You must have been a beautiful baby


Ronan’s counts are still rising. He had a great day. I came to the hospital this afternoon with Liam and Quinn. The 9th floor blocked off the playroom for us so Ronan could play with his brothers. We stayed in there for about 3 hours and the boys played their little hearts out. The twins then left with Woody to go back to the RMH so Woody could shower and get some work done. I stayed with Ro for the rest of the day and evening. We played out of our room most of the day, and walked the halls shooting people and playing in the playroom. Ronan took a red marker today and colored all of his arms and said it was blood from his battles. Pretty much anything goes in the hospital as far as I’m concerned as long as he is having fun. I gave him a good bath afterwords in a little tub of water on the floor. He’s all clean now and just fell asleep as he didn’t nap today. Woody is on his way back here to stay the night so I can have some time with L and Q.

We have some scans set for Friday and Ronan will be discharged after that. They keep changing the set of scans we are having but as of now, I believe it’s the CT and Bone Marrow on Friday and the MIBG next week. That is the last I heard from one of the doctors earlier today, but that could always change. I asked New York Miss Macy if she could take Liam and Quinn for a few hours on Friday so they don’t have to sit in the hospital with us and wait. She happily agreed and I know the boys are going to over the moon about spending some time with her. It will be so helpful to us to have them off somewhere having fun, rather than sitting in a hospital.

So anybody that knows me, knows that I have been obsessed with taking pictures my entire life. Just a hobby that brings me much happiness and always has. Taking pictures of my kids is definitely my favorite subject. I have over 11,000 pics on my iphoto… so to say I’m obsessed is an understatement. All of my pictures on my iphoto are now defined to me as, this was our life before Ronan had cancer and this is now our life after. Sad but true.  Going back and looking at pictures before all of this is painful to me and makes me break down in tears. Every picture of Ronan before all of this makes me sick to my stomach as I would have never in my life have imagined this happening to him. He was such a gorgeous baby…. how can he now have cancer???  I sit and look at all of our pictures before all of this and we were such a happy family. We have so many beautiful memories and we were so blessed. I get so angry that all of that has been taken away and we have to work so hard to now find our happiness in the hardest of times. Today, as I was pushing Ronan’s asspole around the halls as well as trying to carry his gun, Star Wars guys, and his Crayola markers that he called his “Missles,” I was overwhelmed with anger. I caught a glimpse of him walking down the hall as I followed behind and he almost tripped over all of his lines. He looked back and goes, “Mom, I can’t carry my tubies and my guns.” I wanted to punch a freaking wall. It makes me sick that my 3-year-old has to worry about tripping over his lines. I am also pissed because Ronan has his 4th Birthday coming up and all I wanted was for him to be home. Instead, we will have to celebrate it in the hospital. All he wants to do is go back to Phoenix and he tells me at least once a day that he is never going to get to go back home and be with his brothers. I tell him that is not true, but no matter how much convincing I try to do, he argues with me and does not believe me. In his head, he thinks we are going to stay in New York forever and he thinks he is never going home. So much for a little boy to try to understand. Too much for a little boy to try to understand. As happy as he is, I also know that he is worried and sad and there is nothing I can do to take that away no matter how hard I try. That is my venting for the evening. I feel a little better now. Not really, but I am trying to convince my self otherwise.

I left the hospital late tonight and came back to RMH with Liam and Quinn. We went down to the common area and worked on some of their homework that their wonderful teacher, Mrs. Martin sent with them. I cannot tell you how good it felt to sit and help my boys with their homework, like a normal mom. After we worked on homework for about 30 minutes, we played the board game Operation. I have not played that game since I was a little girl. We had so much fun playing it together tonight. We are now all snug in bed and Liam and Quinn are watching CSI. A bit mature for them, but they both say they love it. My 7 year olds are now going on 30….. They are growing up way too fast:( Makes me sad.

Tomorrow is a new day. One more day closer to getting Ronan out of the hospital. Cannot wait to see Miss Macy tomorrow. Cannot wait until Friday, when we can bust Ro out of there and all be together outside of Sloan. Sweet dreams, my friends. Thank you for checking in with us. Have a beautiful day tomorrow.

xoxo

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7 Comments

  1. Rita Dickinson

     /  April 13, 2011

    And you have MANY beautiful tomorrows!

    Reply
  2. Marquita Ward

     /  April 13, 2011

    Dear Lord please help Ronan realize the he will get back home some day..he needs hope..so please give him that hope. Thank You Lord. You are faithful.

    Reply
  3. Laura

     /  April 13, 2011

    So glad you are there together. After Friday you all will hopefully be able to enjoy true family time..enjoy! Our thoughts and prayers are with you all. I hope the scans have good news for your family. All our love to your entire family.

    Reply
  4. cynthia phillips

     /  April 14, 2011

    Laugh all you can, and look forward everytime you take a step.
    Your actions, will always reflect back to help you smile.

    I was at times in such a deep funk, I had to check if the ground came up to meet my foot. Then I would smile at my child and she would point to her eyes then to her hart and then point to me. We played guess what I’m signing game alot, and she always made me smile bigger.
    Maya sleep well.

    Reply
  5. Michelle Bunger

     /  April 14, 2011

    You are all so beautiful!!!! Enjoy your day and enjoy your beautiful boys…What an absolute blessing you are all to each other!!!

    Reply
  6. Dorene Plampin

     /  April 14, 2011

    Maya, I too remember before cancer for my daughter.
    The pictures are very painful to see and yet, my daughter
    is doing remarkably well. Ronan will surprise all of you as our dtr. did for us. You remind me to be in the moment and I thank you for that. Sending a ton o love, D

    Reply
  7. Glenda

     /  April 14, 2011

    Beautiful pictures. So happy for all of you that you are all together. Enjoy every minute of every day and it breaks my heart when I read that Ronan doesn’t think he’ll go home to PHX. Time for a 3 almost 4 yr old is forever. Praying that his #’s continue to go up and he’s able to be released from Sloan soon.

    Reply

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    Must be a book writing night. #ronan #fucancer #ronanbook #bestofficeever #handstandqueen Somebody get this kid an agent. #ronan #fucancer #omg #hes10 #basketball #littleballer #madskills Brother pick up time! #poppy#ronan #fucancer Working on my skin cancer. #ronan #fucancer #justkidding #coveredinsunscreen #camelbackmountain #hotasballsuphere #mommytimeout She had to stay up past her bedtime to wait for her sissy to get home. #poppy #ronan #fucancer #soulsisters @knjoy Watching that pretty Arizona sunset. #poppy #ronan #fucancer #poppyrooiloveyou Fuzzy besties. #poppy #ronan #poppyandmama #fucancer #love For the past two weeks all Poppy has been doing is carrying around Ronan's picture, kissing it, saying "Ro Ro" and trying to open the frame up because I think she thinks if she does, he will come out and play with her. It's heartbreaking and so very sweet. I'm amazed that one of her first words was Ro Ro and that she walks around saying it all day long as if he is her very best friend. #poppy #ronan #fucancer Sorry to wake you sister, but we have to get your brothers from school. #poppy #ronan #sleepysister #fucancer Hoopster. #ronan #fucancer #littleman #basketballballer #futurenbaplayer @quinnthompson24 Air. #ronan #fucancer #q-dub #littleman #basketballballer Truth. #ronan #fucancer #stopcomplainingaboutstupidshit #begrateful #insomnia
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