Ring Ring! It’s The Katie Couric Show!


Ronan. Hi. I miss you like crazy. Do you know what I was thinking about today? That I think I think about you, 24 hours a day. I think about you with every single thing that I do. Whether it be watching your brothers, seeing the pain behind your daddy’s eyes, brushing my teeth, driving my car, doing the laundry, working non-stop on your foundation. You are never gone from my thoughts. You never will be. You are the reason so many things are happening. You are the reason I have not given up. You are the reason I have not just buried this all deep down inside of me, never to be talked about again. Your daddy said that to me tonight. That some people think we should just bury this all deep down inside because it is too sad to continue living this life where all we do is miss you so badly. That we should just move on. I just looked at him and said, “Yeah, bury Ronan deep down and not ever talk about him or this again. That’s exactly why this fucking bullshit never changes and that is exactly why kids are still dying. That is fucking bullshit.” I will never bury you, Ronan. I will never bury you which is a big reason why I didn’t put you in the ground. I could not stand the thought of having your “body,” anywhere but with us. I know better than anyone, how sad and hard all of this is. How sad and hard it looks to the outside world. But I think it would be even more sad if after you died, I just decided to walk away and forget about everything that we you had been through. You deserve better than that. These kids deserve better than that. You are too beautiful of a soul to ever be forgotten. You are going to be the reason that things start to change. I always knew you were going to be the poster child for something, because you were that beautiful. In my naïve mind, I just always thought you would be a model for GAP Kids or something. Not because you were murdered by cancer.

I got a phone call yesterday. Another one of those phone calls that just happens and no matter what the news is, I always feel myself remain so calm. I know I am calm by nature, but you’d think I’d start flipping out a little bit by now. Maybe it’s also just my intuition. That I know the most amazing things are just going to happen and I have seriously felt like this one, was going to end up happening for a while. Let me back up a little bit, to one of my “one of those signs,” stories. Last year, remember when I jumped ship and just out of the blue said to your daddy, “I need to leave. I need to go to New York for a while. By myself.” He went back and forth with me a bit, but was totally supportive. I went to New York. The city the makes me feel the strongest. The city that makes me feel closest to you. The city that brought me back to life. I had the most amazing time by myself. I spent it walking the streets. Running Central Park during crazy midnight hours. Visiting shops. Eating at our Fo Yo place. Reading. Spending time with our Fairy RoMo. I found a bit of myself again in that city. Your daddy came out for the last few days. It was around 4:00 p.m. and we were walking the streets close to where we were staying. The most adorable lady came walking past us, looked us both dead in the eye and gave us the warmest smile. I mean so warm, that it could have melted butter. I looked at your daddy. I said, “That was Katie Couric!” He said, “It totally was.” I turned around. “I’m going to give her one of Ronan’s bracelets! She needs to know about him!” I started walking the direction Katie was headed, just in time to see her go into a small shoe store. I hesitated. O.k. Wasn’t meant to be. I thought to myself, “There is NO way, I am going to chase that lady into a shoe store.” So, I didn’t. I just let her dazzling smile and kind eyes, be enough. That was such a profound moment for me and always stuck out in my head. Fast forward to Tuesday. I got a phone call. I called the number back. I got Katie’s assistant who told me that Katie had heard about our story, and would love to have me on her show. I, of course said I would be honored. I cannot think of a better person, that I would like to sit down and talk to. I am so honored. So beyond honored. Remember how I said I wouldn’t stop screaming about you, until people started listening Ronan? I promised you that. I think people are starting to listen, now. I think this world of childhood cancer, is finally going to start getting the attention it so very badly deserves. I think a girl named Taylor is a big reason of why this is all happening. All because of her huge heart and her old soul. She is pure magic and I will forever be so thankful for the most beautiful gift from the most beautiful girl.

Today, I worked on some details for the show. I’ll tell you more about it, when I find out some more things. Today, I took your brothers on a play date as they didn’t have school. It was a district holiday, but really it was for Yom Kippur. But you know in public schools, you can’t say that. Because that makes perfect sense. NOT. Kinda goes along with the same way they cannot call Halloween, Halloween anymore. So ridiculously stupid. So today, it being a “district holiday,” we had a play date with my good friend, Melissa and her kids. My good friend, Melissa that has stood by me through all of this and never went anywhere. My good friend that never judged me, hurt me, left me, or pushed me. She loves you so much. I remember how much you used to love the sound her phone made. That little chirping noise when she got a voicemail or something. I remember how many times she sat at the clinic with us and helped out with you. You want to know the thing I love most about Melissa? That through all the good things that are happening, she never forgets the you part in all of this. Through all of her smiles with everything good that is coming our way, I still see her sadness over the fact that you are gone. She doesn’t hide the and she ALWAYS talks about it. What you see is what you get. I love that so much. She is so genuine and so true. I am so lucky to have found her at one of the worst time of my life, right when you were diagnosed. I am so thankful she is still here.

We played today and on our way home I said to your brothers, “Oh god. I’m going to puke.” Your brothers started to scramble. “Here Mom! Here’s a Trader Joe’s bag!” They passed it to me in the front seat, just in time. It’s only looking back now, that I am laughing at myself. I could have at least pulled over, but no… not me. I puked my guts out in that Trader Joe’s bag, while continuing to drive us down our quiet road close to our house. I’m such a muli-tasker. The rest of the night has consisted of me, throwing up. I thought I was getting past this point of grossness, but today, I feel sicker than ever. Fun times, I tell ya. This better clear up, before Katie. I would not like to puke in a bag on national television. Come on, Poppy. Work with me a little.

