We need a little luck

In an ironic twist of fate, here we are. Back at PCH, in the very hospital room where this all started. Ronan spiked a fever today, which immediately sends us back to PCH, to the ER, and now we are finally in a room on the second floor. I am trying not to freak out over this; we were supposed to leave Monday for New York but I am pretty sure that won’t be happening now. Dr. Eshin said he would like us to wait until Wednesday, just to make sure Ronan does not have an infection of any kind. Can you guess the word coming up? FUCK. Mr. W had his plane, staff, and everything all ready for us to go on Monday. Woody left him a long voice mail tonight explaining the situation. I really hope things will be resolved; I just feel bad because even though our circumstances are not in our  control; I hate being a pain in the butt. And I hate when a plan goes awry. A consistent plan, which rarely happens these days; is something that I thrive on. That’s out the window now. I know everything will work out; it has to. The most important thing is Ronan. His ANC is at 0. He has no immune system whatsoever so being back at PCH is what is best for him right now so he can get antibiotics and hopefully his counts will start to rise.

So, back to being in “the room.” I can remember it so clearly. It was the room that we were first admitted into, before we knew what was wrong with Ronan. We had an MRI done and our Opthamologist, Dr. Cassiday, came in at midnight to read it for us. I remember sitting in the room with Ronan, while Woody went out to go over the scan. I was panicking, but also very calm. Woody came back in the room with a look on his face that I will never forget. He grabbed me and told me that Ronan had something on his brain; but they didn’t know what. I still remained calm and went out to go over the MRI with Dr. Cassidy. He showed me the spot and I looked at him and said, “Ok. But he’s going to be o.k., right?” He looked at me and said, “Yes.” Little did he know what we were up against, but at that moment, that is exactly what I needed to hear. I remember feeling so strong in this room, and maybe that is why we are back here now; so I can gather my strength for New York. This is also the room where I went into the bathroom, locked the door and called my best friend, Susie, who lives in Colorado to tell her what was going on. In another ironic twist of fate; she just happens to be in town and is coming to see me here tomorrow. I just know this all means something; there are too many coincidences for it not to.

All in all it was a good day. I went to see “The Good Doctor,” this morning. We got everything sorted out as far as medication goes before I leave for New York. We got in a good little chat session too which I always enjoy. He is a smart man, that good doctor of mine;) I feel like I am in very good hands with him. After that, I ran some errands and headed home. I was hoping to go to Liam and Quinn’s basketball game, so Mimi and Papa came over to stay with Ro. Didn’t end up happening as that is when Ronan started to get his fever and did not want me to leave. I am so sad I missed their game; Woody said they did awesome and Quinn scored 8 points and Liam make a couple too. So proud of them. I get so sad about missing their things; breaks my heart. Add that to number 1,435 reasons of why I HATE CANCER. I also missed my annual Holiday Party with my best friends tonight. It’s been a tradition of ours for years now. Little things like that make me sad.

I’ve just realized that I am up way too late. Time to say g’nite to all of you beautiful souls out there. I love you.

xoxo