G’nite Halloween. Thank you for being over.


Ronan. This is my second Halloween without you. I survived. I woke up today, feeling alright. I went to my office and got a lot of things done. Most everybody came dressed up in a costume. They had me chuckling most of the morning with their creativity and fun. It felt really good to be able to laugh this morning and I thought I was going to be o.k. After getting so much stuff done that I thought my head was going to explode, I snuck out of the office to go run some errands. I was on a mission to find white face paint for Quinn and was having a hard time tracking it down. After about 3 stops later, mission white face paint was a success. I ran to see your Mr. Sparkly Eyes and bring him a coffee. As soon as I pulled into the parking lot, my eyes started to water and the tears started falling. I kept hearing Taylor’s song play over and over in my head again. “And its about to be Halloween
You could be anything you wanted if you were still here.” I started thinking about our last Halloween together and then my mind started worrying about you, like I always do so much. Where are you? Who is taking care of you? What are you doing? Do you know how much I miss you? I know you miss me just as much. Why did you have to be taken away? I looked at myself in the mirror and wiped my eyes, took a deep breath, grabbed your Sparkly’s coffee and apple and headed inside.

I sat down and waited. Don’t cry. Don’t cry. No crying today. Soon, your Sparkly appeared and sat down next to me. “Hi. Are you o.k.?” he asked. I just got up and wrapped my arms around him while I avoided his eyes. I sat back down and the flood of tears came next. “Hey, it’s o.k. it’s just another day. I know, it was his favorite day. I know it’s hard today, but you will get though it like you get through everything else.” I didn’t really say much. I couldn’t because I couldn’t even breathe. I just sat and wiped away my tears for a few minutes. “I have to feed Poppy. She is a vegetarian.” I broke out the apple I brought for him and my little veggie snack pack for your Poppy. I sat and we ate while catching up on some things. I guess at one point he had me laughing which I didn’t even notice, but our Sparkly told me it was nice to see me smile. I still don’t smile as much as I used to. I miss it sometimes. The rest of our conversation floated back and forth between you and Poppy. He also told me he thinks I should have about 3 more kids after this one. I told him he was crazy and that being pregnant was not good for my mental state of mind. He said he didn’t think anything was good for my mental state of mind because how could it ever be after going through something like this. Exactly. Nothing will fix this, Poppy included. But we all know that she will bring a little piece of you back and the little bit of happiness that is missing from our lives. We all need her. Your Sparkly included. I left your Sparkly and he told me to just do my best today, to get through tonight, and go to bed. I told him I would indeed do my best, for Liam and Quinn’s sake. That is just what I did.

I picked your brothers up from school. I was exhausted and all I wanted to do was shut my door, take a bunch of sleeping pills and never wake up again. I let my mind go there for about 5 seconds and knew that was of course, not an option. Instead, I got your brothers all ready for the night. I sat Quinn down and painted his face for his KISS costume. Apparently, I have missed my one of my other many callings in life which is a make-up artist. His face turned out awesome and he was so excited. We headed out to our dear friends, The Willets for some trick or treating. The place where we last took you. It was hard. Everything about today and tonight was hard as I imagine it always will be. This might be the hardest holiday to try to celebrate, without you. Your daddy and I somehow survived. We are both so thankful for good friends. We are both so glad to be home and in bed. Your brothers had a great time and that is all I could ask of for tonight. It is all I wanted besides you back with us all. I’m so sorry, Ro. I hate that we are apart more than anything in the world. Every 4-year-old was out tonight. They were everywhere, but you were nowhere to be found. I will never understand any of this.

This is all I can write tonight as I can hardly keep my eyes open. I did have an ultrasound yesterday. Poppy is still a Poppy. I am so thankful for that. I really think having another little boy, would have been so hard for me. I know I would have loved him so much, but the reminders of everything you… another little boy who wasn’t you, mentally would have been tough to deal with. A little girl is something so different. Something I have never experienced. I am really, really thankful you made her a girl. Thanks, Ro baby. I love you so much. I miss you so much. I hope you are safe. Sweet dreams, baby doll.

xoxo

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51 Comments

  1. You and Quinn look amazing!!! I’m glad you made it through the day. One foot in front of the other, mama xo

    Reply
  2. These Pictures are Amazing Maya. XOXO Much love from your favorite place NY!!
    PS: Thanks for your thoughts. Hurricane Sandy was no joke!!! =/

    Always Thinking of you & Ro-Baby<3
    XOXO DANA XOXO

    Reply
  3. Maddie B.

