Taylor, you will forever have my heart. Thank you for continuing to be such a voice for these kids. I love you.

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http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/03/24/taylor-swift-visits-cancer-patients_n_5021039.html

Read. Listen. And never say these words to someone who has lost a child. I’ve heard them all way too many times.

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http://stillstandingmag.com/2014/01/6-things-never-say-bereaved-parent/

What birthday?? Let’s run a marathon instead, fucker.

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Ronan.  Today didn’t start out extra hard, but that is how it has ended up.  So much has been going on.  Too much, I suppose.  I made it through my birthday as best I could.  It it any surprise that I didn’t feel like celebrating?  I just wanted the day and night to be over as quickly and painlessly as possible.  I didn’t even let your daddy buy me a birthday gift and he is still talking about it, today.  He’s begged me over and over to please let him buy me some pretty earrings.  He knows if he goes out does it himself, I’ll just return them.  Pretty earrings won’t bring you back and that is still all I want.  NEWSFLASH PEOPLE, I STILL WANT MY DEAD SON BACK AND TIME HAS NOT MADE THE YEARNING FOR HIM GO AWAY.  I still beg for him every single day.  So sorry to disappoint some of you who seem to think because of this thing called time, that my wanting my son back will just disappear.  That because Poppy is here, she magically makes all my pain and sadness something of the past.  She doesn’t.  Yes, she brings back such wholesome goodness into our lives, but my pain is still here and just as present as before.  I sat with your Sparkly for a while on my birthday because it’s a tradition of mine now, 4 years in the making.  I sat across from him as he said, “What did I say, to make you cry on your birthday?” as he watched me wipe my eyes from behind my glasses. I told him that it wasn’t anything that he had said, that I just missed you so much and my birthday seemed to make me miss you that much more. He said he knew and how sorry he was and did his usual, I wish he were here, too. I came home and threw myself into bed for a few hours in the middle of the day and woke up to a pillow soaked with tears that I don’t remember crying, but the black mascara was evidence enough that they had been there.  I survived my birthday but birthdays to me will never be the same again as they just make me very, very sad.

After my very unbirthday, I’m not celebrating a thing, I had to get ready for that bitch of a marathon that I said I was running.  I didn’t really train at all except if you count going for some runs here and there, training. In my mind, I train for a mother fucking marathon everyday by just doing life.  I talked our Bri Bri into doing it with me as well.  She didn’t train at all either but I told her at 19 years old, you can do anything in the world, including running 26.2.  We got up that morning in preparation for the day.  I made us a little food, and we whispered in the dark about how excited we were to run this thing.  I took out a Sharpie and did my usual writing of your name everywhere I could.  I told Bri I was going to do her arms and she could do mine for a little extra running motivation.  I wrote, “Ronan” down one arm and of course “F U CANCER” down the other.  I handed her the Sharpie and told her to do my arms next.  I looked down at my arms after she was done.

RONAN was written perfectly on my right arm and I looked down at my left arm to see the word, “FUCKER” written in huge, black letters on my left arm.

“BRI! You wrote “Fucker” on my arm!” My whispers were no longer whispers.

“I know!” she said.  “I thought that’s what you wrote on my arm!”

“No! I wrote F U CANCER!”

We both were doubled over, laughing hysterically for a good five minutes before we could compose ourselves.  There was nothing I could do about it as the sharpie was not coming off and the car that was picking us up to drop us off, had arrived.  I decided just to roll with the word FUCKER down my arm and to see what added fun it might bring to the day.  Besides, cancer is the biggest fucker anyway.

We got downtown to meet up with my dear childhood friend, Laura who came into to town to run the marathon as she actually trained.  I had a sweatshirt on but told her the fucker story anyway to stop her from crying.  It is an emotional thing to do a marathon for the first time, and on top of that add the reason that you are doing it is for your childhood besties, dead son… well, game over.  Laura was officially a wreck but the fucker story definitely made her laugh and I think she had an even better time, calling me fucker throughout the marathon.  So did the spectators on the street.  The entire marathon I heard, “GO FUCKER, GO!!!” or “F U CANCER” or “GO RONAN!” as that is what we had on on the back of our shirts.  I got asked who you were and I always said, “My son.” I didn’t say, “My son who died of cancer,” because to me that is not who you are and I won’t let that define you.  I was doing pretty well in the marathon until about mile 17 and that was pretty much it.  I hit that invisible wall that you hear people in the marathon world, talk about.  I started walking, grabbed a gatorade that a lady was handing out on the side of the wall and chugged that thing like it was the last drink I was ever going to have.  I waited for my friend, Katie to catch up to me where we walked/jogged/begged for the finish line.  Bri met back up with me at mile 21 and somehow, we crossed the marathon line together, holding hands.  I’ve never been more proud of my sissy in my life.  She is such a little badass in training and I am so honored to be showing her the ropes.

I wanted to also take a second on here to thank all of you who supported me in the marathon by donating, volunteering, cheering or running yourselves.  It wasn’t just Ronan I thought about while doing this, but you all as well.  You kept me going when all I wanted to do was take the short cut, call it a day, and run back to my house.  I love you all so much for never giving up on me and for pushing me to do really hard things, just so I can remind myself that I am capable of overcoming all of the odds even on the days were I still do just want to crumble up and die.  You remind me to get back up and fight harder than I ever have before.  So thank you, from the bottom of my heart for keeping me going as I try my hardest to change this for these other kids who deserve so much better than what they are getting tossed their way.

Oh, back to today and how it was a really, really, really fucking hard day.  So hard, that I am too tired to write about it now, Ro baby.  It was just one of those days where I really felt like I had the wind knocked out of me because I just miss you so very much.  I have to get back to this book writing now.  I’ll try to check in with you in a few days.

I miss you.  I love you.  I hope you are safe.  Sweet dreams, baby boy.

xoxo

For all of you out of state peeps…

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You all are the sweetest for wanting to send stuff.  Thank you so much!!

If you would like to contribute to the Candy Cart, you can send your items to our P.O. Box.  The address is:

P.O.Box 44935

Phoenix, Arizona

85064-4935

 

For all my Arizona peeps…

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These 2 “elfs” are requesting unwrapped gifts for The Ronan Thompson Foundation Candy Cart. If you visit Garage Boutique for Kids, Nove’, or High Point this holiday season, please bring in an unwrapped toy to receive 15% off your entire purchase.  These toys will be used for Ronan’s Candy Cart when we visit Phoenix Children’s Hospital.

Thank you and happy shopping!!!

xx

 

 

 

Did I mention I’m running another marathon without training?!?! Here is my shameless plug.

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https://fundly.com/run-for-ronan

https://www.facebook.com/theronanthompsonfoundation

This time last week, we posted a thank you for sharing Ronan’s story and getting over 40,000 followers for our page. We asked if people would consider donating to our current campaign, the Rock N Roll marathon challenge. You guys came through for us, donating over $1,000.

But we still have a long way to go in order to get to $100,000. And we only have a short time in which to reach that goal.

Today we are asking for people to sponsor Maya. Yes, that zany girl is doing another marathon with NO TRAINING! She says if Ronan and these kids can go through horrific cancer treatments, she can certainly run a marathon without training. And if she can run 26.2 miles with no training (not long after giving birth, no less)…I think we should sponsor her and get her to her personal fundraising goal of $10,000!

We are not asking anyone to give who isn’t able to. We are only asking that you consider doing what you can. If you can skip a couple Starbucks and donate $10, we love you. If you’re independently wealthy and can sponsor $10,000 without blinking…we love you AND we’re a little jealous.

