to put on a strong face when all they really want to do is crumble up and die.

Sometimes, cancer treatments can cause permanent changes to a child’s growing body. These long-term side effects can include damage to the heart, lungs, brain, nerves, kidneys, thyroid gland, or reproductive organs. Kids may experience issues such as delayed cognitive development, growth problems, and infertility. In some cases, those who’ve received certain types of chemotherapy are at higher risk of developing a second type of cancer later in life. Let’s not forget that every single day, 7 kids just up and die from childhood cancer and every single day 46 kids will be diagnosed. Let’s not forget, that this could happen to anyone and childhood cancer is the NUMBER ONE DISEASE KILLER IN KIDS. But I totally understand why we have taken such a stance on childhood obesity.

So, here I am, begging for signatures for a petition that I don’t even know The White House will say yes to. Here I sit, with tears streaming down my face not ONLY for the loss of you, but of so many others as well. All I am asking for is for childhood cancer to be as recognized as all the other cancers out there. All I am asking for is for the color GOLD to be as recognized as the color PINK. Just make it equal. Why isn’t it already? These are kids for crying out loud! They should not be thrown into a life of being “fighters,” because nobody is fighting for them.

 NATIONAL CHILDHOOD CANCER AWARENESS MONTH, 2012

BY THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA
A PROCLAMATION
Every year, thousands of children across America are diagnosed with cancer    an often life threatening illness that remains the leading cause of death by disease for children under the age of 15.  The causes of pediatric cancer are still largely unknown, and though new discoveries are resulting in new treatments, this heartbreaking disease continues to scar families and communities in ways that may never fully heal.  This month, we remember the young lives taken too soon, stand with the families facing childhood cancer today, and rededicate ourselves to combating this terrible illness.
While much remains to be done, our Nation has come far in the fight to understand, treat, and control childhood cancer.  Thanks to ongoing advances in research and treatment, the 5 year survival rate for all childhood cancers has climbed from less than 50 percent to 80 percent over the past several decades.  Researchers around the world continue to pioneer new therapies and explore the root causes of the disease, driving progress that could reveal cures or improved outcomes for patients.  But despite the gains we have made, help still does not come soon enough for many of our sons and daughters, and too many families suffer pain and devastating loss.
My Administration will continue to support families battling pediatric cancer and work to ease the burdens they face.  Under the Affordable Care Act, insurance companies can no longer deny health coverage to children because of pre existing conditions, including cancer, nor can they drop coverage because a child is diagnosed with cancer.  The law also bans insurers from placing a lifetime dollar limit on the amount of coverage they provide, giving families peace of mind that their coverage will be there when they need it most.  And as we work to ensure all Americans have access to affordable health care, my Administration will continue to invest in the cutting edge cancer research that paves the way for tomorrow’s breakthroughs.
This month, we pay tribute to the families, friends, professionals, and communities who lend their strength to children fighting pediatric cancer.  May their courage and commitment continue to move us toward new cures, healthier outcomes, and a brighter future for America’s youth.
NOW, THEREFORE, I, BARACK OBAMA, President of the United States of America, by virtue of the authority vested in me by the Constitution and the laws of the United States, do hereby proclaim September 2012 as National Childhood Cancer Awareness Month.  I encourage all Americans to join me in reaffirming our commitment to fighting childhood cancer.
IN WITNESS WHEREOF, I have hereunto set my hand this thirty first day of August, in the year of our Lord two thousand twelve, and of the Independence of the United States of America the two hundred and thirty-seventh.
BARACK OBAMA

Please, President Barack Obama, stay true to your words. Please fight this fight with us. A change cannot happen without you. Please do so much more than just some words on a piece of paper.