     /  October 31, 2012

    Sparkly is right: it’s just another day. I’m glad it’s over, for your sake (and my caloric intake) I’m very excited for you with Poppy. I’ve said this before, but she is going to be such a special little girl. The two of you…will be amazing. <3 you all.

    Reply
  4. mari

     /  October 31, 2012

    i was just thinking about you today and all your family and i posted something on my facebook page that said.. “Today is about to be Halloween you could be anything you wanted if you were still here…i love you to the moon and back” and i know that he is looking down on you and taking care of you and all your family and he knows that he is safe where he is. THANK YOU for changing my life and all the lifes of every person that reads your blog..GOD BLESS YOU, YOUR POPPY, YOUR TWINS AND YOUR AWSOME HUSBAND!! <3

    Reply
  5. Happy Halloween……….NOT and FUCK YOU CANCER!!!! I have spent the past couple of days in a “what would mama maya do?” frame of mind and rid myself of people in my life who just don’t get it. On the flip side I have also spent more time with the ones I love and made that time count……but……..from the beginning………I like most have checked my facebook for whatever we look for and have noticed that not 1 but a few people have complained about the fact that they are either working on halloween or their costume isnt good enough or whatever the fuck else they were complaining about (i wont apologize for my profanity because this shit is bullshit to complain about) and all I could think of is “ARE YOU SERIOUS?!?! THIS IS WHAT YOU ARE UPSET ABOUT IN LIFE?! YOU CANT BE GRATEFUL FOR YOUR FAMILY OR YOUR HEALTH?!”……..I would like to give them the excuse that we are in the 20 year old age group and they dont understand…..but do they realize that we are SO lucky to be at this point in our lives?!?! all I could think of tonight was Ronan and how if he were here he would be running around in some Star Wars costume or WHATEVER HE WANTED TO BE, I was thinking about how I wish I didnt know about his story because he died of fucking cancer and yet everyone around me is fucking complaining for NO REASON….if I were around these individuals I probably would’ve exploded on them. Because of Ronan, I spent my Halloween night tonight playing dress up in my room, I am a 22 year old girl who spent a good 2 hours dancing around trying on different things, putting make-up on, singing, dancing, helping my mom make caramel corn and rice crispy treats then handing them out to the neighbors. I had no intentions of going out or getting drunk or partying or anything like everyone else was complaining about NOT being able to do (ugh it makes me sick), I spent tonight thinking about you Maya and Ronan and I spent my night with my mom and my dad and I dressed up like when I was a little girl and I watched Hocus Pocus with them and I have never had so much fun. I am sorry for the novel but I just want you to know that Ronan’s story has made me appreciate and really know the value of my life as well as appreciate the time i have with my parents and I can guarantee this will resonate when I have my own children. I have followed this story from the beginning and i rarely comment because it makes me so sad but i just had to comment tonight because i was so fucking irritated by people around me complaining about their work schedule etc. when so many parents WONT BE DRESSING THEIR KIDS UP AND TAKING THEM OUT DUE TO THIS SHITTY FUCKING DISEASE CALLED CANCER ugh…….that is something to be complaining about. I love you maya, ronan, poppy, woody, quinn and liam, i am SO sorry you have gone through this fucking bullshit but I just want you to know that you have all changed my life and given me a different perspective

    Reply
    • samanthaprendergast

       /  November 1, 2012

      I’m also in my 20s and have been reading Ronan/Maya’s blog every day for 6 months or so now. It’s changed my perspective (actually my life, but it feels corny to say so) too.

      I think it’s easy to feel like: holy shit what Maya’s family is going through is fucking awful and how can anyone whinge about running out of cereal. But you just never know what that’s person’s going through. Maybe their “I hate this halloween costume” seems petty, but it’s totally possible that they’re pissed off because their friend passed away in a car crash this time a few years ago, and they’re just in a bad mood. [That's my situation every July].

