Music speaks to me… especially Pink.

Pink performing at Wiener Stadthalle in Vienna...
Image via Wikipedia

Ava Mary A: By Pink

Motorcycle’s in the parking lot

Revving their engines and it just wont stop

Matches the noise screaming in my head

Houston I think we got a problem

Where does everybody go when they go

The go so fast I don’t think they know

We hate so fast

And we love too slow

London I think we got a problem

And when I think about it

I just can’t think about it

I try to drink about it

I keep spinning

Ave Mary A

Where did you go

Where did you go

How did you know to get out of a world gone mad

Help me let go

Of the chaos around me

The devil that hounds me

I need you to tell me

Try to be still

Try to be still

Broken hearts all around the spot

I can’t help thinking that we lost the plot

Suicide bomber and a student shot

Tokyo I think we got a problem

But for that they have gotta pay

If that don’t kill you then the side effects will

If we don’t kill each other then the side effects will

Keep down I think we got a problem

Ave Mary A

Where did you go

Where did you go

How did you know to get out of a world gone mad

Help me let go

Of the chaos around me

The devil that hounds me

I need you to tell me

Try to be still

If the darkest hour comes

Before the light

Where is the light

Where is the light

If the darkest hour comes

Before the light

Where is the light

Where is the light

Where is the light, yeah

Ave Mary A

Where did you go

Where did you go

How did you know to get out of a world gone mad

Help me help me let go

Of the chaos around me

The devil that hounds me

I need you to tell me

Try to be still

Try to be still

Try to be still

I saw Pink in concert last year. I have always been a huge fan, but after that concert… it went to a whole new level of me being crazy for Pink. When I need strength, I listen to her. When I need to cry, I listen to her. When I need to work out my anger, I blast her. When I go on my runs and cry my eyes out, she is who is screaming in my ears. I adore her, her amazing talent, and for not conforming to the “norms” of all that fancy pants Hollywood B.S. So there you have it. Pink will help me get through this….. She is my alter ego when I need to be a badass:)

Magic Medicine, Day 3 Round 4

Headphones on: check. Music blaring: check. Baby sleeping: check. Tears out of the way for today: check. Today, was overall a good day. Ronan slept in until 9 which is very unusual, but he had a rough night. From about 2-4 he was up and throwing a tantrum. He kept throwing himself on the cold floor, insisting he was hot, and he was mad that he was “hooked up” to all of his medicine. He would not let me touch him, hold him, and kept screaming for me to leave. Finally, he fell back asleep. Mimi and Papa came around 9:30 so I could run home and sleep/shower. The sleep part never happened, but it felt nice to be home for a while. I also got to see Liam and Quinn for about 5 minutes which was a treat. I miss my boys. I came back to PCH and played the rest of the afternoon/evening with Ronan. Trish came by to bring me a coffee and say hello. Ronan was not happy to have her here at first. By the time she left though, he was yelling to her as she walked out the door, “Love you! Thanks for coming! See ya later, alligator!” It was the cutest thing. The “thanks for coming” part melted my heart. The nurses were all cracking up standing outside the door listening to him say his goodbyes. He doesn’t talk much around here, so they got a big kick out of hearing him yell all of those things to Trish. I was going to take Ronan downstairs to meet Mimi as she was dropping off some things to us. I asked the nurse to make sure it was o.k. and I got a big fat NO. Apparently, if you are hooked up to chemo, you have to stay on your floor and I guess they have gotten pretty strict about enforcing those rules. As soon as I told Ronan he couldn’t go downstairs with me, it was meltdown city. We were in the hallway and he started screaming, hitting, and crying. I had about 5 nurses run out to see what the commotion was. This lasted about 20 minutes and finally he calmed down and fell asleep in my arms. His little meltdowns always make me cry. I hate that he does not have the words to express what he is feeling.

New York is right around the corner. I’m anxious to get it out of the way. I am excited to go… I couldn’t think of a better place to spend a month, even if it is under the circumstances we are dealing with. I have the best friends and family who will be flying out to help me out and to give me a break. I cannot wait to meet Dr. Kusher and La Qualia…just to be in the presence of such amazing Doctors makes me feel so thankful that we are fortunate enough to have Ronan in the best hands.

I am hoping that Ronan stays asleep tonight for the rest of the night. We were told today that we will be able to go home tomorrow around 9:00 p.m. Yay for that. We will start Round 5, November 22. I can’t believe how all of this is flying right by. Please keep a special little girl in your prayers tonight. Her name is Mia. A few weeks ago, Auntie Karen and I were walking Ronan around downstairs, and a man chased us down and asked if this was Ronan. He said he recognized him from my blog that he follows. His little girl, Mia, is here now completing another brain surgery. I spoke with her mom on the phone tonight and it sounds like everything went well. She needs lots of prayers and love send her way too. So many kids do. Our roommate, who I will just call, S, went home today. I missed it and I am so sad that I didn’t get to say goodbye. Mimi was here and told me that the dad was anything but nice. After listening to the way the dad was talking to his son (who he hasn’t seen in over a week) Mim went over and told the dad how proud he should be of his little boy, how polite and well-mannered he was. The dad replied with some snarky comment about how he doesn’t seen that side of him. UGH. I would like to punch that guy in the face. That little boy could not have been any sweeter. It makes me sick to think that he dad does not appreciate how amazing of a little guy he has. The poor kid has been here alone the entire time and never once complained about a thing. I am going to keep him in my prayers for the rest of my life. We have a new roommate now. He is 19 and seems really nice. He is quiet which is always a bonus.

My sweet Charisma rocking a Rockstar Ronan bracelet. And seriously, could she be any more gorgeous? Love her. Email us at rockstarronan@gmail.com if you want one. They are 5 bucks. She is wearing the “nice” one which says, “Rockstar Ronan” “Our little hero”…. I also have a “naughty” version which says something not so nice about cancer….”F*cK You Cancer.” I rock the not so nice version. Alright.. seriously going to try my best to get some rest now, while Ronan is resting. Whooohoooo for almost being done with Round 4! Only 2 more rounds of chemo to go!!!! Goodnight to all of you beautiful people out there. Please spread the word about Ronan and childhood cancer in general. Together, we can make a difference!

P.S. 96,874…. as of today… this is the number of blog views I’ve had. AMAZING! I am stunned that so many people are taking the time to read Ronan’s story. Thank you to each and every one of you! xoxo