Woody, Ro and I are leaving on a red-eye tonight for Philly. Please keep us in your thoughts and prayers and I will update you when I get a chance. Please send all your healing strength to Ronan and blessings to Dr. Yael Mosse.
Love you all.
Woody, Ro and I are leaving on a red-eye tonight for Philly. Please keep us in your thoughts and prayers and I will update you when I get a chance. Please send all your healing strength to Ronan and blessings to Dr. Yael Mosse.
Love you all.
Oh Ro baby. Happy Easter. I’m not going to lie. It was a hard day today. At one point, I did not think I was going to be able to get out of bed. I wanted to spend the day hiding under my covers. It took me a few hours once I woke up, to get things started for the day. I was barely functioning. We planned on going over to Woody’s Uncle Larry’s house where all the cousins were going to be. In my head, I kept thinking, how am I going to face everyone? I’m way too sad. But I knew how much my twins were looking forward to it and I knew it would be good to be surrounded by our loving family. Woody and I got the boys ready and dressed and then got ready ourselves. Out the door we went and I turned my frown upside down; as best I could.
The day was spent watching the boys playing, laughing, running, swimming, and enjoying their cousins. Ronan even got a little wet and ran around as much as he could but stayed by my side most of the time. It was good to be with family on such a special day. There was a sadness in the air, but it was overcome by the beauty and strength of Ronan. I refused to let cancer ruin our beautiful day. Ronan was happy, smiling, and laughing while throwing water balloons at his cousins. Today, cancer did not win. Today, we held our heads high and enjoyed his little life to the fullest.
Ronan was ready to go after a couple of hours so Woody and I took him home while the twins stayed behind to play the rest of the day away. We came home and Woody ran out to do some things which left me here alone with Ronan for what I thought was going to be some quiet time. No quiet time allowed as I was told by him. He was all ready for a Star Wars battle so that is what we did. Fernanda stopped by to drop off some of her amazing confetti filled easter eggs which Ronan smashed over my head. She had her Brando with her and I wanted to just eat him up. Cutest thing ever. He was dressed in a tee-shirt, his skinny jeans, and cowboy boots. She has the most beautiful children and I was so happy they stopped by for a few minutes.
After Fernanda stopped by, I had texted Gay earlier to tell her Ronan was really wanting to see Cal. She then came by about an hour later with her boys, Cal and Chet. Ronan was over the moon. They played and Gay helped me get a lot of the little things around the house put away. I am so thankful for my wonderful friends and the way they are handling all of this. They all refuse to give up and are more than rising to the occasion. I will never stop being blown away by all of their support and love. We are so blessed to be going through all of this with the most amazing people by our side.
I am finding laughter in the stupidest things these past few days. Not much is making me laugh anymore and laughing is one of my favorite things in the world. Woody has put on our “South Park,” DVDs. So stupid, vulgar, and immature…. but I have been dying laughing at them. Trey Parker and Matt Stone = Freaking geniuses. I am such a sucker for some dirty, foul-mouthed humor. Works every time. Even in my numb, fogged induced state of mind.
Tonight, we did normal family things. I got to tuck my Liam and Quinn in to bed which is such a precious gift to me now. I spent today washing all of their sheets and duvet covers. Felt so good to do something normal. I love laundry and I could never get tired of doing it. It is my favorite normal chore in the world.
I thought about a lot of you today, even the people I don’t know. I imagined your faces that I have made up in my head and wondered what you were doing on this day. I imagined a lot of your kids dressed up in their Easter best, a lot of you at church, and all of you watching your kids with your love for them pouring out of your hearts because you know how blessed you are to have them and I know how even more thankful you are for their health. Thinking of you all made me happy and warmed my heart. I hope I get to meet you all someday. I would like to give you a smile and a hug and thank you for supporting our family, whom you don’t even know. I am so thankful for all of you as well.
Tonight, after all of my babies are asleep I am going to go and kiss my husband and thank him for being the best man in the world and tell him how proud I am to be his wife. He deserves to hear this everyday. He is simply the most amazing man living on this planet. I will always think I am the luckiest girl alive that the stars aligned and we met when we did. I’ll never forget our first date and how I just knew he was the one. 11 years later and here we stand, going through the hardest thing of our lives, but we are going through it together, not apart. As much as I would like to put up my walls and as much as I try, Woody always finds a way to knock them down and I let him back in. He is the best thing that has ever been mine, that Wooddawg of mine. Mine forever. No matter what we have to go through. We will never let go of each other.