      Maya’s blog is teaching me many things. One of those things is: just appreciate everything. Another things she’s teaching me, though, is: sometimes you don’t know why people are acting like shits and maybe you really just need to give them a break. I’m sure we’ve all lost our shit over *insert minor thing here* and someone’s judged us for that, even though we were actually just missing someone (for instance) and feeling insane. We should do strangers the favor of not judging back.

      I agree: we’re really lucky. Thanks to Maya for showing us that.

      Reply
      • Samantha

         /  November 1, 2012

        That is so true. I know that it’s easy to get pissed at people for whining about seemingly trivial things, but sometimes there’s a deeper meaning. What if someone was dressing up as a tribute to their dead friend/ family member, and they said that they hated it because it brought back sad memories. Although most of the things aren’t, when you ask about it, they could be. I know from experience that sometimes the trivial things surface the pain, like costumes, or fireworks, just for an example. And sometimes it’s the bigger picture, like the holiday in general, that is causing some feeling in them, so they say that about everything related to it. While I agree that sometimes people need to shut the fuck up and suck it up, we shouldn’t judge, because it definitely could be something bigger. And also, we shouldn’t judge others’ seemingly minor complaints, because I’m sure that we all make comments like that, which have a deeper meaning to us, but seem trivial to others.

  6. anna

     /  November 1, 2012

    I would always go back and read your old posts where I could feel Ronan alive.

    Reply
  7. Glenda

     /  November 1, 2012

    RoMama,

    Love your Poppy bump :) I’m so glad you will experience having a daughter. Like you said, something new! A sister for the boys.

    So glad you got to spend time with Sparkly Eyes!!!

    I had that same verse stuck in my head today. Thought of you & Rockstar Ronan
    Always rolove !!! XO

    Reply
  8. Brittany

     /  November 1, 2012

    I love your costumes I think you should make a band of your own maybe called fuck cancer the name sounds pretty catchy you’ll definitely have the mosh pits! You and your husband are amazing parents for sticking out this holiday for your twin boys. They are so handsome by the way Quinn is your twin and Liam is definitely his daddy! Ronan was, is the perfect combination of you both and I think Little poppy will be the sameway. Her first Halloween she’ll definitely have to be a little poppy a purple one of course rockin the color for Ro!

    Reply
  9. ratih-indonesia

     /  November 1, 2012

    Hi, Maya
    you and Ronan have inspired million people in this planet. you both teach how to love and how to fulfill the life with happiness whatever the situation is. I always bring you and your family in my prayer. stay healthy and stay happy.

    Reply
  10. Willits Family

     /  November 1, 2012

    Well we for one LOVE that you came for Halloween. It truly isn’t the same or fair Ronan wasn’t here to hit that blow up cat with his sword and be silly with us. Luckily Liam was living on the wild side and gave him a poke for Ro! In the reserved ever so sweet Liam way and gentle Ro poke. Shh don’t tell anyone Liam poked the cat😉. Quinn and Maya hands down best costumes of the night. Although the kid as the potted plant was cute. You still won. Ro was looking down at all the blinky stuff and laughing with us. I swear I had a shiver down my spine at one point and felt his presence. We Love you Thompsons. I can’t wait until (we will call her Poppy for now) helps me drive the golf cart! Hugs and kisses. You did Amazing!

    Much Love

    The Willits Family

    Reply
  11. Jen Brianas

     /  November 1, 2012

    Oh Maya, I thought about you last night….I was on the verge of falling asleep after a fun Halloween with my 4 and in a split second I was wide awake wondering how this night was for you and your family. I’m so sorry, I know it’s just another day but these are the moments that make all the hard work worth it. I love Halloween with my bunch, I get sad when it’s over, I don’t want this time to end. It will at some point because they have to grow up. I am not the mom hanging out with the glass of wine chatting while the kids run around, I am the crazy mom who chases after them with my camera taking a million pics of them (and annoying them after every house) because I don’t want to miss a moment of this.
    I bet Ronan was out there somewhere watching you guys happy that the boys were having a blast. You guys looked awesome!!!
    Before we headed out last night I dropped of a goody bag to my 1 year old niece who can’t trick or treat – she is in the middle of a six week chemo cycle for leukemia. Her mom texted me a pic and loved all the stuff I got from Target – toys, balls, beads, stuff like that. I think it gave her a little smile in the midst of this terrible time.
    Thanks for always sharing – you are changing the world!

    Reply
  12. Brittany

     /  November 1, 2012

    Maya,

    This is my first time ever commenting on your blog. I first heard about your story when I heard Taylor’s song. I am like you, and obsessed with Taylor Swift. When I first learned you had a blog, I wanted to read all of it. So I did! I started at te very beginning and read everything. And I cried with every single entry you made.

    I am a first time mother to a beautiful 11 month old baby girl named Elle. She is our life. To say I love her more than anything in my life is an understatement. I would like to say thank you for bringing some light my way. As a mother, we all know how frustrating being a mother can be sometimes. Especially when we have a cranky baby, a teething baby, or a baby who is 11 months old and still won’t sleep through the night. After reading your blog, I no longer get frustrated with her for little things. How can I when you lost a child to FUCKING CANCER. You have brought some perspective to my life in those regards.

    I have told your story to many of my friends who I hope are now reading your blog as well. We all sat and watched you on the Katie show last week and all cried together.

    Lastly, I want to say thank you for being so real and never sugar coating anything. It’s nice to hear a lady say fuck over and over again. It’s real. It’s raw.

    Brittany

    Reply
  13. Veronica G.

     /  November 1, 2012

    Maya I… I’ve been following your blog for some time, I have never commented because I just don’t know what I could possibly say… My mom died unexpectedly in her sleep late last night, I am a wreck and I Just want to thank you for your blog, it’s is helping me cope..I don’t know what to say… I wish I coulda said goodbye…

    Reply
  14. Shawna

     /  November 1, 2012

    I have no words to describe how your life and that of your beautiful boy has touched me, but it has. To my core.

    Reply
  15. Elizabeth Ripp

     /  November 1, 2012

    Maybe someone has already said this long ago, but I noticed how (almost?) all of your last holidays w Ro were planned to be in hospitals or out of town but events changed to where you actually were home and soaking up every minute doing holiday family stuff. It sounds like you gave him the best of everything you had then and even now. You embracing holidays w Ro reminds me of a momma in Alabama who is trying her best with her son Ryan Kitchens (FB page: Prayers for Ryan). This 7 yo has decided he’s done with treatment as drs say they’ve done as much as they can for him. He chose to live out his time left at home with his family experiencing all life has to offer. His momma has decorated the house for all of the holidays coming up and started celebrating. As each holiday passes, they’ll take down decorations, but for now the house is Halloween/Thanksgiving/Christmas all in one! What a very cool idea for such a deserving little boy. If anyone can keep Ryan and his family in their thoughts please, he’s a tough guy that deserves the best.
    Thanks Maya (and Ronan) for opening my eyes to this horrible disease and lack of support to fight it. You’re changing my world and kicking cancer’s ass!

    Reply
  16. Julie

     /  November 1, 2012

    I LOVE that you dressed up too! I didn’t get that from the post. You are awesome. How are your girls in NY?

    Reply
  17. Mom too

     /  November 1, 2012

    awesome costumes! Y’all looked so fun and happy too. x0 <3

    Reply
  18. Jess

     /  November 1, 2012

    The makeup job was awesome. Your boys deserve these fun memories….a break from their loss, if only for a few hours, although, I’m sure Ronan is always on their minds….laughter and sweet friends is so important…and you all deserve smiles.
    You did good, as i can only imagine how difficult it is to miss your little man on one of his favorite nights. Your strength is inspiring. Hugs

    Reply
  19. Kara

     /  November 1, 2012

    Glad Halloween is over for you!
    Know it was sooo very hard :(
    Thanks for your well wishes here in NYC
    Sandy was no joke!!
    Xo kara

    Reply
  20. You guys looked amazing! Ronan was totally proud of you yesterday, Mama! Fuck Cancer – #worstTrickEver!

    Reply
  21. Layn

     /  November 1, 2012

    So, I just wrote you a whole post, my phone got all whackadoodle and it disappeared. So, I will try to remember as much as I can, but it’s probably a blessing in disguise because, damn did I ramble!!
    I have been trying to think for over a year of what to write to you. I still haven’t figured it out, so I’m just going to wing it. I think about Ronan all the time. You are such an inspiration to me and I have TRULY fallen in love with your whole family.
    You are the strongest person I ” know ” even if you don’t feel that way all the time. You have inspired me to take care of some medical issues that I have been ignoring, hoping they would go away.
    I squeeze my blonde haired, Blue eyed, Irish boy even tighter now. I would like to think that I have always been a good person, but I am more conscious of it and give even more.
    It fucking sucks that it took your devastation (I know that that is an understatement – there are no words), for people like me to get the smack in the head that we needed.

