Live brave, not safe. Thanks, Dr. JoRo. I love you.


Ronan. Miss Macy is gone. We had a busy, busy day yesterday. We left the house around 8:30 a.m. and didn’t get home until about 8:30 p.m. We had a little breakfast out, some errands to run, and I had an ultrasound appointment as well. I was so excited to take Macy with me as she has never been to one before. I asked Fernanda and Stacy if they wanted to come as well. They both jumped at the chance to see your little Poppy sister on the big screen. I was so nervous before the ultrasound. I think I made your Macy nervous too. About 10 minutes before we got there, I started chanting, “Please still be a girl, please still be a girl…” over and over again. You know it doesn’t really matter to me, because of course a healthy baby is the most important thing… but it kind of does matter to me. Only really because of how badly you wanted a little sister. And I question myself a lot about having another boy and I wonder if I would compare him to you. I know it’s not fair, but I worry about doing that if I were indeed having another boy.  I found out super early that this Poppy was a girl. At 13 weeks. So you know, there is always that chance that the early ultrasound could be wrong. We arrived at the ultrasound place and were soon taken back into the room. The technician started going over everything from head to toe. She asked if I knew what I was having and I told her I was told very early on it was a girl. We all waited for her to check Poppy’s parts out again to confirm she really is a baby girl. The technician showed us on the screen in between her little legs. No penis in sight! Confirmation that this is indeed a baby girl. You should have heard the way all of my friends were cheering and clapping. I felt like we were at a sporting event! It made me laugh and I let out a big sigh of relief. Next came the question I knew I had to ask. “If she had a mass in her stomach, you would be able to see it, right?” I almost got those words out, without becoming hysterical. Almost. The tech asked me why I was asking that question. I told her a little about you. I could tell she was trying to best to stay composed after I told her what had happened. She reached over and got me the worlds biggest kleenex to wipe my face which was covered in tears. She told me that she would be able to see a mass and if she saw something, she wouldn’t let me walk out the door without talking to someone. She asked who my OBGYN was and told me that because of what we had gone through, that she was sure she would let me come back to get another in-depth ultrasound later on in my pregnancy just to make sure nothing was there. I wonder about that all the time, with you. If you had this since birth and if I would have known to ask on an ultrasound, would somebody have caught it? Do they catch these things, early on, without people asking about it? I don’t know the answer to that. All I know is I know to take every fucking precaution possible which now means asking about a mass on an ultrasound while Poppy is still in the womb. The tech assured me that everything with your Poppy sister looked perfect. I can’t get over how much I think she already looks like you.

After the Poppy party ultrasound, we all went to grab some chips and salsa. I was quiet and exhausted during our little lunch. It’s amazing how much things like getting a routine ultrasound wipe me out due to all the emotions that now come with it. I listened to my girls chatter about and floated in and out of their conversation, but I was mostly lost in thinking about you and missing you to the core of my very soul. I was also trying to process that this is all really real, baby girl included. Sometimes everything still feels like a dream/nightmare that I cannot wake up from. I had promised your brothers a bike ride after school. That idea was squashed when all of my mother hens stepped in and told me that I indeed should not be riding a bike at this point. “What if you fall, Maya?” No, no, no bike ride!” Fernanda put her foot down. “Come to my house for a play date with the boys instead!” I knew this would get me out of the dog house with your brothers and the lack of fun I am these days. I agreed to stay off of the bike. I let myself have a pity party about it for a few minutes and heard my inner self saying the words, “Loser Mom.” I just want to be the fun mom who can go on bike rides and not cry all the time! I just want to be the fun mom who is not exhausted with grief and pregnancy all the time! I just want my old life back where you were here and everything was so happy and wonderful. I know I can stomp my feet all I want, but that will not happen. I have to deal with these shitty cards that I was dealt, the best I can. A play date instead of a bike ride would have to make due for the day.

