Magic Medicine…. Round 5, Day 2

Ronan’s day went pretty well. He slept a lot today and I spent the day cuddled up  beside him. We were both tired from last night. Because he is hooked up to so many fluids to keep him hydrated, he wakes up about every half an hour to pee. He is too proud to wear a diaper and won’t even consider it. That’s my boy:) Mimi Kay came by at 2 and I got to go home. I came home, slept for a couple of hours, and got up right in time to see Liam and Quinn. Woody worked late at the office so I took Liam and Quinn out to Chelsea’s Kitchen for a date night. It was so sweet to spend some time with them. We had a great night together. Mimi is staying the night at the hospital tonight so I can have a little break and spend some time with Woody.  My parents get in tomorrow and I can’t wait to see them. Liam and Quinn do not know that Papa Jim is coming. It is going to be a nice surprise for them.

The nights in the hospital, when I can’t sleep, I spend my time on the computer trying to get the word out about Ronan. I have become obsessed with finding my little guy stylish hats to wear and I stumbled on the most adorable little boy website. The clothes are darling, something that is hard to find when you are looking for boy clothes; and their hats are right up Ronan’s alley. I emailed them last night to tell them I had the perfect model for their hats and wanted to know if they would be up for helping me raise awareness for childhood cancer. I was so surprised this morning when I woke up to an email and a got a phone call from a woman named Denise who is part owner of the company. She was so touched by Ronan’s story and wanted to be involved in any way possible. She then told me she was sending Ronan a huge box of clothes and hats for free. I was not expecting that at all! She also called back to ask if Ronan had brothers because she wanted to send them some things as well. How amazing is that? What  a great company and I am so excited to work with them. I have been emailing the GAP forever now with no response. Go figure. Guess they are too cool to bring awareness to something like childhood cancer. A big thank you to Denise. You have a heart of gold. Take the time to check out their website… if you have little boys, you will fall in love with their clothes. www.foreaxelandhudson.com. I also have a link on the right side of Ronan’s blog that will take you right to it.

I also came home today to find an envelope in the mail from a friend of Woody’s from law school, Marcela. Her little girl just celebrated her 2nd birthday and instead of asking for gifts, Marcela asked everyone to donate to Ronan’s Foundation. I opened up a card with about 10 checks in it. I started bawling after reading the card that everyone had signed and just because of the beauty that came with it. Talk about a selfless thing to do. Marcela, your heart is so beautiful. I knew that from the first time I met you when Woody was in law school. I was so nervous to meet all of his law school friends but I had a connection with you from the beginning. Thank you for being so selfless and knowing what really matters in life. I love you.

The word is spreading about Ronan. As of today, I have 121,098 hits on his blog. His website is coming along. I will be so excited when that is up and running. Thank you to all of you who are getting the word out about our baby boy. He is such a strong little guy and is going to beat this fight, kicking and screaming the entire time. I could not ask for anything more.

Time to go and spend some time with my hubby. Love you all so very much. Thanks to Mimi Kay for giving me a break from the hospital. The time I had with Liam and Quinn tonight was just what I needed. I love you.

xoxo

What am I doing?? Not sleeping.

UGH. I should be sleeping. I can feel myself getting tired. I tried to sleep. I really did. I cuddled up with Ronan and he was sooooo snuggly. He soon fell asleep. I did not. As soon as I started to drift off, the nurses started coming in and out. Checking his fluids, blood pressure, giving him his anti-nausea meds, and they finally started the chemo around 1:00 a.m. This means we will be here until Saturday now. I’m not complaining. I’m not going to have a breakdown like last time. I am seriously thankful that we are moving ahead. I am thankful that he is strong enough to start round 5. One more round after this, which we will do in New York City, and Ronan will be finished with all of his chemo. I think it is going to be bittersweet. I have learned to depend on the chemo just for the fact that I know it is killing his cancer. Being off of it seems a bit scary to me. All of the unknown of all of this is scary. I just have to remember deep breaths and one day at a time. This baby is so precious to me. I guess I have such a strong bond with him because he is my last baby. Even though I would have 10 more if Woody would let me;) Kidding, but I do love being a mommy and having babies. I think it is the greatest gift on earth and I am so proud to be the mommy to 3 amazing boys.

I am a little freaked out by something. Maybe not freaked out, but I don’t know how to explain it…. So I’ll just tell you. Every summer, when I am in Washington I take my journals home with me and write my heart out. I write about things we are doing, funny things the boys have said or done, what I am feeling, etc….. I take my time in Washington and just purify my soul. It is very slow paced there, very peaceful, very quiet and I have a lot of time to reflect on things. A few weeks ago, I remembered something I had written in one of my journals while I was in Washington and I couldn’t remember if it was real or not. I went and dug it out and sure enough, in my writing, there it was. I remember waking up in the middle of the night, grabbing my journal, and scribbling down, “This is going to be the hardest year of your life. If you can make it through this, you can make it through anything.” I’ve been thinking about this non-stop now, since I went and re-read it. It is freaking me out. How in the world did I have such a strong feeling about something that it caused me to wake up in the middle of the night and write it down. I don’t know what possessed me to write such a thing, but it was written in early August. Ronan was diagnosed August 12. I never thought this would be what I was up against. But it is… and I’m not sure what this all means; but somehow I knew it was fucking coming. And I know I have to fight my hardest and pour everything I have into Ronan, Woody, Liam and Quinn. Ronan will beat this, we will survive this as a family, and we will win. We will have a positive story to tell after all of this is said and done. Ronan is the strongest little boy out there, and I know if anyone can beat this, it is him. He is fighting everyday and will never stop. I, as his mommy, will never stop. The outcome of this will be beautiful and life changing. It just has to be.

2 a.m. O.K. Really going to try to get some rest. Thanks for listening to me, thank you for being my outlet. G’nite, again<3