A Very Merry Christmas???

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Ronan.  It’s nights like last night when I really wonder if you can see us.  You know how much I struggle with the whole heaven, white fluffy clouds thing and where exactly you are.  Late at night when I’m writing, I often have your urn sitting in front of me and sometimes I take a picture of it and through my writing tears, send some random message to your Mr. Sparkly Eyes about how wrong this is, how much I miss you, etc… This always leads to the next time I see him, him bringing up the picture as looks at me so intensely and says, “I promise you, those ashes are just ashes, he is always with you, always surrounding you.  I know he never leaves your side.” He says it in such a way that I without a doubt, believe him and truly do think that I am never without you; spiritually that is.  Still, it doesn’t make my pain any less.  So, on nights like last night, if you truly are around me I think to myself, This must be so hard for you to see. We were just having a normal, family night in our kitchen and your daddy and Quinn had just returned from playing basketball at The Village. Poppy was sound asleep and we were chatting away.  Liam came walking into the kitchen, visibly upset.  I asked him what was wrong.  He just stood there, fighting back his tears, trying to be so brave and strong but he couldn’t continue to hold anymore of his emotions in.  Your daddy grabbed him as he choked out the words, “I miss Ronan.”  This led me to stop what I was doing, which was busily cleaning up the kitchen as I watched your daddy hold Liam as he buried his head into his chest.  I surveyed the room and we all looked so… helpless.  Quinn was sitting at the kitchen table, and he kept looking down as if he didn’t know what to do.  Your daddy was holding in all the screams and cries that I knew he wanted so badly to let out.  Liam was sobbing.  I grabbed something and threw it as hard as I fucking could at the wall.  I then went over and grabbed Quinn and held him. I told Liam that he needed to get his feelings out, how that it is all too much to keep in.  I asked him to elaborate on the “I miss Ronan.” He told us how he misses playing with you and just wants to see you again. I could say nothing except for I was so sorry and I would give anything to bring you back. We talked about the importance of sharing our pain and our feelings.  Your daddy told Liam how sometimes he parks his car before going into a court appearance and just screams at the top of his lungs.  I told your brothers how I pretty much cry everyday still and that it’s o.k. to still be so sad that you got sick and cancer stole you away.  Your daddy reassured your brothers that we as a family are safe and will always be together. I took Liam and we went and snuggled on top of his bunk bed where he cried some more.  It was a rough night for everyone and Liam asked to see Dr. Rachel again so I made him an appointment.  I am so proud of him for knowing when to ask to see her and not being ashamed or afraid of it.  I started this post a while back, Ro.  We are doing alright and some really wonderful things have been happening, all because of you of course.

I really don’t even know what to say about all the beautiful things that keep happening except for I continue to be blown away by people’s beautiful hearts and the way they just want to do good things in the world, while expecting nothing in return.  Last week was one of those really, really amazing days.  The kind of amazing day that after it is all over, I can do nothing but bury myself in my bed and sob like a grieving mother who just lost her child, all over again.  It all started with a normal, “let’s collect toys for Ronan’s Candy Cart to take to the kids at PCH on the oncology floor.”  And you all were amazing to donate so many awesome things.  My friends, Katie and E, started collecting toys as well at their stores.  I was all set to go to PCH on Wednesday, but then my friend sent me a little text message. Her text said that her friend, Adrian Wilson, who is an NFL player, wanted to help with the candy/toy cart and was wondering if he could go to PCH with us on Thursday to deliver some things. I was of course over the moon about this so I sent an email over to PCH to ask if the day could be changed to accommodate Adrian’s schedule.  They were more than happy to do so for us.

