Why hello beautiful boy

Today was actually a wonderful day. Wonderful as in we only had to go to the clinic for the standard blood tests and to have Ronan’s broviac dressing changed. We got to see our favorite nurse, Sharon, which is always a treat. Ronan told me today that she is his favorite person to see at the clinic. So sweet he is. This morning he woke me up at 7 a.m. on the dot demanding scrambled eggs, pronto! I tried my best to put him off as I was so cozy in bed but he wasn’t having it. I got up, made him his eggs, and got Quinn ready for school. Liam is still at Mimi and Papa’s due to not feeling well. After Quinny got off to school, I spent the rest of the morning cooking for Ronan and making him food about every half an hour. He is constantly hungry which is a very good thing, but leaves me exhausted and I don’t get much else done around the house. We headed out to PCH and had a chance to talk to Dr. Eshun about Ronan’s scans. He overall seemed pleased with everything but does not want to give us any concrete statistics until we get the MIBG scan done. This will be the most telling of all of the scans. Thursday cannot get here soon enough. After the clinic visit, Ronan was begging me to take him to Chelsea’s Kitchen for lunch. We met Woody there and watched as Ronan chowed down some of Woody’s French Dip, french fries, and his Grilled Cheese Sandwich. I had my favorite, the Ahi Tuna Tacos. Most amazing things ever. I could never get tired of that place. Ronan was happy to be out with his mom and dad and it was a gorgeous day spent with a gorgeous boy who is feeling wonderful. You have no idea what it does to my heart to see him so happy and carefree. Forget the fact that his life has been overtaken by cancer; today none of that mattered. Quinn came home from school and cousin Luke came over for a couple hours to play. The boys played baseball outside and ran around like crazy. I felt like a normal mom for a minute… making them after school snacks, helping with homework, doing laundry, and getting to hear all about Quinn and Luke’s day at school. It’s days like today that the cancer cloud that hangs over my head disappears for just a short amount of time. It is the most wonderful feeling in the world. I made the boys’ dinner and as soon as Woody got home, I headed out to my gym to get in a quick workout. I’d better try to get in as much exercise as possible before transplant starts because I know once that starts, all of my workouts are going to be gone for awhile. Not looking forward to that but I will just have to suck it up and keep telling myself that this isn’t forever. Soon we will have Ronan back and our lives will return to being somewhat the same; but with much more appreciation for anything and everything that comes our way. After going through something like this, the little things are going to seem so less in our life and we have learned what truly matters. I am grateful in a way for this lesson and I have all the faith in the world that Ronan was put here on this earth to teach us these things and to help us change the world. He has such a special journey planned for all of us and we are going to follow his lead. I have learned to just go with my gut feeling with most everything in my life and it always turns out right. I will follow Ronan to the end of the earth and back and feel so lucky to do so. He is the most amazing little boy. Never in my life have I known someone so strong, brave and beautiful and he is all of this at only the age of 3. Just imagine what he is going to be like as an adult. I cannot wait to see what life has in store for him.

I have learned that my days now are filled with both sadness and beauty. I am o.k. with that because I try so hard to make sure the beauty outweighs the sadness. Maybe Ronan was born such a beautiful boy for this purpose… because this has always been what his journey in life was meant to be and being so beautiful, would help me get through this?? Never has a more beautiful boy existed and I am not just saying this because I am his mother. I am not biased, this is the truth and I now know it was for a very special reason. All I have to do when I am feeling too sad or scared is look into his big blue eyes and my fears melt away. The look in his eyes tells me over and over that he is going to be fine. I truly believe that with every part of my mind, body, and soul. Everyday, I am finding things I am thankful for and it reminds me how precious life on this earth is. Ronan is a gift and I am so happy I get to share him all with you.

