Dear Laura Leigh Lund,

 

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You asked for this, my childhood best friend. You asked me to give you some motivation to run the full Rock-n-Roll Marathon in Phoenix, this January for Ronan. You, of all people. My childhood best friend who looks like a supermodel, with your long, lanky 5’10 body and 0% body fat. You, my childhood best friend who once considered the high school required one-mile run, to be a death sentence. You, my childhood bestie, who has never in her life, considered herself a runner. You say you want to run a full marathon for the first time and in turn, I say to that… you are crazy. But you know how much I love crazy, so of course this is something I can fully get behind.

You see, it takes crazy person to do something like this. A half marathon is a victory in it’s own right, but a full marathon is a whole other ball game. A full marathon requires dropping every fear you have, and believing in yourself in a way that you never have before. There will be sore aches, blisters, toenails falling off, fatigue, cursing, screaming, crying, puking, (sometimes pissing and shitting yourself-serioulsy, I’ve seen it happen) and of course, wanting to just plain quit. I guarantee in the middle of all of this, you will hate me. But then you will remember why it is that you are doing this. You are doing this because you CAN, and Ronan cannot. You are doing this because you are alive and to truly be alive, we must do things that are outside of our comfort zone, otherwise, what is the point of life? You are doing this because you are so thankful that you are alive and healthy and your beautiful kiddos are as well. You are doing this for not only Ronan, but for all the other kids with the bald heads or who are in shallow graves/pieces of ashes. You are doing this for them, because while you are doing this, thousands of kids are sitting in hospital rooms, having chemo pumped into their tiny bodies, are hooked up to awful machines which means they have to stay inside all day when all they want is to breathe in the fresh air and play outside, but they can’t because they are sick and being robbed of their childhood. They are having body parts cut open, are too weak to open their eyes, are having radiation and transplants to try to save their lives, and you are not. You are healthy, here, and living a beautiful life that you are so thankful for.  And while you are doing this, I will be right by your side, running this with you. Fuck. Did I just say that? Yeah. I just said that. I’ll run this marathon with you, even with my bad knee that is trying to tell me my running days are over. You know what I say to that knee? Fuck that knee and fuck cancer for killing my baby, too. I’m in this with you. I don’t care if I have to crawl to the finish line. I am here, I am healthy, I am alive, and I can run another marathon. I’m not letting you do this, without me.

So, you start your training and I will not. I won’t train for this because I’m training everyday of my life anyway living here without Ronan. Let’s raise a ton of money, and run this thing, together. Deal? I hope so, because I’m not doing this without you. There is no one else I would rather have by my side (besides Ronan) than you. The mom of the little girl, that my son was supposed to marry. They would have been the cutest couple, ever. The mom of the little boy, who’s big blue eyes and extra “spiciness,” remind me so much of Ro. The mom who knew my baby, loved my baby, and is still here, fighting for my baby for no other reason than because at the end of the day, you know what truly matters in life and how wrong it is that Ronan will not be waiting for us at the end of that finish line. If you are doing this, I am doing this. Laverne and Shirley until the end of time. I love you so much.

Now, it’s time to find me some corporate sponsors to do my “10 days of fake training,” again. We have some kids to save and a center to build! Hey all you little blog readers! Email us if you know of anyone that wants to sponsor me! I’ll dress up all crazy like I did last time for the peeps that throw in the most money, we’ll post the pics, and promote the awesomeness of the good deed they are doing. Or come out and run with me! Or at least cheer for me on the sidelines and glitter bomb me! Let the games begin!

RTFSocialMedia@gmail.com

Ronan. Only for you would I do this again and again and again. Anything for you. Always.

I miss you. I love you. I hope you are safe.

xoxo

 

 

P.F. Changs Marathon Phoenix, here we come!

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http://fundly.com/run-like-a-rockstar-p-f-chang-s-2014-rock-n-roll-arizona-marathon

Join us in the Run To Fight Children’s Cancer!

