Sometimes even I need a reality check


Ronan. I woke up yesterday morning with a Halloween grief hangover. I felt like I had been hit by a bus. I was determined to not stay in bed all day, like every aching bone in my body was begging me to do. I had to talk myself out of doing this and it took a lot but I wasn’t about to give into my grief and let it chain me to my bed all day long. I got ready for the day instead and headed over to my office. Thank god for that place. It is helping me so much. I pounded out a few things that I needed to get done. I had an interview at 1:00 that I so did not feel up for, but the person interviewing me was coming to my office so I told myself just to stick it out and I would go home and crawl into bed, after it was over. Little did I know, that this 22-year-old kid was about to make my day.

I never know what to expect when doing these interviews. They can be emotionally draining most of the time and quite honestly, I don’t love doing them. I would rather just hide behind my computer all day wearing my spirit hood, glasses and pajamas. But I also know that I am very lucky to have the opportunity to get your story out there in a way that will raise awareness for childhood cancer. I know this comes with the territory and is a part of me being an advocate for you and all of these other kids who have been dealt this shitty hand in life. They don’t have a voice. I do. I will use it and scream for you and them as loudly as I can. I will use this platform to do great things and hopefully help change this devastating world. As soon as Tyler walked into the room, I knew I was going to love him. He was so nervous and I could totally tell. He sat down and told me a little about himself and why this story struck such a nerve with him. He had me at hello and the fact that he was wearing a skull shirt, made my day. “Tyler! You have on a skull shirt, I have on a skull necklace! You could be my 22-year-old soul mate!” I tried to put him at ease as much as I could. He had his notebook full of questions and it was so refreshing to see that he had really done his research on my blog and all things you. That made me like him right away and automatically made me respect him right from the get go. It was so refreshing to see he was serious about us, our story, and helping to get our message out there. Our interview went on for about 2 hours. We had a good little thing going back and forth. I was so impressed by him at one point I thought, “I hope Liam and Quinn turn out to be like this kid. His parents must be so proud of who he is and all he stands for.” I told him being interviewed by him was one of the greatest interviews I’ve done yet and I truly meant it. I know he is going to do a great job on our story and I can’t wait to see what he does with it. He left me by saying, “Please don’t go home and throw up because this was so hard.” I told him that in no way did I feel sick and the interview was actually really great. I gave him a big hug and told him thank you. I felt like I had just spent the afternoon with my little brother. It was a great afternoon for once and I left feeling totally inspired by the youth of today. Mark my words, that young soul will help change this world in one way or another.

I left shortly after Tyler left. I ran home to do some things. There was a support group going on at the MISS foundation and Dr. JoRo was leading it. As much as I hate support groups, because to me they are so painfully hard, I dragged my butt down there to attend. I’ve only been to one before and it was so awful that I refused to go back. I sucked it up last night for a couple of different reasons and I have desperately been missing Dr. Jo, so I knew that seeing her would be great. My favorite mom’s were there. The mom’s of a baby boy named Noah. I was so happy to see them and was able to spend some time with them. I adore everything about those two except for the fact that they have a dead child, just like me. I got settled into group and we all went around and told a little bit about ourselves and our kids. I felt vulnerable, sad, and scared sitting in that group. I know everyone in the room is there for the same reason so it should feel safe to me, but to me it just feels like the saddest place on earth. Every single person in that room, has a dead child. It is always a wake up call to me, as if I need anymore wake up calls in life. But it honesty is like a slap in the face. I sat and listened to the horrific stories of everyone else. The drowning, the car accidents, the ecstasy story, the stillbirths, the mental illness, the sudden death at school, etc….. Newsflash! Cancer is not the only way kids die. I know this. It made me want to run home and lock Liam and Quinn up forever and beg them to never touch a drug in their life, not drive a car, or leave the house. You think you are immune to your kids dying? You think you are too perfect of a family, for this to happen to? You are not. Nobody is. I think the sooner we as a world start to realize this, maybe we will take less things for granted. Maybe we will enjoy every single split second with our kids because nobody can say when our time is up. Maybe parents will start understanding that being a parent is a privilege, not a right. No matter how much money you have or how protected you think you are. Sitting in that room last night is the most humbling place in the world. Even I myself, need a reality check once in a while to be reminded that I am not the only one hurting this badly. That is why the MISS Foundation is such an important place in the world. Without it I can guarantee you about half of the parents in that room tonight, would have ended their lives. I know I would have. Dr. Jo is part of the reason that I am still here. If you don’t know about the MISS Foundation, please check it out. They have such little funding and need it so badly. It is such a safe haven for all of us parents going through the worst thing possible and Dr. Jo is my absolute idol in life. She is one of the rarest most beautiful souls that I have ever known. http://www.missfoundation.org/