Ronan. I love you. I miss you with every aching bone in my body. I am so sorry this is not fixed already. I am so sorry you had to die from something that is so awful and continues to be ignored. I promise to fix this for you. I promise to never stop fighting for you. I love you with everything that I am. Forever.

xoxo

I won’t stop posting this petition until it gets the 25k signatures that it needs. This is our only chance. If we don’t get this passed this time, the required signatures goes up to 100k. This is not just another thing of spam that comes your way. Signing this can help this cause. Please. I will do anything. I will shave my fucking head. I will eat worms. I will stand on a street corner and whore myself out, but I don’t think my husband would like that very much. I will jump out of a plane but for those of you that know me, you know I would do that for fun, anyway. Oh, and plane jumping might be off-limits for now due to the safety of Poppy a.k.a. Little PopStar.

Please, just sign and share. Go to your local news stations. Beg with no shame, just like the way I am. Or do the complete opposite. Read this, do nothing, and go about your self-absorbed ways. I have enough tears, that I can spare them to cry for you as well.

https://petitions.whitehouse.gov/petition/light-white-house-gold-month-september-honor-pediatric-cancer-fighters-and-bring-light-cause/syV6M6wX

IMG_0347

I know this picture is hard to look at. But imagine how it felt for him and for us, as his parents. He was 3 years old. The fact that nothing has changed for childhood cancer is unacceptable. The fact that he had to go through all of this as so many others are and will, is something I will not stand for. Please do not just go about your day. Please help us do something. I am not going to stop fighting for my child, ever. He is worth every painful thing I feel, think or see. He is worth all of this pain and suffering. It reminds me of why I cannot give up. I will not curl up and die or go on with my life ever. He is my life.

Thank You, ABC 15. I Know We Can Do This!!!

tumblr_mfj661tPuE1r9bgcro1_500

 

 

 

http://www.abc15.com/dpp/news/valley-mom-needs-your-help-to-light-white-house-gold-for-childhood-cancer-awareness

Dear AZ Peeps,

tumblr_mggeehGQJJ1r34sr1o1_500

 

 

 

 

I’ll be on ABC 15 at 10:00 tonight talking about this petition, Poppy, and all things Ro!  Thanks Channel 15 for being so awesome and wanting to help us get the signatures we need!!!!

Tune in tonight if you can! For those not in AZ, I will provide a link when it is available. Thank you!

xoxo

 

PLEASE CONTINUE TO SIGN AND SHARE. THE WOODDAWG TOLD ME HE DOES NOT THINK WE CAN GET THIS DONE. IT’S ON LIKE DONKEY KONG!

https://petitions.whitehouse.gov/petition/light-white-house-gold-month-september-honor-pediatric-cancer-fighters-and-bring-light-cause/syV6M6wX?utm_source=wh.gov&utm_medium=shorturl&utm_campaign=shorturl

It’s 3 a.m. I’m Awake Obsessing About that Petition…

tumblr_mgi5raUXsi1qm3r26o1_500

 

 

 

I have been dreaming non-stop about this petition. Woody thinks there is no way we are going to get the signatures that we need. I love to prove my husband wrong, but so need your help. We only have until February 6th, to do this.

Please, sign this. It’s legit. It takes one minute. I don’t know what else to say except I cannot let Ronan down. I can’t let all these kids down who need this awareness so badly. If the awareness already existed for childhood cancer that it is so lacking when Ronan got sick, he may not have died. I can’t bring back Ronan, but I swear to you, I will help to save the kids of the future who will be diagnosed with cancer.

Please, please, please sign if you have not, and share this with anyone you can think of. We are running out of time just as these kids are and it is just not right.

Thank you.

xoxo

https://petitions.whitehouse.gov/petition/light-white-house-gold-month-september-honor-pediatric-cancer-fighters-and-bring-light-cause/syV6M6wX

IMG_0269

I might be Twitter OBSESSED.

So of course, this Ronan slouchy sweatshirt makes perfect sense. I can’t wait to rock it, after I pop this Poppy out!

https://twitter.com/rockstarronan

https://twitter.com/RonanFoundation

For a good time, follow us!

http://theronanthompsonfoundation.bigcartel.com

BA8pewuCQAA3wQD.jpg-large

Hot Off the Press! New Ronan Merchandise!!!

tumblr_mg6hr5vJBw1qblsu4o1_500

 

http://theronanthompsonfoundation.bigcartel.com

Hey, Wanna Do Something Great?! Sign Our Petition and I Promise You, Good Things Will Happen!