    Can’t wait to rock out my Rockstar Ronan bracelets that should be coming soon.

    I don’t know what I believe spiritually, but I TRULY DO believe that you will see the love of your life again.

    You have a fan and a friend in Chicago if you ever need anything. I love the Thompsons so much and have adopted you all lol.

    Keep staying strong. You are changing

    Reply
    • Layn

       /  November 1, 2012

      So that sent before I was finished. Is that a sign that I should shut up or what? Lol.
      Anyway, sending love to all of you, my extended “family.”

      FUCK CANCER!!!!

      Reply
  22. Maya, I thought about you yesterday all day as well. When I took my children trick o treating, I thought about Ronan and how you were probably feeling. I prayed for you and Woody to be able to get through the evening quickly and as pain-free as possible b/c I knew it would be difficult. I’m so glad you went to your friends house and made it happen for the boys. They needed it too. One day at a time, it’s all you can do. You looked beautiful as usual!

    Reply
  23. Kati

     /  November 1, 2012

    I have been reading this blog since Stand up 2 Cancer and it has inspired me to be a better human in so many ways. You’re amazing Maya. I couldn’t say that enough. I haven’t read from the beginning and was wondering if anyone can decode the names for me. Who is Mr Sparkly Eyes? There are several more that I’m curious about too

    Reply
  24. Xylina

     /  November 1, 2012

    Maya,

    I have been following your story since I heard Taylor Swift’s song and fell in love with Ronan from the gecko. You are such a strong woman or at least have made yourself as strong as you can be without him. I am a mother of 2 (2 yr girl & 4 yr boy) I couldn’t imagine the strength that I would have to find to be like you. Ronan gives you that strength and because of him, I see his heart of gold working miracles through you.

    I thought of you yesterday like the many others that know your story and think about Ronan’s song. Part of me sinks to the bottom with you everytime, whether I hear about childhood cancer, or when I think of your blog what Ronan went through. The other part makes me angry that the awareness has not been as present as it is now with The Ronan Thompson Foundation. I live in Tucson and although we may be 2 hours away, there is so much of me that wants to get involved in any way that I can. I promise I will…

    I appreciate your honesty and how you don’t hold back any feelings. I feel like I think all these things during the day and never say them out loud, like something is holding me back. That right there is what I want to let go, because the honesty and true feelings you express is everything that is real.

    My heart aches when it feels your pain, happiness when I read about your smile, and realizes what a great person you are regardless of this life changing experience. Ronan didn’t deserve this, but I know he deserved every moment with you.

    Reply
  25. Mike Cambell

     /  November 1, 2012

    Costume came out awesome! The holidays don’t have to be soo tough, hopefully they become a little less painful as time goes on….I think they can, I think that’s what Ronan would want to see happen.

    Reply
  26. Isabel Chouinard

     /  November 1, 2012

    Everytime I read your blogs my heart breaks for you. you are never far form my thoughts.You are a brave woman. I have to boys 4 and 1 and I could never imagine the pain that you are going through..

    Reply
  27. whittygirl

     /  November 1, 2012

    Last night, after I got my baby girl down for the night, I stayed awake in bed thinking about you and Ronan, and the whole Thompson gang. I checked your blog to see if you had written anything yet about Halloween. At that time, you hadn’t. I guess I just needed to know that you made it through okay. It’s not that I didn’t think you would survive it, but it just really tore me up knowing how tough it was going to be for each one of you. I’m sorry for every Halloween, no, every single holiday from here on out that you must endure without him.

    Let’s face it, I don’t have anything to say to make you feel better so I’ll just say this instead…Fuck cancer. Fuck pain. Fuck chemo. Fuck sleepless nights. Fuck nightmares when sleep does come. Fuck tears. Fuck regrets. Fuck sad songs (except Taylor’s) Anything else that’s shitty I forgot to mention, fuck that too. But fuck, that’s cancer. Fuck you, cancer!

    Reply
    • Samantha

       /  November 1, 2012

      Well said. But you forgot ‘FUCK EARLY DEATH’. Great job remembering everything else, though.