After group ended, Dr. Jo came up to check on me. She knew I was a wreck. She looked at me and said, “How was that for you?” I said, “So Poppy is going to be born dead, right?” I was so shaken up by the still birthing stories. She just looked at me with that wise motherly look in her eyes. “I knew you were going to say that. I know that was hard for you to listen to. Poppy is going to be fine. She has Ronan looking out for her.” I keep telling myself I have to trust in that. I know that Ro. I tell myself that about 100 times a day. I left group beat and exhausted. I came home and crashed out until early morning. I woke up, showered and went to wake up your brothers. Liam was burning up. I put him in a luke warm shower and told Quinn to get ready for school. I had a lot to do today, but canceled it so I could stay home and take care of Liam. He was so sweet and so thankful for everything. I ended up taking him to the doctor to rule out strep because that has been going around. His strep test came back negative and his fever is almost gone. He does look miserable though, so he spent the day resting while I spent the day being domestic around the house. I hate being at home doing all the same things I used to do. Today, I forced myself to cook all day long so Quinn would have a nice meal to come home to after school. Cooking used to be our thing and now it’s just so hard for me to cook without you. Doing anything around the house is hard for me now. I don’t have your clothes to wash, your breakfast to cook, your dishes to do. Not having all of those things to do for you makes doing them sting so badly. Today, I took the day, set myself aside and did things that I knew your brothers would be thankful for. I was right. Quinn must have told me about 10 times tonight, “Thanks for the homemade soup, Mom. It was really good.” This broke my heart in a million pieces. It made me realize that I need to work a little harder around here doing the things I used to do, every single night, such as cooking really great homemade meals. I think the every night thing might be pushing it, but a few nights a week, can be a start. You know why cooking is the most hard for me? It’s because dinner time, with a homemade cooked meal means we have to sit around the dinner table without you. I don’t think that will ever become an easy thing. I often find myself getting anxious and sick to my stomach. Quinn sits in your chair now. I’m just glad someone is sitting there, I guess. He is a good little seat filler.

Your brothers have their last basketball game of the league tomorrow. I hope Liam is feeling well enough to play in it. I’ve made him rest all day and I fed him a good dinner tonight. Hopefully, I can get him to go to bed early to get the rest that he needs. I’m tired too. An early bedtime sounds like a good idea for both of us. G’nite Ro baby. I miss you. I love you. I hope you are safe. Sweet dreams.

xoxo

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31 Comments

  1. Annie Goins

     /  November 2, 2012

    Your story about the support group really struck home with me.

    On Thursday, November 1st, a junior at my school named Shaun Frechette died in a car accident on the way to school. It all seemed like a dream, like it wasn’t happening. But we all knew that today, he wouldn’t be coming to school with his usual smile. He wouldn’t be there to cheer up his friends, and make high school suck just a little bit less.
    I know it doesn’t compare at all to losing a dear child, but unfortunately, young lives are taken in many different ways.

    Reply
  2. Joanie

     /  November 2, 2012

    I have never left a comment but started reading your blog a couple months ago. I went back to day one and read nonstop. I just want you to know that you truly are an inspiration to all moms! Thank you!

    Reply
  3. Sister, I love you. I love your heart. I love your raw writing, becuase its driven by your pain. I hate your pain. <3 virtual hug from Atlanta

    Reply
  4. crazywoman6956

     /  November 2, 2012

    It is healing to read your blog entries, you have given words to the pain that too many of us feel after the loss of our sweet children. My loss was several years ago, and having a place to express my anger and pain may have helped…