We went and played. Your brothers seems to be content with the playing over the bike ride. Thank god for Fernanda. We only were able to stay for a while. I had to get your brothers home and their homework done before Macy and I went to see Dr. Jo. We had some things to do at the MISS Foundation. Macy was beat as she ended up not feeling well due to catching the little cold that your Quinn has had for a few days, but she really wanted to go with me to see Jo. We got to Jo’s office. I had thrown on my glasses to cover up my eyes that were bloodshot and so tired from crying a lot of the day. I didn’t know what the night was going to consist of, but I knew the gist of what was going on. I had been asked last week to do an interview for NPR on grief and how one copes with this with or without the religion aspect of it playing a role. I spoke with someone from NPR last week who flew in this week to meet Jo, see the MISS Foundation, etc. Before I knew it, Jo’s room was filled with about 10 people, Macy included who was really just there, to hold my hand. Everyone went around and talked a little about where they stood on the whole God thing. You had some who were atheists, some who used to be christians, but due to losing the most important thing in the world, had lost their faith as well. Some who are struggling to get back their faith back and but are still looking for it. Some are making progress and others are not. You had others, like me… who just are not sure… who believe in nothing AND everything. Who have their own beliefs and those beliefs seem to be stronger than anything in a book, could tell them. Last night in that room, I didn’t see any labels on the people sitting before me. I saw pain, sadness, fighters, survivors, beauty and strength. I could have cared less if the person in the room, across from me believed their god, was an alien. Who am I to judge that? As long as they are not trying to push it down my throat, to each their own. Whatever works for the individual and gets them through the day…. I respect it ALL. No matter how different it may be from what I think or believe. Barbara from NPR asked to meet with me to do a further story on you, us, and all of this. I, of course agreed. You know me and how much I love to say the yes word to anything that comes my way. I often say yes to things not having a clue as to what it is that I am actually getting myself into. That is the people pleaser in me I guess. Or the opportunist. I don’t like to turn down things because you never know what you are going to miss out on. I would rather just say yes, and hope that something amazing comes of it. This is how my day/evening with Barbara Hagerty from NPR went.

Barbara came over to our house. I instantly felt at ease with her which is always super nice. We dove right into things. We picked up from where we left off, last night. I talked about you, our family, a little about my faith, the whole Taylor Swift amazingness, the fucking fuckwad cancer that murdered you, and your foundation. At one point she looked at me and had to turn off her microphone. “I’m sorry,” she said. “I have to stop. I never cry while doing interviews and I’ve been doing this for a very long time.” I watched as she took off her glasses and wiped her eyes. I told her it was o.k. That I was used to it. We started back up again. My interview was long. It consisted of me crying a lot as well. She asked me if I could go back and read a couple of blog posts. Errrrr…. I have never reread the things I have written. Something told me in my mind told me that it was o.k. to do so for this amazing soul sitting in front of me. I picked one that I had written right before you passed away. I also read the one that I wrote from you, to Taylor after I went to her concert. Both of my entries had my bawling as I read them. I tried my best to keep my voice from shaking. I tried my best to focus on my breathing while letting myself go off into another place, while I read my painful, painful entires. Fuck me. I don’t know how you all read what I write. My blog posts are really, really hard to read. That is something I never realized, until yesterday. I just write what is in my head. I don’t actually think about it or go back and ever re read what I have written. Now I know why.

My day with Barb soon turned into evening. She went with us to your brother’s basketball game. She talked to your daddy for a bit. I had such an enjoyable day with her that I was truly sad when our time together ended. She told me that she was going to see if her editor would agree to letting her do a separate story about us instead of tying our story into the piece she was working on about grief and religion. I just smiled and told her thank you for believing in our story so much that she would even ask such a thing. I got an email from Barb today. She got the green light. NPR, here we come! I am of course, thrilled beyond belief. NPR has such a huge audience and will just help even more on spreading the word about this murderer called childhood cancer. It is more of an audience that we have not reached yet. I need the biggest army possible, behind us. Slowly but surely, we are getting closer and closer to our dreams. I will get this research/care center built, one way or another. Failure is not an option. I have too many kiddos to help.

I’m going to end this now by leaving you with a text that I got from my mom or and your Nana. You all wonder why it is that I am such a good mom? Because I was taught by the best. My mom is the best mom on the planet. She has this thing for me called unconditional love. She has never judged me or hurt me through all of this. She not only lost her precious grandson, but her daughter as well. I hate the pain I know I’ve caused her, but I know that has never changed the love she has for me. I am slowly finding my way back to my mom, which has been really hard because the pain that she feels, hurts me so badly that it is hard for me to see so I’d rather just shut down or be closed off. I don’t think there is anybody in my life, that loves me as much as she does… well, besides my husband. I am so lucky and so thankful for her. She loves you so much, Ronan.

Her text was about Christmas. It simply said: I just bought some new Star Wars stuff for the Christmas Tree. Is there anything special you want me to get Ronan for Christmas?

