Strong enough

Ronan had a great day. We went into the clinic to have his blood levels checked to make sure they are high enough to start the harvest of the stem cells tomorrow. They are through the roof so we got the green light! I am so happy we are staying on track with things and Ronan is such a little Rockstar that he is busting right though all this cancer crap. While we were at the clinic, I quietly asked our nurse Sharon a question that has been on my mind all weekend…. eating away at me. I asked her if it was common to never see your doctor. O.K…. not never, I’ve met the man one time to be exact. This is just not sitting well with me. I can always count on Sharon to be honest with me and I got my answer. From that point on, I knew what I had to do but I wanted to make sure Woody was on board with me. I stepped out into the hall and made a quick phone call to him. I then walked back into the room and told Sharon and Marsha, our social worker, that we would like to request a change of doctors. In the blink of an eye, they made it happen. Ronan’s primary doctor, who will be taking over his case is Dr. Eshun. I’ve seen Dr. Eshun a dozen times… he is always checking in on us to say hello or to quickly look over Ronan. To me, that means the world. As a mother, I know I have to be my son’s biggest advocate and I have to feel like he isn’t just another number. He is a child, my child… not some science project. I am feeling pretty out of control about everything to do with Ronan’s situation. This gave me a feeling of control back and tonight, I am feeling much better about things. I need to know that we are in the right hands at PCH. If we are going to stay here, we have to be happy with how everything is going. Otherwise, they are going to hear about it. We are not the type of family to sit back quietly and not express the way we are feeling.

We have a very early and long day tomorrow. We have to be down at PCH by 7:30 and will be there until around 4:00 in the evening. I am hoping to get some sleep tonight without the terrible nightmares. Everyone is already asleep in our house… guess I will try to get some shut eye too. Tonight, Woody and I had some time alone. We cuddled on the couch together and watched Bill Maher. It was nice to just be with him. I am going to leave you with one of my favorite song lyrics tonight. Anyone who knows us knows that we are family that is crazy about music. I heard one of my favorite songs on the radio today… it’s by Sheryl Crow. It reminded me how lucky I am to be married to Woody.

“When I’ve shown you that I just don’t care.
When I’m throwing punches in the air.
When I’m broken down and I can’t stand.
Will you be man enough to be my man?”
– Sheryl Crow, Strong Enough

Woody is so strong. I promise I will stay strong too… for the sake of my amazing husband. I won’t let him down.

6 responses to “Strong enough”

  1. You are absolutely right in every choice you are making! As I said before, a friend who had gone through a very difficult time with her child said to me, “We have to advocate for our children,” and you are doing exactly that. Changing doctors was what you felt was necessary and you acted on that intuition. Good for you, and good for Ronan! Prayers continue and, as with most days, you and the Rockstar will be on my mnd tomorrow for Harvest Day!

  2. you know i live by pch in cal which hospital is ronan going to be if i have time if its ok with you ill stop by.

  3. you and Woody keep advocating for your little Rockstar. I did for my daughter and it felt soooo good. Prayers and love are coming your way. Keep strong and God will fill you with love and oh yes the Angels are there with you also.
    Hugs, D

  4. So glad you made the doctor change and that Ronan is doing well. It also makes me smile to see that you found lyrics to relate to your life right now. I love when people do that. That is what music is for…expression that we can never say Especially smiling that you and Woody watched Bill. xoxo.

  5. You & your family’s strength overwhelm me. I know that you will have good & bad days, but what matters is that you get up and hit that punching bag again, again & again. As a mother, grandmother, and so-very-married for 42 years-to-a-doctor wife, I also have to applaud for switching to the the doc that fits you & your family’s situation. Sounds like a VERY sound desicion to me — kudos!!!! Sue B., a friend of your Mom, Lynn, & Jim

  6. I know you don’t know me, but I wanted to
    write to you. First your little boy is gorgeous! Second so sorry he is going through this. I had lyphoma when I was 12 and went through a year of chemotherapy and radiation, but I can’t even imagine seeing my child go through it. I have 2 children myself and since I read your posts I have tried to be more patient and appreciate them even when they are making me crazy. 🙂 I will continue to pray for all of you especially ronan! Be strong. Hopefully someday you will look back and they’ll be just bad memories and he’ll be a survivor! :). I’m also a nurse and worked a few shifts in the oncology floor and yes you should see your doctor alot! I saw my oncologist everyday while hospitalized and every week while I was in treatment. Wishing you the best and will keep praying!! 🙂

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