I met E at Toys-R-Us this morning and a shopping we went.  I let E tackle the girl things as she has 3 of them and I took on the boy things as I don’t know a lot about the girl world of toys, just quite yet. Poppy is slowly teaching me but as of now, she is most interested in my car keys and anything else she an chew on like the teething little babe that she is. We loaded up cart after cart after cart… about 20 of them, packed full of the most amazing toys possible.  I made sure to grab a ton of Star Wars stuff and just about fell over when I found the Clone Trooper that stood about 3 feet tall.  Hot tears splashed down my cheeks as I grabbed him and told Poppy to move over for her new friend.  Ronan would have loved him was all I could think in my head.  As it came time to checkout, I helped to bag up the toys while E stood over the cash register with the biggest smile on her face.  I swear I saw freaking rainbows, fairies, and mother fucking unicorns flying over her head as it was that magical of a moment.  Adrian had offered to pay for EVERYTHING.  I was doing such a great job at keeping my shit together but then some random lady stopped me and said, “Are you the one doing this amazing thing for the hospital?” I told her I wasn’t, that it was NFL player Adrian Wilson and I was just lucky enough to be a part of his generosity. Well, I almost got all of those words out before the tears started splashing all over the Toys-R-Us floor.  There was no keeping my composure over this act of kindness at all- it was just too bittersweet and beautiful.  On my way to PCH, I called your Nana, sobbing.  I told her what I was doing, who it was that was this amazing thing and how sad I was that you were not here to see any of it or be a part of it.  We talked for a few minutes before I hung up and officially had to pull it together before stepping foot on the hospital floor.  We loaded all the toys into wagons, went and met Adrian at the front of the hospital and off we went to the 7th floor of PCH.  We were there for about 2 hours and everyone was so excited to see us and even more excited that Adrian had taken the time to come and do such a kind thing.  We got to go into most of the rooms and Adrian was so sweet and kind, offering pictures and autographs to all the kids and even their parents.  There were a lot of older kids on the floor who were sweet about all the dolls and toys that we brought, but were not really that in toys as many of them were older teens.  Adrian took care of that problem by getting their shoe sizes and told them the next day, we would deliver Jordan’s and Van’s to them from his sneaker store, High Point.  How crazy generous was that?  He stayed true to his word and the next day I met E at his store and we pimped those kids out with not only new shoes, but hoodies, stocking hats, socks, and watches, etc… Poppy and I dropped everything off and got the nicest phone call a few hours later about how excited the kids all were.  It felt so nice to be able to know that we were a part of making those kids smile for at least a few hours.  Adrian Wilson will forever go down as a hero in my book and I will forever be grateful that I was able to be a part of it.

I had a really hard time on Christmas Eve.  I picked your daddy up at the airport and was a total mess.  We ended up going into town to finish  up some last minute things and all I could really do was sob in the car while he tried to have some what of a conversation with me.  “Who is coming up to your parent’s tonight?” he asked me at one point.  I named out, “X, Y, and Z… and not Ronan!!!” I was sobbing, panicking, and not really breathing very well.  At some point while he was in a store that I could not go into because of my grieving mother of madness appearance, I got on my phone and started distracting myself with my Instagram feed.  The first thing that popped up was Taylor’s account as I guess she had just posted a new picture.  Through my red, swollen eyes I looked at the picture of her and her brother, in their matching Christmas pajama’s. Talk about adorable. Upon closer inspection I saw she was wearing something on her head.  It wasn’t just something, it was your Spicy Monkey Spirit Hood that I sent her.  I smiled though my tears and as your daddy got in the car I showed him the picture.  “Look, Taylor is wearing Ro’s hood.” He squeezed my hand and said something about how that had to make me feel a little bit better.  I told him it did and the timing of seeing that picture could not have been better.  It came just when I needed it most. To me such a simple thing served as a little reminder that there is so much good in this world, even during the hardest of times.  It also gave me that little extra push I needed to get through the rest of the day and night because Liam, Quinn and Poppy deserved to have a beautiful Christmas, Ronan, despite the always empty chair at the dinner table that will never be filled.  Thank you, sweet Taylor.  You make the most beautiful little spicy monkey and you have no idea how much seeing that smile on your face meant to me.  I hope you and your family had the most beautiful Christmas. I love you so much.

