I know what I want to name her…


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Ronan. Ireland Ronan Poppy Thompson is what I want to name your sister. I know I told you I’ve been having a hard time getting super attached to this pregnancy and I know the only reason for that is because of the fear that comes along with it. Not because I love her any less than I love you and your brothers. It’s the fear of death that now comes along with this pregnancy. I’ve never had this fear before, until losing you. Now I worry about it all the time. If I don’t feel your sister kick for a while, I’ll think to myself, “Oh my god, she died.” Good thing I didn’t get too attached, right? Wrong. I am not fooling anyone with this whole trying to protect myself thing. I have been attached since I found out at 5 weeks that she was the size of a Poppy seed. I already have a plan for when I am having her, and I will be induced before 40 weeks because I of course have to get her out before she dies of stillbirth, right? I was induced with Liam and Quinn at 36 1/2 weeks. I had you at 37 1/2 weeks. I know Dr. Schwartz is alright with the plans I am scheming up in my head.

Now that I am feeling your sister kick all of the time and I can feel how strong she is, I am starting to come around. It’s taken me a while, but I can finally decide on a name. Your daddy and I have had the name Ireland picked out since before Liam and Quinn were born. I have always loved it. I think it is so strong, unique, and beautiful. I have to have Poppy in there as well. I cannot give that name up for anything. It has come to mean too much to me and just saying it out loud, makes me smile. We will call her, “Poppy,” even though her first name is Ireland. And eventually, when she is old enough to decide, she can take it upon herself to figure out what she wants to be called in life, but to me, she will always be Poppy. That name will forever remind me that something could make me smile, through my darkest hours, even before your sweet little sister, set foot on this earth. That name will forever remind me of the happiness I can feel again, just by saying the name out loud. What I love even more is hearing other people referring to her, as Poppy.

“How is Poppy today?”

“Is Poppy kicking?”

“Who do you think Poppy will look like?”

Everybody is calling her by this name and I love it so very much. It makes me smile and feel a bit of happiness again. I am so very thankful for your little sister already. I know she is going to help us all so very much. She will bring us back some of the sunshine in our lives that we are all missing so very badly.

Today, we hopped in Papa Jim’s truck and headed up to the Mount St. Helens area to go sledding and play in the snow. This state never fails to leave me breathless. I still think it is one of the most beautiful places on the planet. We found a ton of snow and I watched and snapped pictures as your daddy, your brothers, and Papa Jim spent a couple of hours hiking up a hill to fly back down it on their sleds. I listened to their laughs and soaked up their happiness as much as I could. You would have loved today. If you would have been with us, it would have been absolutely perfect in every way. I took it easy due to my ever growing belly. No sledding for me today although I’m sure I would have been fine but better safe than sorry, right? This whole better safe than sorry thing is slowly killing me. How am I supposed to burn off my grief/anger by having to be so freaking safe all of the time? I hate that I cannot go for my long runs/hikes/ or all of those other things I used to do to help me get through this. I cannot wait for this Poppy girl to be born so I can get back to all of my night runs, etc… I am already planning on running the NYC Marathon in November if I can get in. No training required once again;)

Alright little man. I’m sleepy tonight. I sleep really well here and it’s a nice change from the insomnia I usually deal with back at home. I’m going to take advantage of my sleeping well while I can. I miss you. I love you. I hope you are safe. Sweet dreams, baby doll.

xoxo

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47 Comments

  1. Chelsea

     /  December 27, 2012

    I loooooove the name! It made my day :)

    Reply
  2. Steph

     /  December 27, 2012

    It’s so nice to see you guys enjoying Christmas as much as you possibly can. I cant imagine how hard it must be for you all without Ronan. He should be out sledging with his big brothers & having a blast! I love seeing you excited about Poppy, Im so excited to see her too :) Personally I would call her Poppy Ronan Ireland Thompson…for ease at school, and it’s such a cute name and you will always call her it etcetc. but who am I to tell you what to do :) I hope you enjoy the rest of your trip Maya. Much love tc xxx

    Reply
  3. MorganEllyse

     /  December 27, 2012

    Its perfect and so beautiful!