I just cried. I don’t think I even responded. She is the most selfless woman I’ve ever known. The thoughtfulness of that text message meant the world to me. And I know she wasn’t even trying to be thoughtful. She was just being your Nana and the beauty of it all is it’s as simple as that. It means everything to me that she includes you in everything we do. Including wrapping a couple of presents for you to go under the Christmas Tree.

This is a novel. I miss you. I love you. I hope you are safe. Bye bye, baby.

xoxo

She is real, she is real, she is real. She has your lips. Please keep her safe.

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43 Comments

  1. When the research center is built, can I work there?? I am graduating in May with a bachelors degree in nursing, and I work on a childrens oncology floor now. It would be my biggest dreams to help find the cure!!! :) Love you Mama Maya!! xx

    Reply
    • Maybe we’ll work together one day! I want to work there too, I’ve wanted to ever since I came across this blog. I just started nursing though so I have 4.5 years left… I kinda want to go for a masters though… So much school :/ I want to specialize in oncology if I can. My dream is to work in Maya’s research/ care center!

      Reply
  2. Sheila

     /  November 28, 2012

    You are simply amazing Maya,reading what you write is definitely hard but so very real…and when I win the powerball tonight, we will have enough money to open that re-search center :) sounds so nice !!

    Reply
  3. Every single time I read your posts (well since I found you)… I am blown away by how that same day I was saying that same thing… how you put into words many of the weird thoughts flying through my head at any moment. Just know there is another family wandering and climbing through the same lack of normal in NY… wondering how the world can be actually going on without their lovely… wondering if my brain even knows yet that she’s gone…

    Reply
  4. Karen Pauly

     /  November 28, 2012

    I lost my son in April of 2011. I had my daughter, Charlotte, in march of this year. I just knew something would be wrong with her. She is perfect. It was hard at first, having flashbacks of Jack but it gets easier. I don’t want another boy for the same reasons you mentioned but my husband does…..only time will tell.

    Reply
  5. Dani

     /  November 28, 2012

    Of course you come from good stock! How could you not? You are a force to be reckoned with! I’ve been following you for a long time and am just amazed when I fall a little more in love with the Thompson family!!! Romazing!!

    Reply
  6. Lori

     /  November 28, 2012

    Dear Maya,
    I am soo sorry that stupid fuckwad cancer has to make you ask about a mass in Poppy’s belly….fuck u cancer.

    Reply
  7. Michelle

     /  November 28, 2012

    Maya i can only speak for my self but i read your post because it reminds me that what your going through is real and can happen to anyone. It reminds me not to take my children for granted because they are a privilege to have not a right and can be taken from me any moment in this world we live in. Your post bring me back to reality when I’m being just plain selfish!!! And bc of your post I have learned give back and help the ones in need. That’s all I have thought about lately is how I can give back, and right now my objective is raising money for your foundation. It’s because of you maya and the stregth upu have by shareing your story as painful as it is you are changing lives. Not a day goes by that I don’t think about you and Ronan and the love that you shared which is truely amazing an my heart goes out to you and your family. I thank you so much for sharing!!!

    Reply
  8. Katie A.

     /  November 28, 2012

    You’re posts are hard to read? Well sure they are. But they don’t even come slightly close to how hard it is to go to sleep without your missing link every night! So I for one, will keep spreading the RO LOVE at least until the murderer called childhood cancer is SLAUGHTERED!

    Reply
  9. Kari dean

     /  November 28, 2012

    Maya,
    Some of your blog posts were heart wrenching! BUT, it also lit a fire under my butt to help do something about it! Some people have asked me how I can read such sadness when i talk about Ronan’s foundation. I can honestly say that I am drawn to you because you are keeping it real. As painful as it is and hard to read, you speak the truth and are so damned determined to change it and not settle for anything less! I am a Christian and I too question why the fuck are our babies are chosen for this terrible disease, I struggle with that! My brother is fighting stage 4 fuckwad stomach cancer and he amazes me with his strength but I can’t imagine a baby going thru all of what he has endured and neither can he. My bff little nephew Gavin has been fighting cancer his whole life and after nearly 4 years of treatment we found out yesterday after our CPK lunch, that scans are not showing improvement and Drs are still scratching their fucking heads! This had got to change!!!
    BTW Gavin’s mom was a high risk pregnancy and his tumor was there in many ultrasounds but they weren’t looking for that, so at 8 months old the tumor was huge on his liver. So, you are not paranoid or crazy mom unfortunately you are just highly AWARE!!!! It sounds better :)

    My brother loves that I joined “Run Like A Rock Star” and is helping me support your foundation! He laughs at me when I say I hate running, but I hate cancer more SO THERE! He also wears his Fuck You Cancer TShirt i bought him proudly to his chemo appts! Love that he is breaking rules!