That is all for tonight. I am going to hot yoga with Stacy at 5:30 a.m. in the morning. Told you I’m taking full advantage of my freedom and what better way to start my morning than drenched in sweat and tears. Love you all my dear friends. Sweet dreams of peace and happiness.

xoxo

Love my name
Love left dry
Frost or flame
Skeleton me
Fall asleep
Spin the sky
Skeleton me
Love, don’t cry
Love, don’t cry
Love, don’t cry
Skeleton me
Skeleton me

Soon comes rain
Dry your eyes
Frost or flame
Skeleton me
Fall asleep
Spin the sky
Skeleton me
Love, don’t cry
Love, don’t cry
Love, don’t cry
Skeleton me
Skeleton me

Skeleton me

Mess with the bull, you get the horns!

Tonight is the eve of my babies surgery. I know it is a
very good thing that tomorrow is here; but I am still filled with
an overwhelming amount of anxiety, anger, sadness, sorrow, etc…
basicially I have been through about every emotion one can feel
today. We have been waiting so long for tomorrow to come; and now
that it is almost here… I don’t even know what to do with myself. I
won’t be o.k. until I hear the words that Ronan is out of surgery
and he is doing fine. Until then, I am going to be a wreck. I will
find the strength to keep it together as much as possible tomorrow,
but it is going to be a very hard day. I spent this morning with
Ronan, doing our usual things. We went downstairs and I made him
breakfast. We came back upstairs and finished watching “Despicible
Me” from last night. We then all got ready for the day. I had to
laugh at Woody today at a comment he made to me. I was just getting
out of the shower sans no make-up… he looked at me and goes,
“What’s going on with the dark circles under your eyes? “When did
that happen?” I tried my best not to punch him, and just calmly
told him that they have been there for a few weeks now. He tried to
argue with me and told me that they have not; and I then told him,
yes they have and thank god for make-up. Without it, I look like
somebody has given me two black eyes. I’ve never dealt with the
issues of black circles under my eyes before and I thought it was
funny that he just now noticed today. Looking in the mirror anymore
is weird for me… I look different and my eyes definitely tell the
story. I have been laughing about this all day, because for some
strange reason it is funny to me. I’ll take any kind of humor I can
get right about now. After we got ready, Woody sent me out to get
the pedicure he put in my stocking for Christmas. It was so nice to
get out and go pamper myself a little bit. I got a dark purple
color for Ronan of course. New York was cold and dizzily today and
I quite enjoyed my walk. As I was leaving the pedicure place, I was
in the middle of texting my friend, whom I’m calling, Mr.Sparkly Eyes, to please keep Ronan in his prayers tonight and
tomorrow, which I know he always does, but I said something along
the lines of, “you know I have my issues with God, but I’m asking
for anything at this point.” (and please, no snarky comments here,
I have a right to be mad and questioning everything) As soon as I
texted him those words, I passed a small Catholic Church with the
Fleur De Lis symbol on the outside of it. The Fleur De Lis has kind
of become a family symbol of ours. I walked past the church and
then immediately turned around and went inside. It was empty and I
walked right up to the front and sat down. As soon as I did this I
started crying and sat and cried for a good 30 minutes. I cried, I
prayed, I begged, I asked questions and I cried some more. It was
so peaceful inside and I felt such a sense of comfort and warmth. I
lit 3 candles inside that church tonight. One for Ronan, one for
Jack Morton, and one for Mia Foutz. I said prayers for all of them.
I then left the church but not before I filled it with about 50 of
Ronan’s little cards with his picture and story on it. It’s been
about 16 years since I’ve been inside of a church to pray. It was
just what I needed and exactly where I needed to be tonight. I
haven’t talked to anyone really today, besides my friend, Pamela
White. I have kind of gone into hiding today… so sorry to my
friends…I’m a little too weak to talk right now. I needed to talk
to Pam tonight and that was all. I needed her because she has been
exactly where I am standing, litterely. It was her voice that I
needed to hear, the comfort in her voice, and her advice. She
talked, I listened, I cried, and I believed in every word she was
saying. She told me there was no way to prepare for tomorrow, and
told me no day will ever be as bad as the day Ronan was diagnosed.
She is so right. Nothing in my life, so far, will ever be as bad as
that day. Woody keeps telling me tomorrow is the biggest day of our
life and he is right. He also has been so great about sending me
text messages telling me how Ronan can do this, how he is so much
stronger than every other kid. He is so great about doing things
like this… I tend to go into shut down mode and push everyone away.
I just want tomorrow to be over and Ronan to be o.k. I want that
fucking tumor out of his abdomen. We have to be at the hospital at
7 a.m. East Coast time. Ronan is not scheduled for surgery until
10:50 a.m,, but he may be going in earlier depending on how the
morning goes. I will keep you all posted as best I can and I am so
thankful for all of your prayers and how much you will be thinking
of him/us. Thank you all for your messages today, via text,
facebook, phonecalls, emails, etc…. They mean so much to me. I got
a really sweet one from my friend Shelby that I am going to share.
Thanks for this tonight, Shelby, I really needed this.
I wish you a couple of hours of sleep
tonight and a smooth day tomorrow. Your family has been on my mind
on day. I took you to yoga with me tonight and turned my practice
over to you. My teacher pulled off his shirt mid class (yeah!) and
he had a beautiful tattoo that said “this too shall pass”…just
like yours. I take it all as a sign and I know that you will take a
huge jump in your goal to kick cancer’s ass tomorrow when you get
it all out of your baby. Blessings and strength mama!
Shelby
My friend, Noelle, also reminded
me tonight that Ronan is a Taurus. A stubborn bull who is
determined to win! He will win, he will fly through this surgery
with such strength and determination. He is our fighter, our hero,
our Rockstar! Nothing is going to stand in his way. Let’s get this
freaking show on the road already. So, I am asking that you keep Ro
and all of his doctors in your prayers tomorrow. Dr. LaQuaglia,
especially as well. He is beyond blessed at what he does and I have
complete faith in him. He is going to save our baby. Sleep well
tonight and I hope your dreams are filled with images of Ronan. I
am leaving you tonight with a beautiful picture of a butterfly. To
me, butterfly’s represent a rebirth…. a shedding of their cocoon
only to be reborn as something even more beautiful than before.
After tomorrow, Ronan will be reborn and free of the mass in his
abdomen. A new, fresh start for him. The rebirth of our baby boy. I
love you all and I promise to update you as soon as we hear
anything tomorrow. xoxo