Sweet dreams to you all. I hope you had a beautiful day with your beautiful friends and family. I love you all so very much.
This is from my sissy, Liz, tonight. I love you so much, Liz. This is just what I needed to hear.
Easter represents rebirth and new beginnings..how appropriate. Love you and your family with all my heart. And remember, we don’t call Ronan a rockstar for nothing!! 🙂 xoxoxoxxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxxoxoxooxoxoxoxoxo
You want me to give up on this? You gave up so easily but I will never. Did you forget the most important factor in your decision making? Him. He is not like other little boys. He is our miracle, our Rockstar, our gift. This is not over and it breaks my heart that you stopped believing. Miracles do happen; everyday.
Here is a brief description of what Ronan will be going through. Or what we are praying for his next treatment to be. Dr. Yale Mosse at Chop will be the one handling Ronan’s care.
|Neuroblastoma is a cancerous tumor that begins in nerve tissue of infants and very young children. It usually occurs in the abdomen but can occur in other sites near the spine and spread quickly to other areas of the body. It affects roughly 600 children a year in the United States and can have a varied clinical presentation – some cases are localized and easy to treat, while more than half of the children have aggressive disease that has spread at diagnosis and is much harder to cure.Conventional treatments for neuroblastoma include surgery, local radiation and high-dose chemotherapy. “We are always looking for novel ideas and strategies to try to cure relapsed patients whose neuroblastoma is resistant to traditional treatments,” said Suzanne Shusterman, MD, attending physician at Children’s Hospital Boston andDana-Farber Cancer Institute who oversees the neuroblastoma program. “I-131 MIBG is one of the most effective therapies for children with relapsed neuroblastoma, with a response rate of almost forty percent. While it doesn’t cure, I-131 MIBG can allow patients to gain control of their disease and, in combination with other treatments, bring them closer to being cured.”
Originally developed as a blood pressure medicine, MIBG is a compound that is selectively absorbed by certain types of nervous tissue, including neuroblastoma cells. For many years it has been used diagnostically to determine where cancerous activity is occurring within the body. More recently, oncologists began using it to deliver targeted radiation to neuroblastoma cells by binding it to a radioactive isotope of iodine (I-131). Once bound together, the radioactive MIBG is administered to a child through an intravenous line (IV) and absorbed by tumor cells, which are killed by the radiation emitted by the radioactive I-131. Children’s is the only center in New England, and just one of a handful in the United States, offering this advanced treatment.
“This treatment is a way of targeting radiation to kill tumors while sparing normal tissues,” said Lisa Diller, MD, clinical director of Pediatric Oncology at Dana-Farber Cancer Institute and Children’s Hospital Boston. “We are very excited that I-131 MIBG will be an important therapy in eradicating neuroblastoma.”
The actual infusion of I-131 MIBG is a short procedure, lasting approximately one to two hours. Because this treatment involves delivering high doses of radiation, a patient will stay in a specially designed room in the hospital for three to seven days after the infusion.
|The I-131 MIBG room is a 256 square-foot hospital room located in the stem cell transplant unit on the sixth floor of Children’s Hospital. The room has added protective features to help manage the therapy safely for the benefit of both patients and staff, and has an anteroom where parents may stay to help with the care of their child and be in close proximity throughout the therapy. During the day parents may safely spend time with their child following specific safety procedures designed to protect them as well as the hospital staff.When a child is hospitalized for I-131 MIBG therapy, parents and caregivers will be considered an active member of their child’s care team and will be closely involved in delivering routine care. The carefully selected and trained team of healthcare specialists will clearly explain these safety procedures and responsibilities to parents before scheduling treatment.Compared to chemotherapy, I-131 MIBG is very well tolerated and affords a good quality of life for patients traditionally overwhelmed with hospital visits. The most common side effects are low platelets and low white blood cell counts about a month after receiving the treatment, both of which can be easily managed. Follow up visits to the hospital are also limited, most often taking place six to eight weeks after the date of infusion.
Almost all patients report at least a subjective response to I-131 MIBG. “The nice thing with I-131 MIBG is that most patients, even patients who don’t have a response that we can see by standard imaging techniques, have a decrease in their level of pain and improvement in their quality of life,” continued Shusterman.