    Reply
  4. Tessa griffin

     /  December 27, 2012

    Love that name!

    Reply
  5. Cony

     /  December 27, 2012

    The name is just ….. beautiful!!! Love from Chile, Maya !!! :)

    Reply
  6. Glenda

     /  December 27, 2012

    Romama,
    Tears of happiness. I’m so happy Poppy is bringing back some sunshine & happiness. Love the name Ireland. Unique!!

    I’m happy you’re sleeping better ;)
    Rest & relax. You so deserve it.

    Always rolove
    XO

    Reply
  7. It’s so nice that you can be home. Sometimes it’s just with family away from the daily grind and you can just relax.
    Love the name. Love the nick name. Love that you will also use Ronan’s name. She will not replace him but will be a little reminder. So cute.
    There is something to also be said… to hear our children laugh in the winter and snow… Sledding, skiing, snowboarding Etc. Sleep also does a body good. Hope you sleep well tonight! I know I will. :-)

    Reply
  8. Allison

     /  December 27, 2012

    I cannot wait til baby Poppy is born. I am so excited to see pictures of her! I know she will be the most beautiful baby girl in the whole world. When I first looked at the title of this post, my heart jumped! She has the perfect middle name after the most perfect little boy. Poppy has so much to look forward to growing up. Thank you for sharing this post.

    Reply
  9. Woof

     /  December 27, 2012

    That is a beautiful name. Often they call themselves Mac, but I think Poppy will trump it.

    I know I haven’t spoken with you in years M – I just feel your Poppy is Poppy.

    It’s a lovely and unique name – peace be with you. A healthy child, and happy child. A much loved child. Be well.

    Reply
  10. charlotte

     /  December 27, 2012

    The name is PERFECT!!! Your pics are so beautiful…the boys look like they are having a blast. Your Poppy is a gift from Ronan and will be nothing short of perfection!!

    Reply
  11. Shelly

     /  December 27, 2012

    Beautiful name; love the pics! Its been awhile, Maya–due to the holidays I’ve been seriously behind on keeping up with you guys; and not to re-hash any ugliness–there are some major wackadoodles reading this blog, holy shit! What crazy–ass nasty comments! All I wanna do is go to bed, but I’m so agitated by it I just had to write a comment! Lol! I’m sure you’re so over it now, but a few things: 1) This blog is for you and Ronan, its a vehicle for truth, healing, perspective and inspiration–that which you’ve brought to me and millions of others. You are doing amazing, wonderful, beautiful things and helping so many people. How anyone could gleen anything negative, is beyond me. 2) Just what in the hell was said that was wrong? Uh, I believe everyone can agree that God helps those who help themselves. 3) Faith is a VERY personal thing and no one has the right to tell anyone what in the hell they should believe, especially when you have not, and could not have walked in their shoes. Keep doing what you’re doing, keep being 100% unfiltered you. There are countless people who are better for it, who are changed forever, who are committed to fixing things that are screwed up–instead of just throwing their hands up and accepting things as they are. I’m sorry for all you’ve been through and continue to struggle with everyday. I’m sorry you have to be without Ronan–its an injustice I just can’t wrap my head around. And now I’m sorry you have to read mean comments on your wonderful blog from freakshow fucking people. Didn’t mean to rant about stuff from weeks ago; or get you annoyed after a happy post :p Just wanted to give some support. Congrats on the official name of your sweet daughter and all of the wonderfulness to come:)

    Reply
  12. Beautiful name :-) she’s going to be a force to be reckoned with, just like her mama!

    Reply
  13. It is amazing how someone doesn’t have to be here to inspire or live on :0)

    Reply
  14. Once again you made me cry. Though not from sadness but complete joy and happiness for you.

    Reply
  15. Sara

     /  December 28, 2012

    It is the most beautiful name I have ever heard.A spark in me tells me that she is going to love it too.

    Reply
  16. Le Moustique

     /  December 28, 2012

    It’s the first time I live a comment and I can’t describe my feelings. Everytime I receve a notification by e-mail, I just run to your blog and after reading, my eyes are full of tears, and I proprely can’t do anything for that.
    So thank you, thank you for oppening my eyes to childhood cancer, keep courage.
    Poppy and Ireland are beautiful names.