Angels waiting in the wings

I am amazed at the people who have come out of the woodwork to help us. People that we know and complete strangers just because they are touched by Ronan’s story. I put something out into the universe today… and I am getting amazing responses. People who are willing to go above and beyond to help us any way they can. It is people like this that the world needs more of. Selfless people who stand by their word and pour all the energy they have into helping out people like us. I’ll never look at the human spirit the same again.

All has been pretty quiet around here. Ronan is still storming right a long. He had a few fits today….bouts of anger and hitting me for no reason. Well, I guess he had a reason…. his reason. He was that angry that Liam and Quinn were not home. He likes to take it out on me and when his little temper hits, I bear the brunt of it. Not fun to see or watch. He’s like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. I never know what his moods are going to be like. I am doing my best to discipline him but sometimes nothing works and I’ve come to find out I just have to let him let his anger out. He’s got to be angry about a lot and I know he is having a hard time processing what he is feeling. It’s heartbreaking. I keep telling him that we will get through this and he will get better. He talks all the time about getting his “Iron Man” out. I don’t blame the kid.

We go to the clinic in the morning and then Mimi Kay and Kathy are going to watch Ronan so I can get some things done. It will be nice to get out of the house and take a break from Ronan. I am meeting my friends Jen, Bethany, and Trish for lunch and to go over some things for Ronan. I am so lucky to have girlfriends who are willing to drop whatever to see me and work on some ongoing projects with me. All of their support has been keeping me going.