 

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We are so excited to FINALLY announce…

tumblr_mogu13bkIP1s95kwbo1_500The Ronan Thompson Foundation, Max’s Ring of Fire, and Grand Canyon University are teaming up! We are so excited to announce that on October 26th, we will be bringing a run to San Diego with the help of Grand Canyon University! Registration is already open at www.runtofightcancer.com and for all you Phoenix runners, GCU will have a “get on the bus package” that will include transportation from Phx to San Diego, hotel accommodation, and entry into the run. Details coming soon, be on the lookout.

Just for being loyal FB fans we would like to give a 10% discount to anyone who registers using code word “fightcancer”. Make sure and share this to all your friends and family, particularly the ones in California :). We can’t wait to see you all in San Diego!

1st Annual Run Like A Rockstar!

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Come join me in a 5k in my hometown! So excited to do this, so thankful for the support! Details for the race are in the link below! Let’s run for Ro!

http://www.active.com/running/longview-wa/the-ronan-thompson-foundation-5k-run-walk-2013

The days of hell are over, but never really end.

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Ronan. Your 6th birthday came and went. I kept wondering to myself, what kind of party we would have had? I asked your brothers, “Do you think Ronan would still like Star Wars if he were here?” They assured me that you would have so in my mind, for the 2nd year in a row, I threw you a Star Wars party. I clung to my imaginary party in my mind to get me through the birthday from hell that I had to have without you in real life that fell on Mother’s Day this year. Your brothers and daddy did their best at spoiling me so by telling me how much they loved me, what a great mom I am, how lucky they are to have me, etc… They tried to make the day about me as much as they could but I ended up saying, “This day isn’t about me, it’s Ronan’s day so let’s do everything Ronan would have wanted to do.” So we did. We went to a brunch where I ignored all the 6 year olds running about and focused only on your brothers and Poppy. We went swimming and I watched as your daddy and brothers went crazy going on the water slide that was at our hotel. I sat quietly in the shade and let my smiles, come from them. They played football in the grass and participated in a water balloon fight. After a few hours of that we went back to the room to rest and get ready for dinner. We ate at a really good mexican restaurant and we had plans to go and see Iron Man 3 (which you would have totally wanted to do) but your sister’s breastfeeding got in the way of our making the movie on time so we ended up just coming back to our room. We all snuggled up together and watched a movie from the hotel instead. Your brothers let me pick it which was very sweet of them to do so we ended the night by watching “Oz, the Great and Powerful.” Quinn gave it 5 stars. Liam gave it 4. I was just happy they both enjoyed it and it made a quiet ending to a day that I just wanted to get through without jumping off the side of a cliff.

Now I sit here on the 15th of May, reflecting on what this day was like 2 years ago. It was the day we had your funeral or a.k.a. your celebration of life which is really just a nice way of saying this is fucking bullshit that I had to cremate my kid so let’s try to cover it up by calling it something beautiful. Having my baby cremated is not the way I ever envisioned celebrating your life. Today, I pulled out the white dress I wore on your death day. The white dress that hung on my shell of a body and now hangs in my closet like a keepsake or a wedding dress because I know I will never wear it again. It haunts me hanging there and I often find myself running my hands over it, waiting for the ghost of who I was during that time, to appear. That shell-shocked of a girl who really had no idea of the magnitude of what had just happened because I was in such shock and a deep place of denial. I remember your services, barely. I remember how I was so numb, that I didn’t even cry. I remember making everyone wear white and how after everything was over how Liam went over to a fountain to throw a penny into it. I remember saying, “Make a wish!” and how he looked up at me and said, “Why? Wishes don’t come true.” I remember at that point, it took everything I had to not fall over from the pain of his words. His innocent yet not so innocent words that right then and there, shattered everything I had ever known. Wishes don’t come true, rocked my world in the most fucked up way possible. Wishes don’t come true out of the mouth of an almost 8-year-old that should not be so wise in the way that he is.