To sponsor Maya directly, please donate to her fundraising page:
https://fundly.com/m2/run-for-ronan

Unfortunately the minimum donation is $10 and we could not get it lowered. But if you think “only” $10 won’t do anything, please reconsider! If only 25% of our followers here gave $10, that would fund our entire $100,000 campaign. We need you to help us raise this money for desperately necessary research toward pediatric cancer. We are so thankful for all of you and we know that once again, you will come through for us.

Perks! Everyone loves perks!
Anyone sponsoring Maya will get their name on a special page on our site highlighting Maya’s sponsorship team!

A randomly chosen person who makes a sponsorship pledge for Maya today will also get a video thanks from her and a special thank you gift.

Only Eddie Vedder could drink wine on a stage and make it look badass.

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Ronan.  Do I usually have this hard of a time, every year, right before the holidays? I think so, but to know so, I’d have to go back and read my blogs from the past years.  I’ve been doing enough reading of my blogs due to this book writing and I don’t feel like going back to read about the holiday seasons and how hard they have been for me every year since you left.  Every day is hard without you, but this time of the year there seems to be a shift about me that I cannot control.  Everything feels extra heavy, hard, sad, and the slightest things take up every ounce of energy I have just to get through the day.  I have been getting through the days alright really; I suppose.  That is actually a big fat lie.  I’ve been a fucking mess, but hiding it pretty well.  I’ve learned to become the ultimate pain hider.  I have learned to be present, to smile when all I want to do is cry, to be productive when all I want to do is curl up in my bed for a week, and to throw myself into things that take a lot of work, but the work leaves me distracted.  Oh, I’ve also been taking the best care ever of your Poppy sister 24/7.

I may have lost it last week which left me doing my normal screams and crying to your Mr. Sparkly Eyes.  “I think I’m having a mid-life crisis.” “Why the fuck did this happen?” “I talked to George Clooney last night and I’m going to run off with him.” (inside joke, but I really did freaking talk to George Clooney thanks to one Fairy Bad Ass RoMo) And my all time favorite, “Where is Ronan and who is taking care of him?”  I got sat down and talked to in the harshest but kindest way.  I was told I was in fact not having a mid life crisis, that everything I am feeling is just due to losing you which I of course already knew, but it was nice to hear it from a rational person.  “Listen, I cannot even fathom what you have gone through and will go through for the rest of your life.  I hurt badly from this and I only get to feel this on a small scale compared to you.  You have to carry this around with you forever, while the ones who cared about Ronan, your family, your friends, get to go on with their lives.  You don’t.  I cannot imagine what that must feel like for you.  But you are doing such amazing things and even if you can’t see it now, you are changing the world because of him and because of your pain.” I sat, listened, and fought back my tears the entire time that I was with him.  I let his words soak in and lick my wounds for a while.  “Tell me what I can do for you. Please.” I looked down at the floor and thought for a bit.  My list came in my mind later as I named off a few things, but really just thanked him for being such a dear friend.  He said some more things to me that I won’t repeat, but left me saying, “How do you know that?  How do you know everything?  Nobody knows that.  Does Ronan talk to you and tell you these things?”  I honestly think you do, Ronan.  There is no other way to explain how that man knows the darkest parts of my soul and heart, yet he is not afraid.  You only left me with the best and for that, I will always be thankful.  I sat quietly and watched as he bounced your baby sister on his lap and kissed her up and down.  She is so lucky to have him as her Godfather, to love and look after her.  I know he will keep her safe.

I’m full fledged in the middle of writing this book.  I told your daddy if I had a month, uninterrupted, I could finish it, easily.  The problem I’m facing is I may have too much material, and too much to say.  Go figure.  I’ve been writing about your treatment, which has been hard.  Reliving the things you went through, has not been fun and it’s not what I want this book to be about, so I’ve been trying to make this section, as short as possible.  This book writing has left me not sleeping or eating well and may be part of the reason why I feel like I’m no the verge of a breakdown.  I just keep telling myself, I’ve got to just get though this part, but it’s not like I have anything to look forward to next as I will just be writing about your death.  Fucking cancer.