Christmas is over and we all survived.  I went out in the early morning before everyone got up to have some time to myself.  I talked to your Sparkly before I had to face the reality of you were not coming downstairs to unwrap the gifts we had bought for you.  He was working on Christmas of course and I gave him my best, “Are you busy saving the world today,” before I decided to sit on the phone and let him talk me through my tears.  I pulled over and listened as he did his best little pep talk which mostly consisted of “I’m so sorry and you know there is no good reason for this… Ro should be here with you.” I told him I knew, I loved him and thanked him for calling me as I knew his words would help carry me through the rest of the day like they always seem to do. They did and I let myself get as lost as I could in your brothers and that Poppy girl.  Watching them and seeing the smiles on their faces made Christmas some what bearable this year.  Poppy’s energy seems to be infectious to us all in such a good, positive way.  Thank you so much for her, Ronan.

It is good that we are away in Washington State for Christmas.  I was really needing a break from the never-ending sunshiny state that sometimes drains my soul.  I don’t think I can ever spend a Christmas in Arizona again.  I mean, of course I would if Liam and Quinn wanted it that way, but they are always so excited to come here.  Here it is dark, damp, dreary, and I can run for miles while getting lost the thickness of the fog that forever feels like home.  Here, I can breathe and I don’t have to constantly be wearing sunglasses to hide my tear soaked eyes.  Here, it just looks like my face is covered in the raindrops that are spilling down from the sky but we both know the truth, right Ro? And here that truth feels o.k. I’ve missed this place so much.

Sorry for the massively long update of everything and nothing. So much more to say, so sad I haven’t been writing, but I promise to get back to this once my book is finished.  I love you.  I miss you.  I hope you are safe.  Sweet dreams, little man.

xoxo

P.S. A HUGE thank you to Adrian Wilson again for the beautiful thing you did.  You are the definition of a beautiful soul.  Now, if only we could get that NFL to go GOLD for all the kids during the month of September…

P.P.S- Tyler Knott, you are the bees knees. Now please marry Ally. Thanks so much.

 

 

Only Eddie Vedder could drink wine on a stage and make it look badass.

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Ronan.  Do I usually have this hard of a time, every year, right before the holidays? I think so, but to know so, I’d have to go back and read my blogs from the past years.  I’ve been doing enough reading of my blogs due to this book writing and I don’t feel like going back to read about the holiday seasons and how hard they have been for me every year since you left.  Every day is hard without you, but this time of the year there seems to be a shift about me that I cannot control.  Everything feels extra heavy, hard, sad, and the slightest things take up every ounce of energy I have just to get through the day.  I have been getting through the days alright really; I suppose.  That is actually a big fat lie.  I’ve been a fucking mess, but hiding it pretty well.  I’ve learned to become the ultimate pain hider.  I have learned to be present, to smile when all I want to do is cry, to be productive when all I want to do is curl up in my bed for a week, and to throw myself into things that take a lot of work, but the work leaves me distracted.  Oh, I’ve also been taking the best care ever of your Poppy sister 24/7.

I may have lost it last week which left me doing my normal screams and crying to your Mr. Sparkly Eyes.  “I think I’m having a mid-life crisis.” “Why the fuck did this happen?” “I talked to George Clooney last night and I’m going to run off with him.” (inside joke, but I really did freaking talk to George Clooney thanks to one Fairy Bad Ass RoMo) And my all time favorite, “Where is Ronan and who is taking care of him?”  I got sat down and talked to in the harshest but kindest way.  I was told I was in fact not having a mid life crisis, that everything I am feeling is just due to losing you which I of course already knew, but it was nice to hear it from a rational person.  “Listen, I cannot even fathom what you have gone through and will go through for the rest of your life.  I hurt badly from this and I only get to feel this on a small scale compared to you.  You have to carry this around with you forever, while the ones who cared about Ronan, your family, your friends, get to go on with their lives.  You don’t.  I cannot imagine what that must feel like for you.  But you are doing such amazing things and even if you can’t see it now, you are changing the world because of him and because of your pain.” I sat, listened, and fought back my tears the entire time that I was with him.  I let his words soak in and lick my wounds for a while.  “Tell me what I can do for you. Please.” I looked down at the floor and thought for a bit.  My list came in my mind later as I named off a few things, but really just thanked him for being such a dear friend.  He said some more things to me that I won’t repeat, but left me saying, “How do you know that?  How do you know everything?  Nobody knows that.  Does Ronan talk to you and tell you these things?”  I honestly think you do, Ronan.  There is no other way to explain how that man knows the darkest parts of my soul and heart, yet he is not afraid.  You only left me with the best and for that, I will always be thankful.  I sat quietly and watched as he bounced your baby sister on his lap and kissed her up and down.  She is so lucky to have him as her Godfather, to love and look after her.  I know he will keep her safe.