I spent a lot of today crying and staring at that white dress while I found the comfort I so desperately needed, in your Poppy sister. I can’t seem to put her down which explains the loads of clean laundry that I need put away. Laundry can wait. I’ll take the snuggles of your sister over clean laundry any day. Your brothers are getting ready for their big basketball game on Friday. So a lot of practicing has been going on over here. Tonight I left Poppy with your Daddy for a bit so I could sneak out for a run. A little 3 mile run that I nearly winced in pain with the entire time. I forgot how bad it sucks to try to get back into running after having a baby. OUCH. Everything hurt tonight but you know nothing can ever hurt as much as the pain I feel from being without you everyday. I ignored the pain from my body and pushed through my 3 miles, slowly, but I was determined not to give up or give in even though every part of my body was screaming at me to do so. I came home just in time to see your daddy through your bedroom window, sitting in on your bed in Poppy’s room. I watched as he stared down at Poppy with such a look of mixed emotions on his face as he played with her little feet. I felt like an outsider, looking in on two strangers. This can’t possibly be my house, my husband, my new baby sitting in my dead child’s room, right? A year ago I would have saw this sight and wanted to run away from it all. Seeing this sight would have been too much for me to handle. Tonight, I had no desire to run away at all and instead I walked inside our house to where your Daddy was walking Poppy all about, carrying her like a little football. I went up to her, let her focus on who I was and said, “Hi Poppy!” I watched as a big smile splashed across her face. “She smiled!” I exclaimed to your daddy. It was a smile that told me that we are all doing alright and that Poppy is the best thing that could have ever happened to us since losing you. I honestly don’t know what I would do without her. She is still the most peaceful little thing. No crying, no fussing, just lots of eating, sleeping, and love. We all cannot get enough of her.

I keep telling myself if I can just get through these tough, tough days, that I have so much to look forward to these coming months. Dr. Sholler is coming into town on Sunday, so I will get to spend a few days with her and pick her brain in regards to my master plan. We have made some plans for dinner and some hikes. I am so excited to have her here and she is so excited to meet your baby sister. I’ve got Macy coming in to stay with us for about 5 days and you know everyone in our house is so excited about that. Bri Bri is also coming out and so is our little, Rachel. It will be nice to see my favorite girls and spend some time with them. As Dr. JoRo says, “Did you ever know that so much sadness and so much happiness could coexist?” I never would have believed her if she had told me this a year ago, but now I find it to be so true.

Alright little man. I must go. Poppy wants the boob. I miss you. I love you. I hope you are safe. Sweet dreams.

xoxo

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Don’t be a Douchebag. Run for Ro.

Are you ready to run for Ro? Who could say no to those blue eyes? Not me. No excuse in the world would be good enough for me. I would be so honored to have you all, run for Ronan and all the other kids out there, who need a voice. I would so honored, to have you run for Ronan just for the fact that you are ALIVE and this is something you CAN do. I see too many people walking around this life, making excuses. That’s no way to live. If you are lucky enough to be healthy, I hope you are taking full advantage of it. Life is too short to say “I can’t,” to things. I think about Ronan all the time in everything I do. How he really can’t do things like run a half or full marathon because he’s not here. How he’ll never be able to. But I am here. I am alive. I can do these things for him. I will do these things for him, for the rest of my life.  What’s stopping me? Nothing. I don’t or won’t ever accept the word “can’t,” in my life again. I don’t have cancer. I didn’t die. I will always wish it would have been me, not him, but I don’t get that choice. I do get a choice on how I stay here, and live this life. I am choosing to live it the way Ronan would have. By being brave. crazy, fearless, and by pushing all the limits that I can. On the days that I am not bogged down by intense sadness, the days I actually try to live can be o.k. They can be o.k. because they end up making me a little proud of myself. Would I have ever done half of the things I’m doing, had Ronan not died? Probably not. I know I am half a person without him. But the half of a person I am, sometimes makes me proud. I know he is proud of me even on the days that I can’t get out of bed and I feel like I am a shit ass mom. I know he is proud of me for getting up everyday and trying to make a difference for him. I live for Ronan. I live for my dead son, who can’t be here to live this life. It’s the hardest life to live, but I am doing it for him, every single day.
Are you living? If not, why??? Do you want to start living?? Here’s your chance. Do something crazy, like run a half or full marathon. Be inspired to do something you normally wouldn’t do, for a little boy who won’t ever be able to do these things. It’s hard, it’s challenging, but the pay off in the end is so worth it. You will learn that you CAN do anything and that the word CAN’T should be banned from your life, forever. If you are already a runner, this is easy:) Just be prepared for a lot of fun for a really great cause.

