Can I go into hibernation?

This slideshow requires JavaScript.

I am so overwhelmed and uneasy tonight that I’m lucky if I’ll be able to form a thought. I had a hard day today and am emotionally, physically, and mentally beat. I would give anything to be able to crawl into my bed for a week, hide under the covers and actually get some sleep. Liam and Quinn went to school for a bit today but we took them out early this morning. Woody had court up in Flagstaff and we decided that Liam could use some one on one time with Woody. Quinn really wanted to stay here with me; and Ronan was begging for him to be at home with us. Between a busy day of just trying to stay on top of things, working on Ronan’s foundation, cooking, cleaning, having company, Ronan not napping and refusing to go to bed tonight, and the craziness that went on with him and Quinn….I am beyond tired. I was fine for most of the day, but then I have those moments where it feels like someone has sucker punched me a hundred times and is holding up a sign that says, “Hello. Your son has cancer.” The reality of all of this becomes too much to bear. I hate all of this so much. I want our life back. I am tired of talking about how I am feeling, how Woody is holding up, how Ronan is doing, what our next steps are. Don’t get me wrong.. I am so grateful we have so many people who care and love us, but I just want to talk about normal things. But normal does not exist in our world anymore. And it may never again.  I miss hearing about my friends’ and what is going on with them. This all about me crap is getting old. I just want this all to disappear. OK. Enough of my whining. I’ll talk about something more productive now….

Tomorrow at the baseball game, we will be selling Rockstar Ronan shirts! They arrived today and my sweet friend Jen was kind enough to bring them by. It was going to be too big of an operation to bring them into the ballpark to sell…. legality issues…. After talking with Jen tonight, we decided it will just be easier to pick a spot outside of the ball park to sell the shirts. Location to be announced tomorrow morning. My brain has shut off for the night so coming up with an answer is not possible. The shirts turned out so cute. We really threw them together last-minute and a HUGE thanks to Tim Haines at Pinnacle Prints for working with us and getting the shirts to us so quickly. So, more on this tomorrow.

My friend, Charisma Lee Carpenter, flew out to Toronto today to help raise awareness for Ronan and childhood cancer. There is going to be a ton of press there and she is so excited to be helping to raise awareness at the Rally for Kids with cancer. I am in awe of her and how proactive she is being. TRUE friendship has no limits or boundaries and she would go to the end of the earth for us. I am so thankful to have her in my life. She is also another one of those angels walking around on earth. Not to mention one of the kindest souls I have ever met.

Tomorrow is a big day in my hometown. The New Hopes “Cruise for the Cure” is a huge fundraiser and this year they have chosen to honor Ronan. I am so touched by this and all who are involved. That’s the nice thing about coming from a small town. Everyone, even the people you don’t know well, when something like this happens, you automatically become family. The support my parents are getting brings me so much comfort and peace. I can’t be there to take care of them and tell them it’s going to be o.k… that Ronan is going to be o.k… thank you all for doing it for me. My mom will not be able to be at the car show. She is so upset but she has a huge wedding event that she has had scheduled for months and will be there catering it. My step-dad, brother, stepsister, Connie, and my niece, Jadyn, will be there though. I wish I could be there so badly to help out. Thank you to everyone who has made this possible. I promise when we are back there next summer, I will give each and every one of you the biggest hug and smile you’ve ever seen in your life:) And Ronan too:)

I am going to try and get a little sleep now. Love and blessings to all of you!!