I had the worst dream last night. It was all about scan day. We woke up and got ready to go. Fernanda was downstairs waiting for us, with coffees in hand and off we went. We arrived promptly, like always, and soon Ronan was called back to anesthesia; I held him tightly as they injected him with his Propofol, and kissed him as he went to sleep. I left him on the table and covered him up with his blanket, Gigi. Out in the waiting room I went and fell into Fernanda’s arms. Leaving Ro for anesthesia is never easy on me, especially without Dr. Maze there to be the one to take care of my little guy. Fernanda and I gathered up our things and pushed Ronan’s stroller up to floor 9 to let the waiting begin. And wait we did. For fucking ever. I think we sat for a good 2 hours. Fernanda tried her best to distract me with her her stories; but there was nothing that could take my mind off of the things to come. Soon, I saw Dr. Kusher, the man I had been waiting for. He was back doing Ronan’s bone marrow aspirations. He breezed right past me without making eye contact. This was my first clue. My stomach dropped to the floor. Fernanda goes, “There he is, let’s chase him down to see what the results said!” I just looked at her and told her no. He knew we were waiting and would get to us when he was ready. By this time, Ronan was waking up from the anesthesia. We went back to get him and my little groggy guy just wanted to be in my arms. I put on his pants and shoes and picked him up. We went back to the waiting room to wait once again, for Dr. Kushner. We sat and waited and fed Ronan some food as he was hungry. As I was getting up to do something, my Claude necklace, the one that I always have around my neck for important days; that has the tooth of St. Claude in it, fell to the ground. It had somehow come detached from the chain and I scrambled to pick it up. I picked it up and tried to figure out where it had come detached. So weird, I thought to myself, as the clasp was not broken. I did my best to ignore the St. Claude incident and told myself it was not a sign. I didn’t even tell Fernanda this which is not like me at all. I tell her everything. Soon, the kid at the front desk told us Dr. Kushner was ready for us. We were taken back to room 7 to meet with him. As soon as I saw him my stomach dropped to the floor. He couldn’t even look me in the eyes. I looked at him and said, “No no no no no no no.” His eyes were wet and he said in his weakest voice something like, “The cancer is spreading. The chemo did not work.” I clutched Ronan, sat down in a chair because I was going to pass out. I don’t remember much more. At some point, he recommended we call Woody on speaker phone. I sat there and listened as Dr. Kushner tried to explain things to Woody. I watched him as his eyes kept getting wet. At one point I asked him if he could please give me just an ounce of hope. Just one ounce… something. He looked at the floor. I went into shock and asked him if this ever gets any easier for him. I told him it couldn’t possibly ever get easier. He got up and turned his back to me. Where did the man go that said he would fight for my baby with everything he had? Because that man in front of me was nowhere to be found. I saw a coward. A man who had completely given up on my child. I somehow gathered my strength and got up. I gave him a hug and told him thank you. I told him he was a good man. I walked out of the doors to his office with Ronan running beside me. Dr. Kushner, the man I had put all of my faith into, had given up on my child and there was no looking back.
Fernanda and I walked back to the RMH. I remember nothing about getting back to our room. All I knew is I wanted to get home, back to Phoenix, asap. I curled up on my bed while Ronan ran around like mad and Fernanda buzzed in the background making travel arrangements and figuring out what to do next. I remember something being said about needing to get me Valium. I remember sitting on the floor playing with Ronan and drinking a coconut water. I remember taking the coconut water and throwing it as hard as I could across the room while I watched it hit the wall and liquid splashed everywhere. I told Ronan we were having a party and I wanted to see if my water would explode. He then took a can of root beer and poured it everywhere to make it explode like a volcano. I think Fernanda got in on the fun and dumped her Diet Coke all over the floor on a blanket on purpose. We sat and had a fucking pop throwing party because what else could we do? It made perfect sense at the time. She then spent the next 7 hours packing up our room, running all over the city to buy more suitcases for all of our shit, did laundry, cleaned our place, got me my Valium, composed an email to Dr. Mosse at CHOP regarding starting Ronan on MIBG therapy and we finally got Ronan into bed so he would settle down to sleep. Fernanda watched as I rubbed his back and he asked me to sing him “Twinkle Twinkle Little Star.” I sang to him our song as I do every night. We all fell asleep around 2 a.m. Our alarm woke us up at 3:30 a.m. as our car was picking us up at 4 a.m. to get us to the airport. 9 suitcases checked later and we were at our gate. The flight was blurry and Ronan slept much of the way. I did too due to the Valium and Ambien. I asked Fernanda for more Valium and she told me no. I cried on our flight and watched her cry by herself in the aisle across from me. She looked like an angel. I woke up at one point and looked down at Ronan and I saw his pinky intertwined with mine. That’s how I know this is all a nightmare and none of this is true. Because his little pinky of his refuses to let go of mine, even when we are both in a deep, deep sleep. As we were getting off of our flight I hugged Fernanda tight and told her that she was the best friend I have ever had and how nobody else would have done this for me. She told me there were a million people who would have done this for me and I then told her yes, but not the way that she did. She came in, in the middle of the biggest storm of my life and attacked it head on and beat the fuck out of it. I have no idea how in the world she did this and I kept offering to have Woody fly out to help us. She looked at me like I was crazy and yelled at me “For what?!?! We can do this! I’ve got it under control!” I’ve learned not to argue with a Mexican Goddess. You will never win.