To anyone who really can’t be here to run, you can still support us in reaching our goal of $100,000. Tell all your friends and spread the RoLove. It’s about to get CrAzY up in here!!! We are planning a lot of fun things to get you all inspired. Also, I’ll be taking any crazy ideas you all have for me, to get me to raise as much money as possible. You know I’m up for anything. Except for maybe that tattoo of a tear drop on my eye that one of my board members said she’s pay me a ton of money, to see me do. I might have to draw the line, somewhere…

Thank you all for your continued love and support. I hope you all know you too are a big reason of why I will continue this fight, for as long as it takes. I hope to see you joining in on the fun! If not, you’re a douchebag! HA! Totally kidding. But I could not resist throwing that in there. Spicy Ro would have thought it was funny:))))) Love you all. Even the douchebags.

A HUGE thank you to “The Meg,” who has been working so hard on setting all of this up. I Forking LOVE you! (and Ninja Rita, too. She is pretty alright herself.) BEST SOULS IN THE WORLD.

http://www.firstgiving.com/theRonanThompsonFoundation/rockstar-run

Let the FUNraising Begin!!!

http://www.firstgiving.com/fundraiser/rockandro/rockstar-run

I’d totally let you be Hanky the Christmas Poo for Halloween. Actually, I’d let you be Hanky everyday if that is what you wanted, if you were still here.

Ronan. Holy Fucking Fall Break. Day One, down. I remember, when you were still alive, how I thought it was crazy that schools had a Fall Break. Didn’t your brothers, just start back to school? What is this Fall Break madness? I remember feeling the pressure of wondering how I would keep all 3 of you, entertained, for a whole week. What I wouldn’t give to have that worry back now. It was not a worry at all. How did I even think that it was? What was wrong with me? How did I think that something like that, was an actual problem? It’s because I lived in the make-believe problem/worry world before all of this. In a world that was so simple and perfect, that I had to make things up, to complain about. Like the Arizona heat, like not getting enough sleep, like missing a workout, like not having enough time to myself. Blah, Blah, Blah. Those are not problems. Those are blessings. If I only knew then, what I know now. I would have never complained about a thing.
I spent the day with your brothers. Doing a lot of errands. I took them for haircuts, to Costco, etc…. We spent about 4 hours, running around today. They saw one of those big Halloween Costume places. They asked if we could go in. I put on a smile and told them, of course when it was secretly killing me that I had to walk in there, without you. Our first Halloween without you. We spent a good hour in that store today. They ran all around. We tried on silly costumes. They pointed out some things they thought I should be. They played with fake swords, knives, guns, blood, and all things Halloween. They both want to be characters from South Park. Remember how you used to love that show? How once you got cancer, all of life’s rules, just kind of flew out of the window? Crap. Before all of this, I would have never let my kids watch South Park. But then you got Cancer and one night, we were trying to make you laugh. To forget that you were sick. Your Daddy put on the Hanky the Poo, South Park episode. Laugher galore in a house full of cancer and sadness. Fuck what is appropriate. Because once your child gets cancer, you no longer view the world the same. And things that seem important and appropriate, are not. All that mattered is that we were all together and we were all laughing. So Kenny and Cartman they wan to be. If you were still here, I’d let you be Hanky the Christmas Poo. I wouldn’t think twice about it. You loved to sing that song so much. I have a feeling trying to find costumes to fit 8-year-old boys, after an adult Cartoon show, may be a little difficult. I’ll make them if I have to.  I wanted so badly, to buy your costume today. I don’t know how I am going to get through this Halloween without you, Ro.