    He is amazing, so are you and your family all because a fucked up cancer murdered and is murdering so many people we love.

    Thank you for lighting my fire! I promise, although I am a stranger, I am standing beside everything you stand for!
    Kari

    Reply
  10. Kari dean

     /  November 28, 2012

    Sorry I forgot to post about Poppy’s picture she does have Ronan’s lips! I can’t wait to read about the 1st time you get to kiss them!
    Kari

    Reply
  11. Amy

     /  November 28, 2012

    She most definitely has his lips! I saw the resemblance immediately as well. So happy you got a good report on Poppy.

    Reply
  12. nikki

     /  November 28, 2012

    Thank you for being you. I read your post and feel like I need to get off my lazy ass and do something. No, I haven’t experienced your pain. No, I don’t know what it is like to live in a world without my child. But I do feel like you are a gift from above for parents and children everywhere. You will see change. Ro’s light will keep on shinning because of you. Thank you for sharing with all of us….

    Reply
  13. Paula

     /  November 28, 2012

    The answer about the ultrasound is sometimes yes it could be detected on ultrasound and most times no. Because the mass is probably at that point to small or undectable. I also after having a baby with nueroblastoma asked this question. My first born was the one to have NB. I have 3 kids now. I don’t know about Ronan but we always had to check Emilys urine for the presence of cathecholmines…in her first years of surviving nb. So I asked why don’t they check all babies at birth for the presence of catecholomines. Just like they check all babies for PKU. Where the odds are the same basically of getting pku as they are neuroblastoma, about 1 in 100,000. I researched this and was told not all babies would test positive for catecholomines that have NB .And they felt it wouldn’t statistically change any thing. I still disagree. If one baby tests positive for catecholmines in the jurine and then you discover ealy he/she had NB then you could save a life maybe. Something I’ve always thought about. Ronans cancer was so involved by the time he was diagnosed you may never have heard the term catecholomines but we heard it all the time because for her (my daughter) once the tumor was gone she was constantly checked for the presence of it back in her urine as that would be an indicator it was returning. I believe I was told its present in 70%to80% of NBs!! Anyways, I know only you would find this interesting! But….your Poppy is going to be fine. I can’t wait to see if she will be brunette or a blonde! You have some wonderful friends and anyways, I comment from time to time. I told my friend the other day about you. I told her how I care so much about someone I don’t know but feel like I know really well! Sorry about the blabbing. I just wanted to tell you If there was something to have picked up on Ronans ultrasound they probably would have..but the chances are it was all in a cellular stage and not really formed at that time! Same with my daughter. She was diagnosed at 11 mo. Old caught on an xray and was the size of a softball..in her lungs! So as we know now she was likely born with it but grew over time. At her 18 week u/s there’s a good chance there was nothing to see. But on the same token I have heard of NBs discovered on fetal U/S! Fucking Cancer! Asshole. Sorry for abbreviating things I am a nurse so I sometimes write things the way I would if I was at work! Anyways, glad she is still a girl. I have 2 girls and a boy! And I think you will be happy to have experienced both sons and a daughter!

    Reply
    • your know there are so many things they need to test newborns for… do a complete head to toe exam in and out… there are so many preventive things… it really stinks that so much can get mess up if they miss something… My son’s detached retinas were discovered too late. now not just low vision but a very dark world. with only prosthetic eyes to look forward to. so much gets missed… i understand wanting everything checked out…

      Reply
    • krispearson88

       /  November 29, 2012

      My son’s Neuroblastoma was found at 5 days old. I, too, was told that they sometimes find them on ultrasounds. But his was done very early, and not repeated. As big as it was at 5 days, I am sure it would have showed up on ultrasound. I agree, though. He was tested for catecholomines frequently as well. I asked why all babies weren’t tested. Basically got the same answer. My son is now 14 years old. I believe fully that is because it was found so early. So why not test all babies? It is a urine sample, for crying out loud! Nothing invasive!
      Thinking of you all the time, Maya. Miss your boy that I never met!

