Living is easy with your eyes closed

I have no idea what day it is even…. Wednesday I think? The days and nights are so blurry here and it is so easy to lose track of the time, days, and nights as they all seem to blend together. I do know that today is my dear birthday bunny, Jen’s birthday. Happy Birthday my sweet friend. Thank you for being a rock for me these past 5 months. I love you dearly<3 I hope you had a beautiful day.

My morning started off great with my friend Melissa bringing by coffee and her gorgeous smile for me. Ronan wasn’t up for visitors, kicked her out of the room, so we went into the hallway and caught up for a bit. Ronan would scream for me every so often so I would come and and tell him I was looking for Dr. Wood. He seemed satisfied with that answer so I was able to go back into the hallway and finish my conversation with Melissa. After she left, I was able to get out of the hospital today for most of the day. It was much needed and Mimi Kay and Papa Charlie came and sat with Ronan for me. So thankful. I can feel myself going a little stir crazy. It was nice to be out and about today. I returned around 5 to a happy Ronan and our 3-year-old roommate, Angel, who had been left alone almost the entire day. He sat and told me that his parents were never coming back. These are the same parents who left him alone last night for about an hour and when I went to ask Angel where they went he replied, “They went to smoke.” OMG. I spent the next 2 hours tonight tending to him and sharing Ronan’s popsicles and toys. I felt bad for the little boy. A 3 year old should not be left alone, EVER! He started throwing things at Ronan which in turn, made Ronan upset and the two of them were screaming back and forth at each other. Ronan ended up in tears because the roommate said to him, “You’re a bad boy!” Ronan looked at me and said, “I not a bad boy, mama!” I told him of course he was not but that didn’t stop the little tears from sliding down his cheeks. He is so tough but really got his feelings hurt tonight. There was not a nurse in sight up on 3 to handle this, so I did best I could. That floor 3 is a little coo-coo. Dr. Eshun gave us the green light to move to the 2nd floor tonight, thank god! We moved down here after the Angel incident and his parents had still not returned. We are just happy to be out of that room and down to our fun floor with the BEST nurses in the world. They were all so excited to see Ronan and he was just as happy to see them. The 2nd floor is like our second home now… it was weird to be here, but not with our “family.”  Somebody even wrote, “Rockstar Ronan,” on the whiteboard where all the nurses/patients info goes…. so cute that they know his nickname:) We are happy campers to be back down here and Ro baby is sound asleep. His ANC was still at 0 as of this morning. UGH. Please let it come up tomorrow. We are itching to get out of here and be back home.

Somebody sent some goodies tonight and I have no idea they  came from, as there was not a card. It was a bag full of some Star Wars toys, some fun books, Coffees for me…. Any takers??!?! Please let me know who you are… I would like to give you a proper thank you. It made our night! Ronan has been having a blast with his coloring books and little light saber racing car. THANK YOU!!!!!

I’m getting anxious and homesick tonight. Hoping I can unwind with a movie or something. I could seriously use some yoga in my life right about now. I feel like I have a lot to say, but my mind/body/soul is shutting down. Hospital exhaustion is kicking in. I am so thankful for my thoughtful husband and the Bose Headphones he bought me for Christmas. Music is saving my life through all of this…. thanks Wooddawg for being so thoughtful all of the time. You are the best gift giver in the entire world. Hope you all have a beautiful, blessed night. Sweetest dreams!

Extra special dreams tonight to my dear Charisma. I told you all the stars would end up aligning for you. More good things to come your way my dear. I can feel it!!


Look at the stars and how they shine for you



Ro baby is doing well. His ANC is still at 0, but his spirits are great. Sarah came this morning so I could run home and shower which is always a treat. Ronan and I have been playing a lot in his bed. I put on a puppet show with him with his Curious George Monkey and his Sock Monkey. He really giggled the entire time. Just as I was in the middle of this, Dr. Maze came up to say Hi. He played with Ronan and Ro was loving it. He was so happy and playful with him. Made me so happy to see him giggling and smiling. That man has the magic touch with my baby. We talked a little bit about how Ronan is so much older than his 3 years. He really is an old soul and has been so happy these past few days.

Sharon came up from the clinic and changed his broviac dressing for me because he only wants her to do it. Spoiled boy. Our roommate, who has the window view is leaving soon so I’ve requested for us to move over to that side of the room. I’ll seriously go crazy if I can’t have my window view for the entire week. Ronan is not even allowed to leave the room due to his cough. It’s hard being stuck in here all day and night without being able to go and play or at least walk the halls. BRUTAL beyond words. Ronan seems to be fine with just playing in his bed, bossing me around, and eating his 10,000 popsicles. He’s starting to eat again which is great. He is getting better, slowly but surely.

The room move was a bit of a fiasco. Well, not really. After being shut down by 2 different nurses when I asked if we could please move to the window side since our roommate was leaving, due to his diarrhea being gone, (what I wouldn’t give for that problem) they kept telling me no, that it couldn’t happen. Ummm…. excuse me. I was not having that and asked to please speak to the charge nurse. I very politely told her that if we could please move to the window side of the room, that would really mean so much to me. I told her that we are here so much and a window view really helps to keep me sane. She listened and gave in. I guess she took one look at Ro’s bald head and felt bad for us. Good thing. You’d be amazed at what a difference it makes to have a window view here. As soon as we moved over, the sun was setting and Ronan was so excited to see it. We are sooooo spoiled on the 2nd floor from being there all the time and knowing everyone so well. Everyone is more than happy to give me a window view room, even if it’s in the middle of the night and one becomes available. This 3rd floor stuff is for the birds. We have had a really sweet nurse though and she’s even a Sundevil. Gotta love that.

My little boy is back to his old self, as much as that is possible, and has been cracking me up with the things that are coming out of his mouth. Some appropriate and some not so appropriate things which makes his little words even funnier. Laughing has never felt better in my life. This past weekend was hard due to Ronan not feeling well. This hospital stay actually has not been that bad because Ronan has been pretty happy. His happiness equals my happiness. So simple and sweet.

Our goals are pretty simple to get us out of here. Ronan has to stay fever free and his ANC counts have to come up to around 200. I have a good feeling tomorrow that they will be higher than 0. He looks great and has a ton of energy. I would love to be out of here by Friday. The weekend at home would be so nice.

That’s all for tonight. Xanex kicking in, sleep may actually come tonight. G’nite dear, sweet friends. Hope you all had a beautiful day today.















I’ve always thought this about people. It says a lot about who you are in the way to treat others; especially strangers. Everyone needs to just be nice.