I spent all day, entertaining your brothers. It was work. It was hard. It was exhausting. And normally, it would not have been. It would have just been fun. It would have been crazy. We would have spent the day with friends. At a pumpkin patch. At the Train Park. At the Zoo. Or any other big adventure as long as it meant you 3 were busy, having fun, getting messy, dirty, and just being boys. Your Daddy came home around 4 and I was about to break. He let me lay in bed for a while, but the whole time, Quinn was by my side. I needed some space and your Daddy knew this. He took your brothers to play basketball and they went to dinner afterwords. I stayed home, curled up in bed, and as soon as it became dark, I headed out for my run. It’s the only place, where I can clear my head just a bit. It’s the only place where I can seem to find just a bit of clarity; whatever that means now. I ran 6 miles. I turned around at 3 and ran back home so I didn’t end up somewhere crazy, like last night.

I came home, showered, and spent the rest of the night with Quinn attached to my hip. I watched Liam  play Chess. He is getting really good. I tried to spend some alone time with Liam, but Quinn is just not having it. I had to have a talk with Quinn tonight about “my world now.” I had to say things to him that were tough and made him cry. I was in his bed, trying to get him to sleep, laying with him like I do every night. He started talking about the trip I am going on this weekend. He has obsessed about it for a month now. His little brain, cannot comprehend it or understand it. Not to sound harsh, but he has been riding my ass about it for 2 weeks straight. He is making me feel really guilty for leaving. I have so much that I feel guilty for, so you’d think that this little thing would just be another little thing to throw into the pile. Add it to the list, no big deal. It’s becoming a big deal so tonight I kind of just broke. I raised my voice, which you know I don’t do often because I don’t really ever have a reason to. It’s happening more and more. I’ve explained this trip to Quinn, no less than 10 times.

I wish I could say I was going on a Girls Trip. I wish I could say, “Oh, all of my children are alive, and mommy needs a break so I’m going to Napa.” I wish I could say I was going somewhere with my husband because we are so overdue for the one week-long trip we used to take every year, together. Without kids. I wish I could say I was going somewhere cool to “find myself.” Nope. Natta. Not happening. Will never be the case again. I’m going on a Grief Retreat. Alone. A trip I would not wish on anyone. A trip I wish I never had to take. A trip I do not want to go on, but I have decided it is something that I have to do. Because I don’t know what else to do and if I don’t do something, I will crack. And much more than I already am. It’s in Sedona. I’m going up on a Friday night and coming home on Sunday. The seminar is all day Saturday and it is put on by Dr. J and a couple of other people. I’m really only going because it is something that she is involved in and I believe in her. I don’t know if this will help me and I am going without any expectations. I will be proud of myself if I can manage to be present for even part of the day. I know I am asking a lot of myself at this point in my life, but I am willing to try because I have to. Because what I am doing now is not working and if somebody can clue me in, even the slightest bit…. then I am willing to take a chance. Even if it is to tell me that the seminar is too much and I just need to crawl back in my hotel bed, for the day, pull the blinds and not worry about anyone or anything, then that is good enough reason for me to go.

Back to your brother. Your brother that spent 20 minutes, in his bed with me, grilling me about Sedona. I was trying so hard to be extra sensitive to his questions. I was really patient, sweet, compassionate and was doing really well with explaining everything to him. He would just NOT let up. I get that he has a reason to worry but after sweetly talking with him for 20 minutes about this trip….. crack. The mama, spawn of the devil, took over.

“Quinn! I am sorry! I don’t know what else to tell you. I am sorry I have to go on this trip, because your brother died. I’m sorry you don’t understand because you are 8 years old, and you are not supposed to. But I need to take a little time, to take care of myself, because if I don’t, I cannot be the best mommy that I want to be to you. Because I am so sad about your brother dying that I need help. That’s why I go talk to Dr. J, that’s why I am going to this. Because all I really want to do is lock myself in a room for a month and cry, scream, yell and punch things. But I can’t do that, because I have to take care of you and Liam. So you need to cut me some slack! You need to trust that I am coming back and I am not going to leave you! But I need a break, Buddy, and if I don’t take some time to do some things to help me, then we are all going to be in big trouble. So please. Try to understand a little, Quinn. You are not a Daddy. You are 8. You don’t know what it feels like to lose your own child. It is very hard to be a mommy and have your 3-year-old child die, Quinn. Please just give me a break. This is not a fun trip that I am going on. It is a sad trip but I need to take some time to go on this sad trip and just be really, really, sad. And listen to some other teachers, that can maybe help me a little!”

