Night Hiking and Ronan Rain

 

 

 

Ronan. This is how foggy my head is still. I seriously thought today, the 13th was your diagnoses day, two years ago. It wasn’t until this afternoon, that I remembered that today was not your diagnoses day, the 12th was. Today, was the day you had your first surgery to remove the cancer from behind the left orbit of your eye. I’m blaming this on my grief brain. Google it. It’s real. I’ve had a mental picture of you all day, with your head all cut open. I’ll never forget the look in your eyes like, “What did you let them do to me, mama?” I ask myself that question a lot. What did I let them do to you, while trying to save your life? I put you through hell, harsh treatments, poisons… I tried to save your life with the best tools we had available to us. I don’t know how everything happened so quickly and slipped out of our hands, so fast. I’ll never understand or be able to come to peace with any of this. I worry about you so much, all the time. I know I always will.

I am so tired that this is going to have to be a short post. I have been going non stop since I woke up this morning, working on things for your foundation. I felt really overwhelmed today with everything we have going on. I got a lot accomplished though, so I guess I am feeling a bit better. I was not going to write tonight, but I miss you so I kind of just wanted to say hello. I also wanted to say thank you for the rain again. I had a hard day, a sad day, just like always, but today I was feeling extra bummed out. Your sweet Kassie asked if I wanted to hike. I said yes but I had a mini foundation meeting at my house first. She ended up coming over and it was 10:00 p.m. before it was over, but we still headed out the door to night hike. It was so bloody hot out. We got to the top and sat at our church. After sitting there for about 10 minutes, guess what I felt? The rain. Of course. The coldest, wettest rain drops fell from the sky and drenched us from head to toe. We just sat there laughing, until it stopped about 15 minutes later. It was glorious. It made me smile for a few minutes and giggle out loud. Thanks for the rain when I need it most. You always seem to know.

I have to end this. I’m sorry it’s so short. I need some sleep as today, wiped me out. I’m sleeping in your bed tonight. Maybe I will dream of you. I miss you. I love you. I hope you are safe.

P.S. Kassie is kind of the greatest. Thank you for bringing her to me. She loves you so much. She makes this world such a better place. She is one of the good crazies that will change things in big ways.

The Gold Party

Gold is the ribbon color for childhood cancer awareness. September is the month for childhood cancer awareness. I wanted to do something special, to represent both of these things during the month of September. I want to make the whole world know and understand what the Gold Ribbon means and I want to turn the month of September into making the whole world aware of how important this month is to all these kids fighting for their lives.

I played around with a lot of ideas for what we could do for this event that we have slowly been planning. I came back to my first idea after getting a great response when it was brought up at a board meeting.

Let’s have a Gold Party! Let’s invite the whole wide world and have them rock the color gold, for a very special reason. Thanks to the hard work of my board members, and the generosity of The W Hotel, the pieces are falling into place and I am so excited!

My very special dear friend, (who I sometimes think hung the moon) Charisma Carpenter, offered to fly in and host the event. We will have Danny Masterson (Hyde from That’s 70’s show) as our celebrity D.J.! D.J. Mom Jeans is sure to bring the house down with his mad skills. I’ve been watching his beats on YouTube and I can’t stop dancing.

Tickets are not on sale, yet, but I will let you know when they are. I just wanted to get the word out as early as possible, especially for any of you that may want to come fromĀ out-of-town for this great event. Tickets are super affordable, 25 bucks a pop. I love that:)

I hope to see you all there, rocking your crazy gold ensembles! Thank you for all you are continuing to do in this fight for childhood cancer. I love your hearts.

xoxo