I can’t believe the holidays are right around the corner. It’s my favorite time of year to live here. I am hoping to take Ronan to a pumpkin patch this week or next. We will of course talk Liam and Quinn as well. Last year we lived at the pumpkin patches and I took all of the boys half a dozen times. We are a pretty active family and I love taking my 3 little guys off for adventures. It’s been awhile since we’ve done anything like that. Ronan seems to be feeling just fine so a pumpkin picking we will go.

I’m still trying to find my balance and where my life fits into all of this. Before this happened, my life consisted of a daily routine of healthy outlets. I’ve let all of those things go and can’t seem to get back into them. I miss my workouts, running, hiking, boot camp, etc…. Any time I have free from Ronan, I find myself feeling guilty. I feel like I need to be with him 24 hours a day. I know that’s not realistic or heathy, but time away from him feels selfish to me. I know I need a break and I am going to try to start doing some things again. To be quite honest, I feel like if I put myself back out there, there world is just going to swallow me whole. It’s that whole anxiety thing that I’m now dealing with I guess. I feel safer trapped inside my little bubble with my little guy by my side. It is something I will continue to struggle with but I will also continue to work on. There has got to be a happy medium somewhere… it’s just going to take work to find my new comfort zone.

It’s 3:10 in the morning now. I’ve been up off and on all night long. I finally feel like I am tired enough to sleep a few hours. Thanks for reading this, thinking of us, and praying for our family. Love to you all<3 Goodnight, friends.

Strong enough

Ronan had a great day. We went into the clinic to have his blood levels checked to make sure they are high enough to start the harvest of the stem cells tomorrow. They are through the roof so we got the green light! I am so happy we are staying on track with things and Ronan is such a little Rockstar that he is busting right though all this cancer crap. While we were at the clinic, I quietly asked our nurse Sharon a question that has been on my mind all weekend…. eating away at me. I asked her if it was common to never see your doctor. O.K…. not never, I’ve met the man one time to be exact. This is just not sitting well with me. I can always count on Sharon to be honest with me and I got my answer. From that point on, I knew what I had to do but I wanted to make sure Woody was on board with me. I stepped out into the hall and made a quick phone call to him. I then walked back into the room and told Sharon and Marsha, our social worker, that we would like to request a change of doctors. In the blink of an eye, they made it happen. Ronan’s primary doctor, who will be taking over his case is Dr. Eshun. I’ve seen Dr. Eshun a dozen times… he is always checking in on us to say hello or to quickly look over Ronan. To me, that means the world. As a mother, I know I have to be my son’s biggest advocate and I have to feel like he isn’t just another number. He is a child, my child… not some science project. I am feeling pretty out of control about everything to do with Ronan’s situation. This gave me a feeling of control back and tonight, I am feeling much better about things. I need to know that we are in the right hands at PCH. If we are going to stay here, we have to be happy with how everything is going. Otherwise, they are going to hear about it. We are not the type of family to sit back quietly and not express the way we are feeling.

We have a very early and long day tomorrow. We have to be down at PCH by 7:30 and will be there until around 4:00 in the evening. I am hoping to get some sleep tonight without the terrible nightmares. Everyone is already asleep in our house… guess I will try to get some shut eye too. Tonight, Woody and I had some time alone. We cuddled on the couch together and watched Bill Maher. It was nice to just be with him. I am going to leave you with one of my favorite song lyrics tonight. Anyone who knows us knows that we are family that is crazy about music. I heard one of my favorite songs on the radio today… it’s by Sheryl Crow. It reminded me how lucky I am to be married to Woody.

“When I’ve shown you that I just don’t care.
When I’m throwing punches in the air.
When I’m broken down and I can’t stand.
Will you be man enough to be my man?”
- Sheryl Crow, Strong Enough

Woody is so strong. I promise I will stay strong too… for the sake of my amazing husband. I won’t let him down.

