A tutu, mustache wearing, dance party, hike with a little badass Bee


Ronan. I cooked the eggies this morning. And the sausage. And bacon. Fruit. I had croissants that Rita gave me last night, but I forgot to take them out of your daddy’s car. They were the kind that are frozen and you leave them out over night, to rise. Your daddy called me this afternoon. “Did Rita give you croissants or something last night?” “Yeah! I can’t find them!” I said. “They are in the back of my car. They are rising as we speak. I’ll run them home for you.”

I chuckled. Grief brain. What an asshole it is. I cooked them anyway for your brothers. They were an awesome afternoon snack for them. I felt like a good mom for not burning them. I played baseball with your brothers, too. I tried really hard to be a good mom today. I’m exhausted from it all. It was a long day of missing you.

I ran around and got some things done this morning. I met up with Mandy Bee. She has been gone a lot so I have not seen much of her. I miss her and the ability she has to make me forget about all this pain for a bit. Even if it’s only for a few hours. I told her I had to get my hike in for the day. She offered to come, even though she had already done some crazy work out early in the morning. I told her I would love for her to come with me. We both decided that we needed to hike in our tutu’s today. We ran to her house and got hers and then met back up at our house. We drove to the mountain and went on probably one of the best hikes I’ve had since you’ve been gone. We bolted up the mountain for 90 minutes of pure craziness. We went on a different trail with music from her iPhone blaring, and we full on had a dance party the whole way to the top. I laughed. I wore my mustache sunglasses. I didn’t cry hiking that mountain today with Mandy Bee. I got lost in the world that she creates for me which is either really, really sad when I need it to be. Or else it is really, really happy. In the craziest way possible. We looked like we were nuts today. It felt good to look nuts and not in the way that I normally look hiking that mountain with red eyes and black mascara running down my face. The break from that was much needed, especially after last nights heavy-hearted hike. I know I desperately need more days like today where I am able to laugh and let go. They don’t come very often but when they do…. watch out. They make me feel like I am on top of the world with you right by my side, holding my hand. My best days always remind me of you.

I did not decide on our trip today. I am procrastinating in a big way.  I deserved today. I just could not deal with the pressure of making any big decisions about fucking May. Maybe tomorrow.

Short post tonight, baby doll. The little sleep I had last night is hitting me. I miss you. I love you. I hope you are safe. G’nite. Sweet dreams

xoxo

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9 Comments

  1. Glenda

     /  April 16, 2012

    Love it!!! Thing if you RoMama and Ro!! Always Ro!!! So glad you had a great hiking party :) you deserve it!!!
    XO

    Reply
  2. Melissa

     /  April 16, 2012

    <3 that you were wild and crazy with Mandy Bee today! <3 You are ONE amazing spirit, Maya! Thinking of you and Ro all the time.

    Reply
  3. Sounds like everyone needs a friend like Mandy Bee. You are surrounded by so many beautiful people. I’m so glad you were able to have a day for yourself – everyone needs it once in a while xo

    Reply
  4. Laura

     /  April 16, 2012

    Glad you had a god day. Sounds like it was very eventful. Glad the boys got off to a good start with their breakfast. Love the tutu hikers. All our love to your entire family.

    Reply
  5. So glad you have someone like Mandy Bee to take you inferno hiking, in a purple tutu with a black fake mustache. A beautiful friend for an equally gorgeous person like you! Love you both, and of course Ro. <3

    Reply
  6. Jaime H.

     /  April 17, 2012

    I love the quote at the top of this post! I’m glad you had fun with Mandy and that your breakfast came out okay :) Praying for you and your family as May approaches! xoxo

    Reply
  7. Love, love the tutu hiking. Glad breakfast and snack turned out well. No need to rush on any decisions. Take care, Maya. Fuck you cancer!

    Reply
  8. Love, love the tutu hiking. Glad the breakfast and snack turned out well. No need to rush any decisions. Take care & fuck you cancer!

    Reply
  9. I tear up at every.single.post from you. I’m so sorry for what has happened to Ronan, and you, and your family. :(

    You have probably heard this song before but I thought, incase you hadn’t, that I’d send it along:
    Gone Too Soon

    Today could have been the day,
    That you blow out your candles,
    Make a wish as you close your eyes.

    Today could have been the day,
    Everybody was laughing,
    Instead I just sit here and cry,

    Who would you be?
    What would you look like,
    When you looked at me for the very first time?
    Today could have been the next day of the rest of your life.

    Not a day goes by,
    That I don’t think of you,
    I’m always asking why this crazy world had to lose,
    Such a ray of light we never knew,
    Gone too soon, yeah.

    Would you have been president
    Or a painter, an author, or sing like your mother?
    One thing is evident,
    Would’ve given all I had,
    Would’ve loved you like no other.

    Who would you be,
    What would you look like,
    Would you have my smile and her eyes?
    Today could have been the next day of the rest of your life.

    Not a day goes by,
    That I don’t think of you,
    I’m always asking why this crazy world had to lose,
    Such a ray of light we never knew,
    Gone too soon, yeah.

    Not a day goes by,
    Oh
    I’m always asking why.

    Not a day goes by,
    That I don’t think of you,
    I’m always asking why this crazy world had to lose,
    Such a beautiful light we never knew,
    Gone too soon,
    You were gone too soon
    Yeah.

    Not a day goes by,
    That I don’t think of you.

    Reply

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