66446_562325780461802_1272559266_n

Woody said tonight that there is no way that our petition is going to get enough signatures. He then said, “You are going to freak out, if it doesn’t.”

That might be an understatement. I have been working my ass off, trying to get people to sign this. Ummmm…. if you read this blog, and haven’t signed this, and you can because you live in this country, I fear for your soul. For real.

We have until February 6th. Please help us out. This is not just about Ronan. It is about ALL KIDS, PEOPLE! If you have signed, thank you so very much. Please continue to share this with anyone and everyone. If you have not signed this and are continuing to ignore this… What is your problem?!?! Too many puppies and unicorns, I guess.

xoxo

https://petitions.whitehouse.gov/petition/light-white-house-gold-month-september-honor-pediatric-cancer-fighters-and-bring-light-cause/syV6M6wX

You have to live in America in order to sign this. Sorry to all my international readers:( And you have to be 13 or older. Those are the only rules that apply.

I Don’t Know What To Expect When I’m Expecting

tumblr_mfmlfghzCk1r9bgcro1_500

Ronan. My week has kind of gotten away from me. I’ve had your brother home sick 3 days this week. He’s had a sinus infection (Yay! Not cancer) which you know I am always thankful for. Your brothers get the flu, awesome! An ear infection, counting my blessings! You will never hear me complain about fevers, strep throat, throwing up, etc… Those things to me, are blessings. Having Quinn home makes me do things around here which you know I’m not a fan of. I don’t like being in our house, without you. I don’t like when I have to stay cooped up all day, not running around doing 50 million things. But staying home this week has made me realize that I am beyond wiped out, carrying a real life baby, and almost starting my 3rd trimester. WTF. It’s like I’m just now getting the memo, “Hi, you’re pregnant!” No wonder I have been feeling like crap lately. This pregnancy/growing your baby sister is hard freaking work. I got to see her on an 3-D ultra sound on Tuesday. She is so beautiful already. Her little face is all filled out. Her pump, full, lips look just like yours. She has a ton of hair already. The ultra sound tech could not get over her long, long legs. She obviously gets those from your daddy.

I saw my OBGYN as well. We went over the ultrasound and all of Poppy’s measurements which look perfect. Everything looks perfect, just the way things looked with you, too. You know that I will never stop worrying about this baby having cancer, ever. I worry about it with your brothers, too. That will never go away. Dr. Schwartz asked how I was feeling. I told her alright for the most part. Then I went down that road. One I would have never went down before if you had never died. That oh so fun place only mom’s get to go that have had a child who has died.

“Can we talk about when you can induce me. Because you know the world I live in now, and you know I am scared she’s going to die if you let me go to my due date. I am so scared of having a still birth because that’s the world I live in now and it’s all I hear about, besides cancer.”

Dr. Schwartz calmly talked about when she could induce me and told me that she would not let me go to my due date because she knows the fear I have. She told me she would keep a close eye on me, strip my membranes again, like she did with you if I wanted Poppy to come out a little early. She did not make me feel like the crazy person that I was feeling like which was so nice of her to do. She is a wonderful doctor. I left there feeling like I am somewhat in control of this even though I know I am not. I am doing the only thing I know how which is leaving this all in the hands of you. I have to trust in you that your Poppy sister is going to be alright.