It will always be Maya and Woody or Woody and Maya

My feelings have been getting hurt a lot over things lately. Things that normally wouldn’t bother me, but they do now. I’ve been struggling with all of these new feelings and have felt guilty  thinking I was being selfish and mean for having them. I now know that these feelings are normal because of what we are going through. I found a guideline today while reading the online handbook. It made me feel as if maybe I am not losing my mind. If anything, I am more in tune with what is the appropriate way to act when handling our situation. Most people do it with such grace and ease…. some not so much. I wish I was more “guy like” and could just brush certain things off. I’m not that way at all. I sit and think about things too much and it is a waste of time and energy. I’ve got to let some things go and spend time on things that are important to me now. I can’t be dealing with other B.S. That’s all I’m saying about that because as I said before, it’s not worth my time and energy. I know what is true and what is not.

Today, I got a call from one of our nurses, “A.” Yes, that is really what she is called. Her real name is something else, but she has been called just “A,” ever since she was about 4 years old. She called to tell me they have set up Ronan’s scans. His first one will be this Thursday and his second one will be next Thursday. My stomach dropped just hearing that they are set up. I know I have been waiting for this but I feel like the not knowing part is almost easier at this point. It’s like I am in a protective bubble and when those scan results come back, it’s going to pop. We are hoping that the results will show that the shrinkage of his tumor  is about 20-25%. We are praying and praying hard. What we are doing has to be working. Ronan will have to be put under with anesthesia both days. I hate that part but I know Dr. Maze will take good care of my little seal. He won’t let anything happen to him so that makes me worry a little less.

Tonight, Woody and I were able to get out for a few hours. We went to meet our friends, Kenny and Stacy Frakes for dinner. As we were walking to AZ88, holding hands… I closed my eyes for just a second, took a deep breath, and pretended that we were on one of our normal weekly dates that we used to have and that none of this was happening to us. It was just Maya and Woody and nothing else mattered or existed. For those 10 seconds, I felt such bliss and happiness. I felt connected with my husband and it felt really good. We met our friends, who we have not been out with on a double date with in a good 5 years. Which is so sad. Another one of those times in your life where you get too busy and always say you are going to meet up and never do. What a waste of years without good company. Kenny and Stacy are the kind of friends where 5 years can go by without seeing them and then 5 years later you meet up and pick right back up where you left off. Woody and I had the best time with them tonight. We got to act like a couple again and enjoy being out with our friends. We talked about everything from Ronan to Bob Dylan. Tonight was an absolute joy in every way. I also love that Kenny and Stacy are not the kind of friends who run away and disappear after something like this happens. If anything, it made them want to see us more because they truly care and love us. We knew them before were married, and have always held them close to our hearts. I am so glad Ken got in touch with Woody and we set something up. It was so healthy for us to do something like that. I actually saw Woody enjoying himself tonight. I have not seen that side of him in 7 weeks. It was beautiful, refreshing, and made me all warm and fuzzy inside. We need to take time to do things like that more often. I was not ready before… but I feel like I am now. Woody and I are the foundation of our family. We have to love, cherish, and take time for each other. We are going to try harder to work on that. This won’t break us or our family.

My inspiration

Busy little bee

My day started at 5 a.m. this morning. That is usually not a big deal but seeing how I didn’t get to sleep until 3 a.m…. I am surprised I am still awake right now. 2 hours of sleep is hard to get by on. Ronan had an eye check-up at 7:30 a.m. which meant we had to leave the house at 6:45 to allow enough time to get to Dr. Cassidy’s office. He is far away from us and I wanted to be a little early so we could sneak into the office without any other patients there. Mission accomplished. Ronan was not happy about getting up so early, but I talked him into it. We met with Dr. Cassidy and he did Ronan’s eye exam to see how his  eye was recovering after his surgery on his left orbit. He was afraid that it might be weaker than his right eye and he had talked about patching his right eye to give his left eye the strength it needed to catch up. After his exam he decided that he was very pleased with what he was seeing, and so far thinks that Ronan has no damage to his eye! That is great news for our little guy! One less thing to have to deal with! We left the eye appointment, headed to pick up my mom, and then went off to the clinic for our Monday exam. They did his blood work and all of his counts looked really good. His ANC counts(his immune system levels) were in the 6,000’s so we get to take a little break from his Neupogen shots. Woody was so happy about that. Giving Ronan those shots has not gotten any easier on us or him. He HATES them and we hate giving him them. Our plan is to start his stem cell harvest on Monday, assuming his counts are still climbing. We will pray that his immune system keeps going though the roof! After we left the clinic we came home and had lunch.