I’m laying with Quinn as I’m saying this. He says he is sorry and tears pour down his cheeks. Stamp my forehead with WORST MOM EVER, please. I kiss him, tell him I’m sorry you died, and that I love him. I don’ know what else to say or do. He falls asleep while I rub his back. I woke him up a few minutes ago to tell him how much I loved him. How much you love him. How he was your best friend. How special he is. I don’t know if he’ll remember tomorrow. Maybe you can visit him tonight and play with him in his dreams. I know he’d like that.

That’s all for tonight, little man. I’m beat. But not really. You know how this goes. I love you. I miss you. I hope you are safe. Sweet dreams, Ro baby.

xoxo

I found Liam reading in my bathtub. I think I’ll just wear a really funny mask for Halloween so nobody has to see my tears.

The Magic Purple Leg Warmers

Ronan. Survived. Again. I think. I feel sick. Sick to my stomach. Rough day. Rough night. Nothing new. For your 5 months today, I put on my purple wig and went down to Garage Boutique for Kids today to meet up with Katie so we could draw the names for our Rock the Runway for Ronan Fashion Show.

I met up a lot with Katie, last week, to take a look at the kids’ applications and how they answered their questions. We asked them things like::::

1) If you had an alter ego Rockstar name, what would it be?

2) Tell us 3 ways you will raise money to benefit Childhood Cancer.

3) If you could have dinner with any Rockstar, who would it be??

I sat with Katie and we read over them all. I read about the little girl who cut off her hair and gave it to her cousin, who has cancer. Katie told me how the little girl, Elizabeth, who is 5 and has just been diagnosed with cancer, sat at her bar and filled out her application. I cried after reading and hearing these things. I looked up at Katie. She knew what I was going to say. How could we possibly not have all the kids, who took the time to come down to Katie’s store, in the show? What if the little girl that had her Daddy drive her from Tuscon after school, didn’t get picked?? The thought of any of these kiddos, getting left out, broke our hearts. We decided, that we would let all the kids in the show. Who cares if it is over the number of kids we had agreed on. Rules were meant to be broken, right? We decided a few days ago, we would break these rules.

We brainstormed during the week on the way we would announce the news. We didn’t come up with anything genius, except we knew we would have to be wearing purple. I called Liz and asked if she would help, since she has such a flair for the dramatics and is used to being in front of a camera. She was so happy to help. We didn’t have a script. We sent up my computer and pretty much winged the entire, ridiculous thing. I talked Liz into talking in our very bad, British accents… mostly because I knew if I didn’t, I wouldn’t be able to hold it together. Katie didn’t do one which is probably one of the reasons she pretty much lost it, at the end. Beautiful, Bad British accent saved my day. I wouldn’t have been able to do the silly video, without mine. I missed Macy. She would have been a riot to have in the video. It turned out cute, raw, silly, and ridiculous. Sometimes, it’s best not to have a script in life .

I couldn’t get across the screen, how thankful I am. How honored I am, that so many people are coming together for this for Ronan’s Foundation.  I wanted to say so many things about how you, Ronan, would be so happy to know that something like this was being put on, because of you. Because every kid, deserves to be a kid. Because the kids that get sick with cancer, deserve better. Better treatments, answers, outcomes, and CURES. Everything serious that I wanted to say, could not be said because I cannot say any of this, without ending up bawling and in tears. So, I guess I’ll say it now. On the platform that I am able to say it best on, behind the scenes, so you all don’t have to witness my tears. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you, Ronan, for being my sun, my moon, my stars. Thank you for teaching me so much in such a short amount of time. Thank you to all of wonderful friends and family. Thank you to Miss Katie for having such a vision, my same vision, for this event. Thank you to all the parents who have continued to read about Ronan. Who want to fight for Ronan. Who are taking my pain, and turning into something beautiful. Who are not afraid, to continue on with me, and who are not afraid to educate their own kids about something so scary like Childhood Cancer. I am aware of how gut wrenchingly painful, this story is. I know that when you see me, hear Ronan’s story, that it is your  worst nightmare, come true. It takes people with true passion, heart, and soul, to continue on the with me. I know how easy it would be to just walk away and go back to your lives, before all of this. I thank you from the bottom of my heart, for not doing this. I think you all are so very brave and inspiring as well.