    Reply
  17. Jen

     /  December 28, 2012

    Maya-your kids are so lucky to have you! I am a labor and delivery nurse in Washington. What a lucky nurse to be able to go through that journey with you on bringing your Poppy into the world. I envy them. You’re gonna do great.

    You are doing great.
    Xo

    Reply
  18. Angela

     /  December 28, 2012

    Absolutely beautiful! I’m so happy to see that you have settled on a name for the gorgeousness you are growing inside of you. Totally get the fear, have been through it twice now. : ( : ( So sorry, I hate thinking of you going through that hell…..But I have faith that you are going to have an incredibly happy ending to this pregnancy. Poppy will prevail!!!! You all deserve an added happiness in your lives…Beautiful pics. Thanks for sharing.

    Reply
  19. Elizabeth Sousa

     /  December 28, 2012

    Her name is perfection. You and all your boys look great. Much Love always.

    Reply
  20. you strength amazes me -

    Reply
  21. Leah

     /  December 28, 2012

    That is a beautiful name, and I know it will fit her personality and looks perfectly. We cannot wait to see pictures of her. <3

    Reply
  22. Becki

     /  December 28, 2012

    Love the name. It is perfect for your sweet girl. Maya, when is your actual due date? I don’t know if I have ever read when it is. I’m so excited to “meet” her.

    Reply
  23. Caoimhe Horner

     /  December 28, 2012

    My name is Caoimhe, I’m 16 and I am from Ireland!! I have been reading your blog on and off for awhile now and it’s so inspiring. When I saw your choice of name I was truly touched! With a name like Ireland no doubt she will be strong and beautiful, just like Ronan. It brought a tear to my eye, thank you!
    Caoimhe x

    Reply
  24. Is a beautiful name, Maya ;) but you are right, she’s and always be Poppy for us :)

    Reply
  25. Paula

     /  December 28, 2012

    I love the pics and absolutely love the name! She will bring much needed joy to your lives! Everyones! :)

    Reply
  26. krispearson88

     /  December 28, 2012

    What a beautiful post to read. I know there is still tremendous pain, but seeing a glimpse of happiness is wonderful. And I couldn’t imagine any other name but Poppy…and with an option for a more mature name when she is older. Perfect!
    Kris

    Reply
  27. I love love love the name – beautiful choice. Glad she is kicking nice and strong. Glad to hear you all are enjoying your family time – Ronan’s there smiling down on you all, I’m sure of it. I know you’ll be far from having a “merry” or “happy” anything again – but I wish you all a new year that brings you some joy, strength and hope. I look forward to seeing all the wonderful things you’ll be doing with Ronan’s foundation.

    Reply
  28. Tisa

     /  December 28, 2012

    Loving you and poppy and the boys from a distance. :) great name choice!

    Reply
  29. I love that name! it sounds so beutifull…

    Reply
  30. Elizabeth

     /  December 28, 2012

    Her name is beautiful! I know that Poppy will bring a new type of love to your family! She will learn what a strong and courageous family that she had. I love the pictures of you and the boys! The snow is beautiful! I live in South Carolina so we don’t see much of it! Enjoy the last few days of your vacation!

    Reply
  31. JessiLee

     /  December 28, 2012

    She’s perfect. Ro is so missing in that pic by the tree- I can see him there. It’s so wrong, but at the same time that picture is as perfect as it will be, which still seems perfect. The new perfect. You have such a beautiful family and those pictures brought so much happiness and pride to me today- pride for your family and where you are. Take it easy today and eat some fresh out of the oven apple pie.

    Reply
  32. I love her name… I think it’s the most perfect name ever.

    Reply
  33. Sandra

     /  December 28, 2012

    That is a wonderfully strong name. She is gonna b like her momma! You are an amazing wife, mother, daughter and friend. U allow all of us to join u on a very personal journey. Thank u for that. And who will she look like? Ronan. Because he had the perfect blend of you and Woody. Keep urself safe, enjoy Washington. The sunshine can wait.

    Reply
  34. Carolyn LeBlanc

     /  December 28, 2012

    Love the name, litle Poppy seed of joy.

