Ronan. Shitballs. I am beat. I spent yesterday with Quinn, hanging out at Charisma’s. We went for a hike. We lounged around. We played basketball and some other game that involved Charisma kicking my ass. I’m not used to losing, but if I had to lose to anyone, I am glad it was her. She kicks ass and is such a good friend. It was nice to spend time with her and have a break from everything. We were up in her room and I was watching her get ready as I sat on the floor. She came and sat with me, looked at me and said, “How are you so calm? So serene? You’ve been like this since the day I met you. You just have this peacefulness about you.” I told her I didn’t know. That I think to myself if I naturally wasn’t this way, I don’t know how I would survive something like this. I then said to her, “Do you see why my anger has to come out in my writing? Because I don’t get it out, any other way. My writing is how I release my anger.” She said she understood. How she doesn’t know how I do what I do. I looked up at her. “Can you believe this fucking happened to me? To him? To us?” “No,” she said. “It’s unfathomable to me.” Later that morning, I was sitting on her bedroom floor again. She yelled to me, “I have something for you. I just thought of it and I want to give it to you.” She went to her closet and came back with a ring. It’s dark, sparkly, and beautiful. “I want you to have this. To wear it and think of me, every time you do. So you know I’m always with you.” I tried not to tear up. I slipped it on. Rings never fit me. This one fit perfectly. “I love it. Thank you. I will wear it and think of you. You give me strength. I will look at it when I am sad, and try to be strong.” My friend. I am so lucky to have her. She does give me strength. She is a fighter, just like I am. I feel stronger when I am with her. She has this way about her that makes me feel like I am capable, strong, and even though you are gone, you are still always with me. She is good at reminding me of that. I am thankful for her and the lessons she teaches me. “To thine own self be true.” Right, my friend? This is so fitting for you. You are one of the truest people I have ever known. I love you.
Quinn and I arrived home last night, around 11. I feel into a fast, long sleep. I dreamed about all things sweet for once. All things sweet, except you. It is o.k. that you are not visiting me in as your own self. I know it is you, visiting me through your lovie. If that is the best you can do as of now, I will take it. I woke up today, on a mission to get shit done. I did. I ran to Starbucks for my breakfast of coffee and nothing else. I had a mini pow wow with one of my board members to catch her up to speed on some things and vise versa. I unpacked and did laundry. I met up with Rissy Roo to go over her list of intern things to do which mainly just consisted of getting our toes painted all purple and sparkly. She saw through my twitter that I was going inferno hiking later. She told me she wanted to come. YAY! I was excited to have her. We picked a time to meet up and go. She came over later in the day and we left for our little hike of the day. I think it was a little over 100 today, but I didn’t notice on our hike of all things inferno and fucking insane. I didn’t notice until Rissy was about half way to the top of the mountain and I realized I had been blabbing my face off. “Shit, Rissy. Are you o.k.?” She looked like she was about to pass out. “Yeah, I’m fine. I just need some water,” she panted. “O.k. let me know if you need to stop again.” We continued up farther. Me: Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Up the mountain I go. Is it hot today? I notice nothing. Is it hard today, this mountain climbing of mine? No. Nothing is hard anymore because I know what hard is like. I live in a world without you. That is hard. Nothing else, that I do, even compares to that. I look back. Shit! Rissy is bent over, trying to breathe. “Rissy! OMG. Are you o.k. Crap! I’m a bad boss! I should not have taken you inferno hiking!” I am scared now. “What if you have heat stroke! Let’s get you down to this part and I will turn around, go back up the mountain, down the other side to my car and come and pick you up!” “O.k.” she said. She got down, safely. I texted Rita who was flipping out. “Our intern is blacking out! You made her puke!” SSSSSHHHHIIITTTT!!! I haul ass down the mountain as fast as I can, to rescue Rissy. I got to her about 20 minutes later. She looked much better. “I threw up. Want a apple carmel sucker?” she said. “I feel awful! But yes, a apple carmel sucker will make everything better. Are you alright?” I asked. She was. Thank Ro for that. I didn’t kill my little intern. My board would have NEVER forgiven me for that one! Our itty bitty is PRICELESS to us!! She was a good sport about the whole thing, but I don’t think she will be going back into the inferno, anytime soon. I am just truly glad that she is o.k.!
My Rissy is getting ready to go on her mission trip, to Wales in just about a week with her Young Life group. She blows my mind. She is 20 years old and is already making such a difference in this world. I know what I was doing at 20 and it was not going on mission trips and working my butt off for a children’s cancer foundation, for free. Her mission team still needs about 9,000 dollars. I know that I have my issues/anger with many things in this life, but I will ALWAYS support Rissy’s beliefs and what it is she is doing, because it is her heart and soul that I love. Her heart and soul that I don’t judge. Our spiritual beliefs/differences are something I embrace, as I know we are both opened minded enough to listen and learn from each other. I have taken the time to get to know this sweet little soul and I am so proud of her and so thankful that I can support her in whatever way she needs support. I have heard through the grapevine that due to some of my “anger issues,” that some people cannot support me. To each their own. But if you cannot support me, then maybe you can open back up your hearts and your wallets (hee hee) to support Rissy and her Young Life groups mission trip. I know even the smallest donation would be greatly appreciated by your God, so very much. I plan on making my own donation to help Rissy reach her goal. I know this would make my Ro, very happy.
Here’s the info to help Fund Risssy’s, The best intern ever, mission trip: Checks can be mailed to: Scottsdale Bible Church Marissa Rahm 7601 E. Shea Blvd. Scottsdale, AZ 85260 Please specify that you are donating to the Wales College Group The money being raised will go towards the following: Partnering with Young Life to host a camp for students. Provide labor, including cleaning, clearing tress, maintain “man- made” ponds, build picnic tables/chairs; outreach/evangelism. The link for Young Life is also below. http://www.younglife.org/us Love you, Rissy girl. I will always support you in life, whenever you need it. Unless you become a stripper;) Then it’s game over.
Ro baby. This is all for tonight. I’m wiped from the day. I have so much more to say as the thoughts about you and all of this are never-ending tonight. I’ll save them for a later date. I love you. I miss you. I hope you are safe. Sweet dreams, baby doll. xoxo