My friend Jen came over to help me work on a few things for the tee shirts and for Ronan’s Foundation. I am so excited about all the things that we have in store for The Ronan Thompson Foundation. This is a way for us to give back to something greater than Ronan. My hopes are to raise so much money that we can donate it to Neuroblastoma research for a cure, add a wing to Phoenix Children’s Hospital, and hopefully help many family’s who are going through something like this, but may not have the support system or strength that we do. I want to give to people in times of need, a glimmer of hope and strength. When Ronan beats this ugly disease, our fundraisers will continue for the rest of our lives. I was just telling my mom tonight that I can’t wait for the day that Ronan is better, and we have organized a run in his honor. Every year, we do the Pat Tillman run here. It is a tradition of ours and I can’t wait for the day that we have the “Ronan’s Run.” His Foundation is something that I will work on for the rest of my life. It is now a full time job and I am so passionate about all of it. As I said before, this is my calling in life and it is what I was meant to do. And I do everything 110% so I know it is going to make huge difference in the world.

I talked to Charisma today for quite a while. It was so moving to hear her voice and listen to her talk about her experience with the Rally for a Cure. She had the most beautiful things to say about the kids who were there, about how it made her feel, how Ronan is going to be fine, and how she is going to work to make a difference. She said she always had it in the back of her mind to use her celebrity status for charity purposes…. but she never really had something she was super passionate about; until now. There was a reason that she didn’t just pick a charity… it is because Ronan was going to need her all along. I was going to need her all along. I think that is very telling of the kind of person she is. Any celebrity can put their  name on something… it makes them look good. Charisma is the kind of person who does good things when nobody is looking.

Having my mom here has allowed me to get caught up on a bunch of things today. I have not stopped until I sat down to write this blog tonight. Woody and I were supposed to go on a date…but we are both so tired we just decided to stay in. We have plans to go to dinner tomorrow night with some friends we haven’t seen in a very long time. I am really looking forward to that. Goodnight, sweet dreams, and blessings to you all!

I also wanted to say a special thank you to everyone who came out in my hometown to support Ronan. I wish I could give you all a big hug for believing in my child. Next year I know my little guy is going to be the one handing out the trophy to someone else! A very special thanks to Kim Walters for working so hard on everything and making Ronan the poster child for hope! I am so lucky to have been raised in such a loving community<3

To everyone who would like a Rockstar Ronan shirt…

Please email me at:

rockstarronan@gmail.com

First come, first serve as they are going fast. We will be printing more soon.

RockStarRonan Tee’s

Raglan (Baseball) Tee’s – Unisex Youth sizes: medium & large Adult sizes: small – xxl
White Ladies Tee Adult sizes: small – xl

Thanks for your support!!

Ronan has a Facebook page!

If you are on Facebook, search for Rockstar Ronan. I have created a page for him!! Thanks!!

The face of an angel

I’m not sure how much I’ll be able to write tonight. My husband says he does not have a wife anymore… he has a blogger. He needs me to spend some time with him. I will just say that today we had a great day. My mom is here and I know that I made the right decision on making her wait to come out and see us. She is stronger now and Ronan is stronger as well. Having her here is the perfect timing. She gets to see her sweet baby grandchild while he is feeling great. That is exactly what I wanted. I took Ronan out for his first time in 7 weeks. We went to Yogurtland and sat outside with Liam, Quinn, my mom, Gay, Chet, and Cal (Liam and Quinn’s buddies) Ronan was practically glowing. He was so happy to be out and with his brothers and friends. We sat outside on this beautiful AZ night and the boys played and giggled. I’m going to talk to the doctors tomorrow about Ronan being around other kids. Taking his childhood away from him is just not fair. He needs to be around other kids. Of course I had out the hand sanitizer every 5 minutes, but that’s o.k. At least he was out:) It was exactly what he needed.