    Reply
  5. jessica

     /  November 2, 2012

    i LOVE you Maya, and I love your family, and I LOVE RONAN. I am wearing a purple “fight like a rockstar” bracelet, and mine and my sons “rockstar ronan” shirts should be here soon. I think about you and your family so often, and when i pray, i think of Ronan. When i look at the stars, i think of Ronan. He was, IS, sooooo amazingly beautiful. All of the lives and families and mothers you guys have touched. It’s unimaginable. Im in Savannah GA. I talk about you and your story often. I hope those people will also look into your story and spread the word. Everything you are doing is RIGHT. I know it is hard, but it is RIGHT. I have a “cause” i should be standing up for the way you are standing up for childhood cancer. A “tragedy” that has struck my life. But I havent done anything about it yet. Im so proud of you, and, I am learning from you, and I hope to be as brave as you one day, Maya. Please dont stop. I know it is hard, but you are reaching people every day. Dont stop. I hope you see this, and I hope you know that one woman in Savannah and her 2 boys are thinking about and loving RONAN! thank you Taylor for bringing me to this story that has changed my life!

    Reply
  6. Sarah

     /  November 2, 2012

    Your posts have been so touching…i believe Ronan is thankful for these to…he is up there right now watching your every move and saying he loves you. I know he is. I’m gratefully sorry about your loss and I wish you and your family the best life with one gone.

    Reply
  7. Beth

     /  November 2, 2012

    It’s sadly true…that parents lose children in more ways than one. Cancer isn’t the only way. Our close family friends lost their only child, Taylor, in a freak football accident. He was only fifteen. And it has been horrific. I was just six months post second baby when Taylor died, and it was so awful and sad that it sent me into a tailspin. It wasn’t even me who lost a child and it was heartbreaking to walk through it with Brian and Kathy.
    I have not taken my children for granted since they lost Taylor. It has completely changed my perspective. When I found your story, it put even more emphasis and perspective on the fragility of life.
    I am so so sad for you. My heart aches for you and how much you miss Ronan. And I see that heartache, that pain, every time I see Taylor’s parents. There is nothing I can say or do to make them (or you) feel better. But I do like the thought that someone wrote on your blog once: that Ronan is with you. He isn’t lost. He is with YOU. he is in your actions, in everything you do. That’s what Taylor’s parents are doing for him. Creating a foundation that will change the way children are protected when they play sports. Because Taylor should have not died. There was technology out there that would have saved him.
    You ARE changing things. And your blog is the way that you stay connected to Ronan.

    Reply
  8. Melody

     /  November 2, 2012

    Maya,

    Because you have been so brave to share your blog with us, you have reminded us daily to hug our children a bit longer, never forget to say I love you and just take extra time to spend with them… I know Ronan is looking down at you so proudly! Love you sweet girl!

    Reply
  9. Jody Haag

     /  November 2, 2012

    Maya, you are such a sweet, strong and wonderful person. Since I’ve heard of your story over a month ago, I can honestly say that your family has been in my thoughts constantly every day since. Ronan’s story has made such an impact on so many people far and wide, me included. I know there probably isn’t much that one can say to heal a wound so large or fill a loss so great but know that you are making a difference in the lives of so many because you aren’t willing to give up! Maya, Ronan must be one proud little boy because his mama is a fighter and its so obvious how much Ronan was loved and adored by so many wonderful people :) My heart breaks so often for you and your family. You have lived through what I can only imagine is any mothers worst nightmare and came out of it with the motivation to try and change that outcome for other children. I thank you for your ambition and your perserverance. Hang in there Maya and take it one step at a time. Congratulations on the upcoming arrival of your little Poppy! You are going to love having a little girl and so are the boys :)

    Reply
  10. angie

     /  November 2, 2012

    You have almost 10 million hits….that’s Romazing!

    Reply
  11. Marie

     /  November 2, 2012

    I have so many constant reminders that life is so fragile. Everyone needs to realize this before it’s too late. Sometimes this can be scary though, like you having a new baby inside of you and me having surgery. I’m 14 and I’m probably having surgery this summer for my scoliosis. I’m terrified. I know I can’t dwell on it though. The more time I spend I live in fear of dying, the less time I have to enjoy the amazing things here today. Thank you, Maya, for sharing Ronan’s story. Ya’ll are changing lives.

    Reply
  12. Glenda

     /  November 2, 2012

    Romana,

    Hope you have sweet dreams with your Robaby!

    Rolove always!!!

    Xo

    Reply
  13. Maya,
    I was filling out all these scholarships and all these essays which just blew my mind. I was so freaking stressed trying to decide what was something in my life that touched me and changed my view? What was a moment of impact for me? I kept trying to write about theater and how much i loved it but it always ended with me erasing and thinking “No this isn’t what I want to say, there’s something I want to say.”
    I gave up and decided to see if you updated your blog and just like that it hit me! The moment of impact that changed my view of life was when I randomly found “Taylor Swifts tribute to Ronan”, on youtube. I’m such a big fan of Taylor and didn’t stop to think about what this song would mean. I don’t think i’ve cried that hard in a long time. I was an emotional wreck the rest of the day–my brothers were trying to comfort me thinking something was wrong but I was crying too hard to tell them what was going on in my mind. So i typed it with so much anger into my laptop. I made them watch the video and cried even harder. That night I spent forever on your blog and the foundations websites reading about Ronan and your family’s story.
    I realized that Ro reminded me of Jo. A little boy that has been left in my care so much, he calls me mommy and doesn’t quite understand that i’m a 17 year old girl not his mommy but i love him so much that he might as well be my little baby. Ro’s piercing blue eyes are the same as Jo’s, always smiling even when he was having a bad day, such a gorgeous smile and he was 3…Jo’s 3. You told Ronan “I love you to the moon and back” and I always tell Jo “I love you to the moon and stars.” I feel my heartbreaking for you or with you, i’m not sure. I can’t even listen to taylor’s song because the rest of the day i’ll cry over nothing.
    So I wrote that scholarship essay. I told Ronan’s story and how amazing it was that you were continuing the fight for more awareness and tellign Ro’s story even though its a struggle for your family to accept your lose. I wrote that he made me realize that I’m so lucky to have my life and all of the expirences that i have had and will continue to have that some people will never have…that i complain less about little things because i never know when my last day is , i never know when will my time be up and there’s always the possiblilty of losing someone i love. This outlook of “live everyday like its your last”, well yeah everyone says that but its not like we all endorse it after someone tells us that. Ronan’s story, this little boy that i never met, his angry mommy living thousands of miles away from my Indiana home, made me realize this. That was my moment of impact. That was when it finally sunk in that it can happen to me or the people i love.
    I wanted this scholarship so bad and now I have this feeling of “accomplishment”. Not because I’ve won the scholarship because I have no idea if i even will but because Ronan’s story has just been spread to a few more people. Those people might tell a few more people and everyone who knows, everyone who becomes more aware can join you in your fight and Ronan will never be forgotten. I am so thankful to you Maya for everything you’re doing to spread awareness. For giving Taylor that chance to write that song so Taylor’s nation could be impacted by your little boy. Thank you for giving me the chance to finally endorse the “live like everyday is your last” motto.
    You’re amazing and you’ll be the most stylish mommy driving with your Ro baby license plate (:
    -Lindsi

    Reply
  14. Darcy

     /  November 3, 2012

    Maya, You are amazing! I wish you got to see yourself the way others do, your followers, your fellow rockstars! You resonate with other people, not only because of your story, but because youre so personable, relateable and honest to a fault! I think I can speak for most, and i dont even know you personally, that one of you best qualities is that you have no fillter! The words that follow are refreshingly honest even if they are painful and unimaginablely true. You are making a difference and leaving quite a legacy for your Ro!
    You do what you can, when you can! You’re growing a new human for crying out loud!!!

    Reply
  15. Maya,
    Wow, I can’t imagine how difficult yet inspiring it would be to sit amongst a group of parents who are trying to cope with the worst loss. It takes a special soul to use that pain and anger to do wonderful things. I’m a dietitian at PCH and see kids who die from illness, freak accidents, and neglect/abuse. I think any way is awful. I have a hard time coping with those who are hurt by their own parents. I happens SO much and it’s just gross. Parenting is a privilege yet sadly there’s a lot of shitty parents out there. I’m so thankful for parents like you! Going to work is so difficult for me, but I do it because I know these kids need my help. And much too often, my mind is on these kids on days off with my husband and 1 year old son. I wonder if I’d be happier with a different job, a “happy” job, but then I remember that this is reality and I need to suck it the f- up. Your words inspire me. You have suffered this loss and feel the pain firsthand and yet continue to wake up and fight. So, then, will I.
    With love,
    Maria

    Reply
  16. Alexis F.

     /  November 3, 2012

    Your story has truly changed me as mother. I have been blessed to never suffer such a tremendous, life-shattering loss like you have, but I’ll tell you what, I thank God everyday that I have my child to hug, squeeze and kiss. You have put a new perspective on motherhood for so many of us mothers out here. I share Ronan’s story over and over again, to the point that my husband jokingly rolls his eyes and says, “here she goes again.” And I always refer to him as “Brad Pitt in a child” just to really get the point across. As a family, we will make all of our donations strictly to support childhood cancer from now on, thanks to you & Ronan. Keep doing what you’re doing, Maya! It’s what many women & young, hot, strong, spicy, awesome moms would be doing if we were in your heels, I mean shoes!

    ~Alexis F.
    City of Brotherly Love, PA

    Reply
  17. Lisa Richard

     /  November 3, 2012

    Thank you for sharing. Your story and that of your little Ro have become so important to me. This post, as well as all the others, continue to change my perspective on things. Thank you and know you have support and love up in Wasington.

    Reply
  18. Jenna Smith

     /  November 3, 2012

    I prayed for you and your family and Ronan this morning on my run, on this crisp beautiful day. All I could think is that it is so unfair that this beautiful child cannot be playing outside today with you and his brothers. I heard Taylor’s beautiful song and listened to it at least 20 times in a row. Then I found your blog and cried and cried reading past posts. Then I saw you on Katie and cried more. Your strength is beautiful. I will pray for you always, that you find strength and peace. I will share your story and donate for Ronan and all the young children who are battling or have lost their battle to disgusting cancer. Your story has touched my soul. Always in my heart, your beautiful son will make me enjoy life more and care more each day about making this world a better place.

    Jenna Smith, Massachusetts

    Reply
  19. Juliana

     /  November 4, 2012

    I am soo excited about a small accomplishment I made I had to share it with you.
    So my kids are in football and for the whole month of october, pink pink pink everywhere. Towards the end of September I had started reading your blog so I didnt have enough time to spread the word about Ronan and how fucked up cancer is and the lack of awareness and funding given to all.these precious babies. But you bet your ass they all know now! I told coaches, parents, board members anyone who would listen about Ronan and the color gold for September, and why the hell we arent suiting our kids up in gold socks, shoe laces, helmet decals, gold under armors and selling gold ribbons for all of September? Well yesterday I was approached by two coaches and spoke with two board members who want to bring.awareness to childhood cancer….so next september 500 bloomingdale bears will proudly wearing gold. I hope they start a trend and we see football players everywhere supporting the cause and bringing awareness. I hope this brings a smile to your face because it is you and Ronan that are making all of these things happen.

    Reply
  20. I remember the days where you couldn’t get out of bed…so Fernanda would just climb right in there with you. You have some so far…even on days where you just want to hide from the world, you are out there spreading the word. This is one of the reasons you are making such a difference. Poppy is going to have the strongest mama to aspire to.

    Reply
  21. Juanita

     /  November 4, 2012

    ;) Juliana

    Reply
  22. Sally

     /  November 5, 2012

    Hugs and loves as always Maya, I hope that each day you may find it a bit easier to breath. Xoxo ~Sally

    Reply
  23. Shelly

     /  November 5, 2012

    Maya I’m sure it was very difficult to go to that support group–you are so very brave as always. I’m a nurse in a big Shock & Trauma Unit and I’ve seen my share of tragedies involving young people. There is something so fundamentally wrong; so ass-backwards and against the norm of the universe in losing a child. I’ll never understand it. Thank you for having the strength and fire to change this screwed up world and inspire people as you inspire me again and again. Speaking of which, the other night my 3-yr old son asked me, “Mom, will you come lay with me?” He was watching one of his shows and it was late at night, just before bed. I had just brought a pile of laundry up that needed folded. If I waited til the morning it would be wrinkled and I would not feel like doing it. Hmmm, fold laundry or cuddle with my best guy? A no brainer, is it not?! I’m learning, everyday. Ooooh, on more thing to everyone reading: You guys need to go to the AZ foothills web page to vote for the best local non-profit (Ronan!) to win a spread in their magazine. There is another organization that is SLIGHTLY AHEAD. Not sure when it ends but you can vote EVERYDAY–so get on it!! :)
    http://www.arizonafoothillsmagazine.com/best-of-our-valley-2013/voting/325.html

    Reply
  24. I am so sorry about what happened to your beautiful rockstar ronan. I just finished reading all your blogs and have no way to thank u enough for sharing your beautiful family’s heartbreaking story.you and ronan are my the most beautiful and inspiring people and yeah….there just are not words enough ….

    Rockstar Ronan is the fucking shit!

    Two songs that remind of yall’s beauty:

    Pearl jam- Elderly woman behind the counter in a small town
    And
    Sufjan Stevens-casimir pulaski day

    Much luv to u miss maya. Im so sorry…thank you thank you thank you for showing us the beauty of u and Ronan

    Reply
  25. Thank u miss maya for sharing your strength,soul. And beautiful ronan with us…..words cant explain how amazing you and your rockstar ronan are and how yall are changing the lives of so many….just finished reading all your blogs…..im so very sorry for you losing your rockstar robaby….Thats some fucked up fuckin bullshit i dont even know him
    but damn that kid is absofuckinglutely amazing..

    Some songs that remind me of your beautiful family:

    Pearl Jam-elderly woman behind the counter in a small town

    Sufjan Stevens-Casimer Pulaski Day

    Reply
  26. After our 1st son died I could not go to a support group because I could barely deal with Jake’s death let alone other people’s child who had died. About 6 months later I realized I needed to talk to those other parents. I needed to see how kept on living and got out of bed every day in a world without their child/children. I have not had the strength to go to a support group since the death of Sawyer (our 2nd son who predeceased us). One day maybe.

    I am thankful for the support group I went to at the time of Jake’s death but will look into seeing if there is MISS group in my area. Sending you hugs and hope. Fuck you cancer!!

    Reply
  27. Lyss

     /  November 5, 2012

    Hi Maya. I’ve been following your love story with Ronan for about 9 months now. When I first discovered your blog, I read it from the start until the latest post. I sobbed uncontrollably when I read “Where is Ronan?”
    Thanks to you, my eyes have been opened to the horrors that are childhood cancer. During the month of October, I couldn’t help but think how all the pink commercials and everything else made you feel.
    In my English course, we had to write and editorial on anyhting we felt strongly about. I chose to write about the atrocities that childhood cancer has to suffer through and their complete lack of funding. I thought you might like this, so here you go!

    “Where I live, the big thing to do is donate to the American Cancer Society and attend their Telethon every year. Every school participates, dance schools perform, and it goes around the clock. For the past few years, it has been held in the local mall during a February weekend. Most years, we collect around $100,000 or more. But recently, some blogs got me thinking on a very important question; where does all the money go? Now, this doesn’t just apply to the American Cancer Society. What about Susan G. Komen for the Cure? How much do they make a year? We all see the ribbons, bows, nail polish, scarves, and so many other pink things during the month of October. Why don’t other cancers get as much recognition when all people are equally important? I bet you didn’t know that the month of September is dedicated to childhood cancer awareness. Why isn’t the world painted gold during that month, since these children are our future? Of the 3,000 kids that die from cancer this year, could one of them have been our next president, or maybe the next great inventor? We will never know because they are no longer here. But we could still fight for the thousands of other kids battling cancer.
    Childhood cancer is horrendously underfunded. Each year, the United States only invests $20,000 for each child afflicted by cancer. In total, only $35 million is to given childhood cancer research by our government. Seems like a hefty amount, but when compared to other things like the space program, which received $14 billion a year, it seems miniscule. The National Cancer Institute, the Federal Government’s principal agency for cancer research and training, has a budget of $4.6 billion dollars. Breast cancer received 12% of that, plus what they get from Susan G. Komen and all the proceeds they receive during the months of October. What does childhood cancer get out of that deal? A mere 3% is provided for all childhood cancers combined,. That’s absolutely ludicrous! These kids didn’t get a chance to live before their lives were ripped from their grasps by the monster that calls itself cancer.
    In recent months, childhood cancer has been receiving more attention than ever, which is well deserved. World renowned singer/songwriter Taylor Swift wrote a song about a little boy named Ronan Thompson who died right before his 4th birthday of neuroblastoma. She sang the song on live television during the Stand Up to Cancer telethon and later released it to iTunes. All profits the song made were donated to the Ronan Thompson foundation that Ronan’s mom, Maya, had set up to benefit children with cancer. And of course there are the other well known fundraisers, like Alex’s Lemonade Stand and Saint Jude’s Math-a-thon. These foundations and charities raise thousands of dollars. But maybe they wouldn’t have to if they got the proper amount of government funding that they deserved.
    I’m not saying that breast cancer shouldn’t receive the amount of funding that it does. I’m a girl and of course I’m concerned with the second most common cancer women get. But what I don’t understand is why the funding isn’t distributed equally among all research and studies for all cancers? Why is it so drastically different? Cancer can strike anyone at any time. It doesn’t pick or choose based on skin color, age, sex, or money. It just doesn’t care. So why do we?”