    Reply
  35. Beautiful name for the litle Poppy, Maya!!

    Reply
  36. Emma

     /  December 29, 2012

    That name is so perfect ! Ronan including ! Nice to see that your better and photos are perfect your an amazing family and Ro is everywhere …
    love you all !

    Reply
  37. When ever I look at Ronan’s pictures, I well up. I can understand why you will be forever broken Maya. He looks like he is the most beautiful little soul ever. NB makes me angry so god knows how you must feel.

    Reply
  38. california grandma

     /  December 29, 2012

    Maya, what a lovely blog entry. Thank you for the generosity of your spirit.

    Reply
  39. Melissa V

     /  December 30, 2012

    Love you. Love Woody, Ronan, Liam, Quinn and especially sweet baby Ireland Ronan Poppy. My heart is full of hope for you all–that she might help bring some light to each of your beautiful souls.

    Reply
  40. Tifani

     /  December 30, 2012

    So beautiful!!! Love the name!!! I was wondering what you decided to do for her nursery. Did you add on to your home? I know you wont be using Ronans room, I was just curious. I love your blog Maya, I think you are fantastic, and I really enjoy your honesty! You are a very strong women!

    Reply
  41. Thank you for posting this lovely and very honest story. It reminds me very much of the mixture of fear, happiness and vulnerability which i felt during my second pregnancy. I agree it’s a great name too.

    Reply
  42. Ann Neve

     /  December 31, 2012

    I think it is a beutiful name!!!! I kind of know what you are going through, I lost my daughter last January she was a month old. I say kind of because I wasn’t able to spend four years with her and I ask myself and say, if I lost my daughter after having her for just about four years and watching her go through what your son had gone through, I can only imagine that I would feel the same way. I admire you so much and I think you are such a strong woman and you know us woman we are very strong people. Your sons are so blessed to have such a special mom!! I can only imagine how hard it is for you to be bringing a new life into this world, especially what has happened to your family, but it is really great to hear you getting excited about the arrival of your Poppy. I really do wish you and your family the best!!! I have been following your blog since I heard Taylor’s song about your beautiful son. It had brought me so many tears, I think of your family so often. I really do wish you the best and will be following your blog to be able to read about the day when you and your foundation find a cure to most or all if these childhood cancers, you’ve definitely brought much attention to it. You should be so proud of yourself, because I know ad a mom that it definitely hasn’t been easy for you. I wish you and your family a safe and happy new year!

    Reply
  43. Donna C.

     /  December 31, 2012

    I love this name. Fantastic because it is so meaningful and beautiful.

    Reply
  44. Isabelle

     /  December 31, 2012

    Maya, that is such a gorgeous name, and she will grow up to be as beautiful as a poppy. I hope Liam, Quinn, and Woody like it!

    I don’t know if you will read this, but I hope you do. Today, my bestie, Katie, our little sisters, my dad, and I went rock climbing. Katie, my sis, and I wore our good luck bracelets, our Ronan ones. Katie’s sis doesn’t have one yet, but I’m giving one of my extras to her! Anyway, we went to this awesome indoor climbing gym, and before each of our climbs, we’d say something like, “Say Ronan when you’re done!” or, “Kiss your Ronan bracelet for good luck!” And we did. I would talk to Ro the whole time on my turns, and I got to the top every single time. We all agreed that we were climbing because Ronan never got, and that that so unfair. I told Katie, “Today we’re climbing a mountain for Ronan, tomoRO, we’ll move a mountain for Ro.” It was so much fun, screaming “RONAN!” at the top of our lungs. I think he was there today. I got surprising boosts of strength and courage when I thought I’d give up. He is the best. We are also planning to do a bake sale during spring or summer break for him.

    Ronan was there today, I truly believe he was:)

    Reply
  45. Lynne

     /  December 31, 2012

    Thank you for sharing her beautiful name with us.

    Reply
  46. Lauren

     /  January 4, 2013

    I’m in love with all of the beautiful names you have chosen for your babies, this one is especially great. You are my inspiration.

    Reply
  47. Ireland

     /  February 21, 2013

    My name is Ireland! I love my name!

    Reply

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