      Reply
      • whittygirl

         /  November 2, 2012

        That’s for sure. Little babies shouldn’t have to go through this shit, and parents shouldn’t have to watch it and feel so completely helpless. It’s not right, it’s unfair. It’s fucking ridiculous that so little is being done to combat it. So, here’ s an extra helping of Fuck you, Cancer. I’m also adding a side dish of Cancer, you fucking suck.

  28. aw , you guys look great!

    Reply
  29. Rachel

     /  November 1, 2012

    You touch my heart with every word you write. I love you and I love your Ro. I have three little boys myself and need a box of kleenex everytime I read your blogs. This is the first time I have actually commented on a blog and I dont know just how to tell you how much you and your story and Ronan has impacted my life. The first time I started reading your blog I went in and woke up my boys and kissed them until they got pissed. 6, 2 and 7 months are the ages of my boys and I could not imagine in my worst nightmares going through what you did nor could I imagine watching them go through what Ronan did. It just not fair, why do our precious litle angels have to suffer and fight such a nasty monster like Cancer? It infuriates me to no end, it makes my doubt and tests my faith in God..WHY? We have child molesters and cold blooded killers etc just sitting in jail. I have never understood. I wished I could help you and I want to bring so much awareness to childhood Cancers, no one even knows September is about childhood cancer nor about the color gold. I was talking with my mom the other day after we did the Susan B Komen. My mother is a stage 4 breast cancer survivor (i know i know) We girls need our moms just like our moms need us though. I am getting to the fuck pink point though. She was in agreeance with everything I was saying, I even wrote Ronans name down on an “in honor of” card. I wished there was something like a run we could do here in Kansas City, we could call it the Rockstar Run and throw gold glitter at every mile marker then everyone would come out all glittery and blingin! I watched you on Katie Couric and was glued to the TV the whole time. Ronan is so gorgeous, those heaven blue eyes melt my heart. I will never forget Ronan and those eyes. My 6 year old wore the purple Fuck You Cancer braclete the other day, I was proud and so was he, he wants a shirt. I told him about Ronan and he looked at some oictures with me and started to cry, I hugged him and told him that we need to hel these little babies so they dont have to fight the beast called Cancer and he asked me what we could do for Ronan. I would like very much to try to organize a run here in KC for September. I am going to see what I can do, any tips or pointers would be helpful. God Bless you Maya and your family. My thoughts are always with you! xx

    Reply
  30. SONIA

     /  November 1, 2012

    I love you and your family, FUCK CANCER!!!!!

    Reply
  31. Samantha

     /  November 1, 2012

    So I just got an email about supporting Obama and donating $5 to help him campaign. I was fucking pissed at that, and wrote back. I’ll copy and paste the whole thing.
    Here is my whole reply, directly from my sent folder:
    *BEGIN MESSAGE*

    Hey I-don’t-know-who-you-are (because you’re not Bill Clinton, obviously, at least not the former-president one)why don’t you put that money toward fighting childhood cancer, like neuroblastoma. Use that money to save lives, not waste it on some STUPID CAMPAIGN ad!!! And how the hell did you get my email address?!

    -a pissed-off Samantha

    From: Bill Clinton
    To: *MY EMAIL*
    Sent: Wednesday, October 31, 2012 4:16 PM
    Subject: You

    Samantha — Every choice you make determines your future.

    But the choice I’m asking you to make in the next 16 hours will affect everyone’s future: Do something, or do nothing.

    And I believe with all my heart that doing nothing would be a tremendous mistake.

    If enough of us do nothing, Mitt Romney could become your President. Republicans could take over the Senate. And you’ll watch everything we’ve fought for dismantled—all while you wish you had done more right now.

    That’s why you should choose to donate $5 before the deadline in just 16 hours. Choose President Obama, choose a Democratic Senate, and choose to give $5 because you are willing to fight for this. And for just 16 hours, Democratic Senators will match your gift 3-to-1, tripling the impact of your gift.

    I’m counting on you so that we can win this together. Choosing not to fight this one last time could mean that Mitt Romney and the far-right become the leaders of our country.

    So don’t walk away from this challenge. Make the right choice today: https://dscc.org/triple-match

    Sincerely,
    Bill Clinton

    Paid for by the Democratic Senatorial Campaign Committee, dscc.org, and not authorized by any candidate or candidate’s committee.

