Too tired…

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To write tonight. Ronan is wide awake and we are having a party in his bed with applesauce, crackers, and gatorade. His fever is gone, knock on wood. He is giggly and saying lots of funny things. His spirits are good and he wants to come home. Hopefully we will be able to this week. Goodnight to all of our angels out there.

P.S. Tonight I grabbed a quick bite with my girlfriends, Sarah, Janet, and Kristen. Thank you for that, girls. I also got to go home to kiss my twins goodnight. Liam was already asleep but I woke him up to do so. Quinn was awake and it was so good to see him. So therapeutic. He really let me hold him and love him. It was while looking into his beautiful gray eyes that I swore to myself up and down that we will get Ronan through this. Quinn and Liam deserve to have their baby brother back home and healthy. Nobody is going to screw with the bond they have or take it away from them. EVER. We were meant to be a family of 5. Ronan is the perfect ending to our family and it is going to stay that way. So screw you, Cancer. YOU WON’T WIN.

Come on ANC counts! Come back up so we can go home!

We are going to be here for a few days. Ronan’s fever is gone but his ANC (absolute neutrophil counts) are at 0. The normal range for the ANC is 1.5 to 8.0 (1,500 to 8,000)This basically means he has no immune system. This is pretty typical after the 7-10th day of chemo treatments. They want to see his numbers come back up before they send us home and packing. It’s fine by me….I feel safe here with people monitoring him 24/7. He asked if he could go home today. I told him not today. He just said, “O.K. Can I have my Star Wars sheets?” I asked him if it was ok for me to run home and get some things while Woody stayed with him. He said yes and sent me away with a list of things he needed. His list included me taking his favorite blanket,(Gigi) home to wash it. He asked that I return with his sheets, a pillow, string cheese, Star Wars underwear, and “guys helmets,” aka, his Star Wars action figures.

I ran home and showered and Trish picked me up and we met my other friend, Christy, for breakfast. Christy even skipped church for me this morning. Bless her heart. She, Trish, and I sat and had our own church this morning. It was so nice to sit and pow wow with them. The table next to us was a mom and dad with their 2 very young children. I watched them forever and the interaction that was going on between them. Typical stressed out mom over her 2 year olds table manners and not sitting still. Dad was very relaxed and trying to help mom get the little girl to sit still but she was not listening. The mom got upset and grabbed her daughter and they left before she even had a chance to eat much of anything. I used to be that mom. Things like that seemed so important at the time. It’s only that you realize after going through something like this, that they are not.

After breakfast, Trish took me to Target and then home to help me fold my mounds of laundry and put it away. I take such pride in staying on top of these things that’s it’s hard for me to watch them pile up. I know this is part if my control issue and I just need to let some things go. Easier said than done. I’m a compulsive neat freak/cleaner.

Back at the hospital now. Ronan is sleeping. This room is so depressing. I don’t understand why they make hospitals this way. So dark and sad. Our roommate has been sitting in his bed since we got here yesterday with the lights off and T.V. on. I hate the T.V. on in the middle of the day. Drives me bonkers. I’ve pulled open Ronan’s shades and am trying my best to make this place as cheery as possible. He’s been listening to Radiohead and Pearl Jam on my iPad. He loves music. I am trying my hardest to drown out the sounds of Hannah Montana in the background. Thanks for checking in with us and loving us. We are so lucky to have all of you.

xo

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