I’m full fledged in the middle of writing this book.  I told your daddy if I had a month, uninterrupted, I could finish it, easily.  The problem I’m facing is I may have too much material, and too much to say.  Go figure.  I’ve been writing about your treatment, which has been hard.  Reliving the things you went through, has not been fun and it’s not what I want this book to be about, so I’ve been trying to make this section, as short as possible.  This book writing has left me not sleeping or eating well and may be part of the reason why I feel like I’m no the verge of a breakdown.  I just keep telling myself, I’ve got to just get though this part, but it’s not like I have anything to look forward to next as I will just be writing about your death.  Fucking cancer.

As far as an update goes, things here for the most part have been normal.  Your brothers are playing a slew of sports 24/7.  Basketball, Baseball, and Flag Football.  I, of course, look for you on every field and on every team.  It still blows my mind that you are never there.  I know for a fact that you would be playing all the sports that your brothers are and dominating in every way.  You were always are mini Pat Tillman who was going to rule the world.  Poppy is developing such a little personality and at 7 months, is already trying to walk.  She has been keeping me on my toes and the determination that I see in her eyes reminds me so much of you.  My days are mostly spent taking care of her while continuing to fight for you and all that was stolen from us.  I’ve been hiking like crazy, with Poppy in tow of course.  She loves it and usually just falls asleep the entire time.  It’s our peaceful time to spend with you and the small time out of my day that I try to take for myself to be with my grief/plot how I’m going to take over this fucked up world.  I went to the Pearl Jam concert a few nights ago with your daddy, Uncle Jay, and Char.  Sometimes all you need in life is a little Eddie Vedder to remind you of who you really are.  I love that man and the concert was unreal.  By far one of the best ones I’ve been to.  Eddie Vedder will forever be one of my idols in life as I appreciate so much how he just lives his life the way he wants, with no apologies.  He just is who he is.  Not to mention the fact that he is deliciously handsome, insanely talented, and I could just stop and melt right here.  It was a great night, to say the least.  Pearl Jam ended the concert with “Keep On Rocking In The Free World,” and of course I sang along as loudly as I could while I thought of you the entire time.  I miss you so much, Ro.

Time to go, little man.  It’s raining like crazy here today.  I miss you.  I love you.  I hope you are safe.

xoxo

P.S. For those of you who have been trying to order some things on our Big Cartel site, I SO apologize.  We have been dealing with some *cough cough* technical difficulties.  It is being worked on and will be re launched soon as we also have a new foundation logo to unveil.  Our seal needed a little make-over and update.  I’ll keep you posted on when things are ready.  Thanks as always for your love and support.

Love our Lovies! Thank you for all you do for The Ronan Thompson Foundation!

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http://theronanthompsonfoundation.com/lovies

Sometimes I have a really hard day and then I come home to see something like this…

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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v2EwOwvCRaI&feature=youtu.be

 

And I can’t stop smiling and crying because of all the beautiful souls out there who have come my way because of you, Ronan.

This was one of the songs we used to always sing to Ronan. It is so special to our entire family. Holly, you are amazingly talented and DARLING. Thank you for making my night.

xx

Join us in the Run To Fight Children’s Cancer!

 

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Late night rants and I can’t put Poppy down.

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Ronan. Fucking, fuck, fuck, fuck. I’m venting on here tonight and I don’t even care. I have been spending all of my nights, writing about this nightmare for this book and going back to re read my blog, which I’ve NEVER done, to reference some things.