      Reply
  14. Leah

     /  November 28, 2012

    Oh that beautiful baby. I can’t stop crying. This is so beautiful.

    Reply
  15. Laura

     /  November 28, 2012

    You sound like life is going the right way, or at least less painful. I am so proud of the amazing awareness you are bringing to childhood cancer. Poppy is so luck to become apart of such a truly amazing family. Our love and thoughts are always with you.

    Reply
  16. Paula

     /  November 28, 2012

    Ps I’m sorry, my above message I typed while on my phone and didn’t look at it before sending….sorry about all the typo’s!

    Reply
  17. Beth

     /  November 28, 2012

    My heart aches, literally aches, for you. What a sweet mom you have. What a blessing she is.

    Reply
  18. Patti

     /  November 28, 2012

    I never comment on your blog because quite frankly I don’t feel worthy to do so. Whenever my phone pings and I see I have a new email from your blog I have to wait until I’m alone to read it because they always bring me to tears. You’re so honest and your pain is so raw and so real, so unapologetic and it’s so unselfish of you to share it with all of us. I guess I can never find the words–there are no words actually. There are no words that can lesson your pain, I know this. I won’t burden you with my own story but please know that you are in my thoughts and I truly feel your pain–not all of it–not exactly–not completely, no one can, but my heart is with you. I fell in love with Ronan the moment I saw his face while watching Taylor sing your blog and in some ways bring Ronan back to life. He is the most beautiful little gift–Thank you so much for sharing him and your family with us. FUCK YOU cancer–stop killing our babies!!!!

    Reply
  19. Monica Stuve

     /  November 28, 2012

    Poppy is real, and she is perfect and she has beautiful lips!! Thank you for sharing so much of your life with all of us lovies. I know Ronan is “upstairs” (wherever or whatever that may be) and he’ll pick out the most perfect, beautiful, HEALTHY Poppy for you Mama Maya. As a side note, I just got back from buying my lucky Lotto tickets. My husband asked what we would do with the money. I said we would share with family, donate to charity, take a kick ass trip to Bora Bora (I know, sorry, sooo selffish). But when he asked what charity I would donate money to, instantly I said I would build Ronan’s research center/Ronan’s House. So wish me luck that I win tonight!! :)

    Reply
  20. Shannon

     /  November 28, 2012

    Ronan said “hmm, I can’t be with you mommy because I have been chosen to watch over you now and keep you safe…so I will send you the next best thing. A perfect and healthy poppy that looks just like me :)” XOXO

    Reply
  21. Just a reader

     /  November 28, 2012

    *tears*

    Love your blog. It makes me want to change and be better. I can really see Ronan’s features in poppys face. She’s gonna be a beaut!

    Reply
  22. I’M GLAD YOU ARE HAVING A GIRL. EVERY FAMILY NEEDS AT LEAST A BOY AND A GIRL. THERE IS SOMETHING ABOUT HAVING SOME OF EACH. I REALLY HOPE FOR YOUR SAKE THEY ARE NOT WRONG!
    I appreciate your thoughts on the comparison to another kid. I can understand your fears. I do not have a kid with cancer but one who had CHARGE and is DeafBlind and I would be all over that if I was having another one. I’d drive the ultrasound tech crazy by every little detail I’d be asking.

    Reply
  23. I love you and Ronan so much, I love both of you dearly and I wish absolutely all the happiness on Earth for you and your whole family! I send you SO much love from Paraguay, South America. I LOVE YOU <3 x

    Reply
  24. Cassidy Evans

     /  November 28, 2012

    I love you Maya’s Mom. I wondered why you don’t talk of her much. Makes sense now. As Moms we can only hope our children never suffer or hurt. I can’t imagine the helplessness she feels for you and sweet baby Ro! Hug that momma of yours! Life is short, you taught us that.

    Merry Christmas Maya!! From my family to your our hearts are with you always!

    Reply
  25. Vanessa Samos

     /  November 28, 2012

    Maya,
    You are such an inspiration. Congratulations on your little Poppy seed.

    Vanessa

    Reply
  26. Glenda

     /  November 29, 2012

    RoMama,
    Poppy is beautiful.
    A Mothers love is unconditional.
    You have a great example. That makes you even greater!
    Always rolove!!! XO
    Please keep us posted on the Interview.
    You and Rockstar Ronan are moving mountains!!!

