F U Cancer!!!!


Nights are the worst. It is during this time that my fighting mind, body, and soul want to shut down. Reality sets in, and everything slowly starts to seep in. While in the presence of Ronan, I always keep the positive vibes and thoughts going. It is sitting alone in a cafeteria, while trying to muster up some sort of an appetite that the evilness of this situation steps in and wants to take over. I am strong and push these thoughts out of my head. I have no choice. To be any other way would not be fair to Ronan. He needs me to fight 24/7 for him. And I do, even in my sleep. I will fight for my beautiful “Brad Pitt baby,” until we beat the shit out of cancer.

I thought about keeping this blog all business with only my positive, upbeat attitude. But I can’t do that. The darkside of what I am feeling and going through is real and painful. I need to be vocal about this and I need an outlet. This is me, this is real, there is no sugar-coating anything. I am going to scream, cry, cuss, and yell. This is my reality, this is my hell.

About these ads
Next Post
Leave a comment

17 Comments

  1. Amanda Kop

     /  August 15, 2010

    Hallelujah! Kick it in the teeth!!! F U CANCER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Reply
  2. Sarah T

     /  August 15, 2010

    F U CANNNNNCCCEEERR!!! Scream, kick, swear and FIGHT mama Maya! Love you!

    Reply
  3. Tricia and Max

     /  August 15, 2010

    You have to let it out! F U Cancer!

    Reply
  4. Connie

     /  August 15, 2010

    Darling Maya, yes, yes, yes & yes all of above. When I would start to lose it at the Mayo Clinic with Philip, Charles (y’all call him Charlie, my brother) made me go for a walk. I didn’t want to leave Philip’s side even for 5 minutes – but, he was right; it helped.

    Everyone’s journey is different – my heart, my love, my mother’s sympathy is with you – believe me. Let me know if I can help – with anything at all – just call my cell: 713-822-4526.
    Love, live, Ronan, live! Connie
    Connie

    Reply
  5. Karen

     /  August 15, 2010

    My Dearest Girl…everything you are feeling is real, valid and part of the process of enduring such a nightmare. You have been amazingly strong, but you must get all of the emotions out so that you may stay healthy. You have such a wonderful group of friends and a fabulous family who love you…everyone is here for Ronan, you, Woody and the boys. Please let us help in any way, big or small. You certainly know that Auntie Karen, the insomniac, is available 24/7! You just need to call or text, and I will be by your side in a heartbeat.

    There is an army ready to take on this battle and walk this journey with you and your family. You are not alone.

    I love you with all of my heart,
    Karen

    Reply
  6. Liz

     /  August 15, 2010

    Perfectly said Mama Maya!
    You’re allowed, encouraged, and expected to get mad. This is a tough battle, but also one that WILL have a happy ending. Your baby WILL win. We all have your back, and when you want to scream and cuss, you better believe we’ll listen to you scream and cuss. Let it out!
    I’m thinking about Ronan almost every second of the day, and God’s probably overwhelmed with all of the prayers he’s getting for your little guy. He’s in such good hands, Mama.
    I love you so, so much. Please PLEASE let me know if I can do ANYTHING at all to help you.

    With all of that said,
    this cancer’s about to get it’s ass beat.

    “Now my troubles are going to have troubles with me.”

    xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
    Liz

    Reply
  7. Maya I applaude your courage to express your feelings. Last November I lost my sister to breast cancer. She fought it for 15 years. She fought it each time it came back. The third time it was just too strong. I saw her go through chemo three times. My prayer is Ronan will recover and live a long and fruitful life. I spent many an hour asking why. I also was angry. When you have a chance after some of the anger subsides I ask you the same question I asked myself many times, “What is it I am to learn from this?” My sister grew very close to Dani her daughter. When Dani announced to the family she was lesbian it was very hard especially for my sister. In the end they were very close. What is it you, Woody, and Ronan are to learn from this journey? We love you Maya.

    Reply
  8. SRod

     /  August 15, 2010

    Maya,

    My heart goes out to you, Wood, the boys, and your entire family. I cannot begin to imagine the whirlwind of emotions you are experiencing as a mother and expressing everyone of those emotions will only make you stronger. You are an amazing woman and mother…Ronan is in great hands. You guys WILL make cancer your b&$%#!

    Reply
  9. Nance Harris

     /  August 15, 2010

    Maya,

    You are so right, cancer is a beast invading every family in some way. We are here for you. We can listen, vent all you want. Job & Thomas vented to God and He didn’t mind, He blessed them. Friends are willing to bring food, run errands, sit quietly with you, just tell me & I’ll be there.

    We’ve added Ronan to prayer lists at our church, another in Coronado, North Carolina, Australia and Community Bible Study here. Having just been a caregiver for a year, it is difficult. You must take care of yourself to be there for all of the boys.

    Ronan is beautiful. We will pray numerous times each day.

    Reply
  10. Jennifer Wood

     /  August 15, 2010

    YESSSS!!!! F U CANCER!!!! Be ready for the biggest a$$ wooping ever! You have an army of family & friends here to fight these battles with you mama!