To all my busy little bees helping, doing, “getting shit done.” You are all the most amazing women on the PLANET! You could rule the world and I am so thankful, to have you to work with. I know this event is going to be everything Ronan would have loved. Thank you.

To all my readers/ out of state people who wish they could be at this event, but cannot, I am sorry. We are going to put together something very special, so you all have a way to be involved. I want you there, in some way shape or form, if you cannot be there physically. I’m working on this and will let you know when this idea is a little more ready to go<3 Thank you for continuing to read, love and support. It means the world to me.

Alright Ro. It is Monday a.m. and I have a lot to do today. I made it through the 9th. Your 5 months of not being here. Not without doing something a little insane though. I left for a run, last night around 7 p.m. You should have seen the radness of my outfit for you. Purple shoes, purple shorts, and the icing on the cake…. purple leg warmers. Yup. You heard me right. The most awesome purple leg warmers that I have ever seen in my life. My friend, Mandy wears them to work out in. She bought some for me and dropped them by our house yesterday. So sweet of her. I headed out for my run. It was dark, of course. The best time to meet Inferno Fuckwad Bob sometimes. I started running. I was so not feeling it at first but I continued on. I ran through a bunch of sprinklers. I got a major cramp at mile 4. I tried to stop but the voice inside of my head said to me, “What’s worse. Then pain of this or the pain of losing Ronan?” I said, without hesitation, it was the pain of losing you. I kept running my 8 minute pace. I ran over a freeway over pass. I stopped to take a picture of the moving cars. Where the hell am I??? I thought to myself. Who cares. Keep running. I finally stopped when the pain from the chafing burns under my arms started to feel like they were on fire. I looked at my GPS on my phone. 8.2 miles. Ummm…. what? 8.2 miles away from home. That can’t be….. how did I get that far away from my house?? Crap. I called Woody. He didn’t answer. I walked for a bit and found a church parking lot where I cooled down and stretched. I called Woody again. No answer. What street am I even on? I sat and stretched some more. Finally, Quinn answered. “Can you put your Dad on the phone please… thanks baby.” “Can you come and get me please. I’m on Central and Missouri, in a church parking lot, thanks, see you soon.”

20 minutes later I was rescued. My body was becoming cold but amazingly I was not tired or sore. I actually felt like I could have turned back around and ran home. It must have been those purple magic leg warmers. How have I ever lived without those? Thanks Mandybee:) I’m going to wear them every time I feel like I need a little extra help on my runs. Or actually I may wear them on every run because they are that awesome:)

I gotta go, Ro baby. Your brothers are home for the week. Fall break. I know if you were here, we would be off doing something fun as a family. I’m sure we would be in Washington visiting Nana and Papa. I’ll be lucky to survive this week, without you. I love you. I miss you. I hope you are safe.

xoxo

  • Instagram is my BFF

    Sweet dreams, little ones. #poppy #ronan #fucancer #thisroomisrad #sedona #nightynight Had to bring along this babe, too. Poppy's sissy. Can't leave home without her. @knjoy #poppy #ronan #fucancer #poppyroo #slumbersissys #sedona #nightynight I'm thinking everything that happened last night was a sign that I need to slow down a bit. I've been running on empty lately due to not sleeping/stress/anxiety/and always due to missing my Ro so much. This may not be New York, but I think it's where I need to be right now to take a little time out. Thankful for this quiet little break. #ronan #fucancer #sedona #ineedthequiet #slowdona #shhhhhh #nightynight @knjoy @jcaccia
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