Your other song for the night. And it really is your song. I still can’t listen to it, without bawling. She is so beautiful. I love you both to the moon and back.

 

 

http://youtu.be/CS7JrI-JPOc

Our song for the night, Ro baby. It is so us.

I am a HUGE P!nk fan. HUGE. So of course, I bought her new album today. I was putting on my make-up when this song came on. It literally brought me to my knees and before I knew it, I was sobbing on the floor and my make-up was ruined. Listen to the lyrics. I felt like she wrote this, for me. Everything about the song, reminded me of you, Ronan and how hard it is to live this life, without you. Am I crazy? I don’t think so. I think P!nk might have some Ronan/Mama ESP going on. “Little feet, tired of being a fighter, baby blues, parallel universe, beam me up.” Ummm… this is my life.

Everyone should buy her album. It is amazeballs.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PFYm9LKsuUo

There’s a whole n’other conversation going on
In a parallel universe
Where nothing breaks and nothing hurts
There’s a waltz playing frozen in time
Blades of grass on tiny bare feet
I look at you and you’re looking at me

Could you beam me up,
Give me a minute, I don’t know what I’d say in it
Probably just stare, happy just to be there holding your face
Beam me up,
Let me be lighter, tired of being a fighter,
I think, a minutes enough,
Just beam me up.

Some black birds soaring in the sky,
Barely a breath like our one last say
Tell me that was you, saying goodbye,
There are times I feel the shiver and cold,
It only happens when I’m on my own,
I tell ya, tell me, I’m not alone

Could you beam me up,
Give me a minute, I don’t know what I’d say in it
I’d Probably just stare, happy just to be there, holding your face
Beam me up,
Let me be lighter, tired of being a fighter,
I think, a minutes enough,
Just beam me up.

In my head, I see your baby blues
I hear your voice and I, I break in two and now there’s
One of me, with you

So when I need you can I send you a sign
I’ll burn a candle and turn off the lights
I’ll pick a star and watch you shine

Just beam me up,
Give me a minute, I don’t know what I’d say in it
Probably just stare, happy just to be there, holding your face
Beam me up,
Let me be lighter, tired of being a fighter,
I think, a minutes enough,
Beam me up
Beam me up
Beam me up
Could you beam me up.

Dear Grief/Pregancy, You will NOT kill my soul.

 

 

Ronan. This staying in bed and waiting to die, because I’m pregnant and tired, is bullshit. Hello, who the fuck does this life/grief/pregnancy/death fuckwad, think they are dealing with? This is the girl who went skydiving, just because. This is the girl, who ran a marathon, without training for it, just because. This is the girl, who is fighting with every single thing that I have, because I don’t have a choice, unless I want to curl up and die, while letting cancer take EVERYTHING away from me.  I am tired of being tired and I’m going to fight through this as hard as I can. Staying in bed, in NOT good for my mental well being. I decide to start today with, enough is enough. Just because I am tired and sick does not mean I have to roll over and totally give into that, right?? I am allowing myself to have about an hour a day in bed, not the entire freaking day. I can’t do that to myself, no matter how awful I am feeling. Am I pushing things a bit? Maybe, but it’s the only way I feel like I can survive. Hopefully in the next month or so, I’ll have some of my energy back, but until then, I WILL power through this.

I spent the day with a friend of mine. We were invited to a lunch that at a house that lasted much of the day. I went, not knowing what to expect and it was a total adventure. It felt good to be out and about, doing something a little out of my comfort zone. Actually a lot out of my comfort zone. I was in a world that I normally don’t live in anymore. A world of shiny, happy people. I don’t fit well into that world anymore, but I love our hostess so for her, I was totally game. Plus she says the word, “Fuck,” a lot which you know I appreciate. I also got to see a good friend of mine, Kristi, and it is always fun to spend some time with her. It felt good just to be out with my friend. Our conversations area always easy and honest. No need for bullshit or pretending. I don’t function well in a bullshit and pretending world. I never have and never will. We left our lunch feeling as if we had just come off of another planet, but were both so thankful for the adventure. I needed a break from MY reality today which is exactly what I got. Thanks, J- for the break, amazing lunch and your dazzling smile. It was nice to be among the living for a few hours.