This is beyond torture. I knew this was going to be hard, but SHITBALLS! This is beyond sick. I would give anything to be tucking you into bed instead.

So, the little time at night that I sleep, I have been having horrific nightmares. Last night, Poppy had cancer and went from being my healthy, chubby baby girl, to wilting away in my arms as I watched her die. Are you FUCKING KIDDING ME?! Can’t I catch a break around here?! I mean, I wake up to a nightmare everyday, which is not having you here, and I can’t even go to sleep without being tortured as well. Where are my puppies, unicorns and rainbows when I need them? Oh, I remember. I stopped subscribing to those a long time ago. Lucky me. Whatever. It is impossible for me to have gone through something like this and just stick my head in the sand and pretend like nothing happened. I’m so sick of hearing from the idiots of the world that now that I have Poppy, I should just move on and leave all of this behind. Well, nobody has ever told this to my face, but as always, I hear the whispers and they are whispers of BULLSHIT from sad souls who are obviously so self absorbed that they think that going through something like this, then having a baby makes everything disappear. That is so very untrue and so very ignorant.

Leave all of this behind?! Are you kidding me? Never. I will never sell my soul to the devil that way. I will never sell out and “move on” from Ronan. Yesterday, I woke up to 7 kids dying of cancer. 7!!!!  And that is only in the United States! Where are the riots on the street for that?!? Unbelievable.

I am not going anywhere, ever. I will stay here and continue to fight for you, Ronan and for all of these other kids until the day I die. I am not going “back” to my life of happy. I am a tortured soul and I can live with that. If anybody that is close to me has a problem with that, then please feel free to exit. The whispers are getting beyond fucking annoying.

Ronan. I started that rant a while ago. I think I was in the middle of being consumed by my writing at night and obviously I needed a break. My break came at the perfect timing as my childhood best friend, invited us down to stay with her over the weekend in Hood River, Oregon. It’s taken me a while to be able to say yes to something like this. I know Amy has been wanting to see me for a while now, but it’s honestly taken me this long to get back to that place where I feel I can see people again. Coming to your Nana and Papa’s is wonderful in so many ways, but I do tend to turn into a little of a hermit here. Meaning I don’t go out and do a lot of things. I prefer to stay home and only venture out for little adventures, here and there. Thankfully, they have enough acres and space to make us feel like we are in a different world, off doing a million adventures, without having to leave or drive anywhere to do so. When Amy asked to see us, I hesitated a little bit but ended up telling her we would come to her. We needed a change of scenery and I very much needed a break from my writing. Plus, I really have missed my dear friend.

We headed out on Friday for a weekend full of all thing amazing and beautiful that the Pacific Northwest has to offer this time of year. Mountain biking up some wicked trails, running through sprinklers, blueberry picking, ice cream, watching the boys play and splash on the beach, an amazing hike, all in a 48 hour period. Your brothers had such fun with her boys that they didn’t want to leave. I handled the weekend pretty well and tried not to let the wind get knocked out of me every time Amy’s very spicy 3-year-old, did something naughty. Oh, how he reminded me of you. He even has that same color of copper hair. Seeing your brothers with him and watching them giggle whenever he did something he was not supposed to do, broke my heart over and over again. But I survived the weekend much like the way I survive this life, by being surrounded by really amazing people and letting myself get lost in the smiles from your brothers and cuddles from your sister.

At one point Amy said to me, “You know you can put Poppy down, right?” Apparently I had been walking around pretty much the entire weekend, without setting her down except for when I had to change her diaper, but I hadn’t noticed this. I just looked at Amy and said, “Put her down? I never put her down. I can’t.” Errrrrr… I might be turning into an obsessive psycho maniac over your sister, but we all know there is a good reason behind this. Besides the fact that she is just too adorable to ever stop staring at.

