All you need is love


As I sit here writing from my iPhone, I am trying to block out the screams and cries of a six year old boy, Even, who we are sharing a room with. Not sure what kind of cancer he has but he’s 2 weeks into treatment. His tummy is hurting, his legs are hurting and he wants to know why he has to take so much medicine. I hear the desperation in his mom’s voice and know her pain. I’m waiting to wake up from this nightmare because this can’t possibly be real.
Ronan is sleeping peacefully beside me, knocked out from the benadryl and tylenol with codeine. His body is twitching and I wonder what he is feeling. I hope he is dreaming about playing baseball or chasing his brothers. I would give anything to trade places with my baby. He has never done a thing wrong in his life and so does not deserve this pain.

Being alone during these nights I find myself looking back at my life before this. It was so perfect it was unreal. Did I take too much for granted?Absolutely. While I was home today I walked into my closet and was immediately filled with embarrassment and shame. All those clothes, shoes, purses…. and for what? None of that matters. None of that is real happiness.
Once we get through this and are home with Ronan, I have a new plan for how I will live my life with my beautiful family. A new life for all of us full of wanting and needing nothing except for the love of family and friends that surround us. Good night to all my sweet angels out there who are cheering us on. I love you all so much.

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15 Comments

  1. Sandy Fromm

     /  August 16, 2010

    Maya, you are such an inspiration to everyone around you!! Thank you for taking all of this pain and turning it into a life lesson that we can all share with you.

    Reply
  2. Rita Dickinson

     /  August 16, 2010

    We are 100% here for you, Woody, and Ronan! Thanks for keeping us updated.

    Reply
  3. Danielle

     /  August 16, 2010

    You are so beautiful in every way ! Don’t look back and judge..look froward and create. The plan sounds amazing.

    Reply
  4. Debbie McEllrath

     /  August 16, 2010

    Maya, I love who you are, and I don’t even know you. You and your family are teaching a lot of folks a serious lesson. I just wish it didn’t have to be under these circumstances. You are being so incredibly brave and strong. The word that comes to my mind the most is powerful. You just seem like a force that cannot be messed with, and the more I read about Ronan he seems to be the same as you. I love it. I can’t stop thinking of Ronan and how much I want him to be better. You are such an excellent mommy and he loves you more than anything. Thank you so much for all the updates. I’m glad you’re getting your feelings out there. You are wonderful! Still praying for you!!

    Reply
  5. Candi Frost

     /  August 16, 2010

    Hello , I am Catrina Frost-Herrell’s mom.
    Woody spent some time in my house growing up. We lived across from Brandon Bunger.
    I just want to tell you that your son is beautiful. I know how hard it can be to be stuck in the hospital for a long time.
    Sometimes it is harder for the parents than the kids, Children can bounce back so strangely fast.
    Do you live in Arizona? If so if you ever need someone to help you out let me know. 602-695-5318 I have spent thousands of hours in hospital taking care of other peoples children, and if you need a shoulder or a hand I could help. In the meantime I will send lots of prayers for all of you and know that God will bless you sweet little and get him out of this scarry time.
    This too Shall Pass as my Mother always said and it will. I know how really hard it is to have sick kiddos.
    Please let me know if I can do anything for you.
    Blessings and Hope,
    Candi Frost

    Reply
  6. Missy

     /  August 16, 2010

    Maya, your strength inspires me. I had tears running down my face before I finished reading this post. I had a moment tonight with the boys as we prayed together before bed. Kaden stopped me and wanted to join in, ‘God..I wish the cancer was gone so Ronan can get better’…..Ronan will beat this and through this scary time, we are all here for you and will be whenever you need us. I’m thinking about all of you daily….love you XOXO

    Reply
  7. Jennifer Wood

     /  August 16, 2010

    So many lessions learned that we can all apply in each of our lives…. You are an inspiration, a teacher, a fighter. I’m honored to be your friend. I’m so proud of you. I love you & your family.

    Reply
  8. Jennifer

     /  August 16, 2010

    Maya,
    You don’t know me but I know Karen K. and your cousins Tiffany & Jennifer. Prayer requests and news of your beautiful boy have spread like wildfire and I have so much faith in just how powerful those prayers are!! You seem to have incredible strength, hope and determination to make the most of this scary situation, and I believe that will be a source of great inspiration to those who know you. I have a dear friend who is on the other side of her young daughter’s battle with a nasty cancer (as of now her daughter is cancer free). They endured some very difficult and scary surgeries and treatments. She too had a gift in being able to share her journey through their CarePages website and I know how much it helped their entire family. If you’d like, I could put you in touch with her–as she may have some helpful insights to share, especially since her journey has been very recent. As someone else wisely said, everyone’s journey is different, so listen to your “mommy intuition” as you are sure to get tons of unsolicited advice/comments.
    Prayers, prayers, and more prayers coming your way! (and an e-hug too!)

    Reply
  9. The first step in the change process is deciding we want to…Congratulations Maya…You are ever in our prayers…

    Reply
  10. Candyce Lindsay

     /  August 16, 2010

    Maya, we haven’t met, but I am a friend of Kay and Charlies of over 15 years. They love you all and have talked sooooooooooo much about you, the boys and Woody. Our family has Ronan on our church prayer list by name. We believe in praying before, during and after a hard time. My friend who is over 50 has been fighting varied cancers for years and she prays with her docs and over her chemo. I asked her to pray for Ronan and she asked me to pass along to the family what is work for her. Momas are wonderwomen when time call for it and you will have what you need in your heart and soul to walk this challenge with your baby boy. God bless Ronan and may comfort be with him.

    Reply
  11. Totally inspiring.

    Reply
  12. Emily Snell

     /  August 17, 2010

    You rock, Maya. As we get ready to welcome our twin boys into this world like you did 6 or so years ago, I look to you as an inspiration of what kind of a mom I want to be. A fighter for them no matter how heartbreakingly hard it is. I wake up in the middle of the night thinking of you and your boys. I’ll be sending you a book that was a comfort to the women in our family when we spent countless hours in the hospital with Nates dad while he was undergoing treatment. I hope in the dark hours of the night you can pick it up for comfort and hope. Love you friend!

    Reply
  13. Michelle Bunger

     /  August 17, 2010

    Maya…You are amazing!!! You are an inspiration to the rest of the mothers in the world. Stay Strong in your faith and true to your heart. I pray for you, Ronan and your entire family daily.

    Much love to you today and always,
    Michelle Bunger

    Reply
  14. Spotted your blog post via google the other day and absolutely find it irresistible. Carry on the fantastic work.

    Reply
  15. This a truly great post and may be one that needs to be followed up to see how things go

    A pal e-mailed this link the other day and I am desperately waiting your next piece of writing. Continue on the excellent work.

    Reply

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