    Maya, my thoughts are constantly with you, your boys, Woody, and little Poppy! I pray everyday for Ronan, Ty, a little girl named Lucy that I read about on her mom’s blog daily, and all kids in general that have cancer. Stay strong, you are doing an absoluelty great fucking job, so keep it up! :)

    Reply
  28. I wanted to write to you to tell you how much my lil man who just turned 8 over the weekend…talks about Ronan all the time. He knows the song Ronan by heart. He’ll sing it out loud all the time and it just brings tears to both of us all the time. That song just never gets old. My son Anthony said to me..” Mama, I just feel so bad for Ronan’s mom, that when I cry, it hurts my throat.” He goes to a catholic school. He sais..” You know why God took Ronan away from his family?” I said why? He said..”so he could watch over his older brothers, his mommy, daddy and new baby. God takes kids when there young cause they are extra special, God needs there help. It’s amazing, how kids think and how much they actually understand. I could never ever imagine what you are going through, what any of you are going through. But, please know…you, your family, and especially Ronan are makin a HUGE difference in this world to many many people, even little people!! Your an amazing mommy. Thank you!! We are always thinking of you and your llittle man. He’s in heaven being something way more than what he could of done here on this Earth. He’s a beautiful Angel changing this world in so many ways at such a uoung age, with the help of his mommy. Hes by your side every moment. The 2 of you will be together again some day. STAY STRONG.XOXO

    Reply
  29. Deanna Lawrence

     /  November 6, 2012

    My youngest brother was killed in a car accident when I was 12. I saw my parents suffer through it with grace and dignity. I’m a parent now, and I couldn’t imagine the heartbreak of losing a child – but then I heard Taylor Swift’s song and found your blog. And now I can imagine it all too well.

    How grateful I am that my parents didn’t allow their other children to be forgotten while they struggled with their own pain. I read how hard sometimes it is to stay focused on the other two while your soul is crushed from Ronan’s death. Someday, I suspect your other children will read your words and be grateful that you were there for them while they were hurting from their own loss.

    It occurred to me, and perhaps it has also occurred to you, Maya, that perhaps Ronan had a mission. That whole, “everything happens for a reason”, thing. Now, please, take this for the compliment it is intended to be. There are so many people whose children are suffering with cancer – families who are trying to cling to every thread of hope they can find. Perhaps the reason this happened to your family is because of your strength. Perhaps because you are still fighting this, spreading the word tirelessly, courageously crusading for SOMETHING BETTER for kids like Ronan. You have already touched so many! And you continue to change lives. You have taught me, who has already been touched by disease and death, to treasure every millisecond – to breathe in everything my family is, daily, and make it a better, bigger, part of me. And even if that’s the ONLY message people receive from you and internalize, how much better will the world be?

    Blessings to you and your family, and God grant you the strength you need to continue this fight. As many have said, you have not lost Ronan, as he is as much a part of you as your heart is. He is still there, fighting right alongside you.

    Reply
  30. Melissa V

     /  November 6, 2012

    What if people were as passionate about childhood cancer as they were about party affiliation. I am disgusted tonight and knew you would understand. Love and prayers to you and your sweet family….

    Reply
  31. Ayushi Vaid

     /  November 8, 2012

    hello Maya. I’m an indian and i’ve just started reading your blog. A friend of mine gave me the song dedicated to your beautiful son (he has the prettiest eyes) during my coaching classes and i started crying. You’re a brave women. How i wish i could meet you. I’m just 17, but i can understand how it feels. All i want say is that keep fighting, and never back down. As the famous lines go- “life can knock us down; but its our choice whether or not to get back up.” You’re an amazing woman I pray to the Almighty to give you the strength to fight whatever come you way, cuz even the darkest hour has only 60 minutes.
    You are a role model to me.
    all the best ! :)

    Reply

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