Last night, Ronan, I had the most vivid dream. I was in the hospital and I had this baby of ours. It was a boy. He was so tiny and frail. I was holding him and our Mr. Sparkly Eyes came into the room. This is such a pattern, him in my dreams, always when I am dreaming about you in whatever way that I am. He came in beaming and so happy. I handed him the baby to hold and I was begging him to help me name this baby boy, as I could not think of a name. The next thing I knew, this baby started talking and saying, “Ronan, Ronan, Ronan,” over and over again. I remember being really sad because this I so wanted this baby to be you, but it was not. I woke up soon after that, totally freaked out by the baby in my dream, talking. I was aching to see your little face so badly that I wanted to throw up. I almost felt mad at the baby boy, in my dream, for not being you. I don’t know what this dream meant. If we do have a boy, we have already decided his middle name will be Ronan, of course. We have about one idea for a first name. I am kind of all out of ideas for boy first names, but we know it of course has to be Irish.

I had a nice thing happen to me today. A nice email that once again, came again at the most perfect timing. Just when I have been struggling on a little side project the past few days. It’s almost as if you are still around so much that you know when I am struggling, and you send someone into help me out or give me a big fucking sign that everything will work out. I have a lot of dreams. This one has been in the works for a while but it is nothing I have been pursuing seriously. You know how I am about just letting things, happen when they are supposed to. I am such a true believer in this, especially in the world I live in now. I might just fall asleep with a smile on my face tonight and I might just be going out to New York City in a few weeks. Our Fairy RoMo said to pack our umbrella. Gladly. Happily. Best news ever. I am sick and tired of this blinding sun. Stay tuned:) I miss our city, so very much and now I might just have a great excuse to get my pregnant ass back out there, puking and all. I am dying to see our Fairy RoMo, as well.

This is all for tonight my most beautiful boy. I miss you. I love you. I hope you are safe. Sweet dreams, baby doll.

xoxo

Seriously, Taylor Swift. I could not love you more.

 

 

Your daddy said it best tonight, Ronan after watching this. You would be so proud. You were always so proud. I am so proud of you and everything you stand for. I promise to try my hardest to do such good things in this world. Thank you, Taylor, for seeing the beauty in my child and falling in love with him so much so, that you wrote him a song. You are simply amazing. I know he is so proud of you and your heart.

http://youtu.be/gXYVulAXbKI

Also, did you know we have a Foundation website, all you new readers? You should check it out. I’m super proud of it and the people on my board who are working so hard 24/7.

 

 

http://www.theronanthompsonfoundation.com/

In my spare time, I might have started up a little jewelry company called, “Spicy Monkey.” But it’s not official yet or anything.

I started making these bracelets for fun, as a way to occupy my mind on the nights I cannot sleep. I ended up going a little overboard and making hundreds. My friend Katie, at The Garage Boutique for Kids in Scottsdale, offered to let me do a little trunk show at her store. It’s this Thursday night from 7-9. Bring the girls and come on down! We’ll have cupcakes and a few other surprises. Cash or checks only please. Proceeds will go to The Ronan Thompson Foundation. The address is below. Hope to see you all there!! xxoo

7144 E Stetson Dr
Ste 255
Scottsdale, AZ 85251

Voting Ends Tomorrow. Please vote if you have not done so. Thank you!

Hi. Today, I have had 144,550 hits on my blog post from last night. If all of you viewing, voted for us via Facebook…. we could win this contest. If you don’t have a Facebook, I forgive you. If you do and have not voted, PLEASE DO SO! It’s so easy to do so, and would mean the world to us all working so hard to fight for Ronan and all these other babes, who deserve better! PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE. If you have already voted and hounded your friends to do the same as well, I thank you from the bottom of my very broken heart. I love you all. I love you, Ro baby.

https://www.facebook.com/ChaseCommunityGiving/app_162065369655?cv=2&app_data=location%7C%2Fcharity%2Fview%2Fein%2F27-3409074