    Reply
  27. Chelsie

     /  November 29, 2012

    Congrats on Poppy! And i have to say i just started reading your blogs. I heard taylor swifts song the other day and i cried! I read some of your blogs and cried! I have a 2year old little boy and i cannot even begin to imagine what you are going through. You are a very strong person and ronan was a very lucky boy that you are his mom. Honestly i dont think i would be as strong as you. You inspire me so much!
    Thanks for everything you do and for being you and being real!
    You and your family are in my heart always!
    FUCK YOU CANCER!!!!!

    Reply
  28. I have to believe Ronan is going to keep little poppy safe!! I’m so glad you have such an amazing group of friends there for you – that happens because you are the kind of person that opens their heart and is willing to take chances on others. That is great news about NPR. Of course the reporter would want to do a special story just on Ronan – once you read your blog or look in to those amazing eyes, you’re hooked! And you’re pissed and mad that cancer took him away – it’s wrong and like so many others, I’m in this now because of you and your son, and Ty and Liam and Lane and Reilly and Cole and Alivia, and Tucker and I’m sick to my stomach right now that I can type that many kids names and know that I haven’t even covered the list of kids I know that have died because of this beast. FUCK CANCER. Stay strong Maya – sure your blog posts are hard to read, it’s because they are real and people need to hear the truth. Cancer isn’t all smiling bald kids. It’s ugly – and you’re letting people know it. Sending you, your boys and poppy love. Thinking of Ronan always.

    Reply
  29. Corky Cobon

     /  November 29, 2012

    It’s not fucking right, it’s un-fucking fair, and it is un-fucking acceptable that a beautiful child has to die because of fucking cancer! I lost my little sister to neuroblastoma. It’s been 25+ years since she died and I mourn her still to this day. I cut my hair every year in honor of her and donate it to Locks of Love. It is almost that time of year for my cut and this year I will remember her and Ronan as my hair gets cut off. It is the least I can do for some of the toughest people I have (n)ever known…kids who are fighting cancer, in any form!

    Hang tough, Maya! You are truly, in my not so humble opinion, one of the toughest bitches on the face of this planet. It is because of you and your steel will that will take this asshole CANCER down! Never waiver, Never quit! I am with you 1000% in heart, mind and body if you should so need it! All you have to say if boo!

    Reply
  30. Erin

     /  November 29, 2012

    Your mom is so sweet! Poppies lips are like Ronans, which is so Romazing. I have a feeling she’s going to be extra spicy!

    Reply
  31. Cheri Cromie

     /  November 29, 2012

    You and Ronan have taught me to spend my time much, much more wisely.

    Reply
  32. Izzy

     /  November 29, 2012

    She’s so cute!

    Reply
  33. Amber

     /  November 29, 2012

    My son, Jakob was born with neuroblastoma. He was diagnosed at 3 weeks old. He was also my 3rd son, my baby boy. He went through surgery and chemo and thankfully he got better. He will be 12 in January. It has forever changed me though. When he was 7 I found out I was pregnant with a surprise. Instead of feeling happy, I was terrified. I had nightmares all of the time that this baby would be sick too. I had an indepth ultrasound, a perfect healthy baby girl. I am so glad that your Poppy is healthy too. I don’t think that fear ever leaves us, moreso for you I am sure. She has an amazing big brother watching out for her though. A good friend of mine’s son died last night from medullablastoma. Before Jake was diagnosed I didn’t know any child who had cancer. Now I know so many and it makes me angry. I would love to help out with your foundation. I want to make a difference with this horrible monster. I am tired of being afraid for my children, I am tired of watching my friend’s kids die.

    Reply
  34. Ashleigh

     /  November 29, 2012

    Maya, I found you through Taylor Swift’s song about your beautiful Ronan. I’m so glad I found your blog, and that I’m able to follow your story. I’m just sorry I didn’t find you sooner. I know the reason that I keep reading, even though it is hard to read through the tears, is because I was mesmorized by you and Ronan’s love story, and I want you to know that I support you and pray for you and your family every single day. I’m beyond excited about Poppy, and I can’t wait to read all about the adventures I know she will have. I know she’s going to be saucy, and gorgeous, and I hope she has all of your courage and your pretty smile. :-)

    Reply
  35. Naïma

     /  November 29, 2012

    Oh hello there babyyyy girl!
    What a beautiful picture. <3 Much RoLove tonight.