I’ve had to start thinking about things like what it is going to be like, when Poppy arrives. Your Mr. Sparkly Eyes, and Poppy’s Godfather, said to me a while ago, “You know it’s going to be a circus.” I just told him in no way shape or form did I want that. I told him I wasn’t going to let it be that way and he said something like, “Well, you’d better start figuring out how to control that.” I’ve slowly been doing that. I had the talk with Stacy and Fernanda this week. I told them what I have been thinking. I don’t want anyone at the hospital, except your daddy and your brothers when the time is right and she is here, safe and sound. It took me a minute to explain all of this to them, but by the end they were both a little teary eyed and said they agreed with me and understood why. To me, this is a private time for our family. I have been so public with everything and after everything we have gone through, I want this little girl to enter this world as peacefully as possible. I don’t have a clue as to how I am going to feel, once she arrives. What if I totally freak out and lose it? I have no way of gauging my feelings because I never know how I am going to feel on a day to day basis. I do know this. I am going to need some time with her. Alone. To bond. To cry. To feel happy. To feel sad. To feel everything I know I am going to be feeling. Having a baby is emotional under normal circumstances. Throw in a traumatic death of a child on top of it and it’s a freaking party now! I am doing this to protect myself because I already know I am going to need the time. I’m not doing this to be hurtful or mean. I wish it didn’t have to be this way, but this is the decision I have made. Maybe after she gets here, my mind will change but as of now, it has not. I even had to tell your Nana, not to come. My own mother whom I love to the moon and back. That about broke my heart right then and there. I asked her to just give me some time and to come in, after we get home from the hospital. I could tell your Nana was a bit sad about this but I just said, “Mom, I don’t know how or what I am going to be feeling and I just want to be able to be, without having the pressure of having to fake like I am feeling one way, if I am not.” She just gave me a squeeze and told me, “Of course, honey. I understand.” I feel like it’s taken a long time for the 4 of us to find our rhythm again here, without you. It’s taken a lot of work to get us to go on in our day to day lives, together, as a family, with such a huge void that never goes away. We have days that we still trip, stumble and fall. It never feels totally right, but we have worked very hard, together, to get where we are today. I know Poppy is going to help us find our way a little more, too. Having her here is going to be an overwhelming mix of everything and I know, we are each going to need some time with her, just the 4 of us. Although this is a happy time for us in our lives, the sadness of not having you here, to meet your baby sister is almost at times too much for me to even fathom. I remember with all of you, I read that book, “What To Expect, When You’re Expecting.” I carried that thing around with me like it was my bible. It seemed to have all the answers. Now, going back to try to read that book is like a sick joke. They don’t have a clue as to what they can tell me about this time around. Everything is different. I have yet to find a good book about what it is like to have a baby, after going through something as traumatic as losing a child to cancer. Seems nobody wants to take on that topic. I don’t blame them. Maybe I’ll take in on in my free time. Maybe I’ll call it, “What To Expect After Losing A Child And Having Another. How About No Expectations Because Nobody Knows.”

This weekend is a busy one. The P.F. Changs Marathon is this Sunday. Dr. Sholler gets in Friday night to me my surrogate runner and I am so excited to see her and have her here. That woman humbles me like no other. I guess it was good that I had a fairly quiet week because I am going to need to find my energy for this weekend. Thank you to all of you who are running for Ronan and who have raised so much money for us. I can’t wait to see you at the finish line!

I’m tired tonight, Ronan. Did I forget to mention the fact that I know your sister is going to be extra spicy, just like you? She never slows down in my tummy and it always seems like she is having a party in there. I swear I feel her moving, kicking, punching, twirling around all day long and most of the night as well. I am so excited to meet this beautiful gift you have given us. Thank you. I know you know how much we all need her. I promise to be the best mama to her.

I love you, Ronan. I miss you. I hope you are safe. Sweet dreams.

xoxo

The most epic anti-baby Poppy shower, ever


tumblr_mcysctAV7l1r2vv8do1_500






Ronan. I am still trying to recover from my birthday/day/night of all things that I had no control over. In my previous life, I loved having a life like this. Not a care in the world, flying by the seat of my pants, doing whatever it is that the day brought before me, not having much of a schedule. In this new life, I don’t do well with a life like this anymore. My day planner is packed with what the days/weeks/months ahead of me look like. I need a strict routine, a schedule, a plan. Not knowing what is happening or even worse, not having a thing to do, sends me into a mode of panic/I feel like I need to check myself into a mental ward. The only place I do well with not having much of a schedule in, is New York. It is the only place I let myself just roll with whatever comes my way. I guess it’s easy for me to be this way in a city that is constantly busy and buzzing because I know I have 5,000 options to choose from and the day will always bring something amazing. I think a lot of this new desire for a strict schedule also comes from feeling like the world was spinning so out of control while you were sick as we never knew what was going to happen and everything awful seemed to happen so quickly. We tried so hard to hold on to you and your life during treatment but before I knew it, time ran out and you were dead. The 8 months that you were sick, I often felt like I was living in a tornado of death where the spinning never seemed to stop and I felt at all times, totally out of control. I tried so hard to be brave and strong for you but the truth of the matter is, I was always scared to death.

I woke up on my birthday day not wanting to wake up at all. Quinn came into my room and your daddy was up soon after that. Quinn brought me some juice and wished me a Happy Birthday. Liam was still sound asleep. Your daddy asked me if I wanted to come out to the kitchen to see what he and your brothers had done for me. The tone in his voice sounded so joyous and so proud that I thought to myself, “Oh my god. He brought Ronan back for me. I just know that when I go into the kitchen, Ronan will be there waiting for me because this all is really some sick cruel joke and Ronan was just needed for an experiment to find a cure for childhood cancer.” I got up out of bed and wiped the tears from my eyes and snapped out of my fantasy world and realized that this was not going to happen. I just whispered to your daddy, “I told you I didn’t want any gifts,” as I weakly walked out into our kitchen I saw that there were indeed gifts and cards on our table. Homemade cards by your brothers and daddy because those to me, are the best. They were all signed from your brothers and they had written out your name as well. Liam signed your name, Ro Ro, which made me smile and cry all at the same time. I had forgotten how he loved to call you this.

After I dropped your brothers off at school, I came home. I knew that if I did not leave my house for the day, that I was not going to do anything on my birthday but sit and cry. I had lunch plans with Fernanda and Stacy and it took everything I had NOT to cancel on them. I had to make myself leave the house and go and do something. I talked myself into this, but it took a lot of effort. “You cannot cancel on your friends today. Look at all they have done for you. As much as you want to hide, you just cannot. Make a plan. Spend this day with your sweet friends who love you so much.” So, that is what I did. I was ignoring my phone that was blowing up with birthday wishes. (thank you all by the way) I headed over to The Biltmore to go and do something nice for myself. I had decided that the only way I was not going to sit and cry all day was if I had somebody at the Mac make-up counter do my make-up. False eyelashes included. I have a rule that you cannot cry if you are wearing false eyelashes because you don’t want to ruin them and make them come off. I never wear them so I don’t even know if this rule is true. It’s just something I made up in my head. I sat and got my make-up done. I pretend chatted happily with the guy working his magic and when he asked how many kids I had, I told him 3 with a 4th on the way. I somehow managed not to spill my guts about you dying as I knew if I started in on my truth, the make-up would come pouring off. Instead, I let myself focus on nothing but the art in front of me and listened to him tell me how lucky I was to have such natural, full lips. I wanted to tell him I would happily take a knife and slice my lips off if it meant bringing my dead child back but I decided to hold back on my extreme berserk fantasies for the day.

Fernanda picked me up for lunch and took me to Chelsea’s Kitchen where they had told me we were going, but we were also going to the mall to look for Poppy’s furniture as well. They had concocted this whole story about going to Pottery Barn Kids on my birthday and how we HAD to go as Fernanda knew somebody who worked there who had agreed to give us a discount on some furniture. I had a feeling something else was going on, but had not a clue as to what it might be. I decided to play along and be a good sport about the whole thing, but I knew the two of them were up to something. I was waiting with Stacy down by Nordstrom at Fashion Square Mall. Fernanda had left lunch in the middle of us eating and Stacy told me we were meeting up with her outside of Nordstrom right by the escalators. I sat and waited patiently. The next thing I knew, Stacy pulled out a little stereo from her purse and a Madonna song came blasting out of it. I looked up at the escalator and before my very eyes, about 17 of my dear friends appeared, all dressed up like different versions of Madonna, singing their little hearts out to a Madonna song as they made their way down the escalator to me. It took me a few minutes to figure out what was going on. This was not my birthday celebration, it was my anti-poppy shower! I could not believe what my friends had pulled off. I knew a shower was in the works, but everyone had me convinced that it was going to be in February. To have my shower, on my birthday, was the last thing I expected.

I think I buried my head on my lap. I know I cried but I was laughing as well. I could not believe all of my friends who were there to do this for me. Fairy RoMo flew in from New York. Robyn flew in from Tampa. And later in the day, I got a surprise from Macy who flew in from San Francisco. I could not have been more touched. The shower started early in the day and we did a scavenger hunt through the mall where we were chased by security and threatened to get thrown out of because as we learned, scavenger hunts are not allowed. After the mall, we ended up at The W Hotel where my Macy surprise awaited me and we had a little toast to your Poppy sister and you. Tears were shed and I skipped out for a little bit to run home to see your daddy and brothers as it was my birthday, too and they all wanted to see me as well. I needed to catch my breath for a minute too, because I was told the night was not ending anytime soon. I returned back to the girls where the rest of night was spent riding a mechanical bull, (not by me of course) but by many of the girls and the laughs alone from that will be something that I will remember for the rest of my life. The last stop of the night was Fernanda’s house. There was food, a candy desert bar, a photo booth, and sparklers. We all went outside to light them off and Fernanda gave a little talk before hand about how none of us would be here if it weren’t for sparkly you. She also took a second to talk about Ezra as well because Robyn was there with us all and she wanted to honor you both in a way that meant so much to not only Robyn, but me as well. One look at Robyn and it was game freaking over. We both were a mess and I spent the next few minutes hugging my friends while tears and snot dripped all over them.

I had to take a lot of time outs during the day and evening. It was the most amazing shower ever, but it was also very hard as well. At the end of the day, I don’t for a second ever get to totally exhale and forget about the fact that the love of my life, you, is dead. I had many moments of happiness but also many moments of complete and utter sadness, pain, shock, and just a feeling of being overwhelmed that never goes away. I have suffered the greatest loss one can suffer and now I have this life growing inside of me that I am so excited and thankful for. But death also surrounds me all the time because I am still so heavily grieving the loss of you. Those two things are very hard to balance. I can say for a fact that I remember each and every single day, how lucky I am to have the women that I do in my life as not many people have this. But I am also very aware of why they are here. For as beautiful as a thing as it is, it is also very, very, sad. I thank you all of them time for them as I truly do feel like each and every one of them are gifts from you, Ronan. I am so lucky to have them surrounding me, holding me up, and loving me unconditionally. They truly are amazing little gifts from you.

I woke up after my anti, very untraditional, the most epic shower, EVER, with such an major emotional hangover that I am just now starting to recover from. I spent Saturday morning, sobbing in my bed while your daddy tried to comfort me. I tried to explain to him how it was the most magical night ever, but also so very hard. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to put into words how much that day/night meant to me even though I spent much of the time during and after, crying about it. Crying about so many things. Love, loss, pain, happiness, sadness, the way all things beautiful in my life will forever be painful, too. How you will never get to be here with us, loving your Poppy sister in the way that you should be here, loving her. Most of all, crying so much over the fact that I just fucking miss you so much and I will never stop missing you. Ever. I think I miss you more as time goes on.

I love you, baby doll. Thank you to all of my dear friends who pulled off my shower and who worked so very hard on making it so out of the box, crazy, funny, and heartfelt. You all are bloody geniuses and could rule the world while giving Madonna a run for her money. It as apparent how much work, love and details went into planning this for me as everything blew my mind. I personally believe you should all go into the baby shower throwing business and start a new trend in the way baby showers are thrown. Counting jelly beans in baby bottles and guessing how big someone’s stomach is with toilet paper, can kiss my ass. Thank you to all my beautiful friends who came out to celebrate all things Poppy and Ronan. I love you all.

G’nite Ro baby. I miss you. I love you. I hope you are safe.

xoxo

This slideshow requires JavaScript.