As far as an update goes, things here for the most part have been normal.  Your brothers are playing a slew of sports 24/7.  Basketball, Baseball, and Flag Football.  I, of course, look for you on every field and on every team.  It still blows my mind that you are never there.  I know for a fact that you would be playing all the sports that your brothers are and dominating in every way.  You were always are mini Pat Tillman who was going to rule the world.  Poppy is developing such a little personality and at 7 months, is already trying to walk.  She has been keeping me on my toes and the determination that I see in her eyes reminds me so much of you.  My days are mostly spent taking care of her while continuing to fight for you and all that was stolen from us.  I’ve been hiking like crazy, with Poppy in tow of course.  She loves it and usually just falls asleep the entire time.  It’s our peaceful time to spend with you and the small time out of my day that I try to take for myself to be with my grief/plot how I’m going to take over this fucked up world.  I went to the Pearl Jam concert a few nights ago with your daddy, Uncle Jay, and Char.  Sometimes all you need in life is a little Eddie Vedder to remind you of who you really are.  I love that man and the concert was unreal.  By far one of the best ones I’ve been to.  Eddie Vedder will forever be one of my idols in life as I appreciate so much how he just lives his life the way he wants, with no apologies.  He just is who he is.  Not to mention the fact that he is deliciously handsome, insanely talented, and I could just stop and melt right here.  It was a great night, to say the least.  Pearl Jam ended the concert with “Keep On Rocking In The Free World,” and of course I sang along as loudly as I could while I thought of you the entire time.  I miss you so much, Ro.

Time to go, little man.  It’s raining like crazy here today.  I miss you.  I love you.  I hope you are safe.

xoxo

P.S. For those of you who have been trying to order some things on our Big Cartel site, I SO apologize.  We have been dealing with some *cough cough* technical difficulties.  It is being worked on and will be re launched soon as we also have a new foundation logo to unveil.  Our seal needed a little make-over and update.  I’ll keep you posted on when things are ready.  Thanks as always for your love and support.

Thank you all for your amazing hearts and spicy souls.

 

 

 

 

 

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Because of you all, the Spicy Monkey Spirit Hood was the company’s largest launch that they have ever had. Thank you all so much for buying them and making this venture so successful. Please continue to share this video with anyone and everyone. The more people who see it, the better. I love you all so much.

xx

 

 

http://vimeo.com/78844347

Spirit Hoods are back in stock!

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Spicy Monkey Spirit Hoods are back in stock as of 3pm pacific time. The first run sold out in barely 90 minutes, so if you want one…don’t wait! Even if you don’t have kids, or want to wear one yourself, DONATE one or 10 to a children’s hospital. Bald little babes everywhere, should have one of these.
http://theden.spirithoods.com/ronanthompson/

We have to thank Alexander and Shayoon and everyone else at Spirit Hoods for this incredible experience! Seeing how enthusiastic and supportive everyone has been about the spicy monkey hood reminds us of how Ronan would have been so beyond excited to see it. Thank you all so, so much. This is honestly a dream come true.

Poppy didn’t die and the SpiritHoods already SOLD OUT!!!!

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Ronan. This is seriously my life. Last night, I was cooking dinner and I had Poppy in the sink. Let me back up a bit. Every morning and every night, when Poppy eats her solid food, I put her naked in her Bumbo chair in the sink. She gets so messy, so I feed her in there as it makes perfect sense because she is SO messy and I can just wash her off afterwords. (Hi, that’s me OCD clean freak) She likes to sit in her little chair, play with her rattles, and suck on this mesh thing that I put avocados or bananas in. Last night, while I was cooking dinner, Poppy was playing away and sucking on her little mesh holder with her mashed up avocado in it. I turned around for about 30 seconds to tend to my tacos and when I turned back around, Poppy was slumped over in her little Bumbo seat with her head down. I dropped my spatula, screamed her name, and ran over and ripped her out of her chair. The water wasn’t on or anything, but my mind instantly went to, “She’s dead, she’s dead, she’s dead.” As soon as I ripped her out of that chair, she started to cry because I scared her so badly. She wasn’t dead. The poor little babe had fallen asleep, probably because she was so worn out from our very busy day of putting her in a pumpkin and taking pictures.