Our weekend was wonderful and I’m back to the grind of trying to juggle 50 things at once. Yesterday, I felt so beat down that I almost cracked. It’s times like these that your Nana can sense it all and looks at me and says, “Give me Poppy and go for a run to blow off some steam.” That’s precisely what I did. It’s going to be hard to leave this place to go back to the realities of Arizona. It is still really hard for me to be there, but I will stick it out until something comes along to take us elsewhere. A change is in the air I think but I’m just not sure what that looks like as of now.

I have some other not so fun things to vent about, but I’m not going to do that now as I have to get back to the hours I need to put in with your book. All will come in due time. I also have some really amazing things to share as well as the sad/beautiful seem to live hand in hand.

I miss you so much, Ronan. I miss you. I love you. I hope you are safe. Sweet dreams, baby doll.

xoxo

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Secret Dimples and Butterflies

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Ronan. You know what got me through today? That little secret dimple you gave Poppy. The exact same one you had hidden on your little right lower cheek. The one that only came out when you smile or pouted.

The picture below is you at around a year. This was Poppy yesterday. That secret little dimple is such a gift that every time I see it, I get butterflies in my stomach. You are beyond amazing for doing this and this is absolute proof that you played such a huge role in all things Poppy.

Thank you, Ro.

xoxo

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All good things are wild and free. Especially in Washington.

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Ronan. We went on our first kind of real vacation without you, since you died. A real vacation meaning a vacation that we had talked about going on while you were alive, but never did so. A vacation that I grew up going on during my summer breaks from school. The one that I always dreamed of taking my 3 boys on, when they were old enough. We always put it off because “Ronan is too young and I’m scared that he won’t listen to me and will die by jumping off the side of the yacht. We can take him when he’s 4 or 5, but not now.” Not now sucks balls and I should have, would have could have because guess what?!  I got to have you die not from having the time of your life by jumping off the side of our boat but from cancer instead. Lucky me, lucky you. This will always be one of my biggest regrets in life, the not taking you on this trip because you were too wild and crazy. We would have had the best wild and crazy time together, Ronan and I will always be sorry about this.

 
So, to the San Juan Islands in Washington we went. With your Nana, Papa Jim, my step-sister, her husband, their daughter, your daddy, brothers and Poppy girl. Your Papa Jim has been so excited for this vacation and has been talking about taking you all on it for years. It was definitely one of his dreams to do so during his life. Before he gets too old and can no longer navigate and drive the boat. We just spent the most beautiful week all together in the open seas, going from harbor to harbor. We made our way all around the islands and even up to Canada. The weather cooperated perfectly for me as most of the days were cool and a little dark and rainy. It was almost the perfect vacation. You were the only thing missing from the perfection of it all. Your brothers had a blast doing all the nature/ocean things that we don’t really get to do living in Arizona. We caught our own crabs for dinners, played in the fresh, cool air, Quinn drove the little dingy about in the ocean and laughed as he went faster and faster with your Papa Jim right by his side. There were card games, stories galore, catching and releasing sea creatures, beautiful family time. It was a vacation that you would have went crazy for. I tried to handle it all as gracefully as I could and I didn’t even feel the urge to throw myself off of the boat and into the choppy ocean seas. Poppy was a dream and barely made a peep except when she decided to grace us all with her coos and smiles. This vacation meant so much to all of us, but most of all to your Papa Jim and I’m so glad we got to do this with him. There are not too many 70-year-old Papas that can drive a huge boat through the middle of the islands and not blink an eye. It is something I know your brothers will remember forever and that means so much to me. Our vacation is over but we will spent the rest of the summer at your Nana and Papa’s house while your daddy goes back and forth between here and Arizona. Our first real trip without you is over and I am sad, but only because it was a trip that we never got to take you on. That just goes to show, you should never put things off because you never know how short one’s life really will be. . I’ll never be able to take you on a trip that you should have went on and the only reason I got through that trip was because of your sister. Because every time I got sad I just looked down at her and told myself that a part of you was there, with us. I didn’t really let your Poppy sister out of my sight and there is a good reason behind all of that. I don’t think I could have done that trip, without her much like I don’t think I would be able to do this life if it weren’t for her. She has brought back little pieces of you everywhere.
 
Tomorrow, Macy is flying in to spend some time with us while your Daddy leaves. Everyone, including your Nana and Papa are excited about that. My friend, Robyn, Ezra’s mom, is coming down to stay for a day as well as she is visiting her family up in the Seattle area. I’m so lucky to have the kind of parent’s who are so happy to welcome all of my friends into their lives and their house, like they are part of our family. They never act inconvenienced or put out and they always welcome my friends with open arms. I am so lucky in that regard. I know I will do the same for my boys and your sister when the time comes. I am so lucky to have the friends that I do. Especially that Macy of yours that will drop everything at the drop of a hat to swoop in and come to Washington just because I ask her to. I’m sure your Poppy sister had a little something to do with that as Macy can’t take going too long without seeing her. It will be so wonderful to have her here.
 
Ronan. I started this a few nights ago. I’m sorry I haven’t written. Macy is here and has been for a few days. It is because of this that I know for the time being, I will be o.k. She makes everything better. Tomorrow, we are meeting Paxton’s mama who flew in to spent the year anniversary of her baby boys death with me. I know I don’t know her, but I am going to try my hardest to help her through tomorrow. She took a chance on me and I am going to do my best even though most of the time, I have not a clue as to what I am doing. All I know is you would want me to help her. Isn’t that what I am left her for? To help others when I can? I’m sick about tomorrow and for what’s to come. I spoke to her tonight and told her I don’t know how, but we will get her through tomorrow. Please help us with this little man. Let Paxton’s mommy feel him all around us. We’ll need it so much to get her through the hell of a day that it’s going to be. I love you, Ronan.
 
I miss you. I love you. I hope you are safe.
 
xoxo
 
P.S. Fuck you cancer. You are still the biggest asshole I know. I am so sad and mad and heartbroken for tomorrow, the day that took Paxton away from his family. A sweet, innocent baby. Nobody can ever justify or make sense of ANY OF THIS. Ever.

For those of you who want to sponsor me…

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THANK YOU! I’ve gotten so many emails from people saying they can’t run, but would love to sponsor me. What do I say to that?!?! HECK YES! And thank you times a million! You all are such wonderful, beautiful souls.

I know Ronan is so proud of all we are doing. The link to sponsor me is down below. Nothing can stop me from running for Ro. Not even these E size milk filled boobs.

xoxo

http://www.firstgiving.com/fundraiser/rockandro/runlikearockstar

1st Annual Run Like A Rockstar!

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Come join me in a 5k in my hometown! So excited to do this, so thankful for the support! Details for the race are in the link below! Let’s run for Ro!

http://www.active.com/running/longview-wa/the-ronan-thompson-foundation-5k-run-walk-2013

  • Instagram is my BFF

    Self timer handstand fail or a really intense dance move? #ronan #bookwriting #bahahaha #fucancer #handstandfail I broke my handstand record for time, so I guess that means I should go home now. #ronan #fucancer #ronanbook #chopshop #handstandqueen #thatsallshewrote Poppy's learned some new moves. @macymwood #poppy #ronan #daftpunk #thatsherjam She thinks I'm funny. #poppy #ronan #poppymommyselfie #fucancer Having a conversation with crazy from across the street. #poppy #ronan #poppydoesntdropthefbombsthough #fucancer @knjoy I think I found the person that's been eating all of our Nutella. #poppy #ronan #busted #weneedanewjar #nofoodjustnutella My favorite Poky Little Puppy. #poppy #ronan #bookobsessed #pokylittlepuppy #ilovehervoice Must be a book writing night. #ronan #fucancer #ronanbook #bestofficeever #handstandqueen Somebody get this kid an agent. #ronan #fucancer #omg #hes10 #basketball #littleballer #madskills Brother pick up time! #poppy#ronan #fucancer Working on my skin cancer. #ronan #fucancer #justkidding #coveredinsunscreen #camelbackmountain #hotasballsuphere #mommytimeout She had to stay up past her bedtime to wait for her sissy to get home. #poppy #ronan #fucancer #soulsisters @knjoy
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