Since we can’t take Ronan anywhere, we’ve been busy trying to keep him busy at home. Woody bought him his very own Wii last night….(forget the fact that the twins have one in their bedroom) Woody felt like Ronan needed his very own to have in the front room and to take the hospital when we have to check in for our month-long stay. Woody and Ronan spent the morning playing with that while I ran kept busy with running a couple of errands, cooking waffles, eggs, and bacon for breakfast. Trish stopped by to see us since she has been out of town for a while and has been missing us badly. And vise versa. Ronan did his usual of running into my room and slamming the door. It took a good half and hour for him to come out. He was fine after a bit and spent the morning playing with us. Trish and I organized all of his toys and went on a headless Star Wars guy hunt. Ronan loves to take the heads off of his Star Wars guys which causes his mommy major anxiety. We found a bunch of them and matched them up with their correct bodies. So silly that something as simple as that can give me such a sense of relief. T also helped me with my laundry and I can say at this very moment, all of my laundry is done and put away. Hallelujah! It’s funny for being stuck in the house all day I sure can find 50 things to keep me/us busy. The afternoon was spent just hanging out, reading books and Woody went into the office for a bit. Ronan and I took a little nap together. Just as I woke up, Mimi Kay, Papa, Liam and Quinn pulled in the driveway. SO happy to have them home. They showered and put on clean clothes so they could see Ronan, even though he was still asleep. When R woke up, he was so happy to see his brothers. He misses them so much when they are gone. The boys had the BEST time and were so excited to give Ronan the TCU gifts that they brought him. One of our angels, Candyce, dropped by dinner tonight. I was so happy to meet her. She is a friend of Kay and Charlie’s and has been giving me such encouraging words on here since the beginning of all of this. We had a great dinner of chili (Quinn said it was better than a restaurants:) corn bread, salad, and brownies. Her son picked out 2 Star Wars action figures for Ronan and he was smiling to the moon and back. Han Solo was a hit because it’s one of the “guys” that Ronan did not have. Thank you very much, C. I am so glad I was able to meet and hug you.
Tonight the boys played, laughed, and danced. Woody always plays them guitar before they go to sleep and they had a ball dancing around to the music. Ronan has some great dance moves:) I let Quinn do Ronan’s flush of his tubes for me. I helped him, but he did really well and loved doing it. I think it meant a lot to him to feel like he was helping out taking care of Ronan. Ronan loved that Quinny did it for him. He told me he wants Quinn to do it for him every night. The love that my 3 boys have for one another is so special. We are so lucky for that.
Ronan called himself ugly today. I don’t even know where he heard that word from. And how in the world he even knows what it means.There are certain words that my kids just don’t use. Ugly is one of them. It’s not a word we ever say in our house…I’ve never heard Liam or Quinn say it. He told Woody, that his hair is ugly and he looks ugly. I feel like throwing up. The fact that my beautiful 3-year-old thinks he is ugly is one of the saddest things I have ever heard in my life. I knew he was feeling insecure about his bald head and his scar. It’s why he doesn’t want his picture taken and doesn’t want people to see him. He hides a lot and that’s something he never used to do before all of this. As a mom, you tell him over and over again how beautiful he is. I don’t know what else to do. Woody went and got his hair cut super short today. I’ve asked the boys to do the same and even though they are protesting…. I really hope they will do it for their brother. I told them it’s only hair and it will grow back. He needs the support of them right now. I am so tempted to shave all my hair off so my bald baby does not have to be alone in this. Ronan tells me every day he wants my hair just like his. The only thing stopping me is picturing the look on my husbands, Liam and Quinn’s faces. I don’t want to scare anyone, but I don’t want Ronan to think he is alone in this. I’m trying my best to explain all of this to him,but the mind of a 3-year-old can only grasp so much. He doesn’t understand any of it. He still thinks he is all better. I am thankful for that.
So tired tonight. I am going to try to get up to work out in the morning. It’s been over 4 weeks since I’ve done a thing. I am feeling the need to burn off some of this stress… hoping I can get a bit of sleep tonight so I can wake up early to work out before Ronan gets up. Goodnight angels.