Alright little man. I’m going to rest my weary head. I miss you. I love you. I hope you are safe. Sweet dreams, baby doll.

xoxo

P.S. Ronan. Tomorrow is Fernanda’s Birthday. You know what to do. Make sure she has the most special day. Make sure she feels you everywhere. Happy Birthday to my most special friend. I love you.

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75 Comments

  1. Ashleigh

     /  September 26, 2012

    You are now accomplishing what people have tried for years to achieve!! No longer hiding childhood cancer. You put a face a story and Taylor wrote the song. A month ago a classmate from high school died from a very rare form of childhood cancer. She was 27. She lived 10 years when most w her prognosis only have months. These stories need to be told. Money needs to be given and you girl are making shit happen!!! Rock on maya!!!

    Reply
  2. S2catz

     /  September 26, 2012

    As a father of three young kids with one on the way in November, your blog is probably the last thing I should be reading. All I do is put one of my own kids in Ronan’s situation and then think about what you’ve described you and Woody going through and I fall apart

    Reply
    • S2catz

       /  September 26, 2012

      But I read on because what I feel is nothing compared to the message you continue to broadcast in Ronan’s name. Your strength and ridiculous level of bravery in such trying circumstances is an inspiration. It makes me value every hug, every word and every minute I have with my kids. And makes me want to help in the fight you are mounting against the horrible disease that took Ronsn from you.

      Keep talking and typing and don’t bury anything regarding Ronan. I can’t comprehend what you have and are going through but I can say you are a difference maker. Thank you for being such an inspiration – on so many levels.

      Reply
  3. Amber

     /  September 26, 2012

    You are so strong, brave and spicy. I can not tell you how much your blog has touched me, so I won’t even try. I am so happy for all of the attention Ronan’s story is now getting. All the attention he deserved from the beginning. I hope your dreams come true and you can be the one leading the fight against this bastard you call cancer.

    Reply
  4. Anne

     /  September 26, 2012

    Just know that I’m listening, and I’m shouting about Ronan at the top of my lungs! I love you,Maya. I honestly do. You are a true saint!! xoxo

    Reply
  5. Laura

     /  September 26, 2012

    Proud of you and what all you are doing in Ronan’s name will end up making such a true difference to so many children.
    All our love to you and your entire family. Hope the upset stomach ends soon.

    Reply
  6. nicole b.

     /  September 26, 2012

    you are so strong, maya. incredible.

    Reply
  7. Maya, you are right, of course. About all of it… of how people that have not experienced your pain or loss can try to tell you that you should move on with your life and let Ronan simply become a memory. And you are right about that being the problem with childhood cancer, where people don’t want to look that murderous bastard in the face and simply bottle up their feelings because society couldn’t possibly be strong enough to confront what all parents fear the most… watching the best part of themselves, their precious children, be stolen away.

    That is what so many of us see in your writings… someone that will not suffer in silence and damn other parents to the same fate of pain and loss. The love you have for Ro is your fuel, and that won’t ever go away or desert you as you press forward. Your feelings are raw, emotional, and most importantly, brutally honest. They ring true and touch peoples’ hearts, because there are no hidden agendas. I might not know you, Woody, Quinn, Liam or your other close friends and family, other than the brief glimpses that you allow us to see when you post, but it is your collective resolve that will make a difference and get the attention of the world so that those hard conversations can take place and the populous will demand action be taken to fight for our children.

    If some still question your motivation for your “dream”, then they simply don’t understand what you have publicly displayed. They should simply be pitied, because they can’t understand that your love for Ro continues to be a central part of your life. All of the attention you and Ronan can bring is the first step towards the battle you are fighting.

    You have been dealt a crappy hand, but you are right about one more thing… cancer picked the wrong f’ing person to mess with. Don’t back down until you beat the hell out of it.

    Reply
  8. Kailey

     /  September 26, 2012

    I’ve never posted on this blog, heck I only found out about it a couple weeks ago when some girl wrote the single most beatiful, heart wrenching song I’ve ever heard. I however now have read every post and I’ve never cried or laughed more than I have reading this. Reading your post tonight put the biggest smile on my face. I’m just a young girl with no kids, but reading this blog and everything your doing gives me nothing but hope. I have no doubt that with caring, loving beyond fricking amazing people like you in this world, someday we won’t have to worry about this horrible thing called childhood cancer. My heart does nothing but ache for you, and I am sorry beyond words that you have to go for this, but just know you are making a difference, in my life and in so many other peoples life, and for that…thank you.

    Reply
  9. Sara

     /  September 26, 2012

    I was driving in my car today and Ronan’s song came on the radio. I had never heard it on the radio before. I seriously should have pulled over because I was crying so hard, it was unsafe. Thank you for all you are doing for childhood cancer. You are inspirational and your love story with your beautiful boy continues to amaze me.

    Reply
  10. Amy

     /  September 26, 2012

    Today I watched my nine year old at baseball practice. I was sitting with a group of moms and we are discussing 4th graders and the standards set by schools. I immediately think of Ronan and change the subject and tell them all about him and how they need to hear the song and spread the word. Your little man is everywhere! He is touching lives and making a difference.