I somehow made it home, back to the cleanest house possible and to my twins and in-laws. Before I knew it I was in my bed and passed out. I woke up to my husband and 3 boys playing away. The days are blurred and I’m not really sure what is going on. I went out this morning to meet up with my Mr. Sparkly Eyes. I told him how disappointed I was in Dr. Kushner and how I am learning to lower my expectations of people because I set the bar so high. He agreed with me and also tried help me understand that he is sure Dr. Kushner feels like he failed us and is heartbroken. I told him I understood that, but all I wanted was for him to have a bit of decency and compassion which I felt he completely lacked. I just want somebody to be mad at and I know that is not fair, but I have a right to be mad at the way things were handled. Dr. Kushner had his freaking assistant call Woody today to tell him he thinks we should go to CHOP for MIBG. He didn’t even call Woody himself. That is not only rude, but classless. And this is a man that I completely respected, but I have come to find out that when push comes to shove and times turn to the darkest hour, the people who you think will be there until the end for you, can turn on you in a heartbeat. I told Mr. Sparkly Eyes that we refuse to give up and as long as Ronan is still fighting, we will fight as well. He more than agreed and promised to never give up on Ronan, told me that he, himself, is not going anywhere and all I have to do is say the word and he will be at our home to sit with me or whatever I need. I told him how I didn’t know how I was going to write this post, as I have been trying for days but lacked the words. He told me to just be honest, like I always have been. So here I sit, writing the most honest words that I have ever had to write in my life.
I had my house full of my dear friends and family today helping to get everything unpacked. Stacy, Karen, Liz, Fernanda, Heidi, and Mrs. Martin all buzzed around doing everything they could. I don’t think I’ve done much of anything except Heidi got me out for a pedi/mani and I got to see Marisa who met me at my nail salon to hold me.
What’s next? First, I have to wake up from this nightmare because I refuse to believe it is real. Ronan is running around like mad, playing with his brothers and having lightsaber wars with his favorite cousin, Luke. Once I wake up, we plan on getting on a plane this Tuesday to take Ronan to Chop to start him on MIBG therapy. This is a fairly short therapy, but intense. We will get Ronan through this. As my friend, Ed said to me, “It takes one child to change the odds.” That is the best thing I’ve had said to me all week. Until we leave on Tuesday, I’m going to do my best to get thought these next days. I’m going to hug all of my boys extra tight and surround myself with all the love I can get. As much as I want crawl up in my bed and not come out, I have 3 boys, and a husband whom I love more than the stars combined to try to remain strong for. I still have hope, faith, and a belief that Ronan will be the miracle to come out of this.
I love you all. Thank you for your continued love, support and prayers. This is not even close to being over and we will never give up on our Ro.
P.S. If any of you ever see that angel of mine, Fernanda Borletti on the streets, at the grocery store, at school, wherever….. please wrap your arms around her and whisper to her that she is an angel on this earth. She deserves a god damn Noble Peace Prize.
I find it impossible that I am even still standing after today. Let alone, writing this post. I’m not sure how I’m even awake at this point. I didn’t much sleep last night and we woke up early to get Ronan ready for his day. He was mad that I woke him up from his peaceful slumber and even more mad that he had to drink his contrast before we could head to the hospital for his CT scan. I power talked him though it, although he fought me the entire time. Ronan is such a hard headed little boy and after battling with him almost the entire day, I am mentally beat. There was a lot of distracting, playing, bribing, and threatening today to get him through what we had to do. I have am so glad to be in our bed and over with today and am not looking forward to tomorrow at all. Scan days are always brutal and I know 110% that I would have crumbled today had it not been for Fernanda. She was such a big help.
We arrived to the clinic and were told that Ronan needed platelets again because his were still very low despite the platelets he received yesterday. We had plenty of time before our CT scan was scheduled so we went and got his platelets started. While we were getting them, Ronan fell asleep on the little couch next to me. Fernanda and I sat and watched him sleep and quietly talked. We both tried to block out the sounds of the screaming boy next to us who was about Ronan’s age. The poor thing must have screamed bloody murder for a good half an hour. I felt so helpless and so sad for the child and parents. I told Fernanda sometimes watching the parents go through this is almost harder than watching the kids. It is a lose lose situation for everyone involved and never gets any easier to see.
After Ronan was finished with his platelets, we headed down to get his CT scan done. I must have been told by 5 different people that he needed to be ready for anesthesia, even though I told everyone that he didn’t need it today. We got down to the CT room and sure enough the nurse came up to me and on her piece of paper says the word, Anesthesia, in big red letters. As soon as I saw this I told her that Ronan would not need anesthesia today. She looked at me like I had three heads and said that she wasn’t told this but that we could try it without, first. We went back to the room and I put Ronan on the table as he clutched onto his Star Wars guys. I had prepped him all morning for how he had to hold still and how it was going to be a piece of cake, just like radiation. He understood the drill and was very excited that I was able to stay in the room with him this time, unlike RT where I had to leave him all alone. The whole CT scan took about 10 minutes. He held so still and I acted out a scene from Star Wars for him with his Clone Troopers and told him all about the secret mission they were going on with him. He smiled the entire time and listened with his big eyes looking up at the CT machine. I was so proud of him; once again. He truly amazes me with how brave and strong he is. When we finished, all the techs told them how great of a job he did and he gave them all knuckles as he walked out the door. Such a little Rockstar, my Ronan.
I’m not sure where the rest of the day went. We had to wait around forever to get Ronan’s MIBG injection for tomorrow’s scans. We ran out for a bit and went to Dylan’s Candy Shop which I am totally over at this point. Four trips there, in the past 3 weeks for overpriced candy and you cannot even move in the store due to it being jam packed with people. If I never have to see that place again, I will be so happy. And this coming from me, an avid candy connoisseur, is huge. I’m done with that place. After Dylan’s, Fernanda was about to pass out from being on the “Maya diet,” which consists of not eating, so I took her to 4 carrots to eat. I pretended to eat a half of a sandwich for her, but she busted me and gave me a very stern but loving talking to about my lack of food. Ronan and Fernanda ate which was all that mattered to me. I did take a small Fro Yo to go and ate the whole thing for her. That’s the best I could do today.
I asked a few times if Dr. Kushner would read the results of the CT for me today and I got put off which I kind of expected. Everybody reassured me that if there was something that was not good, he would have come to talk to me. I hope they are not eating their words tomorrow. I’m going with the no news, is good news approach tonight so I can hopefully sleep a little easier.
We got back to the RMH later this afternoon and Fernanda hung out for a while. I practically had to force her out the door and told her to get some rest even though she tried to say she was coming back later this evening. I was not having it as she needs her rest too. My friends, Ed and Diane who are in town with their two little boys came by to see us. We had been looking forward to seeing them all day. They came armed with enough toys for Christmas. Ronan was in heaven not only because of the toys, but even more so because he had two boys to play with. He should have been wiped out from today, but he ran around here and played with those two until 9:45 tonight. It was so good for him and made him so happy. Thank you, Ed and Di. You two and your boys were just what we needed after a long and hard hospital day. I am so blessed to call you my friends.
Alright my dears. This is all I have tonight. I hope you all had a beautiful day full of many blessings. Tomorrow is a huge day for us and I am going to be channeling all of your strength and love. Sweetest dreams to you all.
We woke up early this morning and ready for our clinic day. Fernanda, who flew all night arrived just as we were getting ready and ran down the street before seeing us to grab me a coffee. Ronan and I went out on the street to meet her and I cannot tell you the wave of happiness that washed over me as I saw my friend and her gorgeous smile, waiting across the street for me with two coffees in her hands. I was so happy to see her and we held each other tight as we embraced for our hug. She has such a way with me and I am instantly comforted by her mothering instants. I often feel like she is not only helping me take care of Ronan, but she is so good at taking care of me as well. I usually have a hard time letting go and letting other people do things for me but with Fernanda, it just comes naturally. I feel like she is my female version of Woody, if that makes sense. She is a source of such strength and comfort to me, much in the way that Woody is. I always know that when Fernanda is around, that everything is going to be o.k. Trish asked me tonight how in the world Fernanda does it all. My reply was because she’s Mary Freaking Poppins. Seriously. There are not many women in the world like her. We have such a strong connection and I am often amazed at the way we sync so well. Many times, I will be thinking about her, and then 10 seconds later she will call or text me. Our minds seem to be thinking the same thing and all I have to do is look at her to know this. Words are sometimes not even necessary. I am so honored, blessed, and thankful to have her here with me. I will never get over her leaving her 5 beautiful babies and husband at home to help me and as much as I tell her this, she acts as if it is nothing, but it means the world to me.
After I reunited with Fernanda, we headed off to Sloan to get Ronan to the clinic for his platelets. He was not happy about going and being “hooked up,” as he calls it. But I assured him it would only be for a short amount of time. We arrived and the nurse got things moving pretty quickly. Ronan was entertained by Fernanda waiting on him hand and foot and we promised him a trip to Toys R Us after we were done. We finished with our platelets quickly and went to meet with one of “The Team,” members to discuss the plan for the next couple of days as far as scans go. Ronan coroporated for his exam and we were soon out of the door and off to enjoy the rest of the day. We decided to walk to Toys R Us, which was about 3 miles away but Fernanda and I agreed that the exercise and fresh air would be good. Almost as soon as we started our walk, Ronan fell asleep in the stroller and remained that way the entire trip there. It was a fairly wet, dreary, New York day, but I am such a sucker for this weather that I enjoyed walking in the rain.
Toys R Us was a hit but it was packed full of so many people. With Passover, Easter, and Spring Break here, the streets of New York are just as busy as Christmas. We couldn’t escape there soon enough and hailed a cab back to RMH instead of walking again. Fernanda picked up food at Delizia’s for us and we ate it together on the second floor in the community dining area. After lunch, she headed back to where she is staying so she could get in a little nap. Ronan and I were both tired too, so we came back to our room to rest. Before we came back to our room we went to check to see if we had any mail. We were told we did and it was a big box from our favorite little boys’ line; Fore!! Axel&Hudson. We took the box up to our room and I helped Ronan open it up. It was full of the most adorable clothes and hats for Ronan, as well as the cutest little girl Fedora hats. I handed out the hats to a bunch of the girls here and they were so excited. I think the moms were more excited as they kept trying to see if they would fit their heads. It made me feel so good to light up the faces of these beautiful girls today. Thank you Denise, for allowing me to hand out such amazing gifts. Ronan, being the stylish kid he is, lit up like it was Christmas. He kept trying to wear three hats on his head at once as he said he couldn’t choose because he loved them all. Denise, if you are reading this, please know that you and your company are absolutely amazing to support pediatric cancer the way you do. You are inspiring, brilliant, and if the world were full of more people like your company, it would be a much better place. Not to mention, the quality of your clothes are to die for! I am so proud to put my little Rockstar in your gear. Thank you from the bottom of our hearts. Everybody needs to check out their website, I should have a link on the side of my blog. I will forever support you and your clothing line. It makes Ronan’s day to be all dressed up in your adorable boy clothes and hats.