    *END OF MESSAGE*
    I typed the end of message and begin message thing, and omitted my email address, but this is seriously so fucking wrong. It pissed me off, and I want to fucking scream at whoever sent that. But that’s just me.
    On another note, I just LOVE the costumes, Maya. And you can do THIS 14-year-old’s make-up any day.
    -Samantha

    Reply
  32. Maria

     /  November 1, 2012

    I stumbled onto your blog today whilst my 1-year-old was asleep and read a while. Then when my Bubbles – that’s what we call him – finally woke from his nap and I went to pick him up, I held him tight against my chest and thought about your family. And then I cried a little. Thank you for reminding me about what’s important.

    Reply
  33. Lidia Giubilaro

     /  November 1, 2012

    Maya, I first heard about your story when I saw you on the Katie show. Since then, I think about you, Ronan, and the boys…all the time.
    Your story has touched me so deeply. I have two little boys and I can’t even imagine what you are going thru. It scares me so much to know how Childhood Cancer can just destroy a family, a brother, a father, but most of all a mother. You are a fighter! I am so proud of your foundation. You are right when you say that there needs to be more awareness for this disease. I didn’t even even know there was a ribbon..a gold ribbon for childhood cancer.
    I keep on replaying Ronan’s song. Its the most beautiful and sad song ever..I thought about you when I was out with the kids on Halloween…and just found myself with tears thinking about Ronan and you. It makes me so sad everytime.
    I feel like I know you and Ronan, just by reading your stories. I’ve never been so drawn to someone as much as I am to you and Ronan. I’ve been reading all your blogs and cry about them. I believe you are an angel…here on earth. Ronan is the most beautiful boy ever. I love him so much. He reminds me so much of my oldest son who is just 2 years old. The sweetest soul ever. You are an amazing person. Because of you miracles will happen. Ronan has left a mark on my heart forever…because of you the world will become a better place. Thank you:)
    Lidia xoxo

    Reply
  34. Alyssa

     /  November 1, 2012

    I am going to make this as short as possible.
    My name is Alyssa, I am 18 years old and I live in Tucson, Arizona. Like many others, I found out about Ronan through Taylor Swift’s song. I then found your blog and dedicated a few nights to learn everything about Ronan. I’ve read every single post. Ronan has inspired me. Ever since I discovered this, I have gotten involved with Relay for Life and I am registered for the run up in Phoenix. We had a Relay for Life event here at the University of Arizona on October 23rd that I went to and it was great. I even met a few girls who had also been inspired by your beautiful little boy. I make sure that if there is anything I can do to help out with that I am right there. I have been so touched by your story and I’m trying my best to let everyone know about Ronan and that the color gold matters too. I even bought gold nail polish and I make sure people know why I have it. You’ve opened my eyes. I can’t wait to run for Ronan. FUCK CANCER.

    Reply
  35. Maddi

     /  November 1, 2012

    Hi Maya,
    My name is Madison Klee. I am a senior this year and going off to college in less than a year. For several years now I have wanted to be someone who works with children cancer patients. I want to help and do everything I can to make a change. You, Ronan, and all of your beautiful family has truly inspired me. I have been following your story and reading all of your blogs and I become more and more greatful and thankful each day. I am sorry for all that you are going through, but you are one badass mom and woman. Poppy is one lucky girl to have such a great family and I know she will be beautiful just like little Ronan.
    After following your story I feel like I kind of know you and your family even though I have never met you. I thank you for sharing so much with all of us and being so strong and so real and never sugarcoating things. It is refreshing and makes me want to help make a difference even more. I have been sharing your story with all of my friends and family and for my senior project I plan to do something on childhood cancer and I hope to be able to use Ronan and his story in it and to help make a change. I do not like to use bad language, but you are so, so, so right when you say FUCK CANCER, and I could not agree more. My Aunt is currently battling stage 4 cancer and I see how horrible it is. I have also read about many kids with cancer and followed their stories and this gross, terrible, cancer needs to go away. Thank you for being so passionate. You will change the world! I know you and Ronan have inspired a lot of people and we need to all join together and stop this. I think you are amazing and I think Ronan was such a beautiful boy and I’m sure that him and his sparkling blue eyes are always with you. You and your family are constantly in my thoughts and I constantly thought about Ronan yesterday with the line “It’s about to be Halloween, you could be anything you wanted if you were still here…” stuck in my head and I was singing it all day and telling people about sweet Ronan and your blog. Sorry for writing so much, I just wanted to introduce myself and let you know you are all in mine and my families thoughts and prayers. Thank you for making a difference.

    Reply
  36. Haylie

     /  November 1, 2012

    Hi maya,
    I have been following your blog for quite some time and it brings tears to my eyes. I watched a video in my class today and i couldnt help but think of your story, i strongly reccommend this to anyone. It’s called “healing canacer from the inside out”. It is a good insight on some things.

    Haylie xo

    Reply
  37. Can’t believe how many comments your posts get EVERY SINGLE TIME now!!! So many people getting the message…it’s so awesome.

    Reply
  38. KT

     /  November 2, 2012

    Love you mama!!!

    Just remember, Ro is always with you.
    He is the sunshine on your hair
    He is the shadow on the ground
    He is the beat in your heart
    The whisper in the wind, and the moonlight
    shining down.
    He will be with you, wherever you are!!!
    xoxo

    Reply
  39. rebecca

     /  November 2, 2012

    Maya, I never watch talk shows but was sitting here flipping channels and saw that Will I AM was going to be on Katie. I taped it and saw your story. I have since been reading your blog. Words cannot express what is in my head. You are a very extraordinary person to put your story out here for all to see. I thank you from the bottom of my heart for writing this and for continuing to do so. I don’t think that you will ever realize that you ARE making a difference even though it had to happen in such a horrible way. I am so truly sorry for your, and your families loss. Just know that for someone who was just sitting around in Michigan you have changed in more ways than you will ever know.

    Thank You.

    Reply
  40. The family Star Wars pics just break my heart. God, I am so sorry!

    Reply
  41. Much love to you <3

    Reply
  42. cynmac76

     /  November 2, 2012

    Those costumes are great! Sorry that your Ronan was not physically there to trick or treat with his big brothers, I know he was with you guys, people we love that pass away are always with us. I can’t wait to see pictures of your little ‘Poppy’. I saw you talking to Katie C, that must have been so hard to do. Everyone in the audience was in tears, and then Katie was tearing up, then I just lost it…so sorry that your family had to endure such heart break, and I’m so sorry for all the families out there who love a child who has cancer and for those who have lost their battle with that heartless killer—>F You CANCER!!

    Reply
  43. Leslie

     /  November 2, 2012

    I never wanted a girl. I’ve always wanted a houseful of boys. Alas, I became pregnant with a girl. It took me 2 weeks to process it. She decided to join us 3 months early. It was the scariest time of my life. Sitting by her isolette not knowing if she was about to take her last breath. Long story short, she is alive, the sweetest, gentlest, most beautiful baby girl in the world and I am grateful everyday for her life and the life of my son. I read your blog to help me keep perspective. You will fall for Poppy so hard you won’t be able to ever adequately describe it. I can’t wait to “meet” her!

    Reply
  44. So glad that Halloween is over (for both of us). Our twins always ask what their (dead) brothers are going to dress up as this year. . .

    So glad for Poppy too! Take care. Sending hope and hugs. Fuck you cancer!!

    Reply
  45. Great job on the make-up. Glad the boys got to have some fun. Thinking of you guys – knowing this will never “get easier” but praying for your pain to ease somewhat. Admiring you all for your strength and courage…

    Reply

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    Last night before my flight to NYC I washed my iPhone in the washing machine. Just as we were about to leave for the airport, Poppy started throwing up everywhere. Canceled our trip and took care of a sick baby girl all night. Today, I am thankful that she is feeling better and for the Apple care that just replaced my phone. I'm sad to miss the beautiful gold lights in Times Square, but know this is only the beginning of many beautiful things to come during the month of September. #ronan #beboldgogold #kidsgetcancertoo #fucancer #rollwiththepunches #ineedatimeout Team meeting. #poppy #ronan #fucancer #titans #littleballers #weekendchamps #basketballislife @kimmieag17 Hijacked @knjoy's pen to write her letter to the Empire State Building. #poppy #ronan #poppyforpresident #fucancer #gettinshitdone #meow
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