    Reply
  11. Vanessa Samos

     /  September 26, 2012

    Maya,
    This is the second time I comment on your blog…. Dont ever let anyone judge you for the decisions you make….your choice to have Ronan with you is yours and only yours.
    And no one can tell u or suggest that you “bury your feelings”….no one knows how you feel unless they have been through it
    themselves…continue your mission…you are very inspiring and a lovely person who just had a horrible if not the most horrible thing to happen to her.

    contine your letters to Ronan….

    Reply
  12. Glenda

     /  September 26, 2012

    Romama,

    I see where Rockstar Ronan got his feistiness and spiciness from. I’m so happy and excited to see you on Katie. Ronan’s beautiful face will be the face for Childhood Cancer. I’m so lucky I finally got to meet you. You are truly an inspiration. Maya’s Mafia!!! Rockstar Maya! xo You and Ro are moving mountains. Big things are definitely coming your way!

    Reply
  13. Michelle H.

     /  September 26, 2012

    I’m so excited for you Maya and not at all surprised that Miss Katie invited you on her show! Good stuff I tell ya! xoxo

    Reply
  14. Sarah Silver

     /  September 26, 2012

    That is so amazing!! What an incredible opportunity to reach so many people…I have only been following your blog for about a month but have been so inspired and doing what I can to get the word out to anyone/everyone I know! I live in Scottsdale and your story hit me hard…thank you for sharing your story, your family, your heartache and your amazing motivation with all of us. I appreciate how blunt and raw you are…it’s refreshing and you speak my language! Cancer fucking sucks and I’m over it…it’s time is up! I have told everyone about this Saturdays event at the W and have one of my best friends coming to support the foundation. We will be there with bracelets on to tell cancer to fuck off! I know we have never met and I am just one of your many followers but if you ever need anything at all…foundation support, coordinating event help, someone to stand on the corner and tell everyone that passes by to support childhood cancer just let me know!

    Reply
  15. Anyone who thinks you should’ve buried your feelings about Ronan is a fool. The world is not as peachy as people would like it to be and it’s about time to make it known. Kids die every single day and they shouldn’t because I believe there is a cure out there. I believe there are better treatments. I believe the pharmaceutical companies are dodging their responsibilities to children because it is no profitable enough for them.
    I was talking to a mum today whose daughter has stage IV Germ Cell Tumour. She is treated at the Royal Children’s Hospital in Melbourne, which is the best children’s hospital we have here in Australia and yet they had to go elsewhere to get a blood test done for their daughter, which would allow doctors to separate the tumour cells, grow the tumours in the lab and then treat them with difference chemos to see which is most effective. After 11 rounds of chemo, I guess they got sick of their daughter just being a guinea pig. This test cost $4500. It’s insane. It has to stop. It is ridiculous that these parents have to find out about these advancements on their own…that they have to make these life or death decisions for their children when they are blindsided by this awful disease.
    Anyway…that is my rant for today. As always, I love you.

    Reply
  16. mel

     /  September 26, 2012

    Bury Ronan’s memory and move on!?!? Essentially pretend he never existed or went through a grueling ordeal!? People have seriously told you that?!? Wow, I mean, if that’s someone’s coping mechanism, then who am I to judge, but that just seems like the absolute worst way to honor your child’s life. and impossible to do at that-how do you forget about one of your kids???? So glad you think it’s ridiculousness too. Otherwise, great news about the show!! You are doing amazing things and I’ll continue to support you any way I can!!

    Reply
  17. Crystal

     /  September 26, 2012

    I think that is absolutely amazing! I cant wait to see you on that show. I love when you update your blog, i love hearing all the amazing stories about Ronan. I need to purchase some of his braclets so i can tell people about childhood cancer. Its such an amazing thing your doing! Your little man is changing lives and it inspires me! Keep it up!

    Reply
  18. Annie

     /  September 27, 2012

    Do you know which date you will be on the show? I live out here in the city and would love to get tickets for that day to see you live!
    Amazing oppurtunity to spread your message to an even broader audience. All the best.

    Reply
  19. Lea

     /  September 27, 2012

    Its a girl. Im convinced. I was SO sick in the mid day/ evenings with both of my girls. Poppy just has to be! I picture her with dark brown hair and sparkling blue eyes, made perfectly with love by her older, best brother ever, Ronan!

    Reply
  20. Nicole

     /  September 27, 2012

    You are amazing Maya. You are raising awareness in such a massive way. Thank you for continuing to share your Ro with the world. He is the most beautiful boy I’ve ever seen:)

    Reply
  21. Hey Maya,
    I’ve been reading your blog through the last month or so. I have left you a few comments here and there; but I just wanted to let you know that I am thinking of you and your family. I also pray for the healthy of little Poppy, Quinn and Liam as well as of course yourself and Woody’s. Beyond on that both yourself and blue-eyed Ro have made me wanted to step out and help in anyway I can – I don’t know how exactly. As I live in Australia and I am in my last month or so of high school; but I have been thinking of ringing you and figuring out some way I could do something. I plan to raise money in the next few weeks and of course I have my facebook group; but there is always something more I could do.
    I really want to help; but at the same time I don’t want to impose and I know you would’ve heard similar things from people before. But this is becoming an obsession for me. I really want to do something in regards to your mission whether it be here in Australia or whether I have to save up and make the trip to Arizona to help – I’ll do whatever!
    In Australia, I don’t think many people know about this disease, we know about leukaemia; but that’s really as far as our knowledge extends even though there are websites that parents have set up in memory of their children or they blog their stories.
    But what I am trying to say is I think you are an amazing woman and mother and I can understand why it would be hard for you to accept that some days; but you truly are – And you are an inspiration to me.
    I am here saying I am going to serve yours and Ronan cause, and I’ll go wherever you or little Ro send me. I am committed – FOR REAL!
    Wishing you all the best,
    Love love love,
    Jessica