After we woke up, Fernanda texted me to say she was ready to come back over so I could go on a run while she watched Ronan. My run didn’t end up happening as we went across the street to Barbra’s apartment, who runs the organization Candlelighters, as she had a Star Wars treat for Ro and I wanted her to meet him anyway. We stayed for about an hour and enjoyed the company of Barbra, her husband, another mom, and her son, Jack. It was soon getting late so we headed out to grab dinner before Ronan got too tired. We sat and I ate for Fernanda. She talked me into some protein and asked if I really wanted to eat it or if I was just doing it for her. I told her it was all just for her and I did the best I could on the food in front of me. She is such a mother hen, which is a very good thing for me now. There was some awful woman sitting next to us at dinner and I was wondering if I was the only one picking up on it, but I gave Fernanda my look and I knew she knew it too. She kept looking at Ronan and it was if she wanted to throw up her dinner. She kept giving us the dirtiest looks and I wanted to say to her, “I’m sorry, if the fact that my child has cancer bothers you so badly that you can’t eat.” The look of disgust on her face was so obvious that I wanted to go over and strangle her. When we were walking out we got a few more looks or more like complete stares. I noticed them all and Fernanda did too. She totally gets what I was talking about yesterday on my blog. The staring is everywhere. If you’re at least going to stare, have the balls to come up to me and say “God bless you.” Or “We’ll keep him in our prayers.” Don’t just be rude and stare. Grow some fucking balls and be proactive about him, who has a name. His name is Ronan Thompson, and he lives on this fucking planet. Stop acting like he’s from outer space. Somethings gotta change because if this keeps going on, I may go postal on someone’s ass. After dinner we came back to RMH and played with Ronan. He was tired from todays events, as we all were. Fernanda hailed a cab and went back to her place. After she left, Ronan decided he was still hungry and he wanted scrambled eggs to eat. I happily made them for him with extra butter and extra cheese. Anything to fatten my baby up. We sat while he ate and talked with some of our friends here. I’m not going to go into details but I am saying extra prayers tonight for a very special little girl here whose mother I have fallen in love with. She isn’t doing too well and watching what the mother and father are going through is heart wrenching. It is a place that no parent wants to be and all I can say is another big Fuck You to cancer because there are no other words.
While I was taking Ronan upstairs to get ready for bed I was talking to Woody. I guess he told me last night but I was asleep and don’t remember our conversation, but our little wiener dog, Monroe, passed away. As soon as he said those words the conversion we had the night before slowly started to creep into my head. I started sobbing hysterically. Our two dogs, Monroe and Douglas haven’t lived with us for about 3 years due to trying to sell our house, then selling it and moving into our new house, so they have lived with Woody’s parents who also had 2 wiener dogs. While my 2 were there, one of their dogs passed away so we just ended up leaving our 2 so they could be with the one dog Kay and Charlie had left. They were happy there, together, and Woody’s parents have the perfect back yard for the 3 little musketeers. We missed them a lot but life all of a sudden got so busy, and we would spend time with them when we went over to their house. Little Ro, as we called her was an itty bitty thing. She loved to lick you and be held and was always shivering because she was cold. She was the sweetest thing. Hearing that she passed away hit me harder than I though it was going to, considering what we are dealing with now. It still made me very upset as it’s watching the cycle of life and that is never an easy thing. Woody bought those dogs for me before we got married. They were our first, “babies.” Tonight, I will say a little prayer for my little mohawked Monroe. She was the best puck rock Dachshund that ever lived. R.I.P little Ro. I’m sure we’ll hear your barking all the way down from heaven:) We all loved you so much.
So tomorrow. Ronan has a CT scan at 11:30 and we are tying to do it without anesthesia which I totally think he can handle. We of course need this scan to be good and I know they will be good. I have faith, hope, and love surrounding me at all times, so it cannot go another way. Please pray for him extra hard tonight. I will update you as soon as I can. Thank you all my beautiful souls. You keep me strong when I am at my weakest and you push me forward when I think I can go no more. With all of you on our side, we can get my baby boy through this. Cancer has no idea how strong of a child he is and who they are messing with. They picked the wrong Ronan “Fucking” Thompson. I wonder when Ronan does beat this if they would really let me change his middle name to that. I’m sure not, but writing it out cracked me up tonight. He surely deserves it. My strong son, my strong boy, he will not be defeated. He is going to come out the other side of this with such determination to do amazing things in life. I cannot wait to see what kinds of things he comes up with and I will fully support him in everything he does. A mothers love is an unrivaled force of nature.
Ambien kicking in. I’d better get off this computer before I start writing crazy things. Good thing I don’t have a car to drive;) Totally kidding. I am going to cozy up in my twin sized queen converted bed with the most beautiful boy in the world. Just don’t tell my husband.
G’nite peeps!!!! Have a beautiful day tomorrow. G’nite Daddy Woo, Liam, and Quinn. Miss you!
Extra special G’nite to my twins’ 1st grade teacher, Mrs. Martin. Hope you had a beautiful birthday day, Cindy. You deserve it so much for being the best teacher we’ve ever had. We love you so much.