    Reply
  36. Lidia Giubilaro

     /  November 29, 2012

    Maya, I thought I would make it thru your blog without crying, just this one time, but the tears came as usual.
    Your blogs are real. That is why they may be hard to read sometimes. What happened to Ronan is beyond the word “sad”…i dont even know the right word for it..if it even exists..
    Childhood cancer is so scary..just having kids is so scary..then we even have to worry about them getting cancer…WTF…?!!!!!
    I am a mother of two little boys.
    Being a mother is the BEST and also hardest job in the world..we want to keep our kids safe all the time..we love them, nurture and protect them as much as we can.
    But some things we have no control over, and that is just the truth..and it sucks. It’s just so fucked up that something like a child dying of cancer is allowed to happen.
    You are so BRAVE Maya. Your foundation is the best foundation in the whole wide world!!! Its going to open eyeballs and help children everywhere..who are struck by this horrible monster of a disease. Don’t ever give up. You are living proof that just one person can make a difference. Magic is happening everywhere because of YOU. Mothers and fathers are hugging their kids longer..people are being kinder..appreciating just the simple things in life, and awareness has begun for childhood cancer more than ever before…just to name a few..

    Your moms thoughtfullness made me so sad..about the gifts for Ronan..it really breaks my heart..I couldn’t handle that..bless her heart.

    And God bless your sweet little Poppy baby girl..thx for sharing your Ultra sound pic..I love it 💕
    Lidia
    Xoxo

    Reply
  37. Kari

     /  November 29, 2012

    Every night before I go to bed I check your blog. I sit in the dark and bawl. Every time!! I have been going back and reading blogs until I can’t take it anymore and have tears streaming down my face! I hate that this has to be your life, but I know you are going to continue to do great things! I have been sharing Ronan’s story with everybody and my daughter is saving her money to donate to the foundation. She’s 9 and wants a fuck cancer shirt for her birthday!

    Reply
  38. Right when I looked at Poppy’s picture I said to myself “she has Ronan’s lips and then I read ur comment under the picture. :-)

    Reply

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  • Instagram is my BFF

    #Repost from @ronanfoundation If you've been tagged, you're it!!! It’s time to… ‪#‎BeBoldGoGold‬! Get your glitter on! We’re kicking off Childhood Cancer Awareness Month with a bang & a sparkle! Throughout September, we’re turning ourselves into spicy, gold human billboards for childhood cancer awareness and want YOU to join us! Welcome to the #BeBoldGoGold Challenge! 
HOW IT WORKS:
You deck yourself out in your gold bling or glitter—jewelry, clothes, facepaint, you name it, you rock it. You head out into a public place. Talk to at least one person about childhood cancer—tell them a fact, like that 46 are diagnosed with cancer every day. The goal is to raise awareness, so talk to as many people as you can & encourage them to take the #BeBoldGoGold Challenge

Film/photograph your adventure, and tag us in it! We’re reposting submissions to our new #BeBoldGoGold Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter. When you post your video/photo, nominate 3 people to carry out the challenge by tagging them. They have 48 hours after being tagged to get their gold on! Make sure to hashtag #BeBoldGoGold and ‪#‎RTF‬

At the end of September, we’re giving a prize to whoever goes all out and makes the biggest impact (aka raises the most awareness)! We’ll also have #BeBoldGoGold shirts available to purchase (link coming soon). If you would prefer to donate instead of (or in addition to) the challenge, visit: http://www.theronanthompsonfoundation.com/ & share the link. 
The Challenge starts…NOW! #Repost from @firedaughterclothing
It's almost September! Childhood Cancer Awareness Month- this is my I think 4th year working with my absolutely amazing girlfriend @mamamaya to raise awareness for Childhood Cancer, which brutally stole her son Ronan.  I was introduced to Maya when my close girlfriend Sandra's daughter was also fighting for her life, alongside Ronan.  Mia beat her cancer but has severe radiation injury.  This horrible horrible thing brought us all together and we are determined to make a difference for all of our babies.  Keep an eye out over the next week or so.  It's time to Go Gold 🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟 "And the haters gonna hate, hate, hate, hate, hate...I shake it off, I shake it off." #pearl #gettingreadyfortimessquare #nycorbust #nycgoesgold #beboldgogold #rtf #shakeitoff @taylorswift @knjoy
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