    Reply
  22. Mom too

     /  September 27, 2012

    Stand up for what is right, for what fight needs to be fought. Unfortunate circumstances brought you to this fight at such an early age. Be proud to give back and stand at the front of the fight to help those who can no longer speak and those who need a champion. <3

    Reply
  23. jjmndm

     /  September 27, 2012

    SO GRATEFUL THAT kATIE IS DOING A SHOW FOR rONAN AND ALL THE KIDS BATTLING cANCER. I LOVE HER NEW SHOW SHE HAS ALREADY HAD SOME GREAT TOPICS, THIS WILL BE ONE OF THE BEST. I AGREE TAYLOR IS THE ONE THAT GOT MY INTEREST IN YOUR STORY AND I CONTINUE TO FOLLOW YOU DAILY. I PRAY FOR YOU AND YOUR FAMILY. I AM GOING TO “WALK” A HALF MARATHON IN NOVEMBER, WHILE MY GRAND DAUGHTER RUNS IN THE NAME OF YOUR SON .

    Reply
  24. kim Mcmahon

     /  September 27, 2012

    I am a good friend of Jen Searle and I follow your blog! WAY TO GO LADY!!!! You are inspiring and awesome and not another child should suffer or be taken like your Ronan…Taylor’s song was amazing and heartbreaking and now Katie Couric! Rock it for Ronan!!!!!

    Reply
  25. Darcy

     /  September 27, 2012

    Maya you are such an amazing mom and an inspiration to love beyond meaure and fight for our children even more. I listen to Taylor’s Ronan everyday and pray for you and yours. Hugs!

    Reply
  26. Shelly

     /  September 27, 2012

    Maya, loved this post! I’m sorry you’re still feeling lousy. In both my pregnancies I was hurling from the moment I was conscious in the morning until I drifted off to sleep–I understand the misery! But you’re still chugging, moving mountains and all–you, love, are a warrior. I’m ecstatic that Katie’s show called you, although I’m not surprised. Ronan’s story and this cause is spreading like wildfire thanks to your courage and determination, and this is just the tip of the iceberg, no doubt. Can’t wait to receive my cute T-shirts and bracelets so I can tell even more people about your story and the foundation. You need to get those Spicy Monkey bracelets out there, too–I want some, they’re awesome!!! (in your spare time, of course!haha!). Feel better, girl. Warm thoughts and prayers with you everyday. xxx

    Reply
  27. Donna

     /  September 27, 2012

    Maya, I can’t wait to watch you talk on Katie’s show. Things are meant to be whether you chased her down in NYC or not.

    Something has stuck with me…..that promise you made at the end, that you would spend the rest of your life fighting cancer and that you would never give up the fight in Ronan’s name. Words that any grieving parent could be expected to speak in those moments you were going through……but you have truly stuck by your promise and you have made a lot happen since then. You’re an inspiration to many of us.

    I was in such a funk yesterday after watching Taylor Swift sing your song on StandUp2Cancer…I mean, I couldn’t get out of it. On my 30 minute drive home later in the day, I decided to listen to some country stations for a change because of it. And in that 30 minutes, I heard 4 different Taylor Swift songs on different stations. Felt very un-coincidental to me. :)

    Reply
    • Stacey

       /  September 28, 2012

      I know what you mean about the funk. Ronan’s story depressed me for days. I cried just thinking of him and everytime I visited Maya’s blog. But I am so, so lucky to have “known” him that I’ll take that kind of funk any day.

      Reply
  28. Christa

     /  September 27, 2012

    Maya,
    You are so awesome and strong! While reading your blog I go through so many emotions, sometimes I have to stop because I literally feel my breathing getting tight and my heart actually aches. What you have and are going through I can’t even imagine! I would never be able to bury Ronan either, he is the most beautiful child I have ever seen (and I have two myself). Just looking at his picture makes me cry, thinking this beautiful child is not with you and your family anymore. I have never posted on a blog before, but I just wanted to tell you that you are amazing and to keep it up! I also tell anyone who will listen about your little man and how amazing he is!

    Reply
  29. Rachel Roberge

     /  September 27, 2012

    Go for it Maya – There once was a time when no one would even say the word breast so breast cancer got little to no awareness but women stood up and demanded more – and previous to that no one would even address the devastation of polio, one of the most dreaded diseases of the early 20th century, until a few good people kept standing up and shouting it from the rooftops resulting in the emergence of grassroots fund-raising campaigns that would revolutionize medical philanthropy. This is the time for childhood cancer – it’s all happening…a movement is underfoot…and once again women and moms like you are leading the way and will not take no or ‘it’s too sad’ as a reason to back down…Thanks for all you do.

    Reply
  30. Beth

     /  September 27, 2012

    Thank you. For bringing Ronan into this world and ensuring he is still here. For bitch slapping me with your words reminding me that my life is nothing but magic, rainbows and unicorns because I can hug my boys. You are making a difference and I am going to do everything in my power to help!

    Reply
  31. Rachel

     /  September 27, 2012

    4 words: You. Are. Kicking. Ass!!

    Cancer be scared. Be very, very scared. R&M are comin’ for ya!