    Reply
  11. Ashworth Family

     /  August 15, 2010

    No sugar-coating necessary this is not a sweet experience is SALTY and SOUR! You deserve to be pissed off so please don’t hold back, be yourself and let it out. Prayers are being said every minute for your little guy. Luke asks about him all day and is anxious to get to know Quinn and Liam better. We look forward to swimming and playing with the boys today. Glad to hear they got put in the same class. Hopi is an AMAZING extended family and will help and support you all the way. We intend to be there for the boys through this all. School will be a good place for them during this ugly time. Our love goes on…..

    Reply
  12. Emily Willis

     /  August 15, 2010

    I am so proud of you for being so positive, I think that is every woman’s ability in life, to see the glass half full, the light at the end of the tunnel. But, you’re right, you have to let out your frustrations and show your weakness as well, otherwise it will eat you up inside and eventually blow up into a big, awful breakdown. You’re amazing for how strong you are; I know I don’t know you very well and it’s been YEARS since Mr. Rags, lol, but I have always admired your focus and determination just by reading your posts on facebook about “up early at bootcamp” and “running up the mountain”, and now, well, this is you being determined and focused for the fight your son is going through. If anyone can be a rock for Ronan right now it is you-you kick ass Maya. I think of you guys numerous times throughout the day and I know this will be ok in the end. On a funnier note, all of this time I’ve been thinking about you and your family I realized that you married someone with your maiden name! How funny! What I wouldn’t give for that right now! I got married almost a year ago and am still dealing with the bullshit of getting my name changed over, it’s such a hassle! Oh, and you have the Thompson Twins. Too cute. I love it. :) Thanks for being so candid with your updates, I’m sure it isn’t easy to just let it all out for everyone to see; but I’m sure it is somewhat soothing too. Anyway, we’re all pulling for you guys. Make sure you’re taking care of yourself too :)

    Reply
  13. Jill Hill

     /  August 15, 2010

    Maya: You don’t know me but I want you to know that I am praying for you and Ronan. You are entitled to scream, shout and cuss! I cannot imagine what you are going through. In times of trouble I try and remember that God will not take us to a place where the grace of God will not protect us. Hold on, we are with you and prayers will be on going. God bless Ronan and you!

    Reply
  14. Chris

     /  August 15, 2010

    I hate this for you. I think they need a screaming room in hospitals. Silent screams don’t seem to help.
    Praying.

    Reply
  15. The Tarbells

     /  August 15, 2010

    Feel it all, Maya. You do not need to share only the positive. We re your friends and we are here for you during those dark times. It sucks- all of this. Yes, Ronan will prevail, but it’s ok to be pissed and frankly I’m happy to see the emotions fly. Let them rip, love! And hang tight.

    Reply
  16. This is perfect Maya. You are amazing.

    Reply
  17. We just got our diagnosis 9/21/10 so we are about a month behind you. My daughter Kimiko is 4 with Stage IV Neuroblastoma. I will be reading your blog entries and hope that we can connect at some point. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. I am sending positive healing thoughts to little Ronan.

    Reply

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

  • Instagram is my BFF

    I continue to be inspired by the youth of today. #ronan #lorde #fucancer #musicislife @quinnthompson24 Lorde with my little royal. @quinnthompson24 #ronan #fucancer #lorde #imthecoolestmomever #hessocute Miss you already, lover. #poppy #ronan #fucancer #rideordie #mommynumbertwo @macymwood Dedicated to my @macymwood. Ride or die for life. #ronan #fucancer #iwillloveyoutilltheendoftime #lanadelrey #iwouldmakeoutwithlana Hipsters. #ronan #fucancer #middleagedhipsters #youngforever #forgotourflowerheadbands #lanadelrae Been trying hard not to get into trouble... #ronan #fucancer #lanadelrae #mymusicalsoulmate @macymwood This is my happy place. #poppy #ronan #fucancer #hidingfromtheworld #sundaysnuggles @macymwood @knjoy Sundays are for sleep. @macymwood @knjoy #poppy #ronan #fucancer #sleepingbeauty #wornoutfromsomuchdancing Just making out with my favorite homegirl. #poppy #ronan #youdownwithopp? #yeahyouknowme #homegirllove #fucancer Poppy's other mom is in da house! #poppy #ronan #fucancer #mytwomoms #thesebitchesarecrazy @macymwood A bunch of little ballers and a P-Ro, too. #poppy #ronan #fucancer #basketballislife #arcadiatitans This has secretly been being worked on for quite some time. As you can imagine, it was a very emotional thing. We as board members/friends at RTF decided it was time for the little seal logo to go. We needed something that really spoke to who Ronan was/is. This is what our amazing friends at Fervor Creative came up with after many meetings with us and many do overs. (pro bono might I add because they have such beautiful hearts) I think they nailed it this time as it shows the beauty, strength and bravery that Ronan had, in such a simple way. How no matter what, you always keep walking up that hill and fighting, and even in death, you wont stop fighting for a world that so badly needs to be fixed which is the world of childhood cancer. Looking at this makes me proud, it makes me cry, it makes me strong. After everything Ronan went through, he always held his little chin up with such dignity and pride. At 3 years old, he was such a little man who never felt sorry for himself or let what he was going through get him down. He was my greatest teacher in life and will continue to be as I carry him with me in everything I do. I love you, Ronan. I will never stop fighting for you and this fucked up world of childhood cancer that everybody just seems to ignore. We will change this, because of you. I hope you all like our new Ronan Thompson Foundation design. @ronanfoundation #ronan
Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 27,479 other followers

%d bloggers like this: