” I love you mama. I love you sooo much.”

Those are this words I woke up to around 4 a.m. this morning. Ronan had wrapped his arms around my neck and was telling me he loves me. That’s the baby I know. He’s still in there fighting away with his heart full of love.

Tricia’s visit

Tonight I got to go and visit Ronan. Maya asked if I would write a little and tell you how it was. When I got there, Mom and Ronan were snuggly in bed and Dad was on a hunt for vanilla ice cream at Ronan’s request. Mom is busy keeping Ronan comfortable, he loves her to read to him, scratch his head, rub his feet and he especially loves to hear both mom and dad take turns singing to him. But as Mom mentioned before, he’s mad. He’s mad and doesn’t want to say much…and that cuts mom like a knife. But being mad is just what we like to see because this angry boy has already started the fight and couldn’t be braver and stronger. So strong, that he didn’t take any pain medication all day and was refusing to take his tylenol. I want to tell you all what else I saw tonight, and that is two parents who are like nothing I’ve ever seen. An unbreakable team stronger than any words can describe, committed to fighting through whatever it takes. Dedicated to their precious son and to supporting each other. Maya and Woody we all love you, you are not alone, we are all here to join the fight. RONAN, just like his name sounds, is a WARRIOR and is going to win against this evil cancer! Mom said it right, you picked the wrong kid to mess with, Cancer!!!!

All you need is love

As I sit here writing from my iPhone, I am trying to block out the screams and cries of a six year old boy, Even, who we are sharing a room with. Not sure what kind of cancer he has but he’s 2 weeks into treatment. His tummy is hurting, his legs are hurting and he wants to know why he has to take so much medicine. I hear the desperation in his mom’s voice and know her pain. I’m waiting to wake up from this nightmare because this can’t possibly be real.
Ronan is sleeping peacefully beside me, knocked out from the benadryl and tylenol with codeine. His body is twitching and I wonder what he is feeling. I hope he is dreaming about playing baseball or chasing his brothers. I would give anything to trade places with my baby. He has never done a thing wrong in his life and so does not deserve this pain.

Being alone during these nights I find myself looking back at my life before this. It was so perfect it was unreal. Did I take too much for granted?Absolutely. While I was home today I walked into my closet and was immediately filled with embarrassment and shame. All those clothes, shoes, purses…. and for what? None of that matters. None of that is real happiness.
Once we get through this and are home with Ronan, I have a new plan for how I will live my life with my beautiful family. A new life for all of us full of wanting and needing nothing except for the love of family and friends that surround us. Good night to all my sweet angels out there who are cheering us on. I love you all so much.

  • Instagram is my BFF

    #Repost from @jentate with @repostapp
Oldies but goodies. Seeing these shirts on my RoLovies makes me sooooo happy. @palmercash #ronan #fucancer #rockstarronan #palmercash 💜 came home to thissss!!!! @palmercash #awesome #ronan #rolove now my hubs can rock the #rolove !!! This is the "I want to fucking kill myself selfie." Camelback Inferno hike today is extra hot. WTF was I thinking? Oh, I know. My son died from fucking cancer so I get to live my life being insane and doing crazy shit like this because sometimes it's the only thing that makes me feel alive. Thanks, cancer. You are an asshole. #ronan #fucancer #camelbackmountain #infernohiking #iwanttofuckingkillmyselfselfie #thatwasajoke #nobodyneedstofreakout Battle of the Blogs ends at 11:59PM MST TONIGHT! Those last few hours are invaluable, so please continue to vote as often as you can. 💜

Thank you for your love, your support, your kindness, and your belief in Maya & Ronan, and how they're changing the world. Link is on FB & Twitter!
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