    Reply
  32. Stella

     /  September 27, 2012

    Hi Maya. I have only just begun to read your blog following the release of Ronan’s song. i have to tell you I have read it daily without fail. It’s almost as if I have to get to it to start or end my day. I’m not even sure that’s the best way to describe but only know that’s how I feel.

    I have been working at PCH for what will be 5 years next April and deeply, sadly wish I had the chance to meet Ronan. Although I work with the patients in Hematology, I am obviously able to meet some of the Oncology patients because they are in the same clinic, but never had the privilege of meeting your spicy little monkey.

    I was with a patient yesterday during his rehab and we were walking throughout the old hospital and remembered the video (the one where he was walking down a hallway and got into the elevator) you posted a while back and realized I was in the same area where Ronan had been. I stopped instantly and thought to myself “he was here, his little fingertips touched these wallls, the hallway absorbed his laughter, his feet walked on the same floor I am walking on”. How could I not stop to feel every bit of it?

    And then I thought “HOW?????!!!!!!!!!” “How do you do what you are doing every day? How to keep breathing? How do you say to yourself I have two boys, a husband, family, friends, and now an entire army of people who need me to keep not only breathing but living???”

    Like many others who have commented on your blog, I too have lost someone I loved. I lost my mother two weeks before I turned 13. However, I do not believe it begins to compare to losing a child. Nor do I think I could ever offer anything that might bring comfort or believe there is something out there to help you “get through it”. And why would people think it’s something you want to “get through”??? But what I still do to this day (many moons later, I’ll be 43 next month) is exactly what I described above. I still see pictures of my mother and think she was sitting her next to this wall in this house. Or she shopped at this store and surely placed her hands on the same counter I did. Her hands touched the walls of my elementary school. It’s almost as if she is still there. And it’s in that moment i realize she is and I am not over it. I will never be but I have what many others do not. I have the hope that someday I will see her again. Someday I will become the person she dreamed I would be. I will see her in my niece/nephew’s eyes or in their gestures. I will see her beautiful heart take form in my sister’s.

    Thank you for doing exactly what you were called to do. You must know that many never have the courage to do exactly what they were put on this earth to do.

    YOU ARE A BEAUTIFUL BLESSING!!!

    Reply
  33. Jamie Harms

     /  September 27, 2012

    I want to help out so badly. I’m always thinking of ways I can help. Financially, it’s not possible right now. That will change soon. What I can do is spread the word about Ronan and all these other children that are dying from this asshole cancer. Last week, I stood up in front of the parents at the preschool my daughter attends and told them all about Ronan. And of course a girl named Taylor Swift. :) I also passed out the remainder of my Ronan cards I had. One of the ladies I talked to when I was finished told me she knew you and your family. Her name is Megan. I’m not sure on her last name. Her nephew Tyler is in my daughter’s class. I will do whatever it takes until childhood cancer gets the attention it deserves. I’m just so sorry it had to be Ronan passing away for this to happen. Big things are happening. You will kick cancer’s ass Maya. Keep on doing what you are doing. I will never stop believing in you or Ronan and I will ALWAYS be behind you.

    Love, Jamie

    Reply
  34. I love your blog! Bless you and your sweet family! Xo

    Reply
  35. Toni

     /  September 27, 2012

    I have goosebumps! I am a big believer in intuition and I think that moment you and Katie Couric locked eyes on that street is because you knew each other. You just haven’t met yet. I think big things are happening because of you. Because of your words. Because you are honest.

    Your blog is heartbreaking. It makes people uncomfortable. Good! Childhood cancer shouldn’t be comfortable. Keep making people uncomfortable. It’s working. There’s like…7 million views on your blog and the song by Taylor Swift has been viewed on YouTube millions of times! Millions! I can’t buy it because its not available in Canada. You are the fiercest mother bear ever and cancer is going to be sorry it came between you and your cub.

    There are lots of diseases that are now talked about in the past tense. I can’t wait to hear ‘neuroblastoma used to …’

    Reply
  36. Ileanna Santana

     /  September 27, 2012

    Wow Maya you are making things happen, I reading your blog and just thinking how amazing you are, passionate, motivated and so alive. I know your efforts will spearhead another treatment breakthrough I can just feel it in my heart!

    Reply
  37. Liza

     /  September 27, 2012

    Maya, Thank you so much for the huge difference you have made in my life and many others. I told someone off today. I think you would have been proud. Ever since you have included us in your life and just knowing the pain you went through and the pain that others are going through now, it just makes me not care about the small stupid shit and no one else should care about that either. Now I get so mad when I hear about the things that people complain about. All I think about when someone gets a flat tire, or thier boyfriend cheated on them, or even if someone has the flu is.. Who gives a fuck?!! Stop being selfish!! There is a mother holding and kissing her child 1000 times a day somewhere because she knows she doesn’t have much time with them!! FUCK CANCER! That is why I told this woman off. I work with her and she is one of those overdramatic types who has a new problem every single day and everyone has to hear about it. Well I was tired of hearing about it! So I said to her, very loudly… “DO YOU REALIZE THAT SEVEN VERY YOUNG CHILDREN WILL DIE OF CANCER TODAY??!!! DO YOU REALIZE HOW MANY WOMEN ARE WAKING UP TODAY, AFTER ONLY 2- 3 HOURS OF SLEEP BECAUSE THEY CARED FOR THIER CHILD WITH CANCER ALL NIGHT?? AND THEY ARE WAKING UP TO DO IT AGAIN ALL DAY??!! DO YOU THINK THEY CARE THAT YOU HAVE BOYFRIEND ISSUES??!! WELL THEY DON”T!! AND I DON”T EITHER!! SO SHUT THE FUCK UP!!” Do you know what she said back? She said ” Wow… Isn’t someone full of anger and depression?” WHAT? ARE YOU KIDDING ME? She is an idiot!! And I wished to myself that somewhere, a child will find out that they were cured of cancer today. That they are cured because the cancer left thier body and went into hers instead. That is bad, I know.. well .. I actually don’t even feel bad that I wished that to be honest. Because I still wish it. I’m sorry but it’s the truth! Anyways.. Try to have a good day.. Lots of love from Maine!! XOXO ~Liza

    Reply
  38. Sheree

     /  September 27, 2012

    Maya! You HAVE to tell Katie the story of how you saw her on the street! It’s too serendipitous not to!

    Reply
  39. Asha

     /  September 27, 2012

    I started reading after the song was released. Many nights I spent reading and crying, I could not stop. As a mom of 10 kids, I always felt it was important to donate to any child minded foundation. Because- like you said- you never know and the odds are kind of against me. But we have been lucky, so far. Thank you for raising awareness and bringing the complete bias against childhood cancer funding to the light of the day. But It’s too fucking wrong that Ronan had to die before we were all made aware about the lack of funding for research!!!! Fuck this! I have 6 boys- but Ronan is still a most beautiful boy I have ever seen.
    One of the thoughts I had when I was reading your blog was: ” I can’t believe the doctors expect the parents to do research and DECIDE which treatment is best for their baby” We are not talking about which cell phone plan we want- we are talking about rescuing a precious child!!!!! Do whatever the fuck is most likely to save him!!!! Fuck Maya, I am so sorry that you and your family went through it. I am sorry that some people think they can judge you on how you are “dealing”. You are right, you are doing the right things and thanks to your courage and hard work, you and Ronan WILL save lives!!!!!

    Reply
  40. Elle

     /  September 27, 2012

    Hi Maya,

    This is great news that has left me smiling really big! Ever since I heard Taylor’s song, I have been checking your blog every single day and been donating to the foundation whenever I can. Ronan’s story has hit me hard, and I honestly can not think or talk about him without starting to tear up. Your words are so powerful and true…you are completely honest with all of us which is why I think we all feel a connection with your family and Ronan. I think Taylor felt the same. I am a college student and would love to get involved anyway I possibly can with Ronan’s foundation…if you need any help at all I would be so so honored. I would love to hear from you! Please know you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers everyday and I am doing everything I can to make your story be heard and point people in the direction of your website and foundation. From the bottom of my heart, I know that Ronan is safe and smiling down on you everyday.

    Reply
  41. Hey Maya, my name is Sheila and I live in The far East Valley (AZ) and actually learned of Ronans story because of Lane Goodwin (been following his story and it touched me so much) that when Ronan was mentioned I obviously had to re-search…so began my journey of reading your Blog. Although new to reading it, I feel as if I have been following it forever. Upon reading about Lane and Ronan, my quest to learn more began ( now reading story upon story) of how HORRIBLE Child Hood Cancer is….I have made a PROMISE, that I will start to do what ever I can to raise awareness and HELP in any way I can. Ironic, the last few years I have been suffering Thyroid disease (rare form) and felt this was the end of the world and feeling completely sorry for myself because I am so sick (ya right!) Although it sucks completely, reading these stories of these poor babies/kids makes me want to do SOMETHING,BUT WHAT?? I was a part of helping put together a fundraiser for PCH a few months back and decided maybe that is the place to start. I do not have a lot in $$ but my heart is very rich and will do what ever I can on my part to help. My Mom has breast Cancer and although ALL Cancer sucks terribly,even with my Moms cancer not being curable, My heart will be in helping Raise awareness in Child Hood Cancer..We Need to get this CURE and Fast!!!!!! You keep getting Ronans story out there, whether it is the lil people like me or the Big Celebs (WE ALL CAN MAKE A DIFFERENCE IF WE ALL STICK TOGETHER)!!!!!!

    Reply
  42. Lisa M

     /  September 27, 2012

    So proud of you for not hiding your emotions and keeping them to yourself. You’ve put a good amount of feelings out there…..some asshats can’t take that, others like me, believe in you and try to help in every way. I support you and believe in you. Please do something spicy on the show! LOL <3

    Reply
  43. Natalie

     /  September 27, 2012

    When ever i read this blog i always think it’s just a story but hen i realize that you and your husband and your kids are real and that Ronan really did die of that horrible thing called cancer. Best Wishes, Natalie <3

    Reply
  44. Congrats about the Katie show. I’ll be sure to watch and support you and Ronan. Also, I agree with Ronan being a GAP model. That boy was a little stud!

    Reply
  45. Michelle.a grieving nana

     /  September 27, 2012

    Hi Maya, you will never give up and just bury all of this thank God. Like I have said before, if only we had more people like you 20 years ago our babies may still be here with us today. Don’t get me wrong I think there are some pretty amazing parents out there who have done a great job and are working very hard to get more awareness to this horrible disease but none have managed to accomplish what you have. You and Ronan are all over the world and you are going to make a huge difference. You already have made a huge difference and that should NEVER EVER be buried away no matter what. It is so very sad that you are hurting so much for Ronan all the time but that is what has given you the passion to get where you are today. Ronan lives on in so many people now and that is one hell of an accomplishment. Your love for Ronan is so very strong and powerful. You are so very strong for doing all you have done. I have to say neuroblastoma picked on the wrong mama to mess with this time round that’s for sure!
    I wish you speedy success in all you are doing.
    Sending you and your family lots of love from Australia.xxx

    Reply
  46. Jessica

     /  September 27, 2012

    I released a balloon for Ronan today, in the middle of a river on top of a mountain. :)

    Reply
  47. Laura

     /  September 27, 2012

    So amazing about Katie! Love her new show and think it will be the perfect place to share your love story and heartbreak- the perfect place for Ronan.
    I wanted to mention that you might not have just typical morning sickness but rather what I had which was severe morning sickness or hyperemesis gravidarum and required the anti-nausea drug Zofran (actually a drug used for Chemo patients but you probably know this) This was the only way I could eat anything and keep it down during pregnancy. I hope it’s not what you have and that it goes away but it’s safe and super helpful.

    Reply
  48. Rebecca

     /  September 27, 2012

    A couple of days ago I was reading your blog and saw a picture of Ronan and your friend hiding behind the sign at Pizza Orgasmica in San Francisco – I used to live up the street from there and recognized it immediately. I have since moved from that neighborhood but drove past there today and saw Ronan standing next to the sign smiling. I have a lot of memories from living there and am happy that he is now one of them! He is a Rock Star and you are a Rock Star Mamma! Congratulations on the Katie Show! Peace and Love, Rebecca

    Reply
  49. Gabriella Wong

     /  September 28, 2012

    It’s like a habit of me everyday, to just turn on Ronan on youtube and read your blog. Right till now, the song still makes me cry, regardless of the million times I have listened to it. Persevere, Maya. I know you will never bury Ronan, for he is your monkey, your spicy monkey. He will feel your love. He is feeling your love at every time of the day. Love you, stay strong<3

    Reply
  50. Chris

     /  September 28, 2012

    Your posts leave me breathless Maya. Today, Dyrk Burcie’s family says goodbye to their baby too. Fucking cancer took him on Monday. He is Ronan’s age. I hope they are great pals in heaven. A superhero and a rockstar. Thank you for not burying this, for being honest and for finding the strength somehow to continue Ronan’s legacy. I admire you a trillion times.

    Reply
  51. Cailin Wright

     /  September 28, 2012

    This is so touching! Recently a few friends of mine told me to listen to Taylor Swift’s new song “Ronan”. They said to make sure to have tissues because it’s really sad. Well, I listened to it and I really wanted to know more about what happened. I am so sorry for everything but he was a blessing. I know he was! Everything he did and will do touched many people. And what happened was just a blessing in disguise. You might not be able to tell now but you will. Your family will be in my prayers.

    Reply
  52. Kerry

     /  September 28, 2012

    I saw this and thought you might like it. Pretty tempting tattoo some days. http://www.happyplace.com/18158/mother-has-fuck-the-world-tattoo

    Reply
  53. Jenn

     /  September 28, 2012

    Lots of love sent your way as always! I hope the Gold Party goes Romazingly well, but I know it will…you are in charge of it…so it will be awesome! Keep spreading the word…people are finally listening!!!! I hope you don’t puke at the party or on the talk show:)

    Reply
  54. Nicole Garich

     /  September 28, 2012

    Hi Miya. My name is Nicole Garich, and my boyfriend and I are doing his senior project to fundraise money towards your foundation. I’ve read your blog and I’m very touched by Ronan’s story. I really look forward to helping the foundation out as much as I can, and I wish you luck in all that you do towards finding a cure! :) I believe that God has an amazing plan for you in this. I can already tell that youre going to go so far and reach amazing lengths for this cancer. You are a wonderful person, Miya.

    Reply
  55. Kortney

     /  September 28, 2012

    Amazing, the love for Ronan.

    Reply
  56. Anna and Rae

     /  September 28, 2012

    Maya,
    I am so sorry for everything that has happened to you and I wish the best for you in all of your future endeavors. You and Ronan have been an inspiration to so many people (especially me) and i want to share with you a quote that I believe represents what you think life should be about. “When life gives you a hundred reasons to cry, show life that you have a thousand reasons to smile.” I look forward to reading more of your entrees and i truly hope that people will listen to everything you and Ronan have to say about this disease because you deserve to be heard. I also know in my heart that we will find a cure for this awful disease. We have to.

    -Anna and Rae

    Reply
  57. chelsa

     /  September 28, 2012

    My 11 yr old daughter came home from school the other day and told me I had to listen to this awesome song…it was your song Ronan. I looked up your blog and have spent the last few days crying as I read it. I am so so so sorry for your loss. No one should ever have to bury their child. You are right he is absolutely beautiful!
    I want you to know that I have snuggled my babies a little more the last couple of days and been more patient with them because of you.
    We bought a lotto ticket this week and when we win I will be sending a big chunk to your foundation.
    I will never again look at purple, seals, or hummingbirds in the same way.

    FUCK CANCER!!!

    Reply
  58. Alexa

     /  September 28, 2012

    I read this article and thought of you. Some of the DNA of the children we carry remain in their mothers bodies. So there is a little bit of all your children that will always be in you.

    http://www.latimes.com/health/boostershots/la-heb-women-brain-microchimerism-20120926,0,6446716.story

    Reply
  59. Hi Maya! I’m Brazilian… I was touched by the story of Ronan. Beautiful baby boy!!! I don’t speak your language very well. But I find admirable the way you try to take his life after he is gone Ronan. Congratulations!!! Stay strong in their fight… (:

    Reply
  60. Kelly Duffy

     /  September 29, 2012

    Youre blog has humbled me more than I can explain. Your strength and courage is beyond inspiring. Yesterday I went to a football game and outside the gates there were a few college kids collecting money for THON, when I looked into the college students smiling eyes, all I could think of was Ronan. At that moment I felt like a piece of me was connected to him, an angelic experience. I reached into my bag and pulled out everything I had, down to dimes nickels and pennies. We will find a cure, we wont give up, we wont give in. Blow Ronan a kiss for me tonight.

    Reply
  61. winry

     /  September 29, 2012

    Your amazing and I bet ronan is damn happy in heaven :)

    Reply
  62. Thank you for your strength. You and Ronan are incredible. They deserve all the attention of the world and even on the other side of the world know your story. I send all the strength I have, all my strength. And I hope all your wishes come true, I wish with all my might. And I don’t know you but I love you so much.While I do not master their language but I wish we knew who follow his blog daily. I too have lost my little cousin because of this disease. And all I can say is: fuck you infantil cancer. All my support is with you.
      From Spain with all my love.
    Jessica.

    Reply
  63. I was listening to a song and immediately thought of you and Ronan.
    Here it is:

    Reply
  64. Kari Handley

     /  September 30, 2012

    Your precious boys story is heartbreaking and beautiful. You are a strong mama.

    Reply
  65. I can’t stop reading your blog, you’re story is so beautiful and I’m really happy for your new baby! love from Brazil <3

    Reply
  66. Emily

     /  October 1, 2012

    I have read Ronans story from start to finish. I am so inspired by the strength that little boy had until the very end and everything you have done. I am only 15 and have no clue what it feels like to lose a child but reading this I really feel like he became part of my life. I want to help in anyway possible. Even if it’s just donating money. You are a great person and don’t ever forget that. We love you Ro!

    Reply
  67. Arlene J

     /  October 1, 2012

    So I know it’s probably so not normal but I go thru withdrawal when you don’t post for a few days. I know your schedule is busy and you take care of your family, not to mention Poppy is making you crazy but I read your blog so regularly. I support you 110% and even if Septembers over it should be children’s cancer awareness everyday! Can’t wait to hear from you!

    Reply
  68. Julie H

     /  October 1, 2012

    I found your blog after hearing Taylor Swift’s song “Ronan” and I have now read it through from start to finish. My heart breaks for you and your family. I am the mother of two blond haired, blue eyed little boys and I cannot even fathom the pain and heartbreak of losing them. Ronan was the most beautiful little boy I have ever seen and I am so sorry for your loss. You are stronger then I could ever be. You have been in my thoughts daily and are an inspiration.

    Reply
  69. Brigid Sowinski

     /  October 1, 2012

    Maya,

    How my heart hurts for you and your family. I only heard about Ronan when Taylor sang his song. I am ashamed of myself for not being more aware of Childhood cancer…trust and believe because of Ronan and your blog I am very aware and am going to help with fundraising where I live. What I find disturbing that when I have brought Ronan’s story up to co-workers and friends they act so disinterested. I told one co-worker today that I believe it is because they are afraid to face it. They will donate and walk for the Cancer Society and Breast Cancer but because Childhood Cancer to far beyond terrible that they want to ignore it. I for one will no longer ingnore it…..F U CANCER!

    Reply
  70. Glenda

     /  October 1, 2012

    RoMama,
    I’m sorry I missed the Gold Party. :(
    I think of you and Rockstar Ronan xo
    I love your spiciness!
    Hope you and Poppy are doing well. Hope your puking party slows down soon.
    Enjoy NYC for you & me ;)
    I’m so excited for your trip! Big things RoMama!!!
    Always rolove!!!
    XO

    Reply
  71. Missy

     /  October 22, 2012

    I stumbled across your song one late night and let me tell you that there aren’t words to describe how much it affected me. I have since downloaded it to my phone. Then i decided i wanted to know who this little boy was. And after reading your blog i am once again reduced to blubber. You’re story is so moving and so inspiring and so heart wrenching that i cant help but feel your loss. My son is 19 months old and i just know that i wouldn’t be strong enough to carry on like you let alone stand up and fight like you have. You are my hero and i pray that yours and everyone elses dreams of one day there being a cure is realized. Keep your head up because the world doesn’t have enough people like you. You and Ronan have my thoughts my prayers and my love

    Big hugs
    Missy O’Connor

    Reply
  72. Nina

     /  November 25, 2012

    I cry when I read your blog. I can’t help thinking why a little boy , the most beautiful little boy, had to leave out world. I am a teenager and would have rather had my life taken than his. I also want to thank u for bringing attention to cancer. So many people in my life have lost their battles and u have given me strength . I admire u and u are an inspiration! I will always think about Ronan and ur story. God bless.

    Reply

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    My little campers had another boy/girl dance last night at camp. I'm guessing there was a lot of standing around and ignoring the girls. I'll keep them that way for as long as possible! #ronan #fucancer #littlestuds #justsaynotogirls #nokissingallowed #thisisthefreakingcutestthingever #boysrule #missthemsomuch Wise words Wednesday. #ronan #fucancer #wisewordswednesday #truth #fsu @brimelone Pearl is really regretting last nights decisions and the fact that she is grounded from the car. #pearl #ronan #fucancer #regretful #walkofshame #pearlishungover #pearlisgrounded #blacksheep #getyourshittogetherpearl
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