My friend, Charisma, got back from Toronto today. She sent me a really beautiful email about her experience and I wanted to share. Instead of blogging a bunch tonight, I thought I would share a couple of things. Here is a little bit of what Charisma experienced.

Maya,
I thought this trip to fundraise would be so heart breaking and sad- which was ok, I was ready for it. But you’re never ready to see kids fight so hard for their right to live. However, they inspired me so much!

A Dr. spoke at the gala dinner last night. He’s a Doctor from “Sickkids Hospital” in Toronto.
He said fund-raising equals life. (- whoa! ) He also said, “There is a cure.” There are new drugs out there to develop that can trick cancer cells from multiplying by getting the cancer cell to kill itself. 5 of his former patients are either; in residency, the lab or med school. By the time these kids finish school, there will be a cure. “This time” he said, ” it’s personal”
The beauty of the story is, kids weren’t surviving before. In the 80’s (?)there was a 5 percent survival rate for pediatric cancer patients. Now its 80 percent due to funding and awareness. There is HOPE! A little girl shared her story her survival of cancer. She said when my grandpa was in med school and if I had been diagnosed then, I would have died. But now, I live to see another day. ( Her grandpa discovered her illness) uh! So brave! So clear , so inspiring. And she’s not even 13 yet.

I know Ronan will make it! I just am sure of it. He will win and he will have changed lives by just being him. A fighter! A spunky little man with just the right amount of angel to stare cancer down!
I talk about Ronan to everyone I can. I talk about his bright eyes. I was on the plane home with Robin Antin from the Pussy Cat Dolls I told her to tweet about you and send her peeps to your blog. Hopefully she’ll do it. Other pediatric cancer patients are lucky a child with such a face has cancer. Unfortunately or fortunately, he will motivate more people to do more and give more because of his good looks. -And that’s ok. Its more meaningful to be the poster child for pediatric Cancer than the Gap. Yes? ( Not that you asked for that, Maya. No one wants their kid to be ill. – I hope you can see the silver lining in what I’m trying to articulate, a bit poorly.)
None the less, I read your blog every day, every post. I want to buy a Tee! A few! Do you have any left?
That’s all. Love to you!
Charisma

Charisma is inspired, and moved, and is getting her wake up call in life. She now knows helping with childhood cancer awareness is something that she is going to be part of, for the rest of her life. She knows this because she looks at her beautiful little boy, Donovan, and knows it can happen to anyone. There needs to be more funding, more hope, and a cure. Charisma loves Ronan and loves us and is part of our army of angels. I know she hugs Donovan a little more tightly at night and I am so glad I can give her that gift. Even through all of my pain, it is worth it to me.

My last little thought is a comment on my blog that brought me to tears tonight. It’s from somebody that I don’t even know, but it really moved me. I would like to share that as well. Here it is below:

I have always been a believer that everything happens for a reason-no matter how small and seemingly insignificant-and that eventually the meanings for your actions become clear. That being said, the other day while in line at the grocery store, I picked up a copy of Us Weekly. While skimming I read that Tori Spelling had set up a Twitter account for her son and ended up adding him, Tori and then Denise Richards on Twitter.(I promise this is all relevant.) I do not read “Trashmags” and I log on to Twitter every once in a blue moon, so I really do believe this is special. Moments after I added Demise she tweeted something about 20k reason why and a link. I was intrigued and opened to find a fan page to get Oprah to do a show on Childhood Cancer. I began reading posts and looking at pictures of children who had lot their fight and whose parents simply wanted them to be “seen.” I fell asleep crying and in the rush of the past two days, completely forgot about it…

Today I went looking for my mothers blog, and happened onto the wrong one. It was one about mothers being better mothers before they were mothers. I skimmed and scrolled down to the comments where I saw a comment that said, “If you want to learn a thing or two about being a mother, read this blog.” I clicked through to find a beautiful little boy staring back at me-your army boy Ronan. I sat for about 2 hours and read this blog from start to today. I cried happy tears and sad tears and I laughed and sighed and felt your pain. In 2 hours I felt like I knew you, Ronan, Woody, Quinn, Liam, Mimi Kay, Lindsey, Winston, everyone. I was transferred into your heartbreaking and miraculous world. I would just like you to know that I am here. Both with you and for you and don’t hesitate to email if you just need to vent. I live on the East Coast, in CT. But I hope someday I will be able to meet you and your beautiful little fighter.

Love, hugs and prayers,
Cassidy

So, Cassidy… I just wanted to say thank you for this. Your email really touched me. It gives me strength to see that good things are coming from this heartbreaking journey we are on. It brings me joy to know that Ronan’s story is making a difference in people’s lives. He is the most special little boy and is going to win this fight for all of the other kids out there. He is strong enough to take this on and give others hope in their darkest hours. I, as his mother am his biggest advocate, and he inspires me everyday. He inspires me to work harder, be kinder, love stronger, and never give up. It is through his eyes that I see our battle being won. He is worth every ounce of blood, sweat and tears that comes from this. I will never give up hope and I will never stop fighting for all the children that also have to endure this kind of pain. If anything, I just want the people reading our journey to be the best parents they can possibly be to their kids. A child is the most precious thing on earth and if you are lucky enough to have kids who are healthy… please don’t ever take that for granted. You have no idea how lucky you are.

That is all tonight. My husband is giving me the death stare ;) Goodnight and sweet dreams to you all!!!

  • Instagram is my BFF

    Car wash babe. #poppy #ronan #poppyrooiloveyou #legsfordays #littlelady This just made my day. 
#Repost from @chloegoulden13
--- OKAY HI. So, as you probably know I am a huge advocate in raising awareness and funds for childhood cancer. Childhood cancer is the number one disease killer of our kids, with 46 kids being diagnosed a day and 7 dying a day in the United States alone. It receives next to no funding federally, and is swept under the rug because it is too sad. Well things have to change. The Ronan Thompson Foundation is a beyond amazing foundation in honour of Ronan Thompson who died at age 3. And through Taylor Swift and Maya (his mama) I've learned Ronan's story and become aware of the tragedy that is the world of childhood cancer. SEPTEMBER is childhood cancer awareness month and the colour is GOLD (official in HRM, HOLLA!🙌) and I intend to do my part. The #BeBoldGoGold campaign (created by Maya Thompson and Kassie Rehorn of the Ronan Thompson Foundation) is designed to spread awareness about this terrible disease in a fun way. Deck yourself out in gold and educate people, challenging them and your friends to do the same. This month I vow to do that... Through running. Throughout September, I will run as many races as need be to reach 50 kilometres (or 31.1 miles for all you American lovies) and spread awareness at each race. However, while awareness is great, funding is even better. So there will be a page set up where you can sponsor me throughout the month and support the cause. All money will go to the Ronan Thompson Foundation and the IWK Foundation to help kids locally and internationally, fight cancer. To learn more about it, go to www.facebook.com/chloesraceforgold or click the link in my bio. There will be a schedule, info and a place you can donate. Ronan, I am so sorry this happened to you. We will fix this broken world. #ronan #beboldgogold #theronanthompsonfoundation #iwk #halifax #fucancer #heshouldbehere Join us in the Be Bold Go Gold Challenge! Snap a pic of yourself all decked out in your gold and nominate some brave souls to do the same! @beboldgogold  I was nominated to do the #beboldgogold💛 and I nominate @mamamaya @knjoy and @woodythompson75. #rtf #empiregogold #ronan
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