I felt so bad for scaring her and making her cry because I am a raging lunatic. I felt so badly, yet I know this is the way I will always be. My mind will always go to the worst place possible. I said to my friend, Katie today as we were hiking, “It takes everything I have not to take all 3 of my kids down to PCH to have them scanned from head to toe.” And I’m not kidding. It’s a fight I have with myself everyday in my head. Just because this has happened to us once, does not mean it cannot happen again. That’s not the way life works. I am fully aware of that. I live in a world where all of my kids are going to die and everything they touch or eat, is going to give them cancer. I’m so freaked out by anything that Poppy puts in her mouth, food wise. It was pretty much only organic for you and your brothers. I mean, I even made all of your baby food from scratch. Now, I’m positivly a freak about it with Poppy. And if you think I have issues there, you should see the way I pretty much refuse to leave her with anyone. I mean, I even worry when I leave her with your Daddy for a bit. The separation anxiety I am having with her might become a problem. I can’t leave her and when I do, I’m a ball of nerves. This is my life and as of now,  this is just the way it is. Maybe it will change or maybe it won’t. I don’t know how you ever go back to anything ever feeling o.k. and safe again after you’ve watched one of your children, die from cancer.

So, I started this earlier today… before the amazingness of the SpiritHoods Spicy Monkey SELLING OUT happened! Are you guys serious?! I mean, I expected them to sell, but not that fast! You all are amazing. Don’t worry, our friends at SpiritHoods will be making more. I don’t think anybody expected them to sell out so fast. THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH! This is beyond rad. Tonight, I can go to sleep feeling so proud because this is proof that my little guy is changing the world with the help of all of you. I really, really needed this today, so thank you all again for being so supportive. And another HUGE thank you to my brother from another mother, Alexander from SpiritHoods, who shot this video and has been working along my side through this whole thing. He is going to change this world with me and help save some kids’ lives, just you all wait and see. This is just a little taste as of what is to come.

I’m signing off for tonight. More book writing to do. I miss you. I love you. I hope you are safe, Ronan. I love you to the moon and back

xoxo

I love you all, too. Thank you for helping in this fight and for being better people because of my son.

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  • Instagram is my BFF

    She had to stay up past her bedtime to wait for her sissy to get home. #poppy #ronan #fucancer #soulsisters @knjoy Watching that pretty Arizona sunset. #poppy #ronan #fucancer #poppyrooiloveyou Fuzzy besties. #poppy #ronan #poppyandmama #fucancer #love For the past two weeks all Poppy has been doing is carrying around Ronan's picture, kissing it, saying "Ro Ro" and trying to open the frame up because I think she thinks if she does, he will come out and play with her. It's heartbreaking and so very sweet. I'm amazed that one of her first words was Ro Ro and that she walks around saying it all day long as if he is her very best friend. #poppy #ronan #fucancer Sorry to wake you sister, but we have to get your brothers from school. #poppy #ronan #sleepysister #fucancer Hoopster. #ronan #fucancer #littleman #basketballballer #futurenbaplayer @quinnthompson24 Air. #ronan #fucancer #q-dub #littleman #basketballballer Truth. #ronan #fucancer #stopcomplainingaboutstupidshit #begrateful #insomnia Mother Nature, you are pretty rad. #ronan #fucancer #camelbackmountain #echocanyon #nosociopathsallowed Sundays. #ronan #fucancer #camelbackmountain #echocanyon Sleepy bunny. #poppy#ronan #fucancer #babybunny Weekend ballers. #ronan #fucancer #littleballers
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