Life Before Asshole Cancer and Gina


Before all of this, I had a really good head on my shoulders. I lived a really happy, simple life. My life consisted of a handful of really close friends. Sisters that I had chosen to be in my life after waiting a really long time for them. Time spent with them would be dinner once a month, enjoying each other while having play dates with our kids, meeting up to go running or hiking. Simple things. My life with my husband was really easy. It was full of security, love, trust, and we took time to make sure we were keeping our marriage a priority. We did weekly date nights, to dinner or a movie. Occasionally, we would have the boys sleep over at my in-laws so we could have time just the two of us. We took a trip, once a year, just the two of us. But our WORLD was our 3 little boys. Woody worked really hard to be the best attorney, husband, and father. My friends and mom were always telling me they wished they could clone him. I knew how lucky I was. I know how lucky I am. I worked really hard at being a good mom. My days were spent tending to everything my boys could need, while teaching them our values, morals, and what it meant to be a good person.

I lived in a bubble. But a good bubble. A bubble full of being a good mama, wife, friend, and person. It’s just the way it was. And then it popped. In the hugest way possible. I spent my early years, before kids, helping others. I was passionate about Psychology and intrigued with the learning process that went into it. I worked at an eating disorder clinic. I thought it was what I wanted to spend my life doing, helping others. Woody and I got married. And soon after that, we were surprised to find out I was pregnant. And it was twins. It was a very shocking, happy surprise. After Liam and Quinn were born, they were all I wanted to do. Being a mom to the twins came naturally to me, like I had been waiting my whole life for it. I was young, didn’t have any mommy friends, and felt really alone though. Liam, Quinn, and Woody really were my entire world. I joined a parenting group, to make friends. We would meet once a week to voice our concerns, listen to advice, but it was more about making friends. I didn’t make many. I remember sitting in our classes and it would soon turn into a bitching session about someone’s husband. I would listen to people talk about their Nanny’s. Not many of the girls worked and I remember never being able to wrap my head around the fact that they didn’t work, but needed a Nanny. It seemed like a foreign country to me. I would show up for playdates. I remember people being shocked that 1) I didn’t have a Nanny ( uhhh.. i didn’t work and my husband was a Public Defender, so a Nanny was never even an option. I wouldn’t have taken it if it were anyway.) 2) The way they would make a big deal of me carrying in both of my twins in their infant carriers, without help. 3) The way they always assumed taking care of my twins was the hardest job in the world and they would always ask how I did it. I would just reply back, I didn’t know any other way. I loved every second of it.

I grabbed a couple close friends out of that parenting group. One in particular, named Gina. We met when our boys were about 6 months old. We instantly hit it off. She was such a free spirit, like me. She was real and always laughing and smiling. She would often call me up last-minute to ask if the boys and I could meet up to play. I would always say yes. It was the same way with her. We didn’t listen to they typical “mommy rules,” when it came to our 2 year olds. We would let them skip preschool and take them somewhere fun to play instead. They were always the kids that were laughing the loudest, causing trouble, running around, getting dirty and Gina and I spent every second with them, in the mix of it all. She was by far, my best mommy friend. Our boys were best friends. Than Ronan was born. I swear I blinked my eye and before I knew it, he was up and running right behind Arthur, Liam and Quinn. He was the 4th member to their little wolf pack and always caused more trouble than the 3 of them combined. Ronan was totally fearless and tended to show off and do naughty things just to get laughs from the boys. Gina and I soaked up every second of our boys, watching them learn about life and how to truly live like carefree little boys. It was pure bliss and we both knew it.

Then Ronan got sick. I was so wrapped up in Ronan’s new world and didn’t see much of Gina. She dropped off dinners a couple of times but that was about it. I felt like she was trying to help, but just didn’t know what to do. I was not the best at getting back to people so unless you showed up, pounding on my door, it was very likely that I had just stopped responding. There have been a few people in my life that have gone away who knew Ronan and I’ll admit, it hurts my feelings. But I also understand this is not a one way street and it takes a lot to be my friend now. I’m not afraid to admit that this may be much of my fault. It takes a lot to stick with someone throughout something like this. Gina went away. But I can honestly say, she was the one person, that I didn’t question and it didn’t hurt my feelings. I know Gina. I know the kind of heart she has. She has one of the purest hearts I have ever seen in my life. I know she went away because she was that hurt, upset, and sad for Ronan and our family. There was nothing selfish about it. It wasn’t about her; it was about us. That’s just the way Gina is. She is always thinking of others. Even though I haven’t seen much of her, I never doubted for a second that she wasn’t thinking of us. I know she was and always is.

I ran into Gina on Saturday at the boys’ basketball game. She came up and hugged me. She sat and talked with me for a while and I watched her fight back the tears as she told me how sorry she was, that she never knows the right thing to say. I told her that was the thing…. that she didn’t need to say anything because I know, even without her words. I know her heart and soul and she didn’t need to explain a thing to me. I meant that. I miss her. I miss the way our boys used to play together. I miss the way we would try to discipline them, but we would usually end up cracking up at the crazy things our boys said and did. I miss the way we would let their play dates last way too long and how we would always let them eat too much Ice Cream. I miss our spontaneous play dates and how we would ignore the world and just do whatever made our boys happy. I miss how we were driving in my car once with the windows rolled down and Ronan chucked a half full Gatorade Bottle out the window at another car going the opposite way. All the boys were howling with laughter. I laughed too but pulled over and went back to pick it up because, duh…. littering is not cool. But the laughter from the car, was priceless.

My life is different now. It’s sad and really empty without Ronan. But it has to go on for the sake of all of us. As much as I want it to stop, it’s not going to. I told Gina I missed her and I wanted to get our boys together to play. Will it be sad without Ronan? Without a doubt. Arthur loved him like a brother. Will it be painful for me? Without a doubt. But Gina is too precious of a person to not have in my life. It’s time to start letting old things back in because when you really find a true, real, genuine person in life… you don’t ever let go. Gina is that person and I am so thankful that she was blessed with knowing the real Ronan. The extra spicy most beautiful boy. She loves him. She will always love him. We all miss him.

I know this is how she will always remember him. Nudey at her house. He was such a little rule breaker.

About these ads
Previous Post
Leave a comment

13 Comments

  1. Natalie

     /  October 23, 2011

    Lol! Lol! Love the picture of Ronan’s tushy!!!!! I’m so happy you reconnected with Gina…I reconnected just last week with a friend, that I called my sister. We had a falling out and hadn’t spoken in 2 years. I don’t always know what to say when I comment to you..,just know this Ohio girl sends hugs to you and your family everynight, and wishes that your little monkey boy visits you too. :)

    Reply
  2. Vivian

     /  October 23, 2011

    <3 the booty pic and glad you are able to reconnect with an old friend that knows you and Ro.

    Reply
  3. Francina Grant

     /  October 23, 2011

    Oh my god!!! I LOVE this photo!!! Pure Bliss!!

    Reply
  4. sara maurer

     /  October 23, 2011

    Maya….you brought me straight to tears again. I had a friend, and 8 yrs ago she lost her beautiful girl, Rubie, to meningitis. I would cry everytime I called her, and I just felt useless. Anyway, now we have re-connected, and its really been since Ronan and your blog. Now I understand as much as I can from your writing, what it is to lose a child. Just being a by-stander for years, wanting to call, crying myself to sleep for her..has been very hard. But I knew the time would be right someday to start up right where we left off. I hope you and Gina pick up where you left off. I am sure you will.

    I love that awesome picture of Ronan…I laughed out loud when I scrolled down and saw it! I am so sorry he is gone, I am so sorry for every parent that loses a child. I am so thankful for every minute I have with my kids….

    Sara

    Reply
  5. Stefanie

     /  October 23, 2011

    HA! What a great photo!! So adorable! The epitome of being naughty:)

    Hugs

    Stefanie

    Reply
  6. Glenda

     /  October 23, 2011

    Maya,

    I’m so happy for you that you and Gina were able to reconnect. OMG! f****g love that picture of Rockstar Ro! It made me smile… a huge smile. Thanks for sharing him with us!
    Peace & strength
    xo

    Reply
  7. i just stumbled on your blog today. you had me in tears with this entry. it would ever be the same again without your rockstar and you have forever changed because of him. as with your friend gina, there lies true friendship. hold on to her as tightly as you can. i too am blessed with my ‘gina’. we don’t get to see very often but when we do it feels like not a day passed.

    i wish you all the love in the world Maya

    Reply
  8. Good Morning Maya! I love this post and especially the picture! Hold on to that sweet Gina! :)

    Reply
  9. Eileen

     /  October 24, 2011

    Maya – I am glad you reconnected with Gina and got something you were looking for out of the parenting class. Both of you are wonderful people and it’s great to hear you stayed in touch. I hope you two and the boys will continue to make memories and laughter together!
    Eileen

    Reply
  10. Laura

     /  October 24, 2011

    So glad you reconnected.with your old friend. Love the cute tushy picture. All our love, thoughts and prayers go out to your entire family.

    Reply
  11. Claudia Flaherty

     /  October 24, 2011

    I love everything about this post Maya! So genuine and true. I cracked up at the Gatorade story. Really, a half full bottle?? Hahaha!! Gotta love spicy boys, I have 2 myself.
    I am so glad that you reconnected with your friend Gina. Those extra special people will always be a part of our lives no matter what. She sounds like an amazing woman, just like you Maya “Inca” Badass Mofo!
    Thinking of you and your family daily.
    Claudia Flaherty
    P.S. Nekkid hiney pic seriously made my day! Love it!

    Reply
  12. Danielle

     /  October 24, 2011

    Look at that pale little tushy !!! What a silly monkey boy. I love it.

    Reply
  13. Julie Nixon

     /  February 2, 2013

    Perfect what a little Mischief maker , Flashing your booty Ronan. Love you xx

    Reply

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

  • Instagram is my BFF

    Sweet dreams, little ones. #poppy #ronan #fucancer #thisroomisrad #sedona #nightynight Had to bring along this babe, too. Poppy's sissy. Can't leave home without her. @knjoy #poppy #ronan #fucancer #poppyroo #slumbersissys #sedona #nightynight I'm thinking everything that happened last night was a sign that I need to slow down a bit. I've been running on empty lately due to not sleeping/stress/anxiety/and always due to missing my Ro so much. This may not be New York, but I think it's where I need to be right now to take a little time out. Thankful for this quiet little break. #ronan #fucancer #sedona #ineedthequiet #slowdona #shhhhhh #nightynight @knjoy @jcaccia
Